Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 9:00:23 GMT -5
How often do you let your kids sleep over? At what age did you start allowing it and is there an age where you think that it should end? This has been an ongoing point of debate in our house since day 1 because it seems somebody is having a sleep over every week and some even on school nights. My 17 yr old son asked if he could go to a party tonight and i said fine. And, of course, now he wants to sleep over. Personally i am not so sure it is a good idea during the teen years. He is a good kid but there are some parents around here who are complete idiots and i don't know the family or who is even going to be there. So, how do you guys approach this? What are you guidelines?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 18, 2013 9:03:02 GMT -5
I have let 7 year od DS sleep over at his friend's house starting when he was 5. DD still has not had a sleepover because she still wets the bed.
No school nights. I have to know and trust the parents.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 9:05:10 GMT -5
What about a 17 yr old Junior? To me, he should have "aged" out of these except maybe on a rare occasion for a Bday party or something. I can't believe that there are so many sleepovers EVERY weekend where i have to deal with this.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 18, 2013 9:06:59 GMT -5
If I knew te parents I wouldn't have a problem with it. I don't think you age out of sleepovers as a 17 year old.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 9:12:22 GMT -5
As a kid, i think i slept over only a few times my whole life. This is CONSTANT. Well, at 17, i don't want to leave him in a potentially compromising situation. Who knows if there will be pills, booze, girls, etc? I don't know. Just because i "know" the parents and their names doesn't mean i really know anything about them. And, yeah, when he is out of HS and 18 he can go do whatever he pleases.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 18, 2013 9:17:46 GMT -5
As a kid, I did lots of sleepovers. If you trust him let him go.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 9:19:14 GMT -5
My kids have/go on sleep overs a few times a month. I'd actually rather host. I have to know the parents well.
At 18 / college you aren't exactly going to be able to control where the kid sleeps. I don't think putting more restrictions on a late teen seems productive? I'd still like to know where he plans on being and expect him to answer my texts when I text. I would not text hourly though, etc. you have to have some trust,I mean, how is he possibly going to get out on his own if he can't stay out for a night?
Its probably good practice or you too...
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 9:27:58 GMT -5
You don't put restrictions on your teen or where they sleep, go and with whom? Trust is one thing. But, parents have also have a responsibility to not put an immature teen into a compromising situation while they still have an immature and developing brain. So far he hasn't even told me where this is going to be and is being quite vague about it. So, my answer is No.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 18, 2013 9:32:52 GMT -5
In that case my answer would be no too. But I'm generally ok with sleepovers for a 17 year old.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 18, 2013 9:40:04 GMT -5
You don't put restrictions on your teen or where they sleep, go and with whom? Trust is one thing. But, parents have also have a responsibility to not put an immature teen into a compromising situation while they still have an immature and developing brain. So far he hasn't even told me where this is going to be and is being quite vague about it. So, my answer is No. Under those conditions, my answer would be "No", as well. If the kid is still living with me and under 18, I consider myself responsible for his behavior. If he can't tell me where, and with whom he's going to be, he's not going.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 10:22:53 GMT -5
I think I specifically said I'd want to know where he plans to be and That i am able to contact him/ check in... Not sure what's hard there?
But originally you seemed to suggest he's too old for sleepovers and you disagree with sleeping over in general. You didn't do it, why should kids ...
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 18, 2013 10:30:15 GMT -5
I had quite a few sleepovers in highschool still. I don't see an issue with it, but I do think he should tell you where he's going. You should also assume he's lying. If he's a good kid that gets his stuff done I'd let him go.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 18, 2013 11:22:00 GMT -5
I was going to say that I wouldn't have a problem with it. Until you said that he was being vague about it. Then my answer changed to NO. I actually don't mind my DD (15) having sleepovers at home or her going to her friend's house. But then again, I have know these kids for 8 years now, so that does make a difference. She does have one friend that she's close with just the year. She hangs out with her and her family all the time. I feel that you have to let them loose to a point to see if they have learned the values that you have been teaching them all these years. But when DD is gone, I need to know who she is with, where they will be, who else is there, and must answer her phone when I call.
DS (11) has not had any sleepovers yet, but he's the type of kid that would not be interested in that. He's all for playing all day, but for sleep, he wants his own bed.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 11:39:19 GMT -5
I think I specifically said I'd want to know where he plans to be and That i am able to contact him/ check in... Not sure what's hard there? But originally you seemed to suggest he's too old for sleepovers and you disagree with sleeping over in general. You didn't do it, why should kids ... Yes, so? Yeah, i think it is dumb. I think 17 is too old. But, i am not opposed to possibly letting him go under certain conditions.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 18, 2013 11:58:38 GMT -5
If he said where he was going to be, etc, my answer would be yes. Since he's being vague about the details, no. I don't think he's too old for sleepovers.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 12:42:19 GMT -5
The issue is, in a few months your ability to allow him to do stuff will be much more limited. How will he just suddenly be ready to make all those decisions himself... ?
