Deleted
Joined: Apr 20, 2024 4:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2013 13:20:54 GMT -5
Hey, if it was good enough for me then it's good enough for them!
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
Familiar Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Posts: 700
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Mar 6, 2013 13:22:34 GMT -5
YES !! An excellent example of success for you then Beer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2013 13:25:56 GMT -5
Actually, I was what would be considered a "failure to launch" before they had a name for it.
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steff
Senior Associate
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 17:34:24 GMT -5
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Post by steff on Mar 6, 2013 15:55:06 GMT -5
My kiddo is 18 (still technically a teen, but in college) & I had to meet the new gf last night....UGH! my kiddo has a medical issue that caused all his hair to fall out...we're talking no eyebrows, no eyelashes, no hairy legs, and he's completely bald. This started when he was in Elementary school, went into full blown no hair at all in Junior High, & he got his eyebrows back in High School. Junior High was a nightmare. Shockingly, High School was a piece of cake. Got him out of general population & into a Math, Science & Tech school. Well, he got himself into the school, I was just THRILLED with how much he relaxed socially & how he came out of his shell. He has a great core group of friends, he's learned how to explain his hair loss w/o being overly self conscious. I will say that I'm a very relaxed, laid back kind of mom. Dad can be a hard ass from time to time, but kiddo & I spend a lot of time together (hubby works nights, sleeps during day). We went thru the really moody, pissy teenager being a dickhead stage in Junior High, but I still think a lot of it was the stress from school (no hair, teasing, social issues due to no hair) & I was the only one he felt comfortable taking it out on. I would let him rant & rave & as long as he didn't cross a line of being cruel to me in what he said, I let it all go. I told him once, you can think I'm a bitch all day long....you can tell your friends what a bitch I'm being...but never, in a fit of anger, call me a bitch to my face. I WILL own your ass for eternity if you do. Other than a couple of times of having to remind him who he was ranting at & that line of do NOT cross, we didn't have a problem with it. Hormones, school, & social stress creates the teenaged monster. Sometimes you just gotta let them go off over something stupid like taking out the trash so they get rid of the built up stress. They still gotta take out the trash, but I don't care if you bitch all the way down the driveway as you do it. The other thing I did that relieved MY stress & made his life easier, was to just let his room be his space. To me it looks like a trash /clothing donation collection gone wrong...but it's his space, just please close the door when you leave & clean your bathroom every so often please. If I was up his ass to clean his room every day, we'd both be miserable. This was a sticking point between hubby & I few a few years, but he got over it (I won). My only advice would be to stay calm, let them rant every so often over something stupid because we ALL need to some days. And remember that in the long run, most of us don't hate our parents near as much as adults as we did when we were teenagers. They do eventually realize we aren't the dumbest people to ever walk the earth & they will shock you by one day suddenly taking the advice you gave them years & years ago. It will be over something stupid, but you'll have a moment of "OMG, he DID listen!". if alcohol isn't your thing, a little whacky tabacy hit in the extra bedroom closet always helps.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 15, 2013 9:10:02 GMT -5
I am quite irked at the Boy right now.
In 6th grade as they were preparing the kids for 7th grade they asked him if he wanted to take Advanced Math. He said "no" and that was the end of it. They never said anything to us. Well the little shit ended up in Regular math which thanks to a move from the GATES program in CA to a regular program in MN (no GATES option here) all of his Regular Math was review until the very end of 8th grade. That's right he was re-learning shit he learned in 5th grade because he said "no" to advanced math in 7th grade.
The real kicker is that that one math class has decided his fate for the next few years. Because he didn't take Advanced Math in Jr High he couldn't take Physics X in 9th grade so he is in the regular Physics class. Frustrating because he is literally one of only 3 or 4 kids in the entire grade that is killing it in that class. He is frequently told to go to the lab and do experiments or extra work by himself because the rest of the class is reviewing to retake tests that they all failed but that he aced. Yesterday he was sent to the library to hang out and read a book because they all had to take a test and because he got 100% on the pre-test he didn't have to take it. This has happened every time they've had a test in that class.
