The Rainbows and Puppies Thread

[frankq]

Your supposed to stuff the pill in the cat's mouth? No wonder I was having so much trouble..........Thanks

[Green Eyed Lady]

Attention:  Do NOT let Frankq give the unicorn his vitamins.

[mmhmm]

Sadly, it was also very close to true! 

[mmhmm]

Mar 31, 2013 10:04:27 GMT -5 frankq said:

Your supposed to stuff the pill in the cat's mouth? No wonder I was having so much trouble..........Thanks

At least, the other end doesn't have teeth!  Of course, cats are very, very agile.  Teeth may suddenly appear almost anywhere.

[sunrnr]

Mar 31, 2013 11:21:03 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Mar 31, 2013 10:04:27 GMT -5 frankq said:

Your supposed to stuff the pill in the cat's mouth? No wonder I was having so much trouble..........Thanks

At least, the other end doesn't have teeth!  Of course, cats are very, very agile.  Teeth may suddenly appear almost anywhere.

I think I heard a saying "if you going to kick a tiger in the butt, you'd remnant well better be prepared to deal with the teeth."

[mmhmm]

Chain mail and gauntlets!  It's the only way!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

1) Pick up cat and cradle it in the crock of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm while holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Retrieve spouse from outside.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold her firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot of scotch and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check record for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw shirt away and fetch new on from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little &#^@'s front legs to rear legs with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold cat's head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the ER. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

-------------------------------------------------------


How To Give Your Dog A Pill

1) Wrap pill in bacon.

2) Toss it in the air.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I don't even need the bacon.  I just say, "Ghost wanna treat?"  He wags his tail once or twice and takes it out of my hand.  Then he looks at me kind of funny because it doesn't taste like a treat.  Works the next time, tho.  I don't think he'll ever get an invitation to Puppy Mensa.

[sunrnr]

Mar 31, 2013 15:51:21 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I don't even need the bacon.  I just say, "Ghost wanna treat?"  He wags his tail once or twice and takes it out of my hand.  Then he looks at me kind of funny because it doesn't taste like a treat.  Works the next time, tho.  I don't think he'll ever get an invitation to Puppy Mensa.

Ahhh, Annie even sees me heading to the closet that contains various dog remedies and grooming supplies and she's outta here. Giving her a bath is worse than trying to wash the cat, Riley.

Odd thing is, she needs a warm bath AFTER swimming in ice cold water then rolling on her favorite rock .... in the dirt and sand. I just don't get it. 

[Aman A.K.A. Ahamburger]

Mar 25, 2013 17:01:09 GMT -5 sunrnr said:

I make a living IM the snow so I need it to last (in the mountains) a bit longer. I am, however, getting real tired of single digit temperatures, frost bite, wind burn and sun burn all at the same time.

We've made a short break to FTI land to get warm. I can send my boy over to shovel, GEL if you get desperate.

  I know we have gone on from this but I just want to throw this out there; you got roofs to clean off, parking lots to sweep, yards to rake and mow. Making money off the seasons is long term work my friend. 

[Deleted]

One thousandth!!!!!!!

[Green Eyed Lady]

Hi, Aham.  We rarely move on from anything here.  

[Aman A.K.A. Ahamburger]

LOL...  Kinda like the twilight zone eh GEL?

[Green Eyed Lady]

Pretty much, Aham.  Only with puppies and unicorns.  And cat pills and doggie eye drops.  And whatever else specifically applies to Market Talk. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

Oh....and meany snow plow guys.

[sunrnr]

Making money off the seasons is long term work my friend.  

and highly satisfying and rewarding (maybe not monetarily) at that .... 

[frankq]

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

1. take electronic training collar off of hunting dog
2. put collar on cat
3. turn controller from 2 to 10
4. present pill to cat with open hand, looking cat directly in the eye with thumb on control button

If cat does not take pill from hand the first time, it most certainly will after the second.....by the fourth time button is pushed, cat will be dealing cards on demand....

[Aman A.K.A. Ahamburger]

Apr 1, 2013 14:32:01 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Pretty much, Aham.  Only with puppies and unicorns.  And cat pills and doggie eye drops.  And whatever else specifically applies to Market Talk. 

Lol, it sounds like fanasty island GEL!

Some peeps are jerks no matter what, when I was driving the plow I tryed to work with the drivers. I guess it's funner to be pissed off all the time at everything?

[Aman A.K.A. Ahamburger]

Apr 1, 2013 14:48:20 GMT -5 sunrnr said:

Making money off the seasons is long term work my friend.  

and highly satisfying and rewarding (maybe not monetarily) at that .... 

It's satisfying for sure, just wait until you get into minor paint and repairs like deck, fence, window sill and casings. Or say minor landscaping like ponds, flower beds, ect... It can be rewarding in more ways than one is what I'm trying to get at, lol...

[sunrnr]

Ahhh, hell. It's snowing again!    Hard to do yard work like power racking and fertilizing when it's covered with snow. Oh well, we really need the moisture.

I guess I'll just call it "Delayed Gratification".

[mmhmm]

Eeewwww, sunrnr!  I think, if I had gotten up and seen snow falling, I'd have just gone back to bed!

[sunrnr]

I understand Ohio officials have filed suit agains that groundhog for fraud. Maybe we should join in and make it a class action suit?

[Green Eyed Lady]

I don't power rack.  Mostly cause I have no idea what it is.

[Steady As She Goes]

Apr 2, 2013 9:56:01 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I don't power rack.  Mostly cause I have no idea what it is.

I think it's Market Related 

[Green Eyed Lady]

Thank Heavens!

[sunrnr]

Apr 2, 2013 9:56:01 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I don't power rack.  Mostly cause I have no idea what it is.

Seems I must have confused spell checker also. I guess it could be a new invention for the dungeon.

Sounds like something that will put even MORE people out of work.

[damnotagain]

Can you feel the love....  sent a rainbow to all the kids at  "smile train " today in the form of a 100 dollar donation. Bring more than a smile to each other today! 

[mmhmm]

That's great, damnot!  Those kids can sure use our help, as can many children on the planet.  Doing something to try to help does give one a boost. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

Apr 2, 2013 12:15:03 GMT -5 sunrnr said:

Apr 2, 2013 9:56:01 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I don't power rack.  Mostly cause I have no idea what it is.

Seems I must have confused spell checker also. I guess it could be a new invention for the dungeon.

Sounds like something that will put even MORE people out of work.

LOL!!  I get it now!!  I thought there was really something called power racking!  I figured my mother would hear about it an insist it be done in her yard.  By me!!

[sunrnr]

Actually it is power raking. The machine they use puts your snowblower to shame. In.the right hands it can tear up your sprinkler system, shred the flower bed and turn your lawn into something that looks like it's ready to have crops planted in it.

And yes, your Mom will want it done as soon as I forward this information to her. Good luck with that!