Parenting fails

[midjd]

Today I reached an important milestone. I was taking DD to visit the daycare she'll be attending in a few weeks, and dropped her (in her car seat) on the pavement while trying to open the door. (Luckily she was strapped in). This was about 10 minutes after she'd gotten her 2mo vaccinations, so she was already pissed at me. She screamed bloody murder! I'm sure the daycare workers who witnessed were thoroughly impressed with my parenting skills.

Please commiserate by regaling me with stories of the times you dropped your kid on his head or caught her eating out of the dog dish.

[Deleted]

Oh poor Mid, and MiniMid! 

(You did drop her right-side up, right?!)

ETA: I'm thinking, don't worry, I'm sure I'll remember something! ;-)

[Wizard of Id]

Cat food was much healthier for them, well...... except for the weight gain!

[Deleted]

I left my 4 month old daughter on the changing table, went to the closet to pick out a hip outfit and turned around to see doing a head first swan dive to the ground.  I made a strange guttural noise that men should not make. but she was ok. 

[Deleted]

Oh yeah ... the time I took DS2 to the pediatrician because a horse bit his fingers. DS1 was 4, and rode ponies, and was used to giving them carrots. DS2 (2) wanted to do like his big brother. We practiced keeping the carrots flat in his palm, but when the horse approached, DS2 got scared and clenched his little fist. (No real damage done, thank goodness).

[Abby Normal]

I put DS (then three y/o) in his room for a nap and put the baby gate up. He started crying (he was already exhausted) so I thought - let him cry it out.  After about 15 minutes (still crying) I go to tell him to get back in bed.  I come around the corner and his face is covered with blood. He had hit his nose on the gate.

Did not get me nominated for mother of the year. 

[Phoenix84]

I don't have kids.  But when my sister was a baby, my Dad sat on her while she was lying on the couch.

When I was a kid, I would crack my head open a lot (I know, explains a lot right?).  The folks at medcheck probably thought my parents were neglectful.

Oh, and one time I remember my mom ripped off the legs of one of my stuffed animals and used them as neck pillows.  I had to pretend my stuffed dinosuar was a sea monster after that.

[raeoflyte]

My parents bought us one of those fuzzy animal freezer packs as a stocking stuffer.  I said something like, "oh--this will come in handy because we have a lot of accidents!" Ds4 pipes up with, "yeah, like when mommy hit me in the head with the frying pan!"  Which I did thoroughly whack the poor kid with the lid of a frying pan when I was trying to mad dash clean and didn't see him there.     But that was MONTHS ago.  We've had dozen of non-mom related injuries since then that required an ice pack.  Why couldn't he tell everyone about one of those?  

[Sunnyday]

my first born ate poo.

We started potty training at 18 months (completely potty trained by 22).

We had little potties set up everywhere.

She went around pant less.

She pooped a little nugget in one of the potties.

I got distracted by something, and never cleaned it up.

I see her rolling something around her mouth with a thoughtful expression.

I looked in the potty that held the little brown nugget.

Empty.

Fished it out with my finger.

She was like 19 months old, so it's not like I could ask her to gargle with mouth wash.

I spent the next hour, repeating, Yuck Yuck Yuck!

[muttleynfelix]

I dislocated DS's elbow when he was not quite 2.   We do diaper changes on the floor (to avoid things like archie's parenting fail) and when I tried to help him to his feet, there was this popping sound and he started crying. I had no idea what I had done, but I knew it wasn't good because he wasn't moving his arm. I got hubby and we decided it required an ER trip.  They popped it back in and he was fine, but OMG. I felt guilty for months afterwards!

[Wisconsin Beth]

I slipped on our sidewalk while pack-muling my then infant son (in car carrier) and toddler daughter in my arms, with assorted diaper bags, pumping gear and purse.  My son's car carrier hid the ground and I managed to twist and not land on my daughter (I think she was about 21 months at the time.)  I was soaked and torn holes in the knees of my work pants.  Kids were fine.

we were taking photos of the kids and had DD sitting down and holding DS.  I let go of her, DH said "um, he's gonna fa-" CLUNK.  And both kids start wailing. 

