milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Sept 28, 2012 10:40:33 GMT -5
I've started letting my older son watch "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" as a way to show him what not to do with his life. We don't watch much TV, and that show is not remotely what we'd normally watch, but it horrifies him and we're hoping it will help him to make better choices in his upcoming teen years. Such as: If you have a baby at 17, your life will suck and the baby will have weird stuff going on like an extra finger. If you're a little horrified at how big Mama is maybe you'll start to appreciate why we don't have junk food or soda in the house. If you don't want to live right next to the train tracks, get your clothes from the dumpster and buy expired junk food at auctions, be sure to get a good education and career/business that will support you. But in all fairness, there's some things I like about the show and family. Such as: They still love and support each other no matter what. Wow, I'd love to have that kind of positive self image. Honey Boo Boo feels gorgeous and she is. That's cool.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2012 11:13:53 GMT -5
Honey boo boo was a topic at moms night last night. I watched two clips just to see what it's about... And that is 5 minutes more than the show deserved. I mean there is train wreck quality to it, and as one mom said, you have a hard time not feeling good about yourself...
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,327
|
Post by swamp on Sept 28, 2012 11:16:32 GMT -5
when I'm depressed, I will eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's by myself.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2012 11:18:12 GMT -5
I love Honey Boo Boo. Great show!
|
|
movingforward
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 15, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
Posts: 8,358
|
Post by movingforward on Sept 28, 2012 11:18:23 GMT -5
when I'm depressed, I will eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's by myself. Is that bad? I can do that when I am happy
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,327
|
Post by swamp on Sept 28, 2012 11:19:32 GMT -5
when I'm depressed, I will eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's by myself. Is that bad? I can do that when I am happy I can do it when i'm happy too. I can also wash it down with a bottle of wine.
|
|
The Home 6
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:24:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,906
Location: Bourbon Country
Favorite Drink: Wine. With a wine chaser.
|
Post by The Home 6 on Sept 28, 2012 11:43:39 GMT -5
I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from my 2nd combat tour in Iraq.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2012 13:10:13 GMT -5
Scott Peck wrote "People of the Lie". He has an interesting take on the kind of behaviour you are talking about. He believes it is the eptiomy of Evil.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Sept 28, 2012 13:14:46 GMT -5
I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from my 2nd combat tour in Iraq. Thehome6 - THANK YOU for your service! I hope you're getting help for the PTSD. A little hug and good thoughts going your way -
|
|
hurricanegirl
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:28:17 GMT -5
Posts: 231
|
Post by hurricanegirl on Sept 28, 2012 15:31:16 GMT -5
Home 6 - ditto. thank you
Please take care of yourself and seek help if you feel you need it. My brother committed suicide after 9 years in a psychiatric hosptal diagnosed wth PTSD. He was a brilliant West Point grad and a super wonderful guy
Celtic - any my mothers' "angelic, sacrificial (for her children) life 'cetainly helped him along his way.
Until this post came along I thought I ws the only girl n the world who hated Mom. She died when I wa 18 and extremLey F'ked up
I Have a horrible secret that no one but me will ever know,,,not my Dh, not my closest friend, and it is pretty much because of what my mother and her manipulation and abuse did to me. I kind of like felt like "Yeah if you think what I just did was bad, what till you see THIS!!!"
Unfortunately I did not hurt her, I hurt me. I cant sleep at night because this is So bad.......................
To all who posted and feel guilty for whatever,,,please forgive youself - no one stands alone,,,many things contributed to your actions/inactins, obmissions and judgement
|
|
movingforward
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 15, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
Posts: 8,358
|
Post by movingforward on Sept 28, 2012 15:36:27 GMT -5
This thread is making me realize how lucky I was to have such a great mom. I miss her terribly and her death was tragic to me. Hugs to all of you...
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2012 17:09:00 GMT -5
Hurricane, you are not alone in having the mother from hell.
|
|
suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Sept 28, 2012 19:18:28 GMT -5
My very deep secret is that I tried to kill my father. Other than my two sisters and my mother to my knowledge no one else knows.
A little back story… I was very close with my mother and she watched my DD a lot. When my DD was about 3 (she's now 25), she told me that Papa asked her to play with his PP. I wasn't quite sure what she meant so I asked some roundabout questions and it turned out that he was touching her in places that he had no reason to. I contacted my sisters and asked them if their kids said anything "funny". After a few days a family meeting was called and it turned out that my mother "knew" something was going on, but blew it off and then told us that the police made a visit a few months before because the 2 young boys next door told their parents that he made inappropriate remarks to them.
I had brought a gun with me and threatened to shoot his a@@. My mother begged me not to do it and said that she couldn't live without him and did not want me to go to jail and never see my DD again. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do to put that gun down.
Her reaction did not surprise me because even when I was growing up, living in tents and the only meal I had was from the free lunch at school because any money that he came across was spent on beer, she would not leave him because "she loved him".