So because he couldn't take Physics X he can't take AP Chemistry as a sophmore which opens him up to further AP science classes as a Junior or Senior.
If they would have asked us we'd have said "yes" to advanced Math in 7th grade but since they only asked a 12 year old who's main thought was "regular math = less homework" he screwed himself for the next few years.
I realized this may seem like a pretty dumb thing to complain about but I'm really worried that if he isn't at all challenged in school then he'll get bored and lose his motivation real fast. As it is he hasn't had 10 minutes of homework all school year and has never studied for a test and has yet to get a grade below a A-.
How in the world do I keep him motivated and challenged at school when the school work just isn't doing it? He already is in every advanced class they offer (except obviously Physics X), does Youth in Government, Knowledge Bowl, Robotics Team, Engineering Club, etc. What else can I possible enroll him in or have him do so his brain doesn't turn to mush while he is waiting to go to college?
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 20, 2024 4:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 10:11:37 GMT -5
I have a butt load of tweens and teens! Yes, I drink a lot of wine. My 12 year old daughter thinks she is 18 and should be able to do whatever she wants with her body and money. She just recently threw a hissy fit because I wouldn't let her get her belly button pierced. She thinks I am trying to ruin her life and will "punish" me for weeks by not speaking to me, slamming doors, slamming dishes, etc. She just had her 2nd therapy session with a child psychologist. She is doing better, but man when she is on her period I am always on alert for her head to start spinning and for her to start projectile vomiting pea soup. Our oldest is so mellow on her period, but not DD...She will practically rip your heart out with her bare fist and eat it. My 12 year old son is going through puberty, takes 45 minute showers every morning and by noon smells like gym bag. I have to remind him every morning to remember his deodorant. Other than that...he is good. My 16 year old is going through a rough stage here. The move was harder on him than we thought. He has been really depressed lately and it worries me. He meets with the therapist in a couple of weeks. He doesn't want to go, but there have been things that make me really think he needs to go. He still hasn't gotten over his girlfriend from Kansas and has zero desire to date any girls here. It worries me. His ex has moved on and I think that has really made him sad. My 18 year old never wants to leave the house. She is a major introvert and I have a really hard time understanding that. She has zero desire to make friends or try new things without me. She will be going back to Michigan this summer. I think she will always be the type that needs to live in a small town surrounded by people she has known all her life and her family. That is fine, I don't understand it, but it is fine. So...2 kids in therapy and lots of wine later, we are surviving the teen years.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 15, 2013 11:29:09 GMT -5
Angel- now I feel really bad about whining that the Boy is bored in school. Thanks for making me feel like an asshat. I wish I had some advice and suggestions for you. Your oldest might regret the adventures not taken. I'm an introvert and I have spent years regretting passing on things because I thought I'd be more comfortable home alone. Your youngest daughter. I can give you may parents phone number, I'm pretty sure they formed a support group when I was that age because I was a raging bitch (I'm firmly of the opinion that I've outgrown that but some family members disagree with me). I hope the therapy starts to help for the kids and they start to feel more comfortable and at peace. Hugs to you. Only a few more years to go and then you send ship them all off to college!
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KaraBoo
Senior Member
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Post by KaraBoo on Mar 24, 2013 0:23:38 GMT -5
I wanna know why my two easiest kids (out of 4 teens) are the oldest and why they couldn't have been the youngest? All of them live with DH and I full time (3 are my step-kids, 1 bioson).
Oldest DSD (17) is so much like me it's scary (she's my stepdaughter - but is a wall flower with a great sense of humor and adventure). She's laid back, does her homework and hardly complains about anything. Trying to get her to feel confident in herself is a challenge, but she's slowly coming around - she's more confident in herself than she gives herself credit for.
Oldest DS (16 - my biological son) is also very laid back. He's probably very high functioning autistic (his only diagnosis right now is inattentive ADD). He doens't know or understand abstract ideas, so anything you say that is off the cuff (example: it's like finding a needle in a haystack), he doesn't understand and will ask for clarification. That sometimes makes him embarrased that he doesn't understand, but once it's explained to him, he gets it. He's very smart, but it an odd sort of way - like he already talks about owning a fuel efficient vehicle because of the high gas prices. He doesn't get that from DH or I.