Last month my now 4 year old son was getting out of the bathtub.  He'd splashed water everywhere and slipped when he jumped (literally) out of the tub and his feet went out from underneath him.  He hit his head on the tub.  Immediately got huge goose-egg.      He's back to running around like a terror.  And still wants to jump out of the bathtub. 

I've already told our doctor at wbv that I have no idea where all the bruises on their legs came from but I swear we're not beating the kids. 

[The Captain]

When DD was about 12mo (she's 11 now) we moved to the house we currently live in.  DH and I needed someplace safe to put her for a few minutes while we put together her crib and found her playpen.

The (new to us) house had closets with lights in them.  I plopped her in one of the closets with a few stuffed animals and shut to door to help DH with her crib and playpen.

About 15 minutes later I realized to my horror that the closets had automatic lights that turned off when the door was closed.  DH and I bolted to where I stashed her and threw open the door.  She was just sitting there wide eyed with tears running down her chubby cheeks but not making a sound at all. 

We laugh about it now (including her) so I guess this incident at least did not traumatize her for life. 

[Gardening Grandma]

Well, there was the time I left a cup of hydrogen peroxide in a glass on the counter (I was using it to clean something). My 2 year old walked in, said ""Thirsty", picked it up and drank it before I could stop him.

He threw most of it up on me during the drive to the ER, where I carried him in (covered with vomit) and told them my child had drunk hydrogen peroxide.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh and my son fell out of the crib one day.  I knew I needed to drop the mattress lower but hadn't gotten around to it.  I put him in the crib so I can do something and left the room.  I heard a thunk and immediate crying.  That's when the Mom superspeed powers kick in. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Let's see when she was less than a week old I dropped a box of diaper wipes and it hit her right between the eyes.

Then there was one time I didn't realize she was next to me instead of behind me and smacked her in the face with the car door in the daycare parking lot.

Gwen tried to do a flip off the couch and smacked into the coffee table.  Two week shiner

She did something similar with a Disney Princess storage ottoman, split her lip wide open.  That thing went downstairs after that.

We were at the Durham Museum and she approached me eating a Cheeto.  DH did not give it to her.  To this day we have no clue where she found it.

I let her eat a cracker she found on the floor at Target, it wasn't worth fighting over.

She fell into the toilet because she refused to pee with the seat down. 

There have been multiple rock up the nose incidents, all shared over on WIR

You know what, it's just be easier to write a list of things that have gone right.  Much much shorter.

[Peace Of Mind]

Jan 30, 2014 16:12:35 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Oh poor Mid, and MiniMid! 

(You did drop her right-side up, right?!)

  I'm laughing at that part because I'm sure she was right side up but just the way you added that thought cracked me up!   

I second the "...poor Mid, and MiniMid!"  I hope you weren't planning on getting any sleep tonight.  Babies look all sweet and innocent but they have their ways of getting back at you. 

ETA:   Drama - Don't forget your sliding on the kitchen floor/Wet Jet incident.  That popped in my head as I was reading Mid's post.  Your description of that was hilarious!

[Wisconsin Beth]

And Mid, it gets worse.  I bump into my kids a helluva lot more now then I did when they were infants and toddlers.  Because they dodge and move based on whatever whim crosses their mind instead of making a beeline for the toy or the stairs or whatever.  But I'm apologizing for "hitting" one of them on accident about every other day now. 

[Chocolate Lover]

I can't list all the parenting fails, I'll be depressed for a week

Sitter's kid dropped oldest on his head once. Youngest took a fall down the stairs at our old apartment. I'm sure lots happened to DD too, but I can't recall any at the moment. She's the only one who hasn't required stitches though. 

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 30, 2014 16:21:32 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

my first born ate poo.

We started potty training at 18 months (completely potty trained by 22).

We had little potties set up everywhere.

She went around pant less.

She pooped a little nugget in one of the potties.

I got distracted by something, and never cleaned it up.

I see her rolling something around her mouth with a thoughtful expression.

