What Is This About?

[movingforward]

So about 2 yrs ago my BFF was taken to lunch by her CEO and he told her flat out that he was interested in having an affair with her .  He is married and approximately 15 yrs older than her.  She told him she had no interest in pursuing any type of relationship with him other than a professional one.  Since then he has pretty much left her alone in that regard.  About a month ago he told her that he thinks she is capable of a lot more and wants her to think about moving up.  She told him she doesn't really have an interest in moving up any farther.  To be blunt she honestly can't handle the position she has now.  She is always stressed out and has stated numerous times that her current position may be too much for her.  She does not have a college degree but started at the company as an Executive Assistant and managed to work her way up a bit.  She doesn't know anything about the company finances and has no desire to learn.  She told him all of this but he has been coming into her office daily trying to convince her that she needs to "move up."  She and I workout together so I hear about this almost everyday.  I told her Saturday that she really needs to have a chat with him about what his motives are because something just sounds weird to me.  On Monday she flat out asked him and he said that he wants to be her "mentor" and believes this is his way to "give something back" since he is going to retire in 5 yrs .  She told him that she didn't understand in that she has no desire to take his place when he leaves.  She doesn't want the stress of being CEO and she has a hard enough time keeping pace with her current duties.  So he says he is willing to create a position for her where she will be 2nd in command - sort of a Director of Operations type position.  He told her the salary would be a significant increase so she told him she would think about it.  I am kind of baffled as to why he keeps trying to push her into something.  If an employee told me several times they had absolutely no interest in moving up I would leave them the hell alone.  I just hope this doesn't end badly.  She has been with the company for 14 yrs.  She doesn't have a degree and makes a good salary for this area (about 65K plus bonuses).  I don't think she would be able to find another job making this type of money very easily (though I could be wrong).  I just have a fear something strange is going on here.  Any thoughts? 

[kjto1]

Has she tried looking for another job?  I would get the heck out of there as soon as I could.

[zibazinski]

It isn't going to end well is my thought.

[movingforward]

I have urged her to try finding another job but she is one of those people that doesn't take change very well.  She also is overpaid for the type of position she holds.  The average salary in our city for her job is 48K.  She makes a lot more than that.  She spends everything she makes and doesn't want to take a pay cut. 

ETA: And I think she is overpaid because of the way he feels about her

[zibazinski]

Oh, well. She's made her choice then.

[giramomma]

Jul 3, 2014 10:24:39 GMT -5 movingforward said:

 I am kind of baffled as to why he keeps trying to push her into something.  If an employee told me several times they had absolutely no interest in moving up I would leave them the hell alone. 

I work for a master's degree program. Folks who we educate are poised to become high leaders in their organization.

One day, I overheard a conversation between two of our students. One said he had a problem. There was a man that they were trying to promote. They saw his potential. They did not like that the man turned down a promotion because his wife had just died, and the man wanted to be around his kids more right after the death.

These folks sincerely could NOT understand why after just losing a spouse, that a man wouldn't want to put work first. Because you know, promotions! They were puzzled about what they could do to motivate this man so that he would take the promotion.

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 10:33:53 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Oh, well. She's made her choice then.

That's what I keep trying to tell myself.  We are like sisters so I worry about her.  DBF told me last night that it is not my problem and I have to put it out of my head.  He is right, I know...

[zibazinski]

I know but she's smart enough to know the score. But dumb enough to not save for a rainy day. DFs secretary is very overpaid because she has been there so long but even she was smart enough to take every year end bonus and pay off her mortgage so that when the shit hit the fan, if it ever does, she's okay to retire. The house payment would have prevents her from doing so.

[Opti]

Jul 3, 2014 10:32:56 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I have urged her to try finding another job but she is one of those people that doesn't take change very well.  She also is overpaid for the type of position she holds.  The average salary in our city for her job is 48K.  She makes a lot more than that.  She spends everything she makes and doesn't want to take a pay cut. 

ETA: And I think she is overpaid because of the way he feels about her

Highly likely. He's obsessed with her and as you know its unlikely to stop.

If she'd bank the increase in salary from the new job, I'd suggest she take it

for job search time later, but it seems this will just fall apart in whatever way

it will.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

This is not going to end well.

