nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 4, 2014 20:15:53 GMT -5
omg both my children are crying for the loss of the pup pups, I don't know how much I can handle.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 4, 2014 20:24:50 GMT -5
Tomorrow is moving day, nutty. Start planning that. Focus on the future.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 4, 2014 21:44:49 GMT -5
Yeah I will, I am going full blown NC tomorrow. He hasn't even discussed the bills, I always do them. Oh well.
I will also be playing " I will survive" over and over and over and over and over and over again while he is moving my stuff, yeah I am playing nice because he has a truck and has volunteered to help.
Then I won't say thank you and slam my NEW APARTMENT door in his assholish face.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 4, 2014 21:52:08 GMT -5
Yeah I will, I am going full blown NC tomorrow. He hasn't even discussed the bills, I always do them. Oh well. I will also be playing " I will survive" over and over and over and over and over and over again while he is moving my stuff, yeah I am playing nice because he has a truck and has volunteered to help. Then I won't say thank you and slam my NEW APARTMENT door in his assholish face. Is that really necessary? I understand there is only one side of a story being presented here but based on YOUR posts I don't see any truly "assholish" behaviour...
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 4, 2014 22:04:59 GMT -5
Yeah, well lot of stuff I haven't said, yeah he is being an asshole, you don't have to take my word for it, I don't really care.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 5, 2014 7:42:01 GMT -5
Electricity taken care of, just internet now, gotta have internet I know, God Knows I have read this thread over and over again, and the others, it does give me peace. I totally am cool with that. Sometimes its just difficult for others to understand everything that is going on, there is a lot more that I have not said and that kind of comment is not helpful really to me. It's giving the assumption that I am too blame. I am not perfect but H has decided unilateraly to skip out on 23 years of marriage, THAT HURTS.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Jun 5, 2014 7:49:21 GMT -5
So if hubby is the one skipping out on 23 years of marriage, why the heck isn't he the one moving out? What am I missing? You can talk about mind games etc, but any divorce lawyer worth their salt, representing YOU would have had his butt out on the curb, and you staying put. What am I missing?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 5, 2014 8:25:03 GMT -5
I cannot afford the house, that is why, also I don't want the house, I don't want to live with him, I want my own place. He would never move out, he wouldn't. The situation to me was becoming toxic and affecting my health and emotional stability, he wasn't/isn't coming back to the house some nights, he is/was doing nothing maintenance/cleaning wise, if he does come back to the house it is like at 11pm. I can't do this by myself. I need my own cocoon to heal and it isn't happening here. Everyone that knows him for years knows that even though he can seemingly make multi million dollars decisions he WOULD never make the move I am making, it's called cake eating, he does everything he wants to do and I am left behind doing the wifely things that he is used to, well I am not having sex with him or doing laundry but the house still needs maintenance, the dogs need looking after, he has abdicated any and all responsibilty. So in order to heal myself and move forward I am moving out/leaving him, however you want to view it and I am proud of doing it. Maybe it will haunt me down the road, but I am a fighter and a survivor and there is nothing left that can be thrown at me that I will not conquer, I am a CAPRICORN and that's what we do. All this from an argument approx. 4 months ago. Wow how time flies So there it is.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 8:29:50 GMT -5
Anger can come at unexpected times. I had to get out my divorce papers to get them ready to take with me for new marriage license. I could feel the anger rising up in me all over again. Because of his behavior, my family is broken, my kids are hurt, I'm living where I absolutely hate living, my dream life my EX is living, it all comes rushing at me very unexpectedly. DF is ill, I'm not feeling 100 per cent myself. Basically emotions are going to come and go. If you need to smile sweetly and scream in your bathroom in a pillow, then you do what you have to do, to survive.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 5, 2014 9:08:30 GMT -5
Anger can come at unexpected times. I had to get out my divorce papers to get them ready to take with me for new marriage license. I could feel the anger rising up in me all over again. Because of his behavior, my family is broken, my kids are hurt, I'm living where I absolutely hate living, my dream life my EX is living, it all comes rushing at me very unexpectedly. DF is ill, I'm not feeling 100 per cent myself. Basically emotions are going to come and go. If you need to smile sweetly and scream in your bathroom in a pillow, then you do what you have to do, to survive. Zib has certainly traveled the road paved with anger, and with good reason. Naggie, many of us know how tough it is to deal with someone you cannot stand who is close to you and will, for family reasons, remain close to you. Your kids will remember you taking the higher road if you can find your way to it. Slam all the doors you want, but not in his face. Call him all the names you want, but not to his face. Write down everything he's ever done in the last 23 years that made you mad, but don't let him see it. You will have to deal with your X in the future. You're not starting out the present on the right foot.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 5, 2014 9:11:51 GMT -5
Let me have my moments, I am actually not quite the person to get that angry or silly. My decorum and propriety would stop me. Knowing me I would probably cook him dinner Until I post here that I have atually done the things I say then right now I am doing everything humanely possible to be the kind of person I know I am and will always be.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 5, 2014 9:24:24 GMT -5
