NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jul 3, 2014 14:36:00 GMT -5
Your friend may not take to change well, but she is WAYYY past the point where she could get in trouble and documenting everything from now on may be her only way out of this mess.
You say that (1) the CEO plans to retire in ~5years, (2) friend spends all she makes (so she is not socking it away to enable her to retire at that time), (3) she makes significantly more than market rate. So even if she gets the boss (Old Fart or OF) to back down and everything will go back to the status quo, what does she think will happen in 5 years? OF will leave and be replaced by new boss. New boss looks at position and thinks "hey I can get someone else to do this job for way less" out your friend goes. Now she is looking for a new job and has to fess up to her previous earnings, what do you think HR will think "that's weird why would she have had a salary so high?" They will come up with all kinds of reasons (including she must have slept with OF) but none of them will make her attractive to a new employer.
I hope I am wrong but I am afraid I am not.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2014 14:40:59 GMT -5
Good thought
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 3, 2014 14:41:24 GMT -5
I agree, sounds like he is obsessed and will use this new position he created for her as a way that she owes him. That's what I was just going to say. If he puts her up high enough in the company in a position they both she can't handle, he can get her fired for being "incompetent" if she doesn't subsequently give him what he wants.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2014 14:45:44 GMT -5
But the poster is correct about overpaid employees. When EX sold his business, two overpaid playthings were fired immediately. Both had trouble getting jobs. When the one did finally, big pay cut
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 3, 2014 15:03:03 GMT -5
Your friend needs to take her head out of the sand and start to make sure she can provide for herself in the form of increased savings, and possibly, some excellent tape recordings of certain conversations. That's what I'd do for a certainty.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 3, 2014 15:11:07 GMT -5
Your friend may not take to change well, but she is WAYYY past the point where she could get in trouble and documenting everything from now on may be her only way out of this mess. You say that (1) the CEO plans to retire in ~5years, (2) friend spends all she makes (so she is not socking it away to enable her to retire at that time), (3) she makes significantly more than market rate. So even if she gets the boss (Old Fart or OF) to back down and everything will go back to the status quo, what does she think will happen in 5 years? OF will leave and be replaced by new boss. New boss looks at position and thinks "hey I can get someone else to do this job for way less" out your friend goes. Now she is looking for a new job and has to fess up to her previous earnings, what do you think HR will think "that's weird why would she have had a salary so high?" They will come up with all kinds of reasons (including she must have slept with OF) but none of them will make her attractive to a new employer. I hope I am wrong but I am afraid I am not. Yes joss. This is exactly what I am trying to get across to her. My friend is only 40 so she has many working years left. The problem is she is overpaid and spends everything she makes. She has very little ambition and doesn't think fast on her feet so my guess is she wouldn't interview very well. So even if the boss doesn't do a quid pro quo thing with her the chances are great that the person who takes his place could come in and decide they don't need a 2nd in command for an office that small (and they really DON'T). Other problem is that the board of directors might decide she isn't cut out for that type of job and is overpaid and get rid of her. All around it is a bad situation IMO. The main problem at this point is he has her salary so high for what she does currently that she can't find another job making what she does now. She doesn't want to go backwards in salary and feels like she is pretty much stuck there. I have been telling her for a long time that she needs to start living on less than she makes so that she can take a salary cut if necessary. I am getting no where so I am about to give up. I think I am going to have one more conversation with her about it and then I am done.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 3, 2014 15:13:59 GMT -5
Almost40, I know that you do really care about this lady, and I'm glad she's got you for a good friend. Is it possible that she just likes the drama of being "desired" by the boss, and kind of wants to incite your feelings of danger and worry about her ? I have run into people like that.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 3, 2014 15:22:52 GMT -5
Almost40, I know that you do really care about this lady, and I'm glad she's got you for a good friend. Is it possible that she just likes the drama of being "desired" by the boss, and kind of wants to incite your feelings of danger and worry about her ? I have run into people like that. I really don't think so. I have known her for 14 yrs and she has never been that type of person. Like I said, she told me when he approached her 2 yrs ago about the affair thing and she shut him down. He backed off and I didn't hear anything else about it and now all of the sudden he is pulling this stuff. She is not the type of person to create drama - not at all. Her biggest problem is she just can't think past today. In her mind she makes a good salary, has all of her needs met and a lot of her wants so life is okay. She doesn't have much confidence or ambition and is just fine with staying in the same job forever. She has been with the company for 14 yrs and never had issues with the previous CEO. This guy took over about 6 yrs ago. Everything was okay until 2 yrs ago when the weirdo approached her about the affair and recently with this promotion nonsense.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2014 15:24:31 GMT -5
All good things come to an end. Sometimes without warning. She's had warning and chooses to do nothing about it. Her call.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 15:26:59 GMT -5
If she is not worried about it, I wouldn't worry about it!