[yogiii]

I agree, sounds like he is obsessed and will use this new position he created for her as a way that she owes him. 

[yogiii]

And by owe, I mean that he'll want her to look at his old man peen ...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

So about 2 yrs ago my BFF was taken to lunch by her CEO and he told her flat out that he was interested in having an affair with her

Gross! I would have been looking for a new job the next day. There is no amount of money worth putting up with that crap.

No way would I agree to a position that would put me directly under him or have him as my "mentor", he's looking to get her into a position where he can continue to harass her and will claim she owes him for such a wonderful opportunity.

 Not taking it won't end well either because he's not going to appreciate her turning him down yet again.  Since he's the CEO there is a lot he can do to make her life miserable.

She needs to pull her head out of her butt and start job searching.  Save what you can and get out of dodge. 

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 10:58:30 GMT -5 yogiii said:

I agree, sounds like he is obsessed and will use this new position he created for her as a way that she owes him. 

And her office only has 7 people so he would pretty much have to create a position for her to move up.  My thought is that he will also use this new position as an excuse that they need to attend things together.  For example, he told her that he would like her to attend a conference with him in August because she needs to "get to know" some of the major players in the industry.  No one goes to that particular meeting but CEOs in the industry.  To me it sounds like an excuse for her to have to spend 5 days with him.  

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 11:00:13 GMT -5 yogiii said:

And by owe, I mean that he'll want her to look at his old man peen ...

[yogiii]

Jul 3, 2014 11:03:10 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Jul 3, 2014 10:58:30 GMT -5 yogiii said:

I agree, sounds like he is obsessed and will use this new position he created for her as a way that she owes him. 

And her office only has 7 people so he would pretty much have to create a position for her to move up.  My thought is that he will also use this new position as an excuse that they need to attend things together.  For example, he told her that he would like her to attend a conference with him in August because she needs to "get to know" some of the major players in the industry.  No one goes to that particular meeting but CEOs in the industry.  To me it sounds like an excuse for her to have to spend 5 days with him.  

Yes, that sounds totally legit ...  ... not at all like what I suggested in my 2nd post

[movingforward]

Gross! I would have been looking for a new job the next day. There is no amount of money worth putting up with that crap.

Exactly!  When she told me that I told her she needed to get her finances in order and get the hell out of there.  That was 2 yrs ago and she has done nothing to improve her situation. 

[Phoenix84]

Hard to say. It's obvious from your explanation that he has feelings for her, and that probably has played a large part in his decision to overpay her and offer her a "2nd in command gig."

There could be professional reasons though, it's really impossible to know.

[Tennesseer]

Almost40-your friend needs to start documenting all these conversations, starting with the guy wanting to have an affair with her.  Put everything on paper.  Have her communicate via email with this guy from now on.  Paper trails are a must.

I don't see this ending well for your friend.  He is wanting to promote her way out of her comfort range.  I see quid pro quo sexual harassment coming up if she accepts his professional offer. 

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 11:48:13 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Almost40-your friend needs to start documenting all these conversations, starting with the guy wanting to have an affair with her.  Put everything on paper.  Have her communicate via email with this guy from now on.  Paper trails are a must.

I don't see this ending well for your friend.  He is wanting to promote her way out of her comfort range.  I see quid pro quo sexual harassment coming up if she accepts his professional offer. 

Back when he had the affair conversation with her I told her she needed to start recording their conversations on her cell phone.  After that conversation he seemed to back off though so I think she thought everything was okay.  Honestly, she is not a very assertive person, lacks ambition and can't think past tomorrow.  She is a great friend but it is hard to get her to actually DO anything.  Here's another thing I left out... she told him at one point that the position she is currently has is too much for her and he offered her the option of being his executive assistant (he had just let his other one go).  She told him she didn't want that job and just wanted to keep her current position and with a few minor tweaks she didn't think it would be quite as stressful.  Now all of the sudden he wants her to be 2nd in command.  So he is okay with her moving backwards to be his assistant so his I want to be your mentor stuff is definitely a load of crap.  She just needs to get the hell out of there.  I told her he is a weirdo...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

He's trying to get her in a job position where he's going to be directly in control of her and be able to access her on a regular basis.

