Single people living alone

[Ava]

I am one of them
My mother came to visit me for the summer ;D

She left yesterday, after 3 months.
Now, of course, I miss her like crazy and I also got used to being pampered; clean house when I arrive home, food on the table, someone to talk to, someone to go with me to concerts, shopping, weekend trips, etc.
I like living on my own, because it gives me a lot of independence. But some aspects of living alone and having no family in this country are really tough for me. Like organizing household chores, grocery shopping, cooking. Sometimes I want to go to a concert or a theater and have no one to go with me.
So how do you guys do it? What are your strategies for coping with the disadvantages of being on your own?
And what are the aspects of living alone that you like most?
Is this a temporary thing or do you plan to change your living arrangements in the future?
Tell me all about it ;D

[Deleted]

I would suggest you just go about doing the things you enjoy doing whether you have a companion or not. If you want to go to concerts , eat out, theater, then go by yourself and have fun. There really is no more "stigma" about being out alone anymore. Just try to go about having fun.
And, in the mean time, to get some social interaction, try looking at your local area chamber of commerce for local clubs, activities, etc. Check out your local library for book clubs. Look locally and you will find a lot of little niche clubs that might spark your interest. Join a gym. Join a local church and become involved if you are so inclined in that way as well.
And, btw, you have friends HERE! I consider this a big online family and everyone here is very supportive and even though we might fuss and fight at times like cats and dogs, i just consider this like a real homey, comfy place.

[Phoenix84]

"So how do you guys do it? What are your strategies for coping with the disadvantages of being on your own?"

I know what you mean, I'm in the same situation. It can be a bit awkward to go and "do stuff' alone, like going out to eat or to a concert or to the park or something. I try to do it anyway. I've made a goal to start taking trips by myself next summer. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I have to be a shut in.

As far as the lonilness goes, you want my honest answer? I try to keep myself occupied with work, school, or hobbies so I don't focus on it. Sometimes I get depressed about it, but the busier I keep myself the less chance I have to feel lonely. Otherwise, i just try and ignore those feelings.

"Is this a temporary thing or do you plan to change your living arrangements in the future?"

Well, I hope to meet the right lady one day and carve out a life. Doesn't seem to be in the cards right now....

As far as the house cleaning, I try to break it up so I don't have to do a lot at once. Meaning do a little bit every day and a bit more on the weekends. I probably eat out more than I should, so I go grocery shopping and cook when it suits me.

And yes, cooking is a challenge. It's hard to make meals for just one person. Or grocery shop because you can't eat things before they expire.

"And what are the aspects of living alone that you like most?"

I don't have to be accountable to anyone. If I want to sleep in nobody is going to argue. If I feel like doing the dishes later, nobody cares but me. If I want to work late or travel, no big deal. If I want to spend all afternoon reading, I can do that. I have no honey do lists. I don't have to clear my spending with anyone, and I don't have to get anyone's permission to do anything. It is nice to have that freedom.

[Phoenix84]

"Is this a temporary thing or do you plan to change your living arrangements in the future?"

Well, I hope to find the right lady and get married one day, but doesn't seem to be in the cards now.....

[Ava]

Thanks for the responses. Phoenix; I agree with everything you said. I know there's no stigma about going out alone, but it's awkward. I do it anyway, but it's not the same as sharing with someone.
And yes, I feel this place is like a family of sorts.
I'm not that young, I am almost forty.

[kent]

Sept 29, 2012 11:39:00 GMT -5 Ava said:

I'm not that young, I am almost forty.

Pretty much good advice given so far and, as far as age goes, you're only a couple of years older than my car so relax and enjoy yourself. ;D

[busymom]

Hiya Ava! Let me give you the other side of the coin....


I'm married with kids. And I ADORE my kids. But truthfully, after the kids are back at school, it's sometimes nice to go out by yourself, like to the local bagel shop, just to enjoy the peace & quiet. You know, a little ME time. ;D

[Green Eyed Lady]

It's always better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, Ava. I live alone also. Just my dog and I. I'm pretty much a homebody. I go to work and I come home. I'm blessed to have wonderful friends who insist on dragging me out of the house every so often. I take care of my yard and my mother's yard so that keeps me pretty busy. I love auctions and I love to golf so I do get out and do things once in awhile.