After that I only talked to him when she would put him on the phone and all I would say is "I hate you" and hang up. I did keep somewhat in touch with her, but only because she would need her electric or rent paid once in a while. Oh, the guilt trip that I was put through for not letting them see my kids or letting the kids talk to them on the phone.
When he was dying and was put in state guardianship in a nursing home, my sisters begged me to make peace and to go see him, I refused because I said my peace and did not want anything more to do with him and hope that he's rotting in hell.
My mother is now in a nursing home and cannot remember her own name, but she still remembers him as the love of her life. Go figure.
Sorry that was so long. I really don't know what made me want to write that out or really even think about it except that with everyone else telling their stories, it felt right.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,668
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Sept 28, 2012 19:48:09 GMT -5
Putting down the gun was the right thing to do. You kept your DD safe from him once you found out, and hopefully your sisters also kept him away from their children.
|
|
MN-Investor
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:22:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,938
|
Post by MN-Investor on Sept 28, 2012 19:48:25 GMT -5
When I was 30 I was diagnosed with a small melanoma on the back of my right hand. If untreated, a melanoma can be fatal. If caught early, it's very treatable. Fortunately, mine was very shallow. I had surgery and have a 2" circular skin graft on the back of my right hand.
I gave serious thought about what to tell people. I thought about cancers. How many times does the subject come up about breast cancer and your mind jumps to the folks you know who have had breast cancer? How many times do you never think about a person until years later when some disease or condition is brought up and that's who you think of? I did not want to be known or remembered as the person who had a melanoma. I would much rather be known for who I am and what I do with my life, not some odd disease which I happened to have. So I told my boss, since I was going to out of work for a week. I knew he would respect my wishes to not tell anyone. And I told my family since melanomas may have a genetic factor. But that's it. Shoot, I didn't even tell my MIL. She would have told everyone! I just told her that I had a small problem with my hand and surgery corrected it. She was persistent, but I can be extremely stubborn.
I've never regretted not telling more people. And now you know my secret.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,743
|
Post by raeoflyte on Sept 29, 2012 7:39:57 GMT -5
Big hugs to everyone.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on Sept 29, 2012 9:37:28 GMT -5
Hurricane, you are not alone in having the mother from hell.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on Sept 29, 2012 16:25:23 GMT -5
It's a shame that there seems to be so many of us. But this is why I have tried my damndest not to raise my kids the way I was raised. I have always listened to my sons with a completely open mind and they still, at ages 32, 24 and 19, come to me for advice. What's really telling is that they always seek me out and run things past me before they discuss anything with their extremely hard line, closed-minded father. And what I find ironic is that my late MIL wasn't manipulative at all and treated my XH with equanimity. Apparently it's not a genetic trait.
|
|
The Home 6
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:24:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,906
Location: Bourbon Country
Favorite Drink: Wine. With a wine chaser.
|
Post by The Home 6 on Sept 29, 2012 17:52:10 GMT -5
thecaptain and hurricane girl, it was an honor to serve. It was probably the best thing I ever did with my life. I am getting help, thankfully. It took me years to speak to my husband (himself a soldier) about my experiences. I have accepted that it will be a daily struggle. Other than him, none of my family knows. to you hurricane and for your brother. I am so sorry for your loss.
|
|
suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Sept 30, 2012 5:20:57 GMT -5
Home6, thank you so much for your service, I’m glad to hear that you feel it was a good thing to do, even though that experience has left you with PTDS. Good for you on getting help and working through the rough spots. I really don’t think that those of us who have not experienced what you and many others have realize how traumatizing it is. Again, thank you and BS for your service and dedication.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2012 5:42:43 GMT -5
It's a shame that there seems to be so many of us. But this is why I have tried my damndest not to raise my kids the way I was raised. I have always listened to my sons with a completely open mind and they still, at ages 32, 24 and 19, come to me for advice. What's really telling is that they always seek me out and run things past me before they discuss anything with their extremely hard line, closed-minded father. And what I find ironic is that my late MIL wasn't manipulative at all and treated my XH with equanimity. Apparently it's not a genetic trait. Ironic.. These same thoughts were running through my mind very early this morning.. I asked myself the question.."What shall we teach our next generation of children, grandchildren or any man woman or interested youth who'll listen? What shall we pass on?" There are so many secrets told here. My heart goes out to everyone who still feel the pain from them.. Some of mine are so deep and pain-filled, I took the 5th. Thanks for posting your comment Celtic..
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 30, 2012 8:06:25 GMT -5
There are so many secrets told here. My heart goes out to everyone who still feel the pain from them.. Some of mine are so deep and pain-filled, I took the 5th. Yes, thank you all for posting them.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,510
|
Post by Tennesseer on Sept 30, 2012 12:38:02 GMT -5
The battle between my mother and my sister was a product of the battle between my mother and her mother.
