I threw a temper tantrum today ...

[Ombud]

Actually its sort of been all week long. Guess I'm a b**ch.

1. GS1 must bring his grades up if I'm paying for the Hawaii school trip

2. GS1 lost his cell again so DD has to put him on her plan & she has to pay for it but will pay me $150 less to cover it (will kick in $150 month for kids expenses ex phones)

3. Electric & cable went up by $200 so her BF has to pay the whole $400 so he now contributes $400 -- supposed to do it directly to utilities. Wonder if I'll get a shut off note

4. Then she brings a friend's baby in to watch and I wasn't warm & fuzzy. I love watching DS' new baby but that's different. That's my GS3

Yep. I'm a bit*h

[Deleted]

Ombud, you are SO not a bitch! You are one of the kindest women I know! Maybe too kind, but that's another issue. 

I'm at the point where I can barely stand my own kids. DH wants grandkids, I say, NO WAY. At nearly 54, I am just SO DONE. I want to be able to babble incoherently, or read. 

Tonight I am the bitch, because DH FLAT OUT LIED about how he used rotten ingredients to make Russian Borscht. I totally called him on it, but he is sleeping (how convenient), so the fallout will be tomorrow. I reminded him that although he likes to keep the rotten ingredients around (he is a hoarder and never throws anything out), I always throw them out, and that he needs to STOP posting TOTAL CRAP on his FB page, and whining about how I don't like his (lying) posts. 

[Ombud]

Rotten ingredients? That would have been a clincher for me too

This baby's stuff invaded my livingroom. I barely let the boys in there (16 + 12) to play their multiple instruments (2 saxs, piano, organ, keyboard, french horn, melophone, 2 guitars, & GS1 brought home an oboe Monday) which all line up against the wall or under a table. This tube took up the entire empty space! Not to mention that I have crystal sculptures on the end tables

LEAVE ME MY SPACE!

[Peace Of Mind]

LOL!!   I thought you were a dude.  Bitch away!!

[bean29]

Oct 3, 2013 19:11:03 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Ombud, you are SO not a bitch! You are one of the kindest women I know! Maybe too kind, but that's another issue. 

I'm at the point where I can barely stand my own kids. DH wants grandkids, I say, NO WAY. At nearly 54, I am just SO DONE. I want to be able to babble incoherently, or read, or just masturbate in a corner somewhere, visibly. The advantage of the last option is that I'm guessing nobody would come anywhere near me LOL. 

Tonight I am the bitch, because DH FLAT OUT LIED about how he used rotten ingredients to make Russian Borscht. I totally called him on it, but he is sleeping (how convenient), so the fallout will be tomorrow. I reminded him that although he likes to keep the rotten ingredients around (he is a hoarder and never throws anything out), I always throw them out, and that he needs to STOP posting TOTAL CRAP on his FB page, and whining about how I don't like his (lying) posts. 

OMBUD you are a saint.  But I am being a total B*tch to people I deal with today too.

Debt...LOL.  I have been telling my DD (16)for a while now that I don't think she will ever have kids.  She hates screaming kids in the store- has less tollerance for it than I do.  I have a low tollerance now myself.  I just think people drag their kids everywhere now (with no consideration for proper bedtimes) and ignore them if they are cranky.  DS (20) says 0 or 1 is the right number.  I have decided I am fine with never having grandkids.  I would enjoy them, but only if it is right for my kids and the kids are too young to be parents anyways.

Sigh, I have to be proactive to throw things out too...my DH is willing to get sick to find out something is bad, while I hate being sick so I would rather throw stuff in the garbage.  DH once fed bad chicken to our Dog.  The Dog won't eat chicken at all anymore.  DH refuses to allow that there is a correlation.  My MIL seems to understand completely though, my amusement at this somewhat offsets my irritation with my DH.

[bean29]

Ombud, re:  the phone.

We try to keep a working old phone around as a back up incase we have a lost or damaged phone.  Our older backups went to a BIL and an employee and I think the newer backup was lost for awhile in DD's bedroom.  When she found it one of D's employees broke his phone so DH gave it to him b/c DH says he needs his employees to have working phones.