You have the obvious advantages people here have spoken about. I can stay in my pjs all weekend if I want. I cook when I want, and I cook what I want. I'm obsessive about the cleanliness of my home, so nobody messes it up but the dog! I'm on my own schedule and that's nice.

The downside? Before my marriage went south, I thoroughly enjoyed taking care of someone. Please don't take that to mean I was some kind of slave, but I really do like having someone to take care of. And it's obviously nice to have someone else in the house with you if it's the right person. Someone to talk with, watch a movie with, eat dinner with...stuff like that.

I don't know if another relationship is in the cards for me or not. I know I'm not ready yet. If it happens down the road, that will be great. If it doesn't, I will be just fine.

[weltschmerz]

I love living alone. If I want to go to an activity, I have plenty of friends to pick from to join me. If they're busy, I go alone. I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not adhering to a set schedule. If I want to go to bed at 04h00, it's OK. If I want to have canteloupe and pumpkin seeds for supper, it's OK. If suddenly I'm in the mood to just take off and go horseback riding or kayaking, it's OK.
I've been married twice and I don't care for it enough to do it again. When a lover starts getting too clingy and insists on spending a lot of time with me at home, it really starts to get on my nerves.

[weltschmerz]

As far as cooking for one? I'm a great cook and I enjoy it. I'll either freeze the rest or bring it to work for lunches. Sometimes I go all out and cook up a fancy storm. Why not? I'm worth it. Why should I live on sandwiches?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 29, 2012 12:44:15 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

As far as cooking for one? I'm a great cook and I enjoy it. I'll either freeze the rest or bring it to work for lunches. Sometimes I go all out and cook up a fancy storm. Why not? I'm worth it. Why should I live on sandwiches?

I realized a long time ago that I was not about to sit around and wait for someone to do something with, so I don't. If I want to do something, whether it is to go out to eat, see a show or travel, I do it.

My 'ah ha' moment was about 20 years ago. I was being sent to a research meeting in Scotland and I wanted to go to Paris. I could not find a single person to go with me after the meeting, so I went alone and had a marvelous time. When I returned, I was sitting at the pool and a neighbor (who I occasionally dated) came out to the pool and I started chatting about my vacation. His response was 'why did you go to Paris by yourself? Didn't you want to see it the first time with someone you love? I could never I that by myself!'. All that I ould think of was why the hell should I wait to find someone to live my life?

I could not think of a more pathetic way to live....so don't.

[Deleted]

Before I got married and had kids I went out by myself all the time, even though I had friends that would have been happy to join in. Sometimes it's just nice to enjoy your restaurant meal or movie on your own schedule.

Have you tried meet up? It's a great way to meet people.

Recently there was an article about women who had never married or had children - they had much better social networks in their 50's and seemed happier overall, probably because they put effort into it.

[mrsdutt]

I live alone, as well, with my dog. I was married 42 years to the same wonderful man who developed into a great dad and husband. Because we all still miss him (after 2 years) is a testament to what a wonderful man he was.

With that said I am doing fine on my own. i do everything that other posters said they do. The freedom is nice and I'm taking quite well to it. I'm older so the one thing I don't do is drive out of my area. I missed a concert in VB this summer because of it. Next year I have decided to rent a limo and go to the concert. Problem solved.

I eat what I want, garden, sleep when I want, shop and do everything that I can fit into a day. I'm also a homebody and am extremely content to spend the day reading, cooking, or on this board. I have friends that are single too and they are content with their lives. I would, however, give it all up to have DH with me. I really don't see me getting into another relationship again. One of the biggest hurdles in life is to be satisfied with (a person, not you specifically) the circumstances you have been dealt. Good luck.

[Tennesseer]

For a short term fix, get yourself a cat or dog. It will provide you a sense of purpose. While cats should remain indoors, dogs need to be walked. Walking a dog in busy parks often attracts like minded men and women for friendship and possibly more.

[weltschmerz]

I walk my cat on a leash. He seems to enjoy it.
One the one hand, they refuse to heel. On the other, he has yet to drag me down the street because he saw a squirrel that needed investigating.

