whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 8, 2013 8:15:19 GMT -5
Didn't want to hijack Susana's thread.
How do you handle it when you damage (accidentally) other people's property and how do you want people to handle it when they damage yours?
I remember a conversation I had with a friend years ago. He was getting into a passenger seat of my car and I had mu sunglasses there. It went like this:
me: hey, watch out, you are going to break my sunglasses and will have to buy me new ones him: no, I won't me: WTH? him: well, 1 - you shouldn't put them on a seat and 2 - we are friends, so what's the big deal ?
Now, I will admit, i have double standards. I don't usually expect people to replace the things they broke, but I do feel obligate to replace the things that I break. I have no idea why I feel this way.
So, how does everyone else feel about it?
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 8, 2013 8:43:03 GMT -5
Didn't want to hijack Susana's thread. How do you handle it when you damage (accidentally) other people's property and how do you want people to handle it when they damage yours? I remember a conversation I had with a friend years ago. He was getting into a passenger seat of my car and I had mu sunglasses there. It went like this: me: hey, watch out, you are going to break my sunglasses and will have to buy me new ones him: no, I won't me: WTH? him: well, 1 - you shouldn't put them on a seat and 2 - we are friends, so what's the big deal ? Now, I will admit, i have double standards. I don't usually expect people to replace the things they broke, but I do feel obligate to replace the things that I break. I have no idea why I feel this way.
So, how does everyone else feel about it? That is exactly how I feel also. My DD used to complain about my double standard when she was young. If she had friends over the rule was that got first dibs on stuff or choosing a game or to take food etc because they were a guest in our house. But when she was at other people's house she had to defer to them and let them go first because she was a guest in their house. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) It is hard with little kids. They really don't have fully cooked brains. So while I wouldn't be happy if someone, which did happen, came to my house and laughed while her DD climbed under my glass inlay coffee table and broke the glass top I probably wouldn't ask them to pay for it. If it was something I really couldn't afford to replace I might let them pay for it. I also stopped letting some people come over with their kids.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 8, 2013 8:46:08 GMT -5
I'd feel like I need to replace it but so far the only stuff I break is stuff I own. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) Gwen so far hasn't broken anything either in other people's homes ::knocks on wood:: but my parents and ILs are of the mindset that you don't leave anything within their reach you aren't prepared to lose. I'd still offer to replace it but they'd look at me like I am nuts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 8:47:55 GMT -5
I'd buy my friend a beer if I broke his glasses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 8:48:23 GMT -5
OPP? You down w/ OPP, yeah you know me oh errr wait, wrong kinda OPP misleading thread title if you ask me ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 8, 2013 8:49:46 GMT -5
When my kids break something, we offer to replace it. So far the damages are a couple of picture frames and an angel (MIL collects them) and no one's wanted us to.
I usually don't expect people to offer to replace/pay for something. If they do, I usually don't take them up on it.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 8, 2013 8:49:55 GMT -5
I agree with Dem - I can't imagine breaking something on purpose, but if I did so by accident, I'd feel awful and want to replace it. If they wouldn't let me for whatever reason, I'd at least buy some flowers or a funny card or something.
If someone else breaks something, I think whether I "expect" them to replace it depends on what it is and how it was broken. Accidents happen and I have swept up more cheap wineglasses than I care to remember - no big deal. But if someone decides to play football in the house and breaks my grandmother's crystal ashtray, or if my friend stands there laughing while her kid hammers on the fishtank with a rock, I'd be pretty upset.
I have posted about my ex-friend before (the one who asked to borrow $1K) but while we were still friends, she and her BF came over to see our new house. For some reason he decided to hoist her (all 200lbs worth) onto the kitchen counter, where she hit with enough force to unglue the corner of the countertop from the cabinet frame. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but their attitude about it ("Oops, we broke your counter a little. Hahaha!") pissed me off. Who sits on someone else's countertop anyway?
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Apr 8, 2013 9:08:53 GMT -5
I agree with Dem - I can't imagine breaking something on purpose, but if I did so by accident, I'd feel awful and want to replace it. If they wouldn't let me for whatever reason, I'd at least buy some flowers or a funny card or something. If someone else breaks something, I think whether I "expect" them to replace it depends on what it is and how it was broken. Accidents happen and I have swept up more cheap wineglasses than I care to remember - no big deal. But if someone decides to play football in the house and breaks my grandmother's crystal ashtray, or if my friend stands there laughing while her kid hammers on the fishtank with a rock, I'd be pretty upset. I have posted about my ex-friend before (the one who asked to borrow $1K) but while we were still friends, she and her BF came over to see our new house. For some reason he decided to hoist her (all 200lbs worth) onto the kitchen counter, where she hit with enough force to unglue the corner of the countertop from the cabinet frame. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but their attitude about it ("Oops, we broke your counter a little. Hahaha!") pissed me off. Who sits on someone else's countertop anyway?