My mom was angry and bitter after my dad divorced her. We heard all kinds of crazy things out of her mouth and saw plenty more crazy behavior for 15 years until she died at 43. I have no doubt all it did was confirm he made the right decision. Soon after the divorce, he went on to create a nice life with my stepmother and they've been happy for 30 years. It's too bad my mom couldn't do the same. That said, I'm also a Capricorn and prone to outburst (or perhaps it's my genetics or nurturing ). Good luck! Making new friends and finding a crush will be fun. Summer time is a great time to be single. Just think, you'll get to have a first kiss again. Maybe too soon for that, but eventually.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 5, 2014 14:18:13 GMT -5
Yeah I will, I am going full blown NC tomorrow. He hasn't even discussed the bills, I always do them. Oh well. I will also be playing " I will survive" over and over and over and over and over and over again while he is moving my stuff, yeah I am playing nice because he has a truck and has volunteered to help. Then I won't say thank you and slam my NEW APARTMENT door in his assholish face. Is that really necessary? I understand there is only one side of a story being presented here but based on YOUR posts I don't see any truly "assholish" behaviour... Oh, shut ta hell up, man!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 5, 2014 14:19:12 GMT -5
omg both my children are crying for the loss of the pup pups, I don't know how much I can handle. nutty, sorry I do not know how old your children are...I thought they are somewhat grown ups? No?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 5, 2014 14:27:12 GMT -5
See now? You were doing it all wrong. So we aren't listening to you, right, nutty? MPL, as I had never seen tombstone with writing 'died from hate'...I had never heard cosmetologist saying 'it is the hate that made you ugly! so we can't fix it'...No! If you are hating someone in a right way it will not hurt anybody. Plus how can you 'decide in one day' to control your hate and turn it 180? Couldn't you just 'decide it' earlier?Wish I would have. And you don't think hate makes people ugly? Have you never sat and talked with someone that all they do is bitch and moan about their ex and how their ex ruined their life and their ex is responsible for all their woes? they have their kids spying on them to get other ammunition to hate about them. Sometimes this goes on for YEARS AND YEARS. It's exhausting just to listen to them. You want to say, ok, great. How about changing the focus of the energy to something positive for yourself. Maybe raise chickens! Hmmm...I have not. I can honestly say that I had not ever sat and talked to this kind of people...and I had never lived in the cituation with spying kids...I had not! Because I will not let it happen to me because I am carefully surrounding myself by people who are...not like that. I refuse to listen to the stupid 'I hate this man' bullshit. I have chickens to buy...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 14:30:02 GMT -5
It's going to take time to get through the many levels that Nutty needs to get through.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jun 5, 2014 15:08:04 GMT -5
Of course there's going to be anger, but Nutty is choosing to get away from the toxic home and try to take care of herself. I certainly can understand why she'd move out if she can't afford the house but was the only one home taking care of it! Forget that. I wouldn't do that, either.
And, just because your husband SEEMS like he doesn't care and is "throwing away" all of those years together, don't be fooled - he's probably just trying to protect his ego. I'm sure he's in pain, too, but he needs to get himself figured out and not drag Nutty or the kids into it further.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jun 5, 2014 15:37:48 GMT -5
I like the write it all down...all the hate and bitterness..... and then burn it.
I know that sort of hurt.....and that's what I did. Let it go bit by bit.
with a repeat mantra of "I must do what I must"
Stay strong nutty.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2014 12:57:18 GMT -5
"omg both my children are crying for the loss of the pup pups, I don't know how much I can handle."
Not sure if this question is allowed but why wouldn't you get an apartment that would accept pets?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 13:17:12 GMT -5
Yay i remembered my password and can get on here using my phone.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 7, 2014 13:18:09 GMT -5
I cant have two here and i wouldnt be able handle two i dont think. It hurts to see your kids upset even if they are adults.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jun 8, 2014 15:32:57 GMT -5
It does hurt, but you are doing the right thing to get your own place where memories aren't in your face all the time.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 8, 2014 20:10:55 GMT -5
I cant have two here and i wouldnt be able handle two i dont think. It hurts to see your kids upset even if they are adults. Geezus, nutty! I thought they were adults! Why can't you take one and they take one and later you would figure stuff out better
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jun 8, 2014 20:33:31 GMT -5
And remember... BURN the list once you've gotten it all out on paper. Erase the past - that's the ONLY way you'll be able to move forward.
My DH became (in the last two years) of our 34 yr marriage, a drunken sot and extremely abusive due to his addiction. His abuse was more than emotional or verbal - it was physical... he left me with a permanent disability I'll never recover from.
I fled that marriage the minute he laid his hands on me - thanks to the help of my sweet brothers getting me out of there and relocated.
We had a beautiful home, and wonderful life til he turned into a wife-beating drunken ass.
It's been a struggle, but I've survived - his addiction (s?) (I suspect booze mixed with prescrip meds) ended up costing him his life. I attended his funeral but didn't mourn is loss - I mourned the loss of the life we'd had together. It was happy and blissful for over 30 yrs.
He was a successful executive who threw his life away and dove into a bottle. He destroyed everything we had together when he chose his newest passion (booze) -and it ended up killing him.
You will survive too, Naggie - hang in there.
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