midjd
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Post by midjd on Sept 26, 2012 13:15:54 GMT -5
That should be the YM Motto.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2012 13:18:50 GMT -5
We used to read about these types of stories when we lived in the greater Phoenix area. It doesn't take too long for an infant to die in a car when the outside temperature is 115 degree (and probably 150 inside).
But I recall the biggest outrage came when a county sheriff forgot his dog in the car for several hours. The car was parked in his driveway.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Sept 26, 2012 13:48:54 GMT -5
Great link kgb. Very good article.
I can completely understand how and why some people can forget children in the car. It is the same as when I have left my cell phone on top of my car while pumping gas (I usually don't have it, so I didn't remember it was there), the same as when I have left a pot of water boiling on the stove until the water evaporates and starts to burn the pot (started doing other things and forgot), etc.
I have forgotten my dogs outside. Once in the middle of winter - it was only after a half an hour when he jumped on the door did any of us (we were at my in-laws and there were six adults there) remember he was there. If he hadn't jumped on the door, who knows how long he would have been outside. I've done it at my house - and we have 4 dogs so you should notice if they are all missing - it wasn't until one barked after about 10 minutes that I realized they were outside.
I don't have any kids yet, but I do worry about this. Our lives are driven by routines so much that it is hard to remember something when you have to vary that routine. The road I take to work is under construction and I want to avoid it. But every morning, I end up taking the wrong turn out of the driveway headed toward that road because that is my usual route.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Sept 26, 2012 13:55:04 GMT -5
I admit that I don't really understand how people forget their kids, at least for more than a minute or two. But I also don't think the people who do are heartless or monsters in any way. I have sympathy for the hell they must be living with after such a horrific thing. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 26, 2012 13:55:11 GMT -5
I think that's the problem, Lone. People take on too many things these days. There's almost pride around my neighborhood in being over-scheduled... RIP little baby.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Sept 26, 2012 13:55:31 GMT -5
The incidence of such events has increased exponentially since more and more carseats are designed for the back seat. Out of sight, out of mind. I can see how it could happen, but I know there's not much public sympathy. Very tragic. I was thinking that too. If the baby had been in the passenger seat I doubt this would have happened. I read somewhere that if the person doing the drop off of the baby isn't normally the one who does it the chance of forgetting the sleeping baby goes way up. They said the person should take something that they can't leave in the car, like their purse or wallet, and put it in the back seat with the baby as a help to not forget that the baby is back there. It is just beyond belief that I could live knowing that I had done something that killed my kids.
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jeffreymo
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Post by jeffreymo on Sept 26, 2012 15:39:35 GMT -5
I once made it as far as 5 mins from my work before I remembered that my son was with me. It shook me up pretty badly. From that point on I put my work badge in his car seat.
I can definitely see how the perfect storm of events could cause something like this to happen. The parent who never drops off has the child, that parent is late for work, that parent has a stressful commute and the daycare center isn't in their neighborhood, that infant is soft asleep after having their morning bottle. I can totally see how this could happen, and every time I read one of these stories I try to come up with answers as to how it could have been prevented.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 26, 2012 16:35:11 GMT -5
It's a tragic accident, and unfortunate that we would rather further add to the families suffering by spouting nonsense that such things could never happen to us instead of reaching out in sympathy. Accidents are just that. They happen to everyone, and you just hope and pray that one like this never happens to you. I never claimed it couldn't happen to me. I said the opposite, that it's nice to think it couldn't happen to me, but that's like saying it's nice to think that faries exist.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 26, 2012 16:38:14 GMT -5
I could not imagine living with the kind of guilt associated with an accident like this. My heart goes out to this family
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 26, 2012 16:42:13 GMT -5
They are advertizing on the radio not to forget the infant in the back seat. I would rather they suggested a method to remember like others have suggested. If you daily take a baby places you will probably remember but if you put it in the back seat then the baby is sleeping I can see forgetting. I have forgotten my purse in the car or my cell phone. I get home then maybe open the truck to get something or go talk to my ISO then totally forget I didn't get everything out yet. I like the idea of leaving something on the front seat like a big pink bow or pacifier on your key chain or locking your purse in the trunk when you have the baby, when you have to open the truck you will remember why your purse is in there. Since men don't have a purse maybe you could give them a baby on board sign, leave it in the empty car seat then when the baby is in you put it on the drivers window by the lock or attach a big baby bottle to his key chain that can only be removed if the baby is not in the vehicle. They make a huge baby bottle piggy bank, he could leave that in the car to remind him. They call that an "encumbering device." It's a device designed to be heavy or obvious so you don't forget something important. I can see how this could happen, I've left my book bag at home when I thought it was at the office or vice versa. Or I (only once) left the gate open at work. However, once is all it takes for something bad to happen.... "I read somewhere that if the person doing the drop off of the baby isn't normally the one who does it the chance of forgetting the sleeping baby goes way up. They said the person should take something that they can't leave in the car, like their purse or wallet, and put it in the back seat with the baby as a help to not forget that the baby is back there." I don't know, I think it would be the opposite. Sometimes we get in such a rut of a pattern that we forget some of the steps or we stop being careful about it.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Sept 26, 2012 18:00:48 GMT -5