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 3, 2014 15:33:32 GMT -5
I get the impression that she might think he really is trying to help her by giving her this position. Personally, I think she is only seeing dollar signs and not the full picture. Since he hasn't approached her about anything sexual in 2 yrs I don't think she sees any of this as a problem. I kind of just wanted to throw it out there and see what you all thought just to make sure I am not being the unsupportive friend. In some ways I feel like I should be saying "good for you" in regards to a possible promotion but everything about it just feels wrong to me.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 3, 2014 15:44:56 GMT -5
Your friend needs to take her head out of the sand and start to make sure she can provide for herself in the form of increased savings, and possibly, some excellent tape recordings of certain conversations. That's what I'd do for a certainty. (these comments are not directed at NazgulGirl-she has a post which mentions tape recordings).
If Almost40's friend decides to go the tape recording route, make sure it is legal to tape in her state of employment. Some states require only one party to be aware the conversation is being taped while a few others require both parties to be aware the conversation is being taped.
Check your state laws.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jul 3, 2014 16:29:32 GMT -5
Yep......then if he starts to play silly buggers..... she can blackmail him........
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jul 3, 2014 20:44:24 GMT -5
I get the impression that she might think he really is trying to help her by giving her this position. Personally, I think she is only seeing dollar signs and not the full picture. Since he hasn't approached her about anything sexual in 2 yrs I don't think she sees any of this as a problem. I kind of just wanted to throw it out there and see what you all thought just to make sure I am not being the unsupportive friend. In some ways I feel like I should be saying "good for you" in regards to a possible promotion but everything about it just feels wrong to me. If she really doesn't want to leave I gues the only real (semi-intelligent) choice she has left is she accepts the promotion - provided she can do so without putting out. That way when she needs a new job in 5 years (no ifs about it) at least her title will be in line with her salary. It will look better to have been the "VP in charge of office supplies" at a good income than the "supervisor in charge of counting paperclips" at X times the going rate. She may not get a similar paying job at that time but at least her credentials will look less suspect which could help her finding that next position.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 4, 2014 12:52:01 GMT -5
I think the use of stealthy recording devices has gotten completely out of control. Is she going to always be able to activate the recorder whenever he walks in the door? I don't know what the ramifications are of recording someone without his/her knowledge. What if some of those recordings contain company business? Could he accuse her of espionage?
I think there does come a point where you just have to accept that your advice has fallen on deaf ears. Even if her job wasn't at risk and she wasn't being propositioned, she is still spending everything she makes. She likely won't change until she has to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2014 19:57:37 GMT -5
How much does the other person who does the same thing but in half the time get paid? If she is getting paid the same, maybe it is just the company and she 'd be ok with it. It sounds fishy how persistent he is. Could there be something your friend is not telling you? I personally cannot imagine being put in that situation then continuing to work like nothing happened for 2 years especially in a tiny office like that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2014 5:58:53 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 5, 2014 12:43:56 GMT -5
I get the impression that she might think he really is trying to help her by giving her this position. Personally, I think she is only seeing dollar signs and not the full picture. Since he hasn't approached her about anything sexual in 2 yrs I don't think she sees any of this as a problem. I kind of just wanted to throw it out there and see what you all thought just to make sure I am not being the unsupportive friend. In some ways I feel like I should be saying "good for you" in regards to a possible promotion but everything about it just feels wrong to me. Would a supportive friend let someone they care about, walk off the edge of a cliff, without saying something, because that's what they thought they wanted to do? My question is for (and about) you. If your friend does, or doesn't take the 'promotion', how much listening, will you be able to take/do? You already hear about it pretty much every day. You've given her your best ideas, thoughts and reasonings, None of which has been headed. Are you going to be able to calmly and rationally continue listening to these stories, when she starts describing all the things you told her would happen. Day after day? I don't think I could. In an effort to save the friendship, I would probably need to come up with some sort of agreement, between the two of you. Something like telling her you understand, it is up to her, to choose which way to go with this. But because her friendship means so much to you, it will be too hard/frustrating for you to continue hearing about the things that go on re:her work. You hope she can understand, and will respect your feelings and wishes, like you will, hers. Then stick to it. -You don't ask, and she doesn't tell. Good luck, whatever you decide!
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jul 7, 2014 17:07:39 GMT -5
::Gross! I would have been looking for a new job the next day. There is no amount of money worth putting up with that crap.::
Is it really that dramatic "that crap"? He said he wanted to sleep with her and hasn't brought it up again. Sleazy since he's married and her boss? Yes. I'm not sure I'd be looking for a new job the next day though.
::No way would I agree to a position that would put me directly under him or have him as my "mentor", he's looking to get her into a position where he can continue to harass her and will claim she owes him for such a wonderful opportunity. ::
"continue to harass her"? He asked one time 2 years ago. He's already the CEO, if he really wanted to play the power card he could have been doing it for the last 2 years.
There are 7 people in the office, it could just as easily be that he thinks everyone else is a putz. Attractive people get more opportunities like this all the time.
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