DD and I just got new phones.  My phone is bad, but wer are keeping the old Iphone 4S around to be the backup phone.  DD said if she wanted to sell it she would do better selling it at school word of mouth that selling it to Apple or Best Buy.  You might want to have the Grandkids ask about buying a repalcement phone from someone at school.

[Ombud]

Rukh: GS1 must show me his progress tallies (charter school posts weekly) before I make each subsequent payment. I am also buying insurance for cancel any reason.

Bean: She's taking over the kids cells on the 10th & he's taking over PG&E + Comcast, so yes, I was 'heard.' That 'other' baby wasn't let into MY livingroom and DD actually took him elsewhere.

Vindicated too bad it took a temper tantrum

GS3 is here today (was here when I got home from teaching a class) but he's MY grandson & DS never asks for anything so I like the chance to play with a 2.5 month old who sleeps most of the time

POM: Yep, a woman.

[mizbear]

That was no tantrum- You should have seen me in the market today when MommaBear got snippy

I can still throw down a tantrum!

BTW- Sometimes tantrums are necessary.

[Ombud]

Bean, I also keep old phones as back up. He'd already gone through those

[bean29]

too bad. But at least you are putting your family on the pers. Responsibility track

Sent from my MB855 using proboards

[seriousthistime]

I agree, Ombud, you're not a b*tch and this is not a temper tantrum. This is just simply standing up for yourself.

I can't remember -- does your daughter qualify for any federal, state, or local benefits (WIC, SNAP, etc.)?

[Ombud]

She would but that would mean applying

DS told me to sell the house & buy a cottage --- in my dreams. He was surprised that I was looking for FT work to put his nephews through college & band

Baby steps in growing a backbone

[seriousthistime]

Ombud, I've been very close to throwing a temper tantrum lately, over a friend who is constantly late to social outings. Most of the time I'm with one other person so the waiting is bearable, but then she wants us to stay later because she was late, and I'm not willing to do that. I like being home, I like not spending my life waiting for people, and I don't like people trying to control me by consistently being late (sometimes by up to 45 minutes).

Not sure what to do about it, but the most recent time she was not late. Maybe she's hearing what I'm saying.

Check out the FAFSA form, Ombud. I think only the custodial parent's income is considered for financial aid. If your daughter is the custodial parent and taking the kids as dependents on her taxes, I think only her income would be considered. How old is GS1?

It's very difficult when someone foists the role of safety net on you, and I understand not wanting to be the safety net if the kids would suffer. I like that you are making your DD responsible for more, and her boyfriend responsible as well. What happened to get you to allow him to live there? Won't space get tight with DD, him, and the new baby all in one room?

If your DD's boyfriend is responsible for cable and electric, is there any way you can get him to pay you each month so you can pay the bill and know the bill is being paid?

Just wondering why applying for benefits is not a condition of DD living in your house ... ?

[Ombud]

GS1 is 16 but she doesn't file taxes ... doesn't need to. And I don't care how tight that room gets with 3 of them in there. Not my problem

I'm less clear on exactly when he moved in. I was bitchy one day when he stayed over. Turns out he'd been sneaking in for some time

[seriousthistime]

Gee Ombud, sounds like you're dealing with teenagers, but it's the teenagers' mother who's causing the problems.

So does DD have any earned income? If so, why not file to get the earned income tax credit? Who is taking these kids as dependents? That is what the FAFSA relies on, I think. You have a few years. Figure out the FAFSA and who needs to do what regarding taxes to maximize your chances for financial aid for GS1 and GS2. You want to figure this out soon.

Playing devil's advocate here, but I would suggest that how tight things get in that room may become your problem when 3 of them are in that room. There's spillover into the common space. Is there any real future with the BF? Does he have a steady job, skills, a reliable income?

[Ombud]

I took all 3 on my taxes last year as her meager income is in cash. She would be well under the limit to file anyway. But thanks for the nudge. Guess she'll have to file this year to establish a basis for FAFSA

Last night DS suggested having the 12 & 16 year olds share a room and the baby in with the 7 yr old. I responded hell no -- the 16 yr old is sleeping in my office and I need it back! News hit her before I got back to my house!

