midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Nov 12, 2012 19:32:23 GMT -5
My cousin is a psychologist who works in a private practice (she's been there a little less than a year). She is due later this week and today was her first day of maternity leave. According to my mom, she is planning to take off "a couple of weeks" for the baby because that's all she can afford.
I don't have kids, but isn't that a really short window? I know you can't even drive for a 2 weeks after a C-section. Hopefully she has a routine and healthy birth, but even then, I'd think the sleep deprivation would be overwhelming at the 2-week point.
What would you consider an appropriate length for maternity leave? It seems like 6-12 weeks is pretty standard, but should it be shorter/longer? How much does pay factor into the picture?
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,335
|
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 19:35:13 GMT -5
I was still a crying, bleeding exhausted mess 4 weeks after giving birth.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,868
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 12, 2012 19:37:58 GMT -5
Depends on the birth. I was a wreck with my son and with my daughter I could have gone back to work that day she was born. Until you do it, you don't know. As far as sleep deprived, I got more sleep at home than the hospital and no one gets much sleep in the beginning.
|
|
whoami
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 12:43:49 GMT -5
Posts: 1,292
|
Post by whoami on Nov 12, 2012 19:53:40 GMT -5
I also think it depends on the kid. My first was an easy baby...easy pregnancy (worked till the day before I had him) easy l&d and he was an awesome sleeper after the first couple weeks. I took 9 weeks off with him. My second was a totally different situation, never slept, hard delivery and I had the older one to take care of too.
|
|
oreo
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 19:42:49 GMT -5
Posts: 577
|
Post by oreo on Nov 12, 2012 20:00:52 GMT -5
I am an older mom (45 when my son was born) and I worked until 4 weeks before I was scheduled to deliver (induced). I could have worked longer if I'd been able to park near my building. I was having a hard time walking very far. Not sure if I'm just in bad shape or just old but I'd have to use the scooter at Target and places like that the last month. After birth I bled for 4 or 5 weeks so I was thankful to get the 6 weeks of disability after birth. I can't imagine having to deal with the excessive bleeding at work. That would be miserable.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:01:42 GMT -5
Very tough to make blanket rules since every woman, baby and delivery are so different.
Pay factors in as well, of course. With my first, I had an executive job and 3 months paid maternity leave. Got bored and used some of that time to do continuing education for my CPA license, but it was very nice to have that long off. Especially since all my suits, which I had to get back into when I started work again were in size 2 or 4.
With my second, DH and I were still in the startup phase of our [then new] business. We worked crazy long hours just to get product out the door and I pretty much went back to work as soon as I got home from the hospital. Luckily, I could keep my son with me, didn't need to wear any fancy clothes and was my own boss so could nap if I needed it.
Sleep deprivation is definitely a factor for most new moms, though. I would have struggled to do a full time job like your cousin the psychologist who has to not only dress professionally but be alert, interactive and interested every hour she's at work. If she's really so limited on time off, she'd be better served working right up until labor, IMHO. As miserable as those last few days and weeks of pregnancy can be, they're still nowhere near as hard as it is when the baby's actually out.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,335
|
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 20:03:53 GMT -5
I worked right up until delivery, because I would have gone nuts at home.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:08:52 GMT -5
I worked right up until delivery, because I would have gone nuts at home. Me, too. Plus, with my first I wanted to have as long as possible with the baby, not just laying around at home. Probably a little crazy of me, but I also really, really wanted to avoid either an epidural or a c-section. The thought of either just gives me the shivers. The prevailing wisdom of the time was that if you stayed very healthy, active and kept fit, you might be able to avoid those things. Took that to heart and kept the weight down and walked everywhere to keep active. I think that helped speed recovery along quite a bit. Delivery hurt worse than anything I'd ever imagined, but the second the baby was out, I felt fine and was ready to go.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:09:08 GMT -5
I have 3 children. I took 12 weeks off for all three. Part of the leave paid with vacation, etc and the rest unpaid. I didnt' care about the money. I wanted to be home with my babies and i was. I don't regret taking that much time at all and am glad i did and would do it again.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Nov 12, 2012 20:10:57 GMT -5
I know that my mom had 6 weeks off for each of us (that was all she could afford, as well). I'm sure it wasn't ideal but we're all still alive to tell the story 3 weeks, though... it just seems really short, especially since she hasn't delivered yet. The bad part is that my aunt and my cousin's ILs are all coming out right after the birth, but leaving at around the same time she's going back to work. I wonder if it's too late for her to stagger their visits a bit... I think I'd rather have help when I have to be awake and personable at 7am, but again, I don't have kids.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:12:05 GMT -5
I dunno. You have all of your life to work. What is a few weeks at home with your new baby? Stay home, rock your baby and enjoy.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:16:43 GMT -5
Zipping up flame retardant suit...
