Cutting off the gravy train

[zibazinski]

She needs to leave the area after your father dies. They'll kill her otherwise.

[Bonny]

Jun 13, 2014 20:06:35 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

She needs to leave the area after your father dies. They'll kill her otherwise.

Since none of them have real jobs they would just follow her.

Mich is being very nice but it's really not her job to take care of this woman. Sure she's been a great companion for Mich's dad but it's only been about 10 years. It's not like she raised Mich or her siblings. And frankly given Mich's own personal health issues Mich needs to take care of Mich. Mich can help her dad set up something for this woman but she's a grown adult and needs to take of herself including telling her kids to grow up.

[zibazinski]

Can't follow her with no Money and where will they live? On the streets?

[milee]

Jun 15, 2014 19:29:19 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Can't follow her with no Money

  The addicts in my family don't have money for rent, utilities or to pay back loans, but they all have money for drugs and travel.  And sometimes tattoos.  Remember, we're talking about people who do not understand the basic difference between wants and needs and who know that someone else will always step in to pay for their needs so they can blow cash on what they want.  If they want to follow mom because mom is the one who bails them out, they'll find a way.

[zibazinski]

It's a LONG way away and where will they live? On the street? If she chooses to give her kids her share of the cash from the house, that's her business.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Milee's right.  Her kids do seem to find the $$$ for their wants.  But when it comes to needs, they have problems coming up with the money for them.  Car loans, car repairs and buying oil for the winter are a few of the reasons for loans.

However, the idea of the whole clan moving out to WA gives me the heebee jeebees.     Uh...no.

[zibazinski]

It'll never happen. NY to WA?  Cawaii didn't have to move that far and got out of the drama.

[Wisconsin Beth]

But SM doesn't want to move out of the area.  Out of the house sounds like it might happen though. 

[zibazinski]

A lot of people don't want move and do what's right for them. Right now she isn't thinking straight but she will be. His father will convince her as well.

[Deleted]

Jun 15, 2014 20:30:02 GMT -5 milee said:

Jun 15, 2014 19:29:19 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Can't follow her with no Money

  The addicts in my family don't have money for rent, utilities or to pay back loans, but they all have money for drugs and travel.  And sometimes tattoos.  Remember, we're talking about people who do not understand the basic difference between wants and needs and who know that someone else will always step in to pay for their needs so they can blow cash on what they want.  If they want to follow mom because mom is the one who bails them out, they'll find a way.

A few months ago I saw a local mother on our selling and buying FB page, asking people to help her out, as she didn't have diapers for one of her 4 kids. Yesterday, she posted a picture of her new tattoo. The next time I see her on FB begging for whatever, it's going to be hard to keep my mouth shut.

[zibazinski]

Always have money for their wants but need money for needs, huh?

[tallguy]

However, the idea of the whole clan moving out to WA gives me the heebee jeebees. Uh...no.

Trust me.  Even though we may not have met a few years ago when we were supposed to, I do know your area.  And I WILL hunt you down if that happens!

[Deleted]

There are several over 55 communities in Florida that have very inexpensive condos. She could use 1/2 the money dad leaves her to pay for a place outright. The monthly dues would fit in her budget too. Might be a win-win for her to go to a community of ready made friends plus be independent. If she burned through the rest of the cash 'helping' her kids, she could still afford to live reasonably. 

I can't remember what you said value of the house is, but I think that 25% of proceeds could be put in an annuity. Or maybe a representative payee account that you manage and write the checks for her utilities or HOA dues, so that she bleeds down the money over years and doesn't have accessible cash.

[formerroomate99]

Why not just sell the house, buy a condo outright, and then you kids just split whatever is left over. That seems a lot cleaner than letting her and her kids stay in a big house and having to contribute towards the upkeep of the house.  And if she has cash other than SS, then why can't she just use it to pay for the condo?   

I wouldn't get financially involved with this woman.  It will be better for your mental health to just have a clean break, even if it means you loose some money.  And she'll be better off if she isn't stuck paying for the upkeep and utilities of a big place she doesn't need.