[Deleted]

Sept 29, 2012 12:40:50 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I love living alone. If I want to go to an activity, I have plenty of friends to pick from to join me. If they're busy, I go alone. I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not adhering to a set schedule. If I want to go to bed at 04h00, it's OK. If I want to have canteloupe and pumpkin seeds for supper, it's OK. If suddenly I'm in the mood to just take off and go horseback riding or kayaking, it's OK.
I've been married twice and I don't care for it enough to do it again. When a lover starts getting too clingy and insists on spending a lot of time with me at home, it really starts to get on my nerves.

Yeah, what you said. Perfectly describes how I feel about marriage. Never again can I picture myself doing it. I like private time too much and have had far too little of it to date.

[Formerly SK]

Well, I'm happily married with two kids but DH and I have very different interests so he isn't much of a "social companion" unless I drag him somewhere. And frankly, I have yet to find many friends IRL who share the same interests as me (I choose friends based on character vs hobbies). Finally I grew a brain and joined a few Meetup groups. Now I have people to talk with about my specific interests!

Honestly, I can see why it may feel like being alone means you "do all the housework" or whatever but if you are part of a couple (or family) the work increases exponentially - especially with kids - so even if you are sharing the load you still may end up spending just as much time on chores as you did when you were single and had to do it all.

I agree with the pp who said it is better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship. It is 10,000 times better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Don't pressure yourself with some sort of ideal. Enjoy your life in whatever manifestation it takes!

[Ava]

Great answers, everyone. Very good advice.
Let me tell you a little secret; I do have a cat, and she's great company. And the secret is; Ava is not really my name, it's her name
Don't get me wrong; I'll rather be on my own than with someone I don't love. I had an abusive marriage and I don't see myself in another relationship.
I like my circumstances, most of the time. It's just when someone visits, like my mom, and then they leave, that I feel this way.
But all in all, the purpose of this thread is not to vent, just to compare notes and talk with people who share the same situation.

[TheOtherMe]

I've lived alone most of the time since 1977 and now I wouldn't want it any other way. I also think I'm very set in my ways and would be pure hell to live with. When my ex SO and I spent time together, things would get tense after about 3 days under the same roof--whether at his place or mine. He used to say he'd lived alone since his divorce over 20 years ago and he had no interest in moving in with someone.

I do have a cat and have for most of those years. She is my rock.

I have no issues with doing things alone. I got over that a long time ago. I wish my family that lives nearby would include me in more things, but I am pretty self-sufficient for the most part.

I have people here, people on the Paul McCartney forums and people on FB who are my friends, too.

Ava, I will be seeing Paul in St. Louis on November 11. I spent the big bucks and am doing the sound check. I'm looking at this as my last hurrah with Paul. The entire ticket buying experience is horrible and I won't go see him in stadiums any more. So a friend and I are going to St. Louis and living it up for 2 days.

[Deleted]

I have not lived alone very much since I was 18. I've lived with a couple of men, had a couple of room mates, was married, had a border, lived common law, 1 yr 4 months living alone and now I have a foster daughter. I enjoyed the 1 yr 4 months to just be alone. If I felt like "company" I could come on here or call some friends, but most of the time I just wanted to be alone. Enjoy the quiet and my thoughts. Mind you I work full time and have some volunteer commitments that keep me out two or three nights a week. That time to myself was precious.

[happyhoix]

Ava this is off topic but let me say that I am envious of your relationship with your mom. When I was single I hated mom to come visit me, because it always went badly. I think she hated to visit me as much as I hated for her to come. I wasn't the daughter she wanted, she wasn't the mom I wanted. I've always wished I could have your type of relationship with my mom.

That said, I think I heard not long ago that today there are more single person households than multiple person households, so there are a lot of other people in your boat. Personally, being very introverted, I loved living alone. You can decorate your home the way you want it, you can keep it as clean or as messy as you want it, you can eat what you want when you want to eat it, you can do what you want when you want do to it (no searching for a quiet spot in the house to read a book while someone else is watching a football game on TV). I love DH but if he dumped me tomorrow I could see me in a nice condo somewhere, happily living alone with the cats.

