Entitlement vent

[Formerly SK]

The kids and I deliver meals for Meals on Wheels during school breaks.  This summer we're doing an assisted living facility - previously we've just done individual homes in neighborhoods.

The assisted living people are driving me crazy.  They are never in their apartments.  Today we did our deliveries and I'd say 3/4 of people weren't home.  IF PEOPLE ARE BRINGING YOU FREE FOOD THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BE HOME TO ACCEPT IT.  No, instead I'm knocking on neighbor doors trying to find someone to accept it.  Or if they aren't home, delivering to other people and then trying back in 15 minutes.  One woman has on her notes that if she isn't home, to try friend A, friend B, the gym, and the library.  This is a three story complex - I had to go to all four places trying to hunt her down and then never even found her.  I swear I walked half a mile towing two coolers.  I ended up putting her food in the community fridge and then leaving her a voice mail stating where it was. 

Anyway, just venting.  My kids are too young to perceive it - their response was like "Cool!  We get to go back to the 3rd floor to look for the person?  Can it be my turn to press the elevator button?" but man I just wanted to beat my head against the wall. 

[Gardening Grandma]

Do they know you are coming? And the approx time?

[Formerly SK]

Yes, it's standard.  The drivers leave the prep facility every morning at 10:30 and do the same delivery route in the same order.  

[Shooby]

  Can you just leave it in front of the door or something like room service?  I don't think it should be your job to chase people down.

[Deleted]

Meals aren't provided in a cafeteria-like setting at an assisted living facility?  I always figured that was one of the things that the clients were paying for along with not having to clean their own toilet.

Now there is a retirement community down the road from me that is a combination of homes, apartments, assisted living, and nursing home care.  You just move seamlessly from one type to the next (supposedly).  Is that what you are describing?  Independent apartments where the clients do their own cooking?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

See, volunteering is stupid. 

[Deleted]

Old people shouldn't be leaving their homes.  They look gross and smell funny. 

[movingforward]

One woman has on her notes that if she isn't home, to try friend A, friend B, the gym, and the library.

I had to laugh at this because it is SO freaking rude.  I can't believe someone having a meal delivered to them would actually put that in their notes.

[Formerly SK]

Jul 9, 2013 15:14:03 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

Meals aren't provided in a cafeteria-like setting at an assisted living facility?  I always figured that was one of the things that the clients were paying for along with not having to clean their own toilet.

Now there is a retirement community down the road from me that is a combination of homes, apartments, assisted living, and nursing home care.  You just move seamlessly from one type to the next (supposedly).  Is that what you are describing?  Independent apartments where the clients do their own cooking?

Yeah, there doesn't appear to be a cafeteria...at least in the one building I deliver to.  It's a pretty large facility.  But I've seen people who appear to be very independent as well as people who obviously need daily care so I figured it was assisted living.  Maybe it's a combo like the place near you. 

[Formerly SK]

Jul 9, 2013 15:13:21 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  Can you just leave it in front of the door or something like room service?  I don't think it should be your job to chase people down.

Nope, we're not allowed to leave food at their door.  If they don't get their food, they don't eat.  (Although maybe I should confirm that as that's the rule for single family homes I deliver to....maybe this place is different).

[NancysSummerSip]

SK, I think it's great that you are not only doing that, you are taking the kids along. Great teaching tool for them.

I'm assuming the facility has no central front desk that can or will accept the coolers, like the one my mother lived in for a few years. Is there an on-site facility manager who can either accept them or help you with better timing coordination? If these folks know you are coming and know the time frame, they either should be there, or miss their turn, and no bitching allowed if they do.

[muttleynfelix]

Wait you mean old people can be entitled too?  OMG. I think YM lied to me. 

[Formerly SK]

Jul 9, 2013 15:22:52 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

SK, I think it's great that you are not only doing that, you are taking the kids along. Great teaching tool for them.

I'm assuming the facility has no central front desk that can or will accept the coolers, like the one my mother lived in for a few years. Is there an on-site facility manager who can either accept them or help you with better timing coordination? If these folks know you are coming and know the time frame, they either should be there, or miss their turn, and no bitching allowed if they do.

There isn't a main desk, but I think I will ask the Meals on Wheels guy if there are special rules for this place.  In all my previous deliveries I've never had someone not be there, and at this place it's more the norm.  Maybe the guidelines are different.  Honestly I was just venting, but this thread has given me the idea to ask.  I really don't want to be chasing people down the rest of the summer.  It makes me cranky. 

[NancysSummerSip]

And you should not have to chase the folks. You are doing a nice thing for them, and they should be both grateful and available; after all, it's a short time out of their week.