I looked in the potty that held the little brown nugget.

Empty.

Fished it out with my finger.

She was like 19 months old, so it's not like I could ask her to gargle with mouth wash.

I spent the next hour, repeating, Yuck Yuck Yuck!

I just gagged multiple times when reading this 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I saw a kid eat goat poop at the zoo.  Dad turns around and freaked.  I didn't have the heart to tell him the kid was on his second goat turd.  I was also too busy laughing, wasn't my kid!

[Wisconsin Beth]

My son ate dog poop once. 

[Sum Dum Gai]

When the younger one was a month or two old her older sister shoved her off our bed and she landed face first on the wooden runner of the rocking chair Loop had next to the bed to nurse.  We were both in the room doing something at the foot of the bed.  Couldn't get their fast enough.

The older one burned both of her hands, wrists, and forearms on an open oven door.  We were baking cookies for a squadron picnic.  I opened the door to get them out while Loop kept an eye on the kiddo, she thought she was getting them out while I kept an eye on the kiddo.  Instead we opened the oven door and both reached in at the same time our 10 month old put her hands on the inside of the open door to stand up and see what was going on.  Instant blisters from mid forearm all the way down.  We were standing right there while she did it.

She started walking the next day because she couldn't crawl with her burned up hands.

[quince]

Overzealous introduction of solids had our boy gagging on hamburger and green beans. He's still a monster for food though. 
Rolled off the changing station on our coffee table.
Clipped the finger while trimming his nails.

[sarcasticgirl]

I don't have kids... but I was out walking my dog and I stopped to blow my nose and looked down to find my dog licking a dead rat. 

[Deleted]

I was mowing lawn on the rider one time when oldest was maybe 2.  He was playing with his trucks by the barn and I looked over after rounding the corner and he was standing by the door obviously screaming.  He had stuck his hand in the hinge area of the door and it must have blown shut.  It was completely closed on his hand.  When I took it out I thought I was going to be sick because it was so deformed.  Miraculously, 15 minutes later you couldn't even tell and he was fine.  Not a single broken bone. 

Same kid 8 years later.  I'm changing his younger brother and he's screwing around playing in the closet.  I shut the door and there is instant screams of pain.  I quickly open it up and grab his hands thinking he had stuck them in the door jam again, but nope, he's crying "my lips!".  Yes.  The child had been sticking his lips in the hinge area making faces at his brother. 

He looked like Angelina Jolie for 3 days.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but nope, he's crying "my lips!". Yes. The child had been sticking his lips in the hinge area making faces at his brother.

He looked like Angelina Jolie for 3 days.




I forgot the time I brained her with the Wet Jet.  I was on the phone and there was popcorn in the microwave.  I hear "whoosh" and see the popcorn bag going up.  I drop the phone and take off running across the kitchen.

During my phone conversation I'd let Gwen play with the Wet Jet and hadn't noticed she'd been pushing the button.  I hit a puddle and go flying out of control.  On my way to crash into the counter I smack into Gwen.  She falls and the Wet Jet comes down smacking her in the head.   I bash my kneecaps into the cabniet.  Microwave goes "Ding!" and flames die out.

DH comes out of the bathroom wanting to know why I'm on the floor, Gwen's crying and why does it smell like burned popcorn?

[Abby Normal]

Apparently- YM'ers make crappy parents.

Feel better yet Mid?

Moral-  crap happens

[Deleted]

Mid, look at the bright side ... at least she won't remember that one! One less thing to reproach you for when she's older LOL! ;-)

[Peace Of Mind]

but nope, he's crying "my lips!". Yes. The child had been sticking his lips in the hinge area making faces at his brother.

He looked like Angelina Jolie for 3 days.

OMG - I have tears streaming down my face at these stories but this one! 

I'm sorry for laughing at your kids' mishaps but the things they get themselves into and do! And now I'm convinced mine would not have survived their first year had I had one. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 30, 2014 16:44:08 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Apparently- YM'ers make crappy parents.

Feel better yet Mid?

Moral-  crap happens

Just try to keep your kid from eating it.