Babies are wonderful. They are miracles and you will love yours like you can't even imagine. That being said, they are also boring. If you feel OK, your baby is a happy sleeper and doesn't need to be held every waking minute, it's not a big deal to work or do other things.
You will not harm your otherwise happy baby by not being there 24/7. You will not fail to bond to your otherwise happy baby by not being there 24/7. You will have 18 more years of your kids' presence - most of which you will enjoy. If you absolutely have to go back to work, are physically able to and are not leaving your baby neglected, then go for it and don't feel bad.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:17:58 GMT -5
On the other hand, if you CAN stay home longer, why don't you?
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:21:13 GMT -5
On the other hand, if you CAN stay home longer, why don't you? Because MidJD says the cousin can't afford to. There are a lot of people who can't afford to and it's silly to make them feel worse than they already do about it. If they can't afford to - or otherwise don't choose to - why should they? There are so many reasons people choose differently and in this situation - as in so many related to parenting - people tend to be very harsh on the valid choices that other people make.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:21:36 GMT -5
I worked right up until delivery, because I would have gone nuts at home. yup......I went out 2 weeks before my due date with my first and I thought I would die of boredom.....didn't make that mistake with the 2nd and the 3rd... maternity leave was pretty boring too.....not like the kid does anything except eat, sleep and poop. as soon as I felt back to normal we were out and about.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:24:10 GMT -5
I dunno. I don't find staying home with my newborn baby to be "boring". Sorry if you do but i enjoyed rocking, holding and tending to my babies.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:26:00 GMT -5
Most people can "afford" what they want to afford. If you are in such dire straights that you cant even take a few weeks off of unpaid work, then maybe you can't afford to have a kid? Life is about priorities.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:29:21 GMT -5
Most people can "afford" what they want to afford. If you are in such dire straights that you cant even take a few weeks off of unpaid work, then maybe you can't afford to have a kid? Life is about priorities. do you ever take off your rose-colored glasses and stop out of Mayberry?
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:29:30 GMT -5
I dunno. I don't find staying home with my newborn baby to be "boring". Sorry if you do but i enjoyed rocking, holding and tending to my babies. No need to feel sorry. I'm quite happy and so are my children. We made choices that worked for us and that's the point. You do what you enjoy and I'll do what I enjoy, no need to worry about the other. Mid's cousin is an educated person who is making her own choices based on the priorities she finds important. They may not be what you would choose, but it will probably all work out just fine.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Nov 12, 2012 20:41:56 GMT -5
Milee, I agree and I do hope you are right in my cousin's case. Knowing her, she will be eager to go back, she seems to really like her job. Hopefully she delivers soon, I know she's more than ready!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:42:38 GMT -5
Most people can "afford" what they want to afford. If you are in such dire straights that you cant even take a few weeks off of unpaid work, then maybe you can't afford to have a kid? Life is about priorities. do you ever take off your rose-colored glasses and stop out of Mayberry? No. I have always just made up my mind about things i wanted to do and just did them. Sorry.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Nov 12, 2012 20:46:44 GMT -5
No. I have always just made up my mind about things i wanted to do and just did them. Sorry. Then you will certainly understand the answer to the question you posed earlier. Why doesn't a particular person take more time off? Because she chooses not to.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 20:49:19 GMT -5
I was still a crying, bleeding exhausted mess 4 weeks after giving birth. OMG swamp, my heart goes out to you. We have a year here and that seems very difficult. I can't imagine just weeks.
