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Post by babble on Jul 31, 2012 18:39:06 GMT -5
Another teacher has been charged with sexually assaulting a student over the age of 16. The 17 year old thought she was dating the teacher. She would go over to his house and have sex with him. She was smitten.
I know it is totally wrong for teachers to do this.
But, if a teacher was "hitting on you" or making inappropriate comments when you were in high school, wouldn't you have seen red flags and thought 'FREAK'? I would have reported this to another adult. Are some of the students that naive? What is the issue here?
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Jul 31, 2012 18:40:45 GMT -5
...yes, some of these students are naive...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 31, 2012 18:42:25 GMT -5
Filling the Daddy role? Not saying that all children raised by single moms with an MIA Dad have problems, but some do (dare I say "many".)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 31, 2012 18:43:49 GMT -5
I know a lot of girls that are really attracted to 'power.' I could imagine that some girls think their teachers are powerful forces in their lives.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 31, 2012 18:45:43 GMT -5
I had some pretty rough teenage years, replete with Daddy issues. If a teacher had come onto me during that time, I was so desperate for positive older male attention I probably would've jumped at it.
A guy I went to HS with was just fired for sleeping with a 15yo student. It happens, more often than you'd think.
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jaya3300
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Post by jaya3300 on Jul 31, 2012 18:53:19 GMT -5
In high school, the male teachers were old (they all looked over the age of 40), fat, receding hairline, and generally just average to dumpy looking. I would have been grossed out if a male teacher was hitting on me.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 31, 2012 18:57:09 GMT -5
Not saying I would have done it but we had one sub at my high school fairly often. He was an asst football coach and the head coach my senior year. He was smoking hot. He was hot and he never made us do work lol.
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Post by babble on Jul 31, 2012 18:57:34 GMT -5
In high school, the male teachers were old (they all looked over the age of 40), fat, receding hairline, and generally just average to dumpy looking. I would have been grossed out if a male teacher was hitting on me. Even if the teacher was 23 and handsome, I would have been grossed out. I would have thought it was plain old creepy if this adult was attracted to a student.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jul 31, 2012 19:13:37 GMT -5
It wasn't a teacher, but the girls I knew in HS would trip over themselves when an early 20 something would hit on them. They were dense to my asking them what the hell was wrong with him that he couldn't date girls his own age that could drink and stay out late with them. They were special cuz an older guy chose them.
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Post by babble on Jul 31, 2012 19:19:40 GMT -5
It wasn't a teacher, but the girls I knew in HS would trip over themselves when an early 20 something would hit on them. They were dense to my asking them what the hell was wrong with him that he couldn't date girls his own age that could drink and stay out late with them. They were special cuz an older guy chose them. That's what I am wondering. What is wrong with the girls? The girl I knew that secretly "dated" a teacher came from the perfect happy family. In fact, she still thinks she is a princess 20 years later. ha ha ha
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 31, 2012 19:46:08 GMT -5
My brother is a HS teacher and he said that girls are constantly coming onto him, with strong sexual advances. This is a whole different world than how many of us grew up. That's how it was in our High School. And many married after the student became of age. We never heard of any teachers sexually harassing kids at our school. It was always about kids crushing on the teachers and some acting on it. Some teachers were married and acted on it so that was always the most gossiped about. One left his teacher wife for the student and later married the student. I never did get it because he was gross. To each his/her own. Oh and our school was A rated. I'm guessing that rating was for sex ed.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2012 19:48:49 GMT -5
Actually, even when I started teaching in 1974, it was a "given" that male teachers should not be alone with their female students. Many a student ruined a teacher's career (I am sure deservedly in some cases). But if a male teacher set himself up, he had only himself to blame.
My "next-door-neighbor" always asks me to do the "I noticed that you aren't in dress code" routine, and I do. He can't very well say, "I noticed that your boobs are hanging out."
Intelligent male teachers understand that teenage girls are attracted to authority figures. And then they ask their female neighbors to run interference. Stupid male teachers feed on the adoration and get in trouble before all is said-and-done.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 31, 2012 19:55:55 GMT -5
The female teachers, as Susana said Is it a given that the girls are "slutty"?