That's when the friendship should have been broken. Yikes! People never fail to amaze me.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Apr 8, 2013 10:15:15 GMT -5
If my kids or I break something, I expect I'll have to replace it. If someone else breaks something of mine, I prefer that person replace it. This reminds me of something that happened a few year's back. A "friend" at DD's school broke her glasses. When I approached this "friend's" mother, she gave me a snarky comment of "that's what insurance is for". Of course, insurance didn't cover it, so we had to come up with around $430 at a time when we didn't have an emergency fund. It still bugs me when I see that clueless mother. I guess when you have money & influence to burn, it doesn't occur to you that maybe everyone else around you doesn't always have the money to pay for other people's stupidity.... (Yes, this woman is a bigshot in our community.) ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/angry.png)
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siralynn
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Post by siralynn on Apr 8, 2013 10:23:38 GMT -5
We had friends over just yesterday. One of them dropped and shattered a bowl and felt really bad. They offered to replace it, but since it really wasn't a big deal at all (probably a $3 bowl), we just joked that Target probably doesn't carry those bowls anymore anyway!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 10:26:48 GMT -5
I'm the same way. However, I do want people to offer to replace something they break. I know one of the reasons that I want to make sure I offer is because I probably have more money than some of my friends. I don't want them to think that I'm so insensitive that I would come into their house and break their stuff and then say "Oh well, it is only $200, nuts to you!"
And, by the way Lena - your friend is right - don't keep your sunglasses on the passenger seat![/span]
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Regis
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Post by Regis on Apr 8, 2013 10:30:18 GMT -5
I had a tree limb splinter and drop on a section of my neighbor's fence. I bought the materials and started working on repairing the fence. A few minutes later, he came out and helped. Then we drank beer on my deck.
It's a blessing to have good neighbors!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 8, 2013 10:35:35 GMT -5
I agree... one of many reasons we are no longer friends. Between that and the requests to "borrow" money (I only lent it once, <$100, and it was never repaid), she seemed to assume that because DH and I make substantially more money than she does, we were better able to absorb the cost of those repairs and/or lend them money.
I don't think one's financial situation has much to do with it, though. If I go over to a millionaire's house and accidentally break something, am I excused from normal human politeness because they can afford to fix it more than I can afford to pay to have it fixed? In the counter situation, I knew they could barely afford the gas to come see us, and wouldn't have accepted their money if they'd offered, but an apology would've been nice.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Apr 8, 2013 10:39:20 GMT -5
I agree with Dem - I can't imagine breaking something on purpose, but if I did so by accident, I'd feel awful and want to replace it. If they wouldn't let me for whatever reason, I'd at least buy some flowers or a funny card or something. If someone else breaks something, I think whether I "expect" them to replace it depends on what it is and how it was broken. Accidents happen and I have swept up more cheap wineglasses than I care to remember - no big deal. But if someone decides to play football in the house and breaks my grandmother's crystal ashtray, or if my friend stands there laughing while her kid hammers on the fishtank with a rock, I'd be pretty upset. I have posted about my ex-friend before (the one who asked to borrow $1K) but while we were still friends, she and her BF came over to see our new house. For some reason he decided to hoist her (all 200lbs worth) onto the kitchen counter, where she hit with enough force to unglue the corner of the countertop from the cabinet frame. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but their attitude about it ("Oops, we broke your counter a little. Hahaha!") pissed me off. Who sits on someone else's countertop anyway?The same kind of person who borrows $100 (or $1000) and never pays it back ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 8, 2013 10:43:26 GMT -5
When I was single, I always kept tons of stuff on the passenger seat. Sooooo convenient. Enter DH, then boyfriend into the picture - and all of a sudden my passenger seat is off limits for my crap
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 10:45:13 GMT -5
..............Who sits on someone else's countertop anyway? I know right? everyone knows the countertop is for casual sex ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 10:58:44 GMT -5
When I was single, I always kept tons of stuff on the passenger seat. Sooooo convenient. Enter DH, then boyfriend into the picture - and all of a sudden my passenger seat is off limits for my crap You have to make room in your life for true love. In your case, you had to make room in your car.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 8, 2013 12:01:49 GMT -5
I'm kinda wishy washy on this - depends on the circumstances. For example, my grandfather had arthritis of the spine and couldn't get out of his recliner without great pain. My sister and I bought him an orthopedic one with a motor that gently lifted him up to an almost standing position. My cousins' kids (ages 8 and 6) decided is was great fun to jump up and down on it while it was moving up and down - yep they broke it and could not afford (with baby #3 on the way and girlfriend not working) to get it fixed. My husband and I went ahead and got it fixed for them. The cousin offered to pay us back (but never did) but that was over 15 years ago and I never really expected to get repaid anyway. I once left a note on the windsheild of a car DD dinged with her door in a parking lot. The owner was nice enough to call me back and say not to worry about the repair - they already had several dings and one more didn't matter to them. I wish the person who put a big ding in my driver's door less than 3 weeks after I got my new car had extended me the same courtesy ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/angry.png)
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 8, 2013 12:17:05 GMT -5
It would depend on what the item was, how expensive it was, what my relationship with the person was, and the circumstances in which I broke it, and what their reaction was. Same thing in reverse.
