Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 9, 2014 11:33:46 GMT -5
I have no magical words of comfort, but know that you are in my thoughts and I am praying for peace for all of you.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jan 9, 2014 11:45:51 GMT -5
The first choice hospice said they did not have a bed for Dad - don't know if that is true or not as they asked about the meds dad is on and Mom said that the Senior Planner had pushed my parents to look into assisted living several years ago b/c many nursing homes will not accept people with bi-polar. Many Assisted Living facilities are attached to Nursing Homes and the assisted living residents are automatically accepted to the nursing home then.
Before the hospital recommended Hospice Mom and my Brother toured two nursing homes. Dad was also turned down by the first choice nursing home - Mom does not remember the exact reason but she is thinking along the lines that he was not a long term patient? They could check with the 2nd choice - I guess it was just a distance thing, not that Mom felt anything was wrong with the 2nd choice.
Hopefully we will hear from the 2nd choice Hospice soon. Mom will not accept the 3rd place we toured she felt it was not clean enough. Mop buckets in hallway etc. Mom did not want to continue to care for Dad at home, b/c if something happens you have to call for a home health nurse and wait till they get there - in her previous experience that can be an hour or two.
Medicare pays for Hospice in full while they are actively adjusting Meds - if the patient is stabalized it is 200-250 a day out of pocket. Mom pointed out to me, that, if she needed to care for Dad at home, that she could use the $200-250/day to hire home health care workers. She also wanted to check with the Senior Planning agency to shee if she starts spending $$ to care for Dad and he would make a recovery would the $$ spent count for a Medicare spend down or would they just be gone and half of the remaining assets would coun't as my Dad's for Medicaid purposes. This is why I am so glad she has someone advising her who knows this stuff.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2014 12:08:02 GMT -5
First my sympathies to your family. This is heartbreaking.
I have to wonder why his mental health matters when he is parapalegic. He can't do much harm.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 9, 2014 12:19:46 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Bean.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jan 9, 2014 12:38:32 GMT -5
I am sorry your family is going through this. Take some time off work to spend with your parents and get some rest.
One thing you can look at with hospice at home is respite care. Mom had hospice last summer and I looked at nursing homes. One told me they didn't have beds in long term but they could take her for 6 days respite care. Then if the family doesn't take them home they can stay. They would convert a short term bed to long term. So when mom can't take care of him she can send him for respite care, it might be easier to get him in and they won't discharge him without someone accepting him home.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 9, 2014 12:48:31 GMT -5
I'm sorry Bean. My mother went through this at the very end of her diabetes/heart disease issues. The hospice folks are a total godsend. You and your family need people around you who are caring and supportive of YOUR decisions, and not poking their noses in to spout about THEIR beliefs and what THEY would do. I understand that your Mom's friend is someone in her close group, but if she's spouting off about what she would do, and it's upsetting to you and your family, tell her in no uncertain terms to take her religious beliefs and stuff them up her bodacious backside, bless her heart.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jan 9, 2014 12:58:20 GMT -5
First my sympathies to your family. This is heartbreaking. I have to wonder why his mental health matters when he is parapalegic. He can't do much harm. I would agree, but when visiting my Dad at the hospital, I have noticed sereral patients who yell loudly and generally don't shut up. I get why they might want to limit the number of people in a facility who might do that if they want a peaceful environment. Note, it was not my Dad making a rukus but other patients. If Dad's Demise is imminent, I kind of think Mom can handle things at home, but two people asked if she was comfortabe with my Dad dying at home and she donsn't think she is. We can just wait it out and see what happens. The Neouologist told my Mom that occasionally if there is no were for a patient to go, the hospital will do the pallative care right there. We will see what happens.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jan 9, 2014 13:03:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry Bean. My mother went through this at the very end of her diabetes/heart disease issues. The hospice folks are a total godsend. You and your family need people around you who are caring and supportive of YOUR decisions, and not poking their noses in to spout about THEIR beliefs and what THEY would do. I understand that your Mom's friend is someone in her close group, but if she's spouting off about what she would do, and it's upsetting to you and your family, tell her in no uncertain terms to take her religious beliefs and stuff them up her bodacious backside, bless her heart. My parents have a lot of friends and family. Most of my parents siblings our a few hours away at a miniumum. We are in Midwest and several Winter in FL. One Brother has Cancer and his wife has advanced Alzheimers so they won't come, but Mom's Brother is already planning to come as soon as Dad is settled somewhere. There will be so many people around that one person really won't have much voice, and she lives close to Mom and the other friends already let Mom know that yeah, that is the way she is but they don't share her views. Mom is strong enough to own her actions.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 9, 2014 13:24:46 GMT -5