Yes the baby will wander into the common area - no I won't babysit while she works - they both work Sundays so she better start working on that now

[seriousthistime]

Wow, wait. She has three kids and is pregnant with #4? I thought she was pregnant with #3....

Yes, stay up on the FAFSA requirements. You don't want her to sabotage her DS's college education because she didn't file what she needed to file. Is the 16 year old a junior now?

I don't imagine this is where you expected to be at this stage of your life.

[Ombud]

 Yes we're messed up 

[seriousthistime]

That's okay. I'm not where I expected to be at this stage of my life either.

Any way you can talk to DD about getting her tubes tied this time around? I'm sure she knows it would be a good idea...

[NastyWoman]

Oct 13, 2013 8:49:55 GMT -5 Ombud said:

I took all 3 on my taxes last year as her meager income is in cash. She would be well under the limit to file anyway. But thanks for the nudge. Guess she'll have to file this year to establish a basis for FAFSA ...

Wouldn't DD be better off if she filed her taxes anyway? I would think that, while she would have to pay SS and Medicare taxes, she would almost certainly qualify for EITC and receive a tax credit much larger than the paltry amount she would have to pay?  Maybe some of the tax experts here can wegh in on this?

[Deleted]

3 in one room? I must be misunderstanding. That isn't GS and your DD and her BF?

ETA - nevermind, I see you have 3 grand kids.

[Ombud]

Latterbloomer, Nope. It's DD, her BF, & the new baby. When GS1 goes to college, I get MY office back. Unless I sell. Then I get a house back

Joss, she might be better off and get EITC if she filed but is under the mandatory filing limit. But this way I get additional dependents and HOH status instead of single so I get more back than I would otherwise. And she wouldn't share ~~ besides I support them

[Deleted]

Ombud please clarify for me how many people are living with you and their ages. And is your daughter currently pregnant? I'm sure you told all this before but I don't remember. Sorry.

[Ombud]

In my house:
Me
DD - pregnant 
GS1 - 16
GS2 - 12
GD1 - 7
DDs BF
4 bd/ 3 bath house on 1/3 acre

My DS has:
DS
Fiance
GD2 - 9 (step-2b so refer to her as GD2)
GS3 - almost 3 mos
They live 3 miles away in their own townhouse

[Deleted]

Thank you

[seriousthistime]

Ombud, you are a good person, totally entitled to have more temper tantrums than you have.

I've heard of people actually moving out of their houses and leaving the younger generations there, under circumstances like yours. How old is DD now? What is her BF like? Is he likely to stay around in the long run?

[mmhmm]

You might want to ask your tax questions of mwcpa in his Tax thread, Ombud.  I'm sure he could advise you how to proceed under the circumstances.

[Ombud]

Rent in this area is 2500 month so I would need this place to pay that (I looked last year). If it wasn't for GS1&2, I'd sell

I'm entitled to claim HOH so it comes down to what puts more $$ in the pot to cover their expenses (esp band & band trips 650 marching band + 3200 DC + 1800 Pacific Rim Competition + 2x500 LA + lessons @ 40 wk this year alone)

[mmhmm]

Ombud, why are all these people living in your house?  I guess I don't know the back-story on this, but it sounds to me like you've got a bunch of freeloaders living with you.  I realize one of them is your daughter, but she's got three kids and a BF.  Why are they all sponging off you?

[Ombud]

Yes the freeloaders are sponging off me but the GKs would be homeless without this house and they are innocent. BF works but it's minimum wage. DD marginally works. I readily admit I screwed up

Right now I'm trying to digest tonight. DD is on AAA and it's due. Said if she pd, she'd be broke. But she gave it to me as I'm going in tomorrow to pay mine.

DDbf was supposed to give me $250 but only has $200. I owe $40 $66 to a friend of mine who tutors GS1 in music.

So that's:
$235 in
-102 AAA
-107 cable
- 4066 music (forgot 1 time)