But I don't recall this being much of an issue.
The only time I recall really "damaging" someone's property as an adult was hitting someone's car when backing out, but then it was simply handled by the insurance company and I paid my deductable. It's not like I replaced the whole car.
Only other instance I remember was with some friends we broke a table when someone really heavy leaned on it violently while playing a card game. But that wasn't me so and it wasn't my table to it wasn't my problem. I don't know how they handled it.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 12:26:28 GMT -5
It is funny that this came up today because this weekend I borrowed a drink dispenser from a friend. This morning I told her that I dropped the base of it, and it cracked - but didn't break, and I would like to buy her a new one. She said "Meh - don't worry about it." I told her that I would give it back to her, and when the crack did split and the base became useless that I would buy her a new one. She said "Okay" in that way that everyone knows that when it does actually break, she won't hold me to it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 12:38:23 GMT -5
If a dish gets broken during a dinner party I don't expect it to be replaced. Anything else I do. And I expect to replace anything borken by either myself or the girls. I rarely borrow big items from people for this reason, I can't afford the replacement if something happens. It is also why I don't lend my car out. I tell people shit happens, but if it happens while you have my car and I end up paying higher insurance for a few years I will be bitter. Even if it wasn't your fault.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 13:04:09 GMT -5
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 8, 2013 13:05:37 GMT -5
I would want to replace what I had broken in somebody elses home or on their property. I also would say don't worry about it (and have done that a few times) when it's something small that was broken in mine. But if it was something huge or expensive I would be very disappointed if somebody didn't offer and actually replace what they damaged. For little stuff the offer is very much appreciated but the big stuff it would make or break a relationship for me. My best friend (many years ago) was watching my cats while we were on vacation. Her DH forgot to put the emergency break on and their truck door was left open next to my car. (We were having a house built at the time and were renting this place in the meantime as our home already sold). Their door wedged into my car door and body (where the gap is) and bent the door and body frame. She was so upset! When I called to check on things I could tell something was wrong by the way she was talking and when I asked her she said she didn't want to tell me yet as it would ruin our vacation. My first thought was something bad happened to my kitties so I MADE her tell me. I told her that not knowing was going to ruin my vacation as I'm going to fly home. When she told me about me car I burst out laughing. I was so relieved that was all it was. She got mad that I laughed it off because she had been so upset. Besides - years ago I backed into her mailbox so we were even. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) I would not accept a penny from her especially since she was taking care of my babies and it gave me peace of mind knowing they were in good hands. Only the car wasn't. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 8, 2013 13:16:26 GMT -5
My IL's (let's forget for a second how I feel about them) damage a lot of our things in my kitchen. My MIL burned numerous pots and pans, they broke various dishes. Nothing terribly expensive, but it's like every visit something gets broken. I find it rude that they never once offered to replace anything. I don't know if I am being a hypocrite bc it's not like I would accept it and I don't know if my feeling for them have anything to do with this (but I have nothing to compare it to, bc we don't have anyone else visiting us on such frequent basis).
I have small kids running around all day, so our house is pretty damage-proof, meaning, I don't have anything of great value anywhere around.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 8, 2013 13:27:22 GMT -5
Maybe what is bothering you is that it's rude to not even offer to pay or replace what they broke. Regardless of how you feel about the person who broke it - it's just rude to not even offer. Do they at least apologize when they break something?
No wonder you feel as you do about them if they don't.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 8, 2013 13:34:55 GMT -5
A little girl that ds was playing with broke my fairly expensive sunglasses. I know those things happen, and they were old so I didn't worry about it. I knew it was over as soon as she grabbed them. W
We also had friends break our desk when they were getting um, involved with each other... No repayment offered.
Ds "broke" my parents doorbell and I didn't offer to replace it. All he did was ring it, and the button part broke apart. Maybe I should get them a home depot gift card? I don't think they care especially since that doorbell has been on there since before they bought the place. They wouldn't accept cash from me, but I could slip them a gift card.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 13:38:36 GMT -5
Sunglasses break, and if you have kids - sunglasses get broken. That is why I never buy expensive sunglasses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 13:41:44 GMT -5
That doesn't qualify as breaking something in my book. If you have used the item appropriately you did not break it and are not responsible for it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 8, 2013 13:44:29 GMT -5
Lol. Thyme. I was thinking something similar. I don't pay more than $20 for a pair of sunglasses and I don't expect them to last the summer - between me losing them and the kids playing with them, it's not worth it for me. Although I think I'm heading into the 2 year mark with the current ones....
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 8, 2013 13:45:09 GMT -5
That doesn't qualify as breaking something in my book. If you have used the item appropriately you did not break it and are not responsible for it. That's when "It died."
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