I'm sorry Bean. My mother went through this at the very end of her diabetes/heart disease issues. The hospice folks are a total godsend. You and your family need people around you who are caring and supportive of YOUR decisions, and not poking their noses in to spout about THEIR beliefs and what THEY would do. I understand that your Mom's friend is someone in her close group, but if she's spouting off about what she would do, and it's upsetting to you and your family, tell her in no uncertain terms to take her religious beliefs and stuff them up her bodacious backside, bless her heart. My parents have a lot of friends and family. Most of my parents siblings our a few hours away at a miniumum. We are in Midwest and several Winter in FL. One Brother has Cancer and his wife has advanced Alzheimers so they won't come, but Mom's Brother is already planning to come as soon as Dad is settled somewhere. There will be so many people around that one person really won't have much voice, and she lives close to Mom and the other friends already let Mom know that yeah, that is the way she is but they don't share her views. Mom is strong enough to own her actions. Good for your mom. She will need that strength, and the strength of those around her, including yours, to get through this. Time to tune out the unnecessary noise and concentrate on your dad, and what's important for you as a family.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Jan 9, 2014 21:38:38 GMT -5
((((((((((( bean )))))))))))) I'm so very sorry. Mega hugs my friend
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Jan 9, 2014 21:57:51 GMT -5
In our area hospice will go to where the patient is. With my Grandma they would come to the home and oversee how things were going and adjust meds as needed. Someone came in once or twice a week and helped bathe Grandma. When it became to much to care for her at home my Dad moved her to an adult foster care home and hospice would then go there and check on things, med etc. At the foster home there were a total of 5 patients in a gorgeous home that had a live in aide. The aid would stay there 24 hours a day for 2 or 3 days and then another aid would come in. The aides fixed the meals and they ate family style at the table in the dining room. Grandma was there about 3 weeks before she passed and it worked very well. The family was free to visit whenever and for however long.
Also, at least in our area, if a patient is under hospice care and dies in the home it makes things much simpler in that they do not have to do a police investigation into the cause of death. That was the case with my other Grandma and two of my neighbors. With Grandma my Grandpa called hospice that she had passed and they came out and then they called the coroner/morgue and it was handled that way.
Prayers and hugs to you and your family that this journey is peaceful for all of you.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jan 9, 2014 22:09:57 GMT -5
I wish you and your mother, father, and the rest of your family the best during this time of transition. I know when my mother had the hemorrhage in her brain that there was so much damage that she would have had to been on a ventilator and have a feeding tube inserted had she lived on.
We decided against taking those measures and let her pass away peacefully. Whatever your mother decides about a feeding tube, her friend should be respectful and not intrude on her decision. Putting pressure on a spouse during such a difficult time is really unconscionable.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jan 9, 2014 23:22:00 GMT -5
Dad was moved to a hospice today. Staff seems to be great- room is about 1/2 the size of the one they showed us on our tour. I told Mom to ask for a bigger room. They said they had some bigger rooms they were cleaning/disinfecting and they would discuss in am meeting. If he dosn't get a bigger room we will be packed like sardines on the weekend.
So the staff seems top notch. They are supposed to get meds through their pharmacy, but they did not get them today. They told Mom she could bring them from home and adminiser herself. Mom had DS bring them. She told nurse that she would do the 6pm meds but she wouldn't be there for the 11pm ones. The head nurse told the nurse that would be there to call the pharmacy and describe meds and they will verify it is correct and then she can administer them.
Dad asked for a cookie so I went in kitchen and found a cookie jar with homemade cookies. Got a glass of milk, dunked the cookie in milk and crushed it up with a spoon & knife. Dad ate pretty much of it.
When the nurses came to turn Dad they discovered the hand where IV was was very swollen, where IV was removed. They seemed very concerned abt it.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 9, 2014 23:27:12 GMT -5
Bean I'm so sorry.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jan 10, 2014 0:27:10 GMT -5
praying for strength and peace for you and your mom. Glad so many of your family is able to be there. Death happens to us all and the most important thing is to experience it with as much dignity and comfort as possible not to prolong life to the last second. I will never understand how Christians can try to force the idea of extension of a poor painful life when they should celebrate a peaceful passing that allows the family to both grief and say good buy and the person passing to do so comfortably and with dignity. I say that as a believer, Paul said "to die is gain" Not that I think death should be forced or aided but when it is obviously coming it should be accepted and comfort provided.
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Jan 10, 2014 11:30:14 GMT -5
Sorry Bean.
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