Younger DSS (14, almost 15 - my stepson) is a handfull. He has an idea of what life should be like and it's nothing like we're trying to teach him it's like. He wants to live life by his own rules, damn the consequences. And he's had a lot of consequences so far - thankfully, nothing too life inhibiting. I think he's ADHD, but his mom refused to get him tested when he was younger and DH thinks he's handling things now just fine. To a point DSS is, but he has poor impulse control and this has lead to some serious struggles for him.
Younger DSD (12 - going on 21) is my nemisis. I would love to be able to lock her away until she is actually 21 - for both of our sanities and her safety. She believes anything 17 year old sister can do, she should be able to do as well. We have her in counseling right now to help. She's only in 6th grade and she's already been suspended from school twice and hasn't had a single week in school where she hasn't been in trouble. I think since the start of the school year, she's NOT been grounded only a total of 4 weeks (out of 24). The first three weeks were at the beginning of the school year - when there was such promise! We'll survive, but I often wonder why she couldn't have been the first born so she'd be almost out the door.....as it is, 6 more years. <sigh>
Please pass the liquor!
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Shooby
Senior Associate
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Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
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Post by Shooby on Mar 24, 2013 7:46:58 GMT -5
I have 3 kids, double digits! DD, ll, DS 15, DS 17!
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Malarky
Junior Associate
Truth and snark are equal opportunity here.
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 21:00:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,313
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Post by Malarky on Mar 24, 2013 10:19:20 GMT -5
Right now my 15 YO DD is watching the video we took of her last night.
Let me start by saying that she's fine. Her back has been bothering her, she's been cheering competitively for months. She's also a black belt in karate and she loves to spar. She was in a tournament yesterday. She did bring home the first place trophy, by way of the emergency room. All the muscles in her lower back are knotted and inflamed and spasming.
This is my child who is allergic to prescription drugs of various types. You just never know how she will react.
So, they gave her valium. Which by all rights should have relaxed her and made her sleep. Not what happened at all.
For about six hours she was hyper and delirious. Amusing on some levels but clearly not in control and a real danger to herself. I wish I'd gotten video of when she smacked her head on the coffee table, for a moment I thought we'd be going back to the ER with a concussion.
I've been harping on her about the dangers of drugs and how for her a little harmless experimentation could actually kill her because she doesn't react in a typical way. I'm not naïve enough to think that my kids won't at least try what some of their friends are doing. I think she gets the point after seeing herself.
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Malarky
Junior Associate
Truth and snark are equal opportunity here.
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 21:00:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,313
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Post by Malarky on Mar 24, 2013 10:24:51 GMT -5
Deleted-double post
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2013 3:59:47 GMT -5
Well it has been crazy train at my house this month. My son got in a fight at school (he did not start it...but did defend himself). We ended up having to take him to the ER and then to the police station to file charges (long story that I won't go into...but the kid that jumped him needs charges filed against him big time). Then my daughter comes home and says that girls are spreading rumors about her that she is a whore, lesbian, and that she has fake boobs. She is 12.
I so need my vacation to Spain! I have decided that I really don't like other parents or the cruel kids some have raised.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 27, 2013 9:48:49 GMT -5
Angel- WOWZA! That's crazy. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of that. Is this at the school on base? I feel for your DD because 12 year old girls are vicious! Sorry I don't have any advice.
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 20, 2024 4:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2013 9:47:21 GMT -5
Yes, the school on post.
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jeep108
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 20:20:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,056
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Post by jeep108 on Mar 28, 2013 10:34:58 GMT -5
Pass the bottle of alcohol to Angel. Sorry, your kids are having problems.
My daughter seems to be doing well with the Zoloft.
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alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
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Post by alabamagal on Mar 28, 2013 13:42:07 GMT -5
I survived 3 teenagers. They are currently 22, 20 and 18 (well technically still a teenager for another year and a half, but away at college). I survived somehow. There was definitely some alcohol involved.
I think I have been throuh a lot of the situations here in one form or another.
