Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:27:40 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:27:40 GMT -5
Well, it's hard to guage the situation because we're only getting one side of the story. It seems like your husband does have some emotional baggage from his family, and that's not uncommon.
Personally I wouldn't force it. If he doesn't want to see his parents that not a big crime.
The main question is why does he feel this way? His lashing out at you hints at deeper emotional problems with his family that you probably aren't aware of.
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swamp
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Nov 12, 2012 14:29:48 GMT -5
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 14:29:48 GMT -5
Well, it's hard to guage the situation because we're only getting one side of the story. It seems like your husband does have some emotional baggage from his family, and that's not uncommon. Personally I wouldn't force it. The main question is why does he feel this way? His lashing out at you hints at deeper emotional problems with his family that you probably aren't aware of. but it's really wimpy of him to keep putting his mom off on invites and make his wife deal with it. He needs to man up and talk to mommy himself, or explain to his wife what hte issue is.
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Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:32:29 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:32:29 GMT -5
Well, it's hard to guage the situation because we're only getting one side of the story. It seems like your husband does have some emotional baggage from his family, and that's not uncommon. Personally I wouldn't force it. The main question is why does he feel this way? His lashing out at you hints at deeper emotional problems with his family that you probably aren't aware of. but it's really wimpy of him to keep putting his mom off on invites and make his wife deal with it. He needs to man up and talk to mommy himself, or explain to his wife what hte issue is. I don't think it's wimpy necessarily. Family relationships can be very deep and complex with a lot of history. Sometimes it's better to just let sleeping dogs lie than create a whole bunch of family drama. And yeah, I've always thought it was werid for the kids to do something for their parents anniversery. I always viewed anniverseries as something for my parents to do amongst themselves, not something for me to get involved in.
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swamp
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Nov 12, 2012 14:37:27 GMT -5
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 14:37:27 GMT -5
But he's causing drama with his own wife by refusing to deal with his mom. His wife can't put his mom off indefinitely.
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thyme4change
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:37:59 GMT -5
Post by thyme4change on Nov 12, 2012 14:37:59 GMT -5
It is true that he and his wife need to agree on some ground rules. Whatever they are. And if she doesn't like them, and breaks them - she knows what is going to happen - he will blow up at her and be pissed that she isn't following the rules.
Maybe the solution is that she goes to dinner, leaves him home, and makes whatever excuse necessary. (Like my SIL who missed Christmas dinner because the dog was going blind. Weird, she also missed Thanksgiving dinner because of some equally lame excuse.)
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Deleted
Joined: May 11, 2024 8:58:57 GMT -5
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:38:41 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2012 14:38:41 GMT -5
YM is tough for guys. We get in trouble when we talk to our mothers too much. We get in trouble when we don't talk to our mothers enough. There is only a very slim window of YM approved conversation allowed with mom.
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Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:39:10 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:39:10 GMT -5
"But he's causing drama with his own wife by refusing to deal with his mom. His wife can't put his mom off indefinitely."
I'm not going to take sides on this or say what he should or shouldn't do. We don't know the whole emotional history this guy has with his parents and we're only getting one side of the story. You may be right, but I for one will with hold judgement.
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Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:40:19 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:40:19 GMT -5
YM is tough for guys. We get in trouble when we talk to our mothers too much. We get in trouble when we don't talk to our mothers enough. There is only a very slim window of YM approved conversation allowed with mom. LOL Archie, so true. Men can't win no matter what they do with their mother's or feelings. Women want me to be close with their mothers but not too close as to be a mamma's boy. They want us to talk about our feelings but not more than them.
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swamp
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Nov 12, 2012 14:40:24 GMT -5
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 14:40:24 GMT -5
His mom may be a jerk and he's right to cut off contact, I don't know. But he needs to tell his wife so she can act accordingly.
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swamp
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Nov 12, 2012 14:40:58 GMT -5
Post by swamp on Nov 12, 2012 14:40:58 GMT -5
YM is tough for guys. We get in trouble when we talk to our mothers too much. We get in trouble when we don't talk to our mothers enough. There is only a very slim window of YM approved conversation allowed with mom. LOL Archie, so true. Men can't win no matter what they do with their mother's or feelings. Women want me to be close with their mothers but not too close as to be a mamma's boy. They want us to talk about our feelings but not more than them. I don't want to hear about my husband's feelings, and I don't want to tell him about mine.
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Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:41:48 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:41:48 GMT -5
I might get a little pissed if my hypotehtical wife made plans with my parents behind my back when I didn't feel like seeing them and then started on about how I should do it because I need to be a good son and that's just what people do.
But I would tell my parents myself *shrugs*.
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Phoenix84
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 14:42:39 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2012 14:42:39 GMT -5
His mom may be a jerk and he's right to cut off contact, I don't know. But he needs to tell his wife so she can act accordingly. *nods* I can agree with this. They should establish some ground rules on parental relations if it bothers him.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Nov 12, 2012 16:31:01 GMT -5
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 12, 2012 16:31:01 GMT -5
If he's made his wishes clear, then she's the one causing the issues--not him. If he hasn't made his wishes clear, they definitely need to work out some ground rules.
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oreo
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Inlaws
Nov 12, 2012 20:19:47 GMT -5
Post by oreo on Nov 12, 2012 20:19:47 GMT -5
This whole situation makes me so sad and I just hope my DS doesn't feel that way when he grows up.
Both myself and my DH aren't all that excited to see his parents but we do a few times a year. They annoy the heck out of us but we suck it up.
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