In 1924, our grandmother was planning on divorcing her husband (our grandfather) when she discovered she was pregnant with our mother (her first child). (A second child (another daughter and last child), was later born and she was treated like the golden child.) Our grandmother resented our mother for 'ruining' her life as she now had to remain married to our grandfather. Our grandmother picked on our mother almost until the day grandmother died (age 97).
I believe the mental abuse my grandmother inflicted upon my mother heavily influenced the way my mother mentally abused my sister. Fortunately, the buck stopped with my sister and she made sure she didn't rain the same type of abuse on her children (including a daughter).
While my sister never had a good mother/daughter relationship with her mother, she made sure she had/has a damn good relationship with her own daughter.
My mother never picked on her sons. Just her daughter. Go figure.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2012 13:56:34 GMT -5
Tennesseer, I could be your sister.
My mom was one of 18 kids. Her mom did give my mother away briefly to a friend but then went back and got her but never treated her well. Growing up I swear my mother hated me. She adored my brothers, but was just horrible to me. I can remember her dragging me up the stairs by my hair, being punched in the face by her, get hit with a hockey stick across the back so hard it left an imprint on my back. She called me a little whore and told me I was going to rot in hell.
I am the only one of my siblings that made something of myself and I still don't have a close relationship with my mom. I have tried to forgive her for the things she did because I know that was how she was treated (actually she was treated worse). I can't forget though and it does cloud our relationship.
I try to have a better relationship with my girls. I don't always succeed. I don't abuse them like my mom abused me, but my 11 year old and I don't always get along. I get along very well with my 18 year old stepdaughter, but the 11 year old tries my patience to no end.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2012 15:02:40 GMT -5
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Sept 30, 2012 22:13:59 GMT -5
So, I've had a little to drink, but mostly I'm truly in awe of the things some of you have shared.
I almost never talk about my step father. Not even with my wife. He was an addict. Heroin, alcohol, and steroids. Of the three the alcohol was probably the worst. He was a mean fucking drunk. The heroin made him paranoid, but the alcohol made him violent. Anyway, I've shared little snippets of it before on the boards. No details, but I've mentioned his addiction and abuse. It's not a secret that I had pretty screwed up childhood.
My mother and stepfather had an on again off again relationship. He would get screwed up, beat the shit out of her, she'd press charges and he'd go to prison or rehab for awhile. She would take him back at the end because he was clean and they were in love. Things would be good for a little while, then he'd start using again, get abusive, and eventually put my mom in the hospital and she'd press charges again. I just recently found out she was even pressing charges. As a kid I always assumed she was just kicking him out.
Anyway, the secret part comes in when I was about 16. The last time I'd seen my step father before that I was 12 and watched my mother tearfully testify against him in court. Only time that I was aware of at that point that she'd actually pressed charges for the abuse he dished out. He showed up on the doorstep one day while I was home with my friends and my mom was at work. He asked if my mom was home, and mentioned he'd just gotten out of jail. He wanted to talk to my mom and use the phone. I went and got a baseball bat and the phone. I told him he could call a cab, but if he ever made contact with my mom or any of my siblings again I would beat his ass to death. Meant every fucking word too. He called a cab and was gone twenty minutes later. My mom hasn't heard from him since she put him away when I was 12. She always assumed he'd moved on to somebody else when he got out. I never told her that he showed up after that, because I was honestly afraid she'd take him back again.
He contacted me awhile back on Facebook. He says he's been clean for a while now, apologized for his past behavior, and asked about my youngest two siblings which are biologically his. My reply was pretty short and not all that sweet. I told him I spent six years working in a military intelligence unit, currently work for a defense department agency, and could find him anywhere he tries to hide. I told him that my previous statement stands. My entire family is off limits, and if he contacts any of them I'll kill him.
My older sister remembers the bad times, and my oldest younger brother does as well. My two youngest brothers, who are actually his biologically, don't really, and have mentioned they'd like to get to know their dad if they knew how to find him. Every time one of my siblings mentions him, I say I haven't seen him since the day I watched him get sentenced when I was twelve.
In a general sense I believe in giving people second chances. However, if my piece of shit stepfather ever contacts my little brothers or my mom, even today, I'd smile while I put a bullet in his head.
Is that as fucked up as it sounds?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2012 22:21:39 GMT -5
No. We protect the ones we love. The best we can. In the best way we are/feel able.
I admire your strength.
The strength of all those who have posted.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 4, 2024 8:13:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2012 22:23:20 GMT -5
No.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,510
|
Post by Tennesseer on Sept 30, 2012 22:29:41 GMT -5
That's a heavy secret to carry Dark.
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Sept 30, 2012 22:44:29 GMT -5
No, dark, that's not effed up at all, hon. I think many of us understand exactly how you feel.
|
|