What if I don't want to "Lean In"?

[Sam_2.0]

DH keeps pushing me to go for new promotions and opportunities. But I think I've found a job that I really like, I have the flexibility that I want with my schedule, and I am happy with the compensation. I don't want a job where I routinely work 60+ hours. I don't want work that I take home with me. I come here 8 hrs a day so that I can get the $$ I need to pay my bills and enjoy life away from this place.

Is there something wrong with wanting to stay in place and not keep climbing?

[Sum Dum Gai]

Nothing wrong with it at all, if you're a commie or a socialist.  Now get your red blooded capitalistic ass in gear and go conquer the world.

[kcladyjane]

It is hard to find a job that we "like".  So stick with it if it makes you happy and provides enough money. 

[mmhmm]

Jan 24, 2014 17:26:04 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

DH keeps pushing me to go for new promotions and opportunities. But I think I've found a job that I really like, I have the flexibility that I want with my schedule, and I am happy with the compensation. I don't want a job where I routinely work 60+ hours. I don't want work that I take home with me. I come here 8 hrs a day so that I can get the $$ I need to pay my bills and enjoy life away from this place.

Is there something wrong with wanting to stay in place and not keep climbing?

Not in my book, Sam.  I did the same thing.  I loved what I did and I didn't want to get involved in the political machinations any further than I was involved.  I've got nothing to prove to anyone other than myself.  Like you, I was quite happy right where I was.  I had variety when I wanted variety, and control over my hours and the levels of responsibility I chose to undertake.  That was just exactly the way I liked it and a good reason why I was able to work until I was 71 without even thinking about it, and would have continued to work if mother hadn't needed me here at home.  You know you did the right thing when you actually miss the work you loved.

[Shooby]

   Find a job that works for you and your family.   Not everyone wants to claw their way up the corporate ladder.   The thing that matters the most to me in a job is flexibility.  And, i have been able to find jobs that offer that.  If i had to work the standard 9 to 5 i think that would do me in!

[Sam_2.0]

Jan 24, 2014 17:35:44 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Flexibility and being able to keep work separate from home are huge benefits.  I don't think you are crazy to want to keep them.

Is there something your DH is noticing or concerned about - that you'll get bored with the job, or that without job switching you'll become vulnerable to layoffs because of super specialized skills?

Boss lady is thinking of retiring in a couple of years and keeps mentioning that to me. I'm one of the go-to's if she is out of the office. He thinks they are setting me up for her job but I don't know that I would want it. And I am not sure that's what's even happening. My job is hopefully not prone to layoffs, but maybe. I handle escalated accounts and work with our executives and they are looking for more to help out. Not like I am front-line and taking phone calls. But as we all know nothing is ever 100% immune.

[lynnerself]

I take less pay to work the "standard 9-5".
I could make a lot more in my field if I was willing to work nights, evenings, weekends and/or Holidays.

I made the choice a long time ago it wasn't worth it for me or my family.


DH has been asked 3 times to move into a supervisor role and declined.

[8 Bit WWBG]

What is it that is driving him to push you?

[Shooby]

  As mmhmm said, i think knowing yourself is far more important.  And, if you know what works for you, you will be far happier and probably work longer in the long run.  You can't always measure the value of a job simply by comparing the hourly rate or anything like that.  If you get a job you hate that paid better, you might wind up losing money really in the long run.  It will affect your health or creep into other areas of your life.

[midjd]

Jan 24, 2014 17:49:08 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Jan 24, 2014 17:35:44 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Flexibility and being able to keep work separate from home are huge benefits.  I don't think you are crazy to want to keep them.

Is there something your DH is noticing or concerned about - that you'll get bored with the job, or that without job switching you'll become vulnerable to layoffs because of super specialized skills?

Boss lady is thinking of retiring in a couple of years and keeps mentioning that to me. I'm one of the go-to's if she is out of the office. He thinks they are setting me up for her job but I don't know that I would want it. And I am not sure that's what's even happening. My job is hopefully not prone to layoffs, but maybe. I handle escalated accounts and work with our executives and they are looking for more to help out. Not like I am front-line and taking phone calls. But as we all know nothing is ever 100% immune.