[jeffreymo]

I have never lived by myself and I'm not sure how I would handle it. I used to date girls who lived alone, and they usually were workaholics and workout-aholics. My wife was this way, and she said the sole reason for working so much was to keep her from feeling so lonely by staying occupied.

[happyhoix]

Oct 1, 2012 9:40:01 GMT -5 jeffreymo said:

I have never lived by myself and I'm not sure how I would handle it. I used to date girls who lived alone, and they usually were workaholics and workout-aholics. My wife was this way, and she said the sole reason for working so much was to keep her from feeling so lonely by staying occupied.

I think this is a problem for very extroverted people.

I had a co-worker who worked out continually, and she confided to me that she did so because she hated to be home alone. She got up at 4 AM and went to the gym, then had breakfast with her girlfriends. After work she either did something else with her girlfriends or did another athletic activity - bike ride, usually - with her bike friends. She tried not to go home prior to 9 PM every night, then right to bed to get up at 4 AM the next day.

I don't have this problem, being introverted. Probably if I didn't have to work I would rarely leave the house LOL.

[TheOtherMe]

I have always been introverted. I could stay home for weeks on end, but I know it's not good for my mental health. I do need some people contact in my life.

I get that by babysitting my great nephew and niece once a week, volunteer work and some time with family. I work one day a week but I am totally alone when I am there.

[andi9899]

I am looking forward to the day that I live alone. It's my 2 kids and myself right now. I've never lived alone and I can't wait! I see a lot of frozen leftovers in my future as I don't know how to cook for any less than an army, but I'm cool with that.

[Sammy]

Ava: I'm not that young, I am almost forty.

Gee, you sure know how to crush some of us. Anyway, you have been there and done that with an abusive marriage and even though you say you will never marry again don't hesitate to leave your options and your heart open.

[movingforward]

Sept 29, 2012 12:40:50 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I love living alone. If I want to go to an activity, I have plenty of friends to pick from to join me. If they're busy, I go alone. I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not adhering to a set schedule. If I want to go to bed at 04h00, it's OK. If I want to have canteloupe and pumpkin seeds for supper, it's OK. If suddenly I'm in the mood to just take off and go horseback riding or kayaking, it's OK.
I've been married twice and I don't care for it enough to do it again. When a lover starts getting too clingy and insists on spending a lot of time with me at home, it really starts to get on my nerves.

This is exactly how I feel. I pretty much do whatever I want all the time and answer to no one. I like it that way.

ETA: Ava you should join meetup where you can meet some friends. I am a very social person and many things I do enjoy doing with a friend or a group.

[Bob Ross]

When I lived alone and felt lonely, I just made up a bunch of imaginary friends to keep me company.

The problem was, some of them liked to burn stuff.

[Ava]

Thanks for all the answers.
Like most of the people who posted on this thread, I like living alone, most of the time.
I need some social interaction, though. I will definitely give Meetup a try.
I also plan to volunteer at an animal shelter and be a VITA representative (doing taxes for elderly and low income people). I have very few friends, but they are like family

[TheOtherMe]

Oct 2, 2012 13:15:48 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Sept 29, 2012 12:40:50 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I love living alone. If I want to go to an activity, I have plenty of friends to pick from to join me. If they're busy, I go alone. I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not adhering to a set schedule. If I want to go to bed at 04h00, it's OK. If I want to have canteloupe and pumpkin seeds for supper, it's OK. If suddenly I'm in the mood to just take off and go horseback riding or kayaking, it's OK.
I've been married twice and I don't care for it enough to do it again. When a lover starts getting too clingy and insists on spending a lot of time with me at home, it really starts to get on my nerves.

This is exactly how I feel. I pretty much do whatever I want all the time and answer to no one. I like it that way.

ETA: Ava you should join meetup where you can meet some friends. I am a very social person and many things I do enjoy doing with a friend or a group.

I like that if I want to sit around in my jammies all day, I can and nobody cares. I love not answering to anyone but myself. If I make a mess and decide not to clean it up until tomorrow, I am the only one who has to live with it.

Living in Colorado, I had my former work friends and my basketball friends. I don't have that here.