Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 10:58:12 GMT -5
Ok, question for all of you. Recently, I was at an event where we saw lots of folks that we don't see on a regular basis. Since we just had a baby, there were a few people that brought us gifts. The event had nothing to do with us and there were not gifts given to anyone else.
what do you think is the proper etiquette? I was taught that you should thank the person and set it aside to open later since not everyone got a gift and the event is not about you. But I feel like that's almost ungrateful.
What do you all think?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 10:59:34 GMT -5
I was taught the same thing as you. If the guest of honor asked me to open them there, then I would.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 5, 2013 11:00:02 GMT -5
Set aside to open later and then write good thank you notes. But I admit that I'm not mainstream on that opinion. I didn't let my kids open their birthday gifts at their party in front of the other kids, for example. Thought it was rude.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 5, 2013 11:01:24 GMT -5
Oooh, good question. I would feel weird about opening it in front of people, but setting it aside also feels rude.
I would think the best course would be for the gift-giver to walk you out to your car or otherwise corner you so that they're not presenting you with a gift in front of everyone else (who isn't getting a gift), but as the recipient you have no control over that.
Interested to see other responses...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 11:03:42 GMT -5
Set aside to open later and then write good thank you notes. But I admit that I'm not mainstream on that opinion. I didn't let my kids open their birthday gifts at their party in front of the other kids, for example. Thought it was rude. I disagree that it would be rude for them to open up the gifts from their friends at their Birthday party. Opening gifts is part of the tradition, IMO. ETA: not sending thank you's would be rude.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 5, 2013 11:04:08 GMT -5
I would say "thank you", put it aside and then send "thank you" notes.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 5, 2013 11:17:29 GMT -5
I think I'd just thank the gift-giver sincerely and put the gift aside to open later rather than bring the spotlight to myself at someone else's celebration. The exception would be if the host/hostess of the gathering asked that I open the gifts there. The trick to this one, I think, is to be sure to send a Thank You note to the giver if the gifts aren't opened when given. MOO
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 11:20:58 GMT -5
At someone else's party... Thanks, open later, send hand written thank you and photo. But if the party is for you, like milee was talking, open up... I love to watch people open presents. It's part of the fun
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 11:50:34 GMT -5
Does it matter that it wasn't a party specifically for someone? It was a reunion, so no one particular person was the guest of honor.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 11:52:03 GMT -5
Well, if you've got a group of people asking you to open a gift, then I'd do it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 11:54:16 GMT -5
At a reunion I would most likely have opened the gift right there. Unless there were extenuating circumstances.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 5, 2013 12:50:25 GMT -5
Even though it was a reunion and not for somone specific, I still would have thanked them, put the gift(s) aside and then sent a detailed thank you note. I personally wouldn't have wanted to "steal the thunder" even though it wasn't a one-person-specific-event.
But, it all depends on the attendees and the dynamics. If several people brought you gifts and were all excited and talking about it and wanted you to open them then I may have considered it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 5, 2013 15:28:00 GMT -5
Considering hell will freeze over before we get a thank you for the bridal shower or wedding gift we gave, I think thank-yous are very important. His mother, my college roommate would be mortified if she knew. He was raised better than that and if he married someone with no manners, then he needs to man up and do it.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Aug 5, 2013 16:13:52 GMT -5
I've done both - depends on the situation and the type of event. And when I'm giving a gift for someone not at a party/event specifically for them, I'm not offended if they open it at home instead of while I'm present. That said, I always send a thank you, regardless of whether I opened the gift in front of them or not.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 5, 2013 17:06:46 GMT -5
At a reunion I would most likely have opened the gift right there. Unless there were extenuating circumstances. I think this is where my line is, I'm ok with opening "the gift", but this sounds like multiple gifts. If you can open one gift (assuming it's not something huge) then I think it's ok. It's not much different than pulling out a photo of your kids to show someone. It's a small thing, it's not going to take the focus and put it on you. Getting several gifts though, i'd be inclined to open them later. Opening up a collection of gifts kind of makes the party about "you". If people wouldn't shut up about it though, I'd just open them quickly. Do whatever will not make you the focus of the party that's not really for you anyways. I don't think the fact that it's a reunion and not a party for someone really matters. Other than possibly timing of opening the gift. Obviously don't do it while someone is opening their own birthday gifts.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 5, 2013 17:13:03 GMT -5
Set aside to open later and then write good thank you notes. But I admit that I'm not mainstream on that opinion. I didn't let my kids open their birthday gifts at their party in front of the other kids, for example. Thought it was rude. That is definitely not mainstream. I would actually be annoyed at buying a gift for a kid's birthday party and not having it opened at the party. Part of the fun is to watch the kid open your gift. I know DS gets excited watching someone open a gift that he specially picked out.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Aug 5, 2013 17:23:17 GMT -5
If it wasn't specifically a party for you (in this case it was a reunion), I'd thank the gift-giver and suggest I open it later, after the festivities - unless the host/hostess said to go ahead..
And it would definitely be followed-up after that with a hand-written Thank You note, which included mentioning the item that was in the gift:
"Thank you for the lovely (fill in baby gift here). Your thoughtfulness means so much to me (us)."