[Abby Normal]

Gees- in our area you only get a meal delivered if you are unable to cook or venture out.  If they are mobile, the have senior dining centers. I would think if you can make it to the gym, you can make it to the dining center.

[Jake 48]

Jul 9, 2013 15:14:10 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

See, volunteering is stupid. 

[Jaguar]

Jul 9, 2013 15:43:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Gees- in our area you only get a meal delivered if you are unable to cook or venture out.  If they are mobile, the have senior dining centers. I would think if you can make it to the gym, you can make it to the dining center.

[movingforward]

Jul 9, 2013 15:43:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Gees- in our area you only get a meal delivered if you are unable to cook or venture out.  If they are mobile, the have senior dining centers. I would think if you can make it to the gym, you can make it to the dining center.

Good point.  If someone can go to the gym or library they certainly can make themselves a soup and sandwich for lunch.

 You would also think if someone couldn't afford to purchase food for themselves they would make sure they were home to receive a free lunch. 

[sesfw]

In this area if the person isn't home we have their phone number and call.  If no answer we call the emergency number listed.  If we talk to them and they still want their meal we take it to the fridge at the local senior center and they have to come and pick it up.

If we can't find our people then we call our route supervisor about it and either give the meal to someone else on the list or we can take it home ourselves.

We always deliver in pairs on the same route so we know who on our list could really use the extra meal.

I love meeting new people so love this time.  But I don't track them down and I really don't think you should have to either.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Many times, assisted living places have busses to take their clients out on errands.  Is your delivery during this bus run?

FWIW....just because a client goes to the gym, it does not mean that they can cook.  I went to rehab daily in a gym, but had my meals delivered because it was impossible to do anything using a walker.  Try carrying a cup of coffee while bearing 80% of your weight on you hands and tell me how well you do.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 9, 2013 15:48:45 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Jul 9, 2013 15:43:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Gees- in our area you only get a meal delivered if you are unable to cook or venture out.  If they are mobile, the have senior dining centers. I would think if you can make it to the gym, you can make it to the dining center.

Good point.  If someone can go to the gym or library they certainly can make themselves a soup and sandwich for lunch.

 You would also think if someone couldn't afford to purchase food for themselves they would make sure they were home to receive a free lunch. 

Really?  Have you ever tried to cook disabled?  Have you ever had to bear most of your weight on either crutches or a walker?  I certainly could go to the library, but there was no way in hell I could even make myself a sandwich.  Even if someone put all the ingredients in front of me, I would have to eat it standing at the counter because I could not carry it o a table.

[Sammy]

Assisted Living.......   huge clue to why some clients are not at home when their lunch arrives.   Bet you dollars to donuts that there's a healthy amount of either dementia, or some sort of cognitive issues with some of the people.  Non the less it's very frustrating for volunteers.

[Shooby]

Jul 9, 2013 15:21:29 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Jul 9, 2013 15:13:21 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  Can you just leave it in front of the door or something like room service?  I don't think it should be your job to chase people down.

Nope, we're not allowed to leave food at their door.  If they don't get their food, they don't eat.  (Although maybe I should confirm that as that's the rule for single family homes I deliver to....maybe this place is different).

Well, for something like this it seems there should be some established guidelines.  I mean, how far are you supposed to go to track someone down?  And, if they miss a few meals maybe they will be home.
  And as for Assisted Living, my mom was in Assisted living for a brief period.  The people in this are usually in fairly decent shape where they can do their own toileting and usually have pretty good cognitive skills.  Not saying there aren't some dementia patients there but AL is pretty much self care with mimimal assistance.  As you deteriorate you move out to the home eventually. 
  I think you should set up a meeting with the Director and discuss the best way to approach this.

[milee]

Jul 9, 2013 20:35:39 GMT -5 Sammy said:

Assisted Living.......   huge clue to why some clients are not at home when their lunch arrives.   Bet you dollars to donuts that there's a healthy amount of either dementia, or some sort of cognitive issues with some of the people.  Non the less it's very frustrating for volunteers.

Huh.  I took it the completely opposite way.  Seemed to me although this whole situation would rub me the wrong way as a Meals on Wheels volunteer, that I'd make a mental note that when I needed to check out which assisted living place to put a relative in, this would be one of the first ones I checked.  Sounds like the residents are active, have varied interests and enjoy doing a lot of things.  Great change from so many of the places you see where people sit in their own room/apartment staring vacantly at the wall or TV...

[happyscooter]

When I delivered Meals on Wheels, we were not allowed to leave the food if no one was home.  If the food sat out too long and the person ate it, they could get sick.  Then a whole other problem was there.