My boss makes a little more than 2x more than I do, but I wouldn't want his job in a million years. Not even if it paid $500K/yr. Not worth the stress and I don't have the personality for it. (I would like to take over my immediate supervisor's job at some point, but that's probably as high as I'll go unless I run for judge or something).

So no, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to grab the gold ring. If you're happy where you are, that's more than a lot of people can say.

[tskeeter]

Jan 24, 2014 17:49:08 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Jan 24, 2014 17:35:44 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Flexibility and being able to keep work separate from home are huge benefits.  I don't think you are crazy to want to keep them.

Is there something your DH is noticing or concerned about - that you'll get bored with the job, or that without job switching you'll become vulnerable to layoffs because of super specialized skills?

Boss lady is thinking of retiring in a couple of years and keeps mentioning that to me. I'm one of the go-to's if she is out of the office. He thinks they are setting me up for her job but I don't know that I would want it. And I am not sure that's what's even happening. My job is hopefully not prone to layoffs, but maybe. I handle escalated accounts and work with our executives and they are looking for more to help out. Not like I am front-line and taking phone calls. But as we all know nothing is ever 100% immune.

Yup, told my boss that if he gets hit by a bus, his boss better get someone here quick cause I'm not going to get pushed into doing his job.  I had his job at another company for 20 years and I just don't want to deal with the horses hind ends at corporate any more.

You need to tell your hubby that if he thinks you ought to take on a more demanding job, he better plan on doing the cooking, laundry, house cleaning, and service calls for stuff that is broken in addition to what he's doing now, because you're not going to have time to deal with those things any more.

[JustLurkin]

Jan 24, 2014 17:51:25 GMT -5 lynnerself said:

I take less pay to work the "standard 9-5".
I could make a lot more in my field if I was willing to work nights, evenings, weekends and/or Holidays.

I made the choice a long time ago it wasn't worth it for me or my family.

I would nevvvver go back to 24/7 working.  I'm a year in and people  are still telling me how happy and relaxed I look! 

[cronewitch]

Retirement is just the right amount of work for me.

[Phoenix84]

If the "lean in" articles are to be believed, you are harming females everywhere by not being all you can be.  Only by making a concerted effort as a sisterhood can you shatter the glass cealing and earn equality for women in the workplace once and for all.

So you have to stop and ask yourself, why do you hate other women?  Why don't you want your sisters to succeed?  You're basically keeping your boot on the neck of any woman who wants to rise in her workplace.  How do you live with yourself knowing that? 

[Phoenix84]

In all seriousness though, I don't see a problem personally with rising to where you're comfortable with and staying there.  That is, assuming you're willing to adjust your lifestyle accordingly and accept the overall consequences of doing so.

Why is your husband pushing for you to get promoted?  Are you in debt or something and the extra money will really help the family finances?  Does he work a stressful job and maybe thinks that if you were bringing in more money, he could get a less stressful job?  What's going on?

[busymom]

I about groaned the first time I saw a "lean in" article. Before DH & I started our family, I worked a crazy amount of hours, & a variety of shifts. After the kids began to arrive, my entire perspective changed. When they were little, I needed energy after work to keep up with those little ones. I couldn't "give it all" at work, & have something left to be a parent.

My generation was raised to believe that "you can have it all". They forgot to mention the nervous breakdown that might come along with it.   If you genuinely enjoy your job, stick with it. I hope your DH isn't one of those guys who thinks if he is suffering at work, then everyone around him needs to be suffering too!

[Deleted]

I've always said that we all (male and female) need to find our own place on the spectrum that has staying home and making organic baby food at one end and a CEO-type job at the other. I'll most likely retire at the level I am now (VP, which is really middle management in this company) and I'm OK with that. I love my work, I take all of my vacation days and my weekends are my own. Even though I worked FT and went back 6 weeks after DS was born, we have a wonderful relationship.

One caveat, though- make sure you're still advancing your skills and learning new things. If you get stagnant you can be replaced by someone less-experienced for less money.

[violagirl]

I struggle with this, I don't have kids so I don't even have that pulling me. But man, I do NOT live to work. That was not the way I was raised. My dad worked for government and was strictly 9-5. It was rare for him to mention his work at home. Had a stay at home mom. So I guess, I don't come from a long line of "go-getters" in the career dept. I think there should be a distinction because it doesn't mean they didn't work hard, they just directed their energy toward the community, and their family and putting having enough - but not a LOT. And that included time to relax, time to be with friends. 

