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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 18:20:57 GMT -5
The sisters were told they could not visit with their mother tonight. Apparently there is a long standing court order that visitation can not happen without supervision. They decided to go anyway. I will be getting a hold of their worker tomorrow. I think this placement just broke down.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 17, 2015 18:54:05 GMT -5
The sisters were told they could not visit with their mother tonight. Apparently there is a long standing court order that visitation can not happen without supervision. They decided to go anyway. I will be getting a hold of their worker tomorrow. I think this placement just broke down. Oh, no, later! I'm so sorry. This has to be so very difficult for you - and for them.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 18:59:50 GMT -5
They don't know yet. I am staying quiet tonight and I am calling their worker tomorrow. I am taking back control of my home. Either they agree to follow the rules or they will be rehomed. The rules go back to no sleepovers at the boyfriend's. It's not appropriate for 15 years old. And they will agree to consequences for going tonight as well as agree to follow the rules in future. If they do not agree to all of that they will be moving. We will see how it goes.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 17, 2015 19:01:41 GMT -5
I'm sorry Later; however, I agree with what you want.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 19:12:57 GMT -5
Wow later. I can understand why that placement just broke down.
Shane natural hair is "in", so there are many many products for natural hair care. Can you find a beauty supply store near you that is geared toward African American customers? I'm ASSuming from your post that Cupcake is black or mixed. The stores are not hard to find here, but of course, you don't live here lol. they could possibly help you find what you're looking for and you can see if it has a strong smell before you buy it.
Do you start at the ends untangling her hair and work your way down to the scalp? That way u don't tangle it more by starting at the scalp, and u can hold her hair with your other hand and create slack to take some of the pressure off her scalp while you work thru the tangles. My hair tangles a lot, but I have a relaxer, so different products. Braids hurt because they're usually pulling your hair, trying to get the braids as tight on the scalp as possible so it will look good for a longer time.
Please forgive me if I'm telling u things you already know.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 17, 2015 20:27:53 GMT -5
They don't know yet. I am staying quiet tonight and I am calling their worker tomorrow. I am taking back control of my home. Either they agree to follow the rules or they will be rehomed. The rules go back to no sleepovers at the boyfriend's. It's not appropriate for 15 years old. And they will agree to consequences for going tonight as well as agree to follow the rules in future. If they do not agree to all of that they will be moving. We will see how it goes. I understand completely. I couldn't live that way! I need to have structure and rules give structure. There's no way I could tolerate what you're being asked to deal with.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 17, 2015 20:37:43 GMT -5
They don't know yet. I am staying quiet tonight and I am calling their worker tomorrow. I am taking back control of my home. Either they agree to follow the rules or they will be rehomed. The rules go back to no sleepovers at the boyfriend's. It's not appropriate for 15 years old. And they will agree to consequences for going tonight as well as agree to follow the rules in future. If they do not agree to all of that they will be moving. We will see how it goes. Do the sisters just do whatever they want? It sure sounds like it. Yes, it's time to take back control of your home and your relationship with GW.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 20:42:16 GMT -5
The sisters have been doing what they want. That ends now. At least here. The younger one just came up and asked me to drive her back to her mom's to pick up 2 pay cheques that she left there. She was actually shocked that I said no.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 17, 2015 20:59:04 GMT -5
What are the ages of the girls?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 17, 2015 21:05:34 GMT -5
What are the ages of the girls? I think they're 13 and 15, taz.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 17, 2015 21:14:56 GMT -5
What are the ages of the girls? I think they're 13 and 15, taz. 15 does sound familiar, but 13 didn't. Thanks mmhmm!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 17, 2015 21:16:16 GMT -5
Yup. I think when later first heard about them they were 13 and 14, but it sounds like the older one may have had a birthday.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2015 21:19:36 GMT -5
They are 14 and 15. I got the wrong ages when they first called about them. That happens a fair amount with CAS. The person calling me is about 3 people removed from the ones dealing with the girls directly.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Mar 18, 2015 5:47:32 GMT -5
IMHO: YOUR house = YOUR rules (within reason) and I would make this VERY clear for any future placements.
Kids CANNOT be allowed to rule the roost. They do NOT have the experience and maturity. Think about how many people on this board (and other financial boards I follow) have screwed up in some manner even in their 20's, 30's and beyond.
Things like family & parental visits are part of an upfront negotiated deal. Meals, boyfriends, types of clothing worn........ s/b set by house rules.
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kjto1
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Post by kjto1 on Mar 18, 2015 6:39:40 GMT -5
Laterbloomer - if you prefer not to answer, I understand. How did the girls get to their Mom's house? Did she pick them up?
I'm glad you are taking back control of your house. I guess I could see SOME leniency on SOME rules for a 72 hour maximum placement, but anything longer than that would disrupt the house way too much with the "no rule/special rule" rules!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2015 8:25:40 GMT -5
They got there and back by taxi.