[Formerly SK]

Jul 10, 2013 6:35:17 GMT -5 milee said:

Jul 9, 2013 20:35:39 GMT -5 Sammy said:

Assisted Living.......   huge clue to why some clients are not at home when their lunch arrives.   Bet you dollars to donuts that there's a healthy amount of either dementia, or some sort of cognitive issues with some of the people.  Non the less it's very frustrating for volunteers.

Huh.  I took it the completely opposite way.  Seemed to me although this whole situation would rub me the wrong way as a Meals on Wheels volunteer, that I'd make a mental note that when I needed to check out which assisted living place to put a relative in, this would be one of the first ones I checked.  Sounds like the residents are active, have varied interests and enjoy doing a lot of things.  Great change from so many of the places you see where people sit in their own room/apartment staring vacantly at the wall or TV...

I actually thought the same thing.  The place seemed very nice - tons of ladies with lap dogs walking around chatting with each other.  It was bright and clean, and the apartments (from what I could see in the doorways) were nicer than the ones I had when I was in college.  DH's aunt needs to move into a facility and I thought this place would be perfect for her. 

[happyhoix]

Jul 10, 2013 8:41:09 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Jul 10, 2013 6:35:17 GMT -5 milee said:

Huh.  I took it the completely opposite way.  Seemed to me although this whole situation would rub me the wrong way as a Meals on Wheels volunteer, that I'd make a mental note that when I needed to check out which assisted living place to put a relative in, this would be one of the first ones I checked.  Sounds like the residents are active, have varied interests and enjoy doing a lot of things.  Great change from so many of the places you see where people sit in their own room/apartment staring vacantly at the wall or TV...

I actually thought the same thing.  The place seemed very nice - tons of ladies with lap dogs walking around chatting with each other.  It was bright and clean, and the apartments (from what I could see in the doorways) were nicer than the ones I had when I was in college.  DH's aunt needs to move into a facility and I thought this place would be perfect for her. 

It may be an independent living facility. There is one adjacent to my mom's assisted living facility.

In independent living you usually have a kitchenette in your apartment and while you might have extra services, like assistance bathing or someone coming by to remind you to take your medicine on time, you're still capable of functioning on your own. They have a dining hall resident dining hall at this facility, but the residents can also cook in their kitchenettes.

Assuming this is not a daily delivery, I would bet a lot of these residents forget what day the delivery is, or lose track of time.
Or they were sitting in the parlor with their friends and fell asleep. Even if you don't have dementia, a lot of elderly people no longer have a good sense of time.

I know before my mom was in assisted living she lived in a senior community that was up around the Great Lakes. We went there to visit her once, telling here we would be there at 8 in the morning. Well, at 8 in the morning she decided to take a shower. This was at Christmas, in subzero temps, and it was snowing. There the three of us were, huddled on the front porch, ringing the doorbell, which she claimed she didn't hear. Calling her phone, which she claimed she didn't hear. Finally, twenty minutes later, she's out of the shower and finally hears us beating on the door with our frozen fingers. She comes out of her bedroom in her towel (I can see her through the front window) and then retreats back into her room. She won't open the door until she's dressed. So we stand there another fifteen minutes so she can make herself presentable. When she finally escape the artic tundra and pile into her house, she expresses surprise that we were there so soon, because we were supposed to be there at 8. It's now after 8:30, and when I point this out, she's shocked again. Seems she fell asleep and took a little nap between the time she got up at 6 Am and the time she decided to go take a shower. 

It's a great thing you're doing, but really, the facility needs to work out a place where you can drop these off, and let the residents come pick them up, on their own slow old people time.  

[973beachbum]

Did you get it worked out with the meals on wheels cooridnator?  It is a very nice thing you ar doing!

From my read of the OP it doesn't sound like an assisted living center so much as a subsidized senior aparment building.  I used to help deliver food from a food pantry to a senior building for some residents.  the "apartments" were the size of a large bedroom that had it's own bathroom and kitchenette.  Most I saw had a chair with a TV on a small table inbetween the bed and kitchen that doubled as living room and eating space.  Some of thos buildings have more services than others but it isn't like a true assisted living place with staff to help them so much as a place where services like senior bussing goes because they know their are lots of people who qualify.

I will say that if they sign up for meels on wheels it is rude to plan on not being there to accept it more than once in a while for things like a Dr's appointment IMO.  I don't  think I would be as nice as you after the first couple of times.

[zibazinski]

If I'm using my car, my gas, and my time, which these volunteers are, I'd be royally pissed to have someone not there unless its an emergency, as in they are dead or in the hospital. Unless there was a very good reason they weren't there, they'd be off my list of who I'd take a meal to. That's beyond rude.

[Peace77]

It is inconsiderate but a volunteer can't just cross names off the list.