I've always been a lot more competitive than my brothers for example, I always have a nemesis. Even if my "nemesis" doesn't know it, there is always someone I am competing with. So there is the side of myself that just wants time to relax and pursue my interests which are many, and the part that drives me to want to be the "best" at work. I am always torn in how far I am willing to go. I work in Big 4, so lots of very smart, competitive people. So it really is a stimulating place to work but I can't see myself as a partner. On one hand, I want to go up the ladder because the work is more interesting and I want to grow and not get bored, on the other hand I know the further I climb the more time is required and I'm not certain I'm wiling to give "all" of me. 

I think I will always be torn. I don't think i'm a big enough ass kisser to make it all the way though. I just don't think like that. 

[Tennesseer]

Jan 24, 2014 17:26:04 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

DH keeps pushing me to go for new promotions and opportunities. But I think I've found a job that I really like, I have the flexibility that I want with my schedule, and I am happy with the compensation. I don't want a job where I routinely work 60+ hours. I don't want work that I take home with me. I come here 8 hrs a day so that I can get the $$ I need to pay my bills and enjoy life away from this place.

Is there something wrong with wanting to stay in place and not keep climbing?

Work to live.  Not live to work.

[Deleted]

I think you  should tell your husband to back off if it's not for you.

I have been getting hints also I think about a "better " position from the woman who will be leaving it.

"Better" would mean quite a bit more money, more hours, more stress and for me would mean no sleep.

I do worry a little that I might get bored where I am and miss the challenge but I think I would miss worry free sleep more.

I think you should ask your husband to let you decide for yourself what to do.

A job you really like sounds pretty good already.

[swamp]

If you don't lean in your boobs will fall off. 

[Peace Of Mind]

Jan 24, 2014 21:42:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

If you don't lean in your boobs will fall off. 

But they'll blacken your eyes as you vigorously climb the ladder upward.  Which is worse?

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2014 21:42:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

If you don't lean in your boobs will fall off. 

uh oh

[econstudent]

I feel the same way. Regular hours and time with my kid are way more important to me than more money. Plus, aren't you hoping to go down to a part time schedule some time in the not-too-distant future? It sounds like that probably wouldn't work with the promotion. 

[regina24601]

I'm with you, sam, and I accept the fact that it indicates I am failing all of womankind.  After a year and a half of professional hell (and changing careers three times), I have finally found a job that I love.  I look forward to going into work every day, I get to have a life outside of it, and I get to see my family every morning and every evening.  If I can carry on this kind of situation, heck, I'll happily work until I die!  Which I'll probably have to do since this happiness has come with a salary cut. 

But having made more money with waaaaaay more stress, I can confirm 100% that for me, this is so much better.

[MarleyKeezy78]

Stay where you are if you are happy and can afford it! The stress is not worth it.

[Deleted]

Come on, "man up"!

[Sam_2.0]

Jan 24, 2014 21:42:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

If you don't lean in your boobs will fall off. 

Well there's not much left in that dept so I am not sure its a problem

DH is just trying to be encouraging I think. But I really am happy with my spot now. Hopefully I can stay for quite awhile.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using proboards

[Shooby]

I never heard the "lean in" termm

[Sam_2.0]

Jan 24, 2014 19:06:40 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

In all seriousness though, I don't see a problem personally with rising to where you're comfortable with and staying there.  That is, assuming you're willing to adjust your lifestyle accordingly and accept the overall consequences of doing so.

Why is your husband pushing for you to get promoted?  Are you in debt or something and the extra money will really help the family finances?  Does he work a stressful job and maybe thinks that if you were bringing in more money, he could get a less stressful job?  What's going on?

He's a broker and loves it. But his line of work has no limits and they are only as successful as they push themselves to be (independent contractors). I think he forgets that they are all weirdos and most people are content to find a nice spot to settle in to. If anything I want to take the mommy track to retirement but he's worried that I will regret it and miss working.

I've made some good strategic moves to get where I am. If something else presents itself I may jump but for now the job fits the family and personal life that I want. I can easily walk away for maternity leave without shutting things down. And staying home with a sick kid or taking vacation on short notice isn't a problem. And I could maybe step it down to part time in the future.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using proboards