While I am as annoyed as hell about last night, they have not completely disrupted the house. Other than school, the boyfriend's and work they don't go out much. They are quiet when they are around the house. They could be better about cleaning up their dishes and emptying the dishwasher but that's typical. Now that there is a bit of time passed the placement may not have broken down.
I have a call in with their worker. I'm pissed at her as well. It was her place to address the issue of not being able to visit the mother.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Mar 18, 2015 10:41:14 GMT -5
laterbloomer - The placement would be in danger of breaking down here, too, though more because of the attitude of the worker than the girls. They put those girls with you because you are a successful foster parent. You absolutely can't continue to be successful if the social workers undermine you or don't do their jobs.
@pinkcshmere - There are a ton of products out there. The problem is, C is chemically sensitive, so we have to avoid anything with "fragrance/parfum" because that prevents him from being around Cupcake, and as he's the primary care giver, that's an issue. Once we add in the fragrance free issue, it becomes much harder to find effective product. We have ordered a couple kinds of fragrance free de-tangler to see what works best. We have ordered a deep conditioner, and some cleansing conditioner, which everything says we should use on her hair instead of shampoo.
And she's a pretty smart (and ridiculously self aware) child. Last night as she was brushing her hair (and we should probably not let her use a brush and make her use a comb, but only so many battles at once) she was asking why she had to do it both morning and night, and I talked about tangles and not wanting it to hurt, and she said "and because I wouldn't let them do my hair". I said yes, because her hair is not currently up in braids, it has to be brushed.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2015 20:01:20 GMT -5
I talked to the worker and apparently she did tell them they could not go, so I'm not annoyed with her. I also talked to the grandmother. They were supposed to go to the grandmother's for dinner and spend the night tonight. She cancelled their visit. She also supported my taking away the sleep over privileges. I outright said to her that it isn't appropriate for a 15 year old. She fessed up that that was on her and one of the things she needs to do is get control back in her home.
I sat the girls down tonight and asked them if they remember the responsibilities they had agreed to when they moved in, especially the one about following house rules. They said yes and agreed that they didn't do that last night. Well there are consequences to that. S15 (the 15 year old sister) you have lost your sleep over privileges with your boyfriend. S14 you will now be adjusting to my schedule for your rides, which means you will be waiting an hour for me to get off of work tomorrow for your ride home. S15 tried to laugh but wasn't getting any support for S14. They went downstairs as usual.
I have to say, every foster is a unique experience.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 18, 2015 21:43:35 GMT -5
Makes you a very special person in my eyes.
Where did they get the money for the taxi?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2015 7:22:52 GMT -5
I'm guessing their mother paid
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 19, 2015 7:31:12 GMT -5
I am confused: with so much contact with their mother and grandmother... WHY are they in the foster care system?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 19, 2015 7:37:41 GMT -5
I'm confused about the paycheck thing. Can they legally work in Canada at their ages? Standard US rule is 16+ but I know there are some exceptions for younger kids - working in family business and bus boys come to mind.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2015 8:28:15 GMT -5
TheHaitian they are 14 and 15 and just came into foster care for a temporary placement to give the family a chance to sort out issues at home with their grandparents. It is pretty much impossible to stop contact at that age. They have been in "kin care" since they were babies and have had supervised visits with their mother.
Kids can work part time starting at 14 here. With parental permission.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Mar 19, 2015 10:27:07 GMT -5
TheHaitian - just because a family member loves a child and wants contact with the child does not mean they are able to care for the child.
laterbloomer - it is nice to know that everyone seems to be on the same page - you, sw, and grandma. having that united front will certainly help.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2015 20:51:46 GMT -5
Well the house is peaceful tonight. GW and her BF are here this evening, and my BF came over. The house feels more normal to me. S14 has gone to a friend's to sleep over for 2 days, it's March Break here. S15 made a stab at talking me into letting her sleep over at her boyfriend's and did not flip out on me when I said no. I'm back to being hopeful.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2015 20:35:57 GMT -5
So everyone got homesick for each other and the sisters are moving back to their grandparents with supervision from CAS. Good luck to them all.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 23, 2015 20:53:07 GMT -5
Probably best for everyone involved. Sorry later.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 23, 2015 21:01:49 GMT -5
So everyone got homesick for each other and the sisters are moving back to their grandparents with supervision from CAS. Good luck to them all. I do hope it works out for all of them.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Mar 24, 2015 5:48:54 GMT -5
Later Sorry things did not work out for anyone. Maybe you might want to take a break at least until GW is settled into her new role. Gives you time to regroup and work out some basic rules that MUST be met with your case worker before accepting another placement.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 9:37:49 GMT -5
Marv it did work out. The intent was always for them to go back home. The only debate was how long it would take.
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