One thing with all three of mine is that we made it through high school without having any boyfriend/girlfriends. None of them really dated in high school. This REALLY cut down on the drama. Amazinly, all three of them started in a serious relationship within the first couple months of college. We were not crazy about DD boyfriend (lasted 3 years), but we love the 2 boys girlfriends. Just wondering if there are two sets of parents with daughters our there griping about my boys though.
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jeep108
Well-Known Member
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Posts: 1,056
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Post by jeep108 on Aug 8, 2013 13:25:01 GMT -5
My daughter thought that if she got her driver's license that we would buy her the car, pay for her gas and insurance. All her friend's parents do for them. I told her I guess you drew the short end of the stick and got the crappy parents. I told her if she wanted to drive she would have to get a part time job and pay for her own gas and insurance. That we would buy her a good used car. So, now she has no desire to get her license. She says she has to much going on with school to hold a part time job. My mom backed her up that school is so much harder now than when we went to school. I refuse to get guilt tripped into paying for everything. I told her to hitch rides with her friends or ride her bike to where she wants to go. Am I being unreasonable?
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taz157
Senior Associate
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Post by taz157 on Aug 8, 2013 20:45:37 GMT -5
jeep - No, you aren't being unreasonable. When I received my license, I was able to drive my parent's car and put gas in the car. My parents didn't have the money to buy my brother or I a car (which we didn't know until later); therefore, my brother and I used our own money to buy our own cars. We were responsible for insurance, gas, and repairs/maintenance for our cars too. For DH, he had to use his own money to pay for the car and gas. With insurance and being a teenage boy, her parents covered his car insurance except for the 1st $800 that DH was responsible for. If he did something that increased his insurance (e.g., points on his license, accident, etc.), then DH was responsible for the insurance rate increase. For both of us, it worked. Personally, it was a great learning experience for us and I would do the same for DD when it comes her time. Good luck.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 9, 2013 8:41:22 GMT -5
Jeep- nope, not being unreasonable at all. The Boy has his permit now and seems rather uninterested in learning to drive. I scolded him the other day and said I wasn't going to raise some failure to launch kid that would be living at home with no license when he was 25. We plan to buy him a decent, used car but he will be responsible for insurance and gas.
Both DH and I had parents that paid for everything and we had very little respect for our vehicles. I'd let just about anyone who asked drive my car. I'd always volunteer to drive because for me to put gas in it I just drove to the full service station and charged it on my parents account. Taught me absolutely nothing. Hell I didn't even know how to pump my own gas until I was in college and even then the guy working at the station had to come out and show me how. Embarrassing. I don't want that for the Boy.
Stay strong my friend.
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jeep108
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 20:20:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,056
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Post by jeep108 on Aug 9, 2013 13:15:25 GMT -5
Thanks.. I didn't think I was asking for much.
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 20, 2024 4:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2013 4:11:02 GMT -5
Thanks.. I didn't think I was asking for much. I don't think you are asking for too much. We unfortunately bought our oldest a car and then felt bad for her that her bio mom backed out on putting insurance on it (that was the original deal, we buy the car and the bio mom insure it). So we put insurance on it. We have been paying insurance for the last 3 years and DSD has no desire to get a job because college is so hard she has to study all the time. She is back living with her mom, we are still paying insurance....I wish we would have made her pay her own insurance from the start. Now she feels entitled to have it paid for her along with many of her other bills. I told her that we will only pay it for 2 more years and then it is on her. I refused to pay her cell phone bill when she moved back to the states. I am assuming her bio mom is paying for it since DSD refuses to get a job. Not my problem anymore. I know that sounds cold, but we did a lot for her and were told we didn't do enough. DD is doing better. We are getting along better now that DSD isn't living here. DSD would undermine my parenting by saying things to DD behind my back. DS is doing better as well. He just turned 17 and applied for a job bagging groceries at the commissary. Right now they do not have a slot open so he was put on a waiting list. I hope they call him soon. He feels like he will never be able to save up money because he is only allowed to work on post here and the only job available for him is bagging groceries. Not a bad gig if he gets hired, but they mostly hire local Italians on post. 2/3rds of the jobs have to go to the local community. Frustrating for him to say the least.
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