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Nov 12, 2012 20:50:14 GMT -5
I like 6 weeks for maternity- that's how much most STD policies will pay out for an uncomplicated vaginal birth, so it seems like a good estimate. I'm planning on at least 12, because when I get tired of cuddling the baby, I have a husband to hand it over to and some hobbies I'd like to catch up on.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,335
|
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 20:51:08 GMT -5
I took 10'weeks off. I could not have gone back after 4. I also had c sections, so I had to be off at least 6 weeks.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,833
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 12, 2012 20:56:33 GMT -5
Milee, I agree and I do hope you are right in my cousin's case. Knowing her, she will be eager to go back, she seems to really like her job. Hopefully she delivers soon, I know she's more than ready! I had 8 weeks maternity leave as I had a c-section or else it would have been 6 weeks. DD is/was an easy baby and sleeps through the night when she was 2-3 weeks old. There was only so much holding, rocking that could be done and I did get bored. I do go into the office a few times before I officially returned as I had things I would do and I was bored otherwise.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 12, 2012 21:16:26 GMT -5
I went back part time when DS was 3 weeks old. I physically felt great and was running on adrenalin. Sleep was sporadic, but I needed to get out of the house. Plus DH is a sahd. I wouldn't want to have to have set hours though. I didn't have to do any meetings and was basically doing paperwork that no one else in my office can do.
This time, I've been planning on a month and then back part time. But we think DH is going to have surgery when this baby is a month old. So, I'll stay home for 2 weeks while he is completely incapacitated. Then my mom is going to come stay with us for a week. Unfortunately there are several things that I do at my office that no one else knows how to do or is qualified to do. So, I'll have to take care of them in some way. Fortunately it is all stuff I can do from home, but with DS I got nothing done at home witha newborn. He didn't sleep and needed lots of attention. Like I said, I was glad for the break to go to work.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 12, 2012 21:23:13 GMT -5
Most people can "afford" what they want to afford. If you are in such dire straights that you cant even take a few weeks off of unpaid work, then maybe you can't afford to have a kid? Life is about priorities. Ok shooby, I'm the only income in my family. I have 6 months of expenses saved up, but that does not count the medical bills of having this baby plus DH having surgery a month later. Should I be draining our entire savings account because technically we can afford it? The baby once she gets here is cheap. I breastfeed, we use cloth diapers, and have all the baby stuff from last time. Only actual expense is health insurance which won't increase based on our current plan. Your closed-mindedness on every subject presented really gets old. Not everyone lives in your little world or follows the path you do. Just because something is different for the way you do things does not make it wrong.
|
|
sbcalimom
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 21:27:25 GMT -5
Posts: 890
|
Post by sbcalimom on Nov 12, 2012 22:02:57 GMT -5
I took 4 weeks before for both. With DD1 I desperately needed it because I had such bad insomnia I couldn't sleep regularly. I had to nap periodically throughout the day so working would have been a challenge. With DD2 I was so exhausted from being pregnant and taking care of DD1 that I just couldn't do anything else.
After DD1 I took 12 weeks and needed every minute of it. Her birth was very draining and I needed lots of time to recover. Plus, I stubbornly refused to give up BF when it clearly wasn't working and that just added to my stress. With DD2 I took 8 weeks (I think) but I probably could have gone back to work after 4. Her birth was a breeze comparatively and I bounced back really fast. She was also a champion sleeper right up until about 3-4 mos so sleep deprivation didn't kick in until much later with her.
In both cases, I was using STD/PFL from the state plus what I had saved up. I planned my maternity leave for longer than I was pregnant because I'm very type A. Personally, I would plan to stay out longer just in case and then go back early if felt up to it. To me, that seems easier than the other way around. Plus, in the case of a c-section or complicated birth, the doctor may not medically release you to work which can be a problem if your workplace requires that.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 13, 2024 2:43:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 22:06:49 GMT -5
My wife took 9 months then 6 months with our two.
|
|