Why would a sleepover be ok for 12 and not for 17. Kids like to play games and watch movies half the night. Yeah, sometimes alcohol is involved. If it is, isn't it better they don't try to drive home?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 18, 2013 13:15:32 GMT -5
If he said where he was going to be, etc, my answer would be yes. Since he's being vague about the details, no. I don't think he's too old for sleepovers. FWIW, sometimes my friends and I would have sleepovers when we were in high school. It will all girls and there was no illegal or stupid activities going on.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 18, 2013 13:16:16 GMT -5
The issue is, in a few months your ability to allow him to do stuff will be much more limited. How will he just suddenly be ready to make all those decisions himself... ? Why would a sleepover be ok for 12 and not for 17. Kids like to play games and watch movies half the night. Yeah, sometimes alcohol is involved. If it is, isn't it better they don't try to drive home?
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misplacedbrit
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Post by misplacedbrit on May 18, 2013 13:38:51 GMT -5
You have to have trust. Trust that you brought him up to understand right from wrong.
I would tell him, you trust that he will be responsible, but if anything happens, its fine to call you whatever time, so you dont close the door on the "delicate" teen relationship
Being vague is normal teen behaviour, if he flat out said what he was doing, I'd be suspicious lol
Case in point .. my son who is now 21, went to a party with friends, the friends drank too much and decided to stay over, he wasn't comfortable staying, so I picked him up.. at 2.30 am. Is he always totally honest with me? I don't think so, but you have to give to trust, to get it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 17:26:14 GMT -5
The issue is, in a few months your ability to allow him to do stuff will be much more limited. How will he just suddenly be ready to make all those decisions himself... ? Why would a sleepover be ok for 12 and not for 17. Kids like to play games and watch movies half the night. Yeah, sometimes alcohol is involved. If it is, isn't it better they don't try to drive home? Because 17 yr olds are probably much MORE interested in drugs, sex, and alcohol. And, no he won't drive home, we will pick him up.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 17:27:35 GMT -5
The issue is, in a few months your ability to allow him to do stuff will be much more limited. How will he just suddenly be ready to make all those decisions himself... ? Why would a sleepover be ok for 12 and not for 17. Kids like to play games and watch movies half the night. Yeah, sometimes alcohol is involved. If it is, isn't it better they don't try to drive home? Yeah, and a few months MORE down the road gives his brain a bit more time to mature. If you are using that logic, why not introduce your 10 yr olds to drugs, sex and rock and roll ASAP?
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 17:44:05 GMT -5
Introducing ( not sure exactly what you mean by that?) a ten year old to sex is the same as allowing a 17 year old to have a sleepover? And rock and roll? I also think you are a bit naive if you don't think 12 year olds aren't likly to meet up with sex and drugs. There isn't much I try to shelter my 14 year old from in terms of reading material, tv, etc. For that reason, my 14 year old actually brings me a list of anime, video games, etc. he'd like to watch/play, and I research and tell him what I don't feel comfortable with and why. And he listens to me. Its crazy, I know, but its like its a two way street of respect and freedom. Which I expect will continue to grow as he does. Believe me, I understand the desire to pull back, and want to set up protective barriers. But that doesn't help him to develop. And development isn't all physiological. It requires we explore and make mistakes... I'd rather they make mistakes in a semi protected environment where I can break the fall, than wait till they are at some arbitrary 'all on their own' age. And I offer my kids alcohol, although they seldom take me up on trying a sip, and have never so far wanted a glass of their own. But darn tooting I'd rather their irst drinks be at home than elsewhere...
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 17:45:25 GMT -5
Um, yeah.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 17:46:42 GMT -5
Well that certainly moved the debate forward...
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 17:54:03 GMT -5
Well, happening upon it and going out of your way to make certain things available are 2 different things. What i think an 18 yr old can "handle" might be different than what i think a 12 yr old can handle. Apparently, you see NO difference.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 17:55:32 GMT -5
I'm sorry if that's what you read, but it is in no manner what I said.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 18, 2013 17:58:30 GMT -5
That's what i read.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 18:02:59 GMT -5
You read wrong. Maybe try again?...
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 18, 2013 18:12:05 GMT -5
My kids aren't that old yet so I don't have to deal with party sleepovers, the possibility of sex going on, and whatnot. When I was that age I would leave the house and crash with friends for days at a time without my mom knowing where I was. I was basically independent. That was pre-cell phones. She knew my close friends and could have tracked with me down with a few phone calls.
Nowadays the kid has an electronic leash on, so you can see where they're at every minute of every day anyway, and check in on them in seconds.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 18, 2013 18:23:12 GMT -5
FWIW, the sex, drugs, and alcohol I partook in as a teen didn't happen during sleepovers.
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