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 31, 2012 20:25:50 GMT -5
Female teachers do it too. I had a couple that got just a little too close when helping me with a problem.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 31, 2012 21:15:59 GMT -5
I had some pretty rough teenage years, replete with Daddy issues. If a teacher had come onto me during that time, I was so desperate for positive older male attention I probably would've jumped at it. A guy I went to HS with was just fired for sleeping with a 15yo student. It happens, more often than you'd think. Yes it happens and the teacher should be the one to put a stop to it. But what about the girls who are shoving it in the teacher's face? Who comes down on them for the slutty way they are acting? Really? I was a HS teacher. I assure you there is plenty of slut shaming going on in this world and in high schools. Apparently, even some women your age think that such words are appropriate to describe young girls. As far as "putting it in the teacher's face," we are talking about kids here. Many of my students (15-18) were male athletes who often ran around with their shirts off (athletically oriented prep school). I was in my early twenties and some of them flirted with me. Were they sluts? Were they putting it in my face? Should they have been punished? I never saw them as slutty or as men or as potential sexual partners. I saw them as kids, kids who I had a responsibility to treat with dignity and respect. Kids push boundaries at all ages, from all backgrounds and all genders. It was my responsibility as the adult and as the teacher to establish healthy and safe boundaries.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 31, 2012 21:22:17 GMT -5
Susan.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 31, 2012 21:22:57 GMT -5
The female teachers, as Susana said Is it a given that the girls are "slutty"? It wasn't me! Although we did have a cute teacher/adm. dude that I wouldn't mind have trying on just... ahem. Actually - the girls I'm talking about were the goody two-shoes types. Honor role students, etc. Us cussing, drinking, partying types would have never wanted a teacher! How lame! We went for the rocker bad boy types. Except there was this one time. He was married. And older... but I didn't know about it until my mom told me... Awkward!!
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jul 31, 2012 21:48:38 GMT -5
In high school, the male teachers were old (they all looked over the age of 40), fat, receding hairline, and generally just average to dumpy looking. I would have been grossed out if a male teacher was hitting on me. Even if the teacher was 23 and handsome, I would have been grossed out. I would have thought it was plain old creepy if this adult was attracted to a student. I dunno.....one of our teachers (Biology, no less!) was an alum who was a lifeguard at the town beach while he was in college. by the time we got to HS, we'd drooled over him from the time we understood what that really meant. I think if that one had ever offered an opening, there would have been a line at his door. he couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years older than us.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 31, 2012 22:10:49 GMT -5
Sure it is, and I'm not making any excuses for any teacher who crosses the line, but where are the parents who are suppose to be teaching their kids to act like ladies and gentlemen? Doing things you disapprove of surely. Ladies don't use the type of language you have to describe young girls. If you want kids to learn how to be ladies why don't you focus on acting like one and be an example?
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 31, 2012 22:31:59 GMT -5
Karma to Susan for her commentary. There will always be parents who aren't living up to the ideal, and kids who rebel against their parents (ideal or not) by hitting on their teachers. Adolescence and just beyond is somewhere between horribly confusing and a nightmare. It is absolutely the responsibility of the teachers to draw and enforce boundaries. Also to obey the law, which generally frowns on adults having sex with minors period.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 31, 2012 22:39:18 GMT -5
Doing things you disapprove of surely. Ladies don't use the type of language you have to describe young girls. If you want kids to learn how to be ladies why don't you focus on acting like one and be an example? So, you disapprove of the word slutty when a girl acts like one? Interesting as to why that is. Yes, I stopped using that word to describe human beings when I was 25 because of what I read and learned about how "slut" is used to erode the self-esteem of young girls and how it is used to justify violent behavior against women.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 31, 2012 22:59:06 GMT -5
Yes, I stopped using that word to describe human beings when I was 25 because I of what I read and learned about how slut is used to erode the self-esteem of young girls and how it is used to justify violent behavior against women. If a girl is willing to walk the walk, then she should be able to accept the talk. I was called a slut when I was 11 years old. I had never even kissed a boy and was wearing an XL sweatshirt and leggings. I was walking down the hall to the library by myself. A boy used it to shame me. It had nothing to do with my behavior. I invite you to think about women you admire and consider lady like. None of the women I know who fit that description would use words like that. Again, if you want girls to act like ladies, give them an example of lady like behavior.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2012 23:53:41 GMT -5
Another teacher has been charged with sexually assaulting a student over the age of 16. The 17 year old thought she was dating the teacher. She would go over to his house and have sex with him. She was smitten. I know it is totally wrong for teachers to do this. But, if a teacher was "hitting on you" or making inappropriate comments when you were in high school, wouldn't you have seen red flags and thought ' FREAK'? I would have reported this to another adult. Are some of the students that naive? What is the issue here? When I was in grade 9 and 14 years old I had an English teacher that a few of us girls had a crush on. He was in his mid twenties and quite handsome. He flirted with us girls and he gave me gifts...secretly. I was thrilled. He invited me to go out with him and I got scared and said no. Eventually he seduced a friend of mine who was 15 at the time. She never told her parents, and years later he did get caught in another situation. The teenage brain never once thought of reporting the teacher. I'm afraid teens often don't speak up and that is pretty normal.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Aug 1, 2012 3:17:44 GMT -5
Oh, Lone, I am not offended because of what some kid said to me 20 years ago.