No way would I agree to be his assistant because I have a feeling his definition and mine are not remotely similar.

[HoneyBBQ]

Sounds to me like he's her pet and paying her way more than she deserves just so he can watch her wiggle her ass every day.

[Deleted]

Jul 3, 2014 10:58:30 GMT -5 yogiii said:

I agree, sounds like he is obsessed and will use this new position he created for her as a way that she owes him. 

BINGO! This is EXACTLY what I thought, too.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

This has the makings of a sexual harassment law suit.  If I were your friend, I would start documenting every and all interactions with him.  If she turns him down too many more times, she may find herself without a job.  And the fact that she is overwhelmed in her job gives him even more ammunition, as if she turns him down too much and he fires her, it could be attributed to the fact that she cannot do her job well, NOT that he was harassing her.  Hmmm......I wonder if this is the reason why he is harassing her?  Do you know the reason why his last assistant leave?  Does your friend know who she is?  Can she contact her to speak with her, because it's entirely possible that this was the reason she left too.

Did she pay attention to you when you told her to start recording all her conversations with him on her cell phone?  Why not?

This really does put her in an untenable position, and is one of the reasons that the laws against this are set up the way that they are.  

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 12:26:18 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

This has the makings of a sexual harassment law suit.  If I were your friend, I would start documenting every and all interactions with him.  If she turns him down too many more times, she may find herself without a job.  And the fact that she is overwhelmed in her job gives him even more ammunition, as if she turns him down too much and he fires her, it could be attributed to the fact that she cannot do her job well, NOT that he was harassing her.  Hmmm......I wonder if this is the reason why he is harassing her?  Do you know the reason why his last assistant leave?  Does your friend know who she is?  Can she contact her to speak with her, because it's entirely possible that this was the reason she left too.

Did she pay attention to you when you told her to start recording all her conversations with him on her cell phone?  Why not?

This really does put her in an untenable position, and is one of the reasons that the laws against this are set up the way that they are.  

I don't know that she doesn't do her job okay.  I just know that it is very stressful for her because it is slightly above her head.  For example, another person in her office does the exact same job but can get it done in 8 hr days with no problem.  My friend can't.  It takes her longer.  A task that might take this person 1.5 hrs to do will take my friend 3 hrs.  She gets it done and stays late if needed but it is not an easy job for her like it is for the other person.  As far as the board knows she does her job just fine and they are satisfied with the results.  They don't care if it takes her twice as long to do it as long as it is getting done so she is safe in that respect.  My fear for her is this... say she takes this job and her pay gets bumped up to 85K (just throwing out a number).  If she makes 85K she will spend 85K.  Meanwhile she has this new job for say a year and the board realizes she just can't do this job and they decide to fire her (they can do that no matter what her boss says).  Then her old job has already been given to someone else.  She is out on the streets with no college degree trying to find a job making 85K because that is what she is used to making.  So even if he doesn't present her with some sort of quid pro quo expectation she is still screwed. 

[moneymaven]

Jul 3, 2014 12:16:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

He's trying to get her in a job position where he's going to be directly in control of her and be able to access her on a regular basis.

No way would I agree to be his assistant because I have a feeling his definition and mine are not remotely similar.

In a company of just 7 people though, I'm guessing he does have regular access to her at his whim.

[zibazinski]

Seems like she knows all about this and has planned for it. You're more worried than she is.

[moneymaven]

Why did his exec assistant leave? Has he already done this to another employee? Maybe she can talk to this person?

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 13:20:29 GMT -5 moneymaven said:

Why did his exec assistant leave? Has he already done this to another employee? Maybe she can talk to this person?

Not likely.  His old executive assistant was his age and unattractive (I have seen her).  Not saying he couldn't have sexually harassed her but it isn't likely. 

[movingforward]

Jul 3, 2014 13:19:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Seems like she knows all about this and has planned for it. You're more worried than she is.

Seems so... I am trying to figure out why I am worried while she doesn't seem to be.  My insignificant other said maybe I am worried because deep down I am afraid I will be the one she comes to for money when the shit hits the fan.  I don't really know that is the case.  She has never asked me for any money.  I have fronted money for trips but she has always paid me back.