As for the above quoted text, huh?? How is that rude? Other kids bring a gift for the birthday boy/girl at kids' parties - and they want to see their gift being opened. And making the birthday girl/boy wait to open them later after everyone's gone home, seems so wrong. How is a kid going to learn to say thank you to the person if they're not even there anymore?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 5, 2013 17:36:09 GMT -5
Ask the gift giver if they would mind you opening the gift once you got home as the social gathering was not about you. If they ask you to open it then and there, go to a private area and open it with the gift giver present.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 21:02:45 GMT -5
Considering hell will freeze over before we get a thank you for the bridal shower or wedding gift we gave, I think thank-yous are very important. His mother, my college roommate would be mortified if she knew. He was raised better than that and if he married someone with no manners, then he needs to man up and do it. Hah!! My MIL used to say I had no manners because my kids never sent her thank you cards (for the checks that bounced by the way). At my house it was DH's job to send thank yous to his family & my job to send to mine . . . guess who it turns out didn't actually have the manners
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 5, 2013 21:15:58 GMT -5
I get that but if your partner doesn't do it, then you need to have the decency to do it. To do otherwise is just rude. His new wife doesn't come from much but that's no excuse, either. For him, there is zero excuse.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Aug 6, 2013 6:37:37 GMT -5
When DH and I got married, one of his uncles and aunts were unable to make the wedding. They came up about a month later. We were at MIL/FIL's house, uncle and aunt gave us a beautiful package. I took it out to the car to open at home. DH was out in the garden. When I came back in, MIL scolded me and told me to go get the gift and open it then. All of my gifts had been given at my shower or brought by the house. Since I had never been married before ( ), I didn't know to open the gift in front of everyone there at dinner. I waited until DH came in and we opened it. It was a beautiful silver serving tray. They spent more on our gift than MIL/FIL did. Yes, they promptly got a thank you note.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 6:59:13 GMT -5
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Aug 6, 2013 7:03:11 GMT -5
But then again I am so appreciative for anything that someone does for me that I will usually send a note. Dad passed away at Christmas and I sent cards to my friends who left their family that came in for the holidays to attend the funeral.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 7:06:42 GMT -5
Wow. I'm bad. We divided up thank yous for the flowers and donations at my moms funeral and just sent to those that did do one or the other. I didn't know a lot of the people to even write notes to. Neither did the stepson and the widower is an ignoramus. Not sure he can even write.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2013 7:44:31 GMT -5
Considering hell will freeze over before we get a thank you for the bridal shower or wedding gift we gave, I think thank-yous are very important. His mother, my college roommate would be mortified if she knew. He was raised better than that and if he married someone with no manners, then he needs to man up and do it. Hah!! My MIL used to say I had no manners because my kids never sent her thank you cards (for the checks that bounced by the way). At my house it was DH's job to send thank yous to his family & my job to send to mine . . . guess who it turns out didn't actually have the manners YES!!!!!!!!! DH and I had a deal when we got married that I would send out the thank yous to my family and he would send the ones out to his. About 2 months later MIL told me that someone from their side hadn't received theirs yet and I told her that DH was supposed to be doing them. I couldn't take it anymore and sent his out before the end of the 3rd month. I forgot that he STILL owes me for that!
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Aug 6, 2013 9:20:16 GMT -5
Hah!! My MIL used to say I had no manners because my kids never sent her thank you cards (for the checks that bounced by the way). At my house it was DH's job to send thank yous to his family & my job to send to mine . . . guess who it turns out didn't actually have the manners YES!!!!!!!!! DH and I had a deal when we got married that I would send out the thank yous to my family and he would send the ones out to his. About 2 months later MIL told me that someone from their side hadn't received theirs yet and I told her that DH was supposed to be doing them. I couldn't take it anymore and sent his out before the end of the 3rd month. I forgot that he STILL owes me for that! I'm mean - I made DH do his while I did mine in the evening after work. It only took maybe a couple of weeks - and only that long because getting DH to write more than 5-6 per night was impossible.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 6, 2013 9:40:25 GMT -5
Isn't it funny how guys can certainly enjoy the gifts but figure someone else should say thank you? I did the thanks yous because I had a lighter schedule when I got married and he was working part-time and going to school full-time. Plus, I'm old school and women just did it, period. Now NO WAY! If I married DF and people brought presents, which I certainly hope they wouldn't, he's writing his and I'm writing mine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2013 9:57:41 GMT -5
I'm an enabler. At least I haven't wavered with MIL...I've been sending her his way every time she brings up why the kiddos aren't baptized.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2013 11:19:54 GMT -5
I'm an enabler. At least I haven't wavered with MIL...I've been sending her his way every time she brings up why the kiddos aren't baptized. Oh, I'm so glad this hasn't come up yet. MIL is very Catholic and I'm very much not. DD will not be baptized in a Catholic Church. Luckily, DH is on the same page with me on this one. I imagine it will be raised one of these days.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2013 11:28:50 GMT -5
I overheard her and my Mom talking at a party once and they both admit they poured water over the kids' heads when they were babysitting them as infants. Meh...I don't mind. So they got two baths that day. DH and I were both raised Catholic. I am pretty vocal about how unimportant religion is in my life, so I told her that if she wants the kids baptized she is going to have go through her son. Other than a couple of comments here and there, she has kept whatever she has to say on the subject between her and her son. And that is just the way I like it!
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