I only gave the example from when I was 11 to show that the only thing separating a virgin from a "slut" is perception or, in my case, the desire of a kid to wield power over another kid.
I am offended by things you said tonight. Take some responsibility.
You and babble have said a lot of the teachers are wrong BUT....
There is no but. If I had touched one of my students inappropriately or sexually it would have been 100% on me. I would have violated my position, my power, and a kid. Talking about what is wrong with the kid or the parents or slutiness is absurd. These are kids in the hands of adults. The very title of this thread is absurd. Kids can't date their teachers. Teachers who engage sexually with their high school students are violating them, not dating them.
ETA: Finally, Lone, get some agency already. If you don't like how young girls are acting today or poverty or the direction of politics in this country, go do something about it. Volunteer. Mentor. Lead.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 1, 2012 7:37:54 GMT -5
When I was a junior on Varsity, a senior cheerleader was dating a teacher. He worked in her store part-time as well. They married after she got out of high school. We all felt she and her family basically "bought" him but whatever. We couldn't imagine marrying right out of high school and then someone so "old!" Fast forward to my senior year-her BROTHER was doing his student teaching and he was a major hunk, so basically 3 years older than me. Guess who discreetly dated the student teacher?! But it was all good because nothing sexual happened to begin with and we both knew he was to marry a nice Catholic girl from a good Catholic family that had a "name." that would not be me. Too bad they ended up divorced, so much for Cathoilc values!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2012 8:10:52 GMT -5
Karma to susan.
ETA - Misogony is bad any time, but it is especially awful when it is perpetuated by a woman.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 1, 2012 8:15:29 GMT -5
Kids call each other all kinds of horrible things. They are immature and not afraid to flaunt it.
Adults should know better. And behave better.
That goes for both name-calling and sexual relationships. I don't care if it's a male teacher or a female teacher dating a student. The adult is responsible. Period.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 1, 2012 8:19:25 GMT -5
When we were in 8th grade we got a new, what you guys would call, a homeroom teacher. He was probably ~25-28 yrs old, we never really knew for sure. Well, about a year later we started hearing rumors that he was dating a girl who was a year older than us. It was unheard of!!!! Well, now almost 25 yrs later, they are still married, have a daughter and seem pretty happy together. It's not always a sexual harassment....
Lena
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2012 8:21:53 GMT -5
What? That girls who act like sluts should not be told they are slutty acting? Jeesh. Get over it. They call each other that all the time. Where ya been? Ya know, whenever GW comments on a girl being trampy (even she doesn't use the word slut) I always ask her more about the girl. Does she get good grades? Does she have an after school job? Is she involved in any after school activities? I'm hoping it is teaching her to look at the whole person and not one trait.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 1, 2012 8:27:20 GMT -5
Because young girls are called sluts "all the time" doesn't make it acceptable to do so. I find it difficult to fathom why any adult would find it appropriate to use such a term to refer to them. If they're dressed in appropriately, or behaving inappropriately, "inappropriate" is a really good word to use when addressing the issue. Offering a hand in friendship and a bit of mentoring would probably be a lot more helpful than slinging an insult, don't you think, lonewolf?
Sexual relationships between teachers and students who are minors is, to me, just plain wrong. There is nothing to excuse it on the part of the adult. That's where the responsibility lies.
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