"I don't know, I think it would be the opposite. Sometimes we get in such a rut of a pattern that we forget some of the steps or we stop being careful about it." They said that it is the opposite. When someone is in a routine of putting the baby in the car and taking them to daycare they get into a routine and almost on autopilot drive to the daycare. When they get there it is an obvious reminder to get the baby inside. It is when someone who rarely does it takes the baby to daycare that these things are much more likely to happen. In that case the person puts the baby in their car but if the baby is quiet, say asleep, they are likely to forget that the baby is there and fall back on their routine. The idea of putting a work id in the baby carrier is a great idea. It would force the person to look for it and find the baby. The weird part for me is if I leave my keys in the ignition, or the lights on, it beeps loud enough for people in the next town to hear. How come it doesn't beep if the cars safety lock thing for car seats is still attached but the car is turned off? Or obviously something much better since I am not smart or mechanical.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 26, 2012 18:05:12 GMT -5
Write a 'baby' in ink on the top of your dominant hand if your not the parent who normally drops the child off. Others will notice the note too until you wash it off.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Sept 26, 2012 18:09:10 GMT -5
It's not the same thing but twice when DS was an infant, we would shop and just carry him in the car seat that you can carry, put in a stroller or attach to the to the base in the car, we took him out where ever we were for whatever reason, set him down and forgot to click the five point belt together and drove home DH would put the carrier in the base and not check and I was so pissed when we got home! My fault too for not reminding him to check before we left or me checking as well! Even now (he is 3) I think about that and get pissed of at us
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Sept 26, 2012 18:41:29 GMT -5
I don't understand that. My children are never out of my mind. I've always been so paranoid if they're okay in the back that I'm constantly checking on them, talking to them, listening for them, etc. If you have the stomach for it, The Washington Post wrote a story in 2009 about parents who forgot their babies in the back seat and they died. It won the Pulitzer. It's an inside look at how it happens and how some parents were punished, try to cope, etc. It's hard to read, but it's an amazing piece. Here's the link: www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.htmlThanks for sharing, kgb. How awful. My heart goes out to the babies and families.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Sept 26, 2012 20:15:00 GMT -5
I could not imagine living with the kind of guilt associated with an accident like this. My heart goes out to this family
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 26, 2012 20:20:21 GMT -5
It's a tragic accident, and unfortunate that we would rather further add to the families suffering by spouting nonsense that such things could never happen to us instead of reaching out in sympathy. Accidents are just that. They happen to everyone, and you just hope and pray that one like this never happens to you. I never claimed it couldn't happen to me. I said the opposite, that it's nice to think it couldn't happen to me, but that's like saying it's nice to think that faries exist. I wasn't responding to your post (I think I saw yours after I posted).
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Sept 26, 2012 22:04:48 GMT -5
This is one of my greatest fears and I will be so glad when DD2 outgrows the stage where you have to be very aware of this. I have made it a habit to always, always check the back seat before I leave the car even when I'm sure she's not in there. I also am super afraid of locking my keys in the car with the kids. Granted, I could just break a window if I needed to but it still freaks me out. That's why I always use my key fob to lock the doors so I know I have the keys in my hand. I think the idea of putting something in the back seat that you have to take with you into work is a good idea, especially if you're not the usual person who drops off. If you have an id or key that you have to use to get into work, then you'd only be able to forget the baby for the time it takes to get to the door and realize you can't get in. Or a cell phone alarm of some kind...maybe set for 5 minutes after arrival to work that says BABY CHECK or something.
I can't even imagine how a parent would deal with the guilt of something like this.
ETA: KGB, that article was heartbreaking but very, very well done.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Sept 26, 2012 22:17:09 GMT -5
Oh god, this is honestly one of my biggest fears. There are so many times when I get home from work that I honestly can not remember the drive home. Granted, its 5 minutes, but still. I got a mirror so that I can see DD's carseat every time I look in the rear-view mirror. I also put my purse on the floor in front of her car seat every time I put her in the car (and most of the time I stick my phone on the edge of the seat next to hear car seat - that way I won't be distracted driving, and I won't forget to get it out later). But even at 14 months she's quiet in the car. She won't make a peep the whole time she's in her seat and never even falls asleep in there.
And sleep deprivation or stress affects everyone differently. For me, I get super forgetful. I will leave home with the front door wide open and not locked (DH freaks out on me every time, and rightfully so). I will leave the dog outside and forget to give her breakfast, or I will leave my straightening iron plugged in and turned on in the bathroom. I will put my keys in the fridge and leave the milk out on the counter all day. I just hope and pray that these actions never have a negative affect on DD. Milk I can replace. My child I can not.
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