Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:00:33 GMT -5
As in, got a mom feeling about my son and my ipad yesterday... which has neither the same controls nor the same process of clearing history as my computer, and thus when i checked today there was quite a list ... So, is this just a normal 13 almost 14 year old boy thing? Do i address it? Do i ignore it? Not looking forward to discussing it... Any thoughts or suggestions...
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 6, 2012 21:03:34 GMT -5
Back when my brother was in middle school, which was like 15 years ago, somehow he stumble across, accidentally clicked on a site that automatically started printing out a picture of a naked lady. He was so horrified he stopped the printing and ran....leaving the half printed photo in the printer which my parents then found.
Not that that helps, but I totally flashed back to that. Beyond that I have no personal experience, though I assume it's normal. Especially if I believe Dan Savage. lol
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 6, 2012 21:04:33 GMT -5
It's normal as long it's as it's run of the mill stuff. I'd worry more if he wasn't interested. Address it that he needs to learn to clear a browsing history better.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:05:56 GMT -5
Eh, when I was 14 my mom found erotica that I was reading, flipped out. Did not stop me, I just read it at school. It is normal, just check to make sure some unnormal porn is not included.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:06:16 GMT -5
Eh, when I was 14 my mom found erotica that I was reading, flipped out. Did not stop me, I just read it at school. It is normal, just check to make sure some unnormal porn is not included.
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Wizard of Id
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Post by Wizard of Id on Aug 6, 2012 21:08:04 GMT -5
You can't worry about every little thing. He is a 15 yo boy! He is normal!
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 6, 2012 21:08:30 GMT -5
My fear would be more that virus protection on mobile operating systems is not nearly as robust as on desktops. Some x-rated sites host some very bad malware. Please install a virus scanner like lookout or avast ASAP and scan for malware.
I think you need to have a talk with him that is two-pronged: one about respectful use of tech, and the other about "things he is curious about".
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 6, 2012 21:09:54 GMT -5
It's normal at that age, hon. You do need to have that dreaded talk, though. There is stuff out there he really doesn't need to get involved with, and he needs to know that. He needs to know you understand, and you care, and that you're really glad he's your kid!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:09:59 GMT -5
I thought we could use a lighter topic...
I was thinking not to make much of it... do you think i should go through the list myself? Maybe i'll give that to husband to do...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:11:31 GMT -5
ok, yes, talk is in order, on all counts, tech, things it is normal to be interested in ... and always glad he's my kid
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 6, 2012 21:14:21 GMT -5
Message deleted by milee.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 6, 2012 21:14:32 GMT -5
I thought we could use a lighter topic... I was thinking not to make much of it... do you think i should go through the list myself? Maybe i'll give that to husband to do... Wait, you're giving your husband the list of p0rn to go through...or topics? I think her husband needs to see what his son is viewing.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Aug 6, 2012 21:16:14 GMT -5
I thought we could use a lighter topic... I was thinking not to make much of it... do you think i should go through the list myself? Maybe i'll give that to husband to do... Wait, you're giving your husband the list of p0rn to go through...or topics? Omg, this just made me think of the scene from American Pie where the dad brings the kid all the different kinds of magazines. Thanks for the laugh! Eta: Yeah, I think it's pretty normal. Had to do a talk with DS last year about what is not appropriate stuff to be checking out on the computer. *sigh*
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 6, 2012 21:17:05 GMT -5
My fear would be more that virus protection on mobile operating systems is not nearly as robust as on desktops. Some x-rated sites host some very bad malware. Please install a virus scanner like lookout or avast ASAP and scan for malware. I think you need to have a talk with him that is two-pronged: one about respectful use of tech, and the other about "things he is curious about". you may want to start with the techie talk first, and possibly table the content discussion based on the reaction of why you are giving him grief about introducing crap to your network from his perusal of questionable sites before you venture into the other. yes, it's all normal to be curious, but if he flies off the handle at the first, you may want to alter your approach for the latter. either way, good luck. I don't have kids for good reason. y'all are much braver than me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 21:28:52 GMT -5
Good to be back... I was waiting until i had a good question... ... I'll email you milee... ... and yes... we'll let the husband view the sites, although i'll probably handle the conversation... and yes, starting with the tech talk sounds like a good idea.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 6, 2012 21:38:01 GMT -5
So, is this just a normal 13 almost 14 year old boy thing? Do i address it? Do i ignore it? Not looking forward to discussing it... ---------------- Yes, it's perfectly normal and you need to discuss it. There's no good cause for dread. Sex is just another fact of life.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 6, 2012 21:42:18 GMT -5
I left the whole discussion about this sort of thing to be held between my husband and my son. Told hubby it was a "bonding issue".
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quince
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Post by quince on Aug 6, 2012 21:45:54 GMT -5
Yay, porn!
I think as long as it's not illegal stuff, and it's not where he's actually getting his sex-ed, and he KNOWS it's performance and not reality, it seems like it would be fine. Good luck with the discussion. Fine and normal do not equal Fun to Discuss, sadly. I look forward to the day when I can shift responsibility for this sort of discussion to my husband.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 22:11:53 GMT -5
It might be nice if he was taught that it degrades women/men, and it is better to focus on more healthy outlets. P.S. Don't bring up his laundry. Not all people agree with that. I am a woman and have no problem with porn in moderation, not does my husband. Oh, and no psychologist has shown any evidence that porn causes any negative views towards women.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2012 22:42:14 GMT -5
Not all people agree with anything on the entire site. I would prefer my child not think of women first as sex objects, and then as humans. Do you want to risk your child becoming addicted to porn? His over-active hormones don't need a boost. One, porn does not make men think of women as sex objects first, and two, by forbidding porn, it is more likely to be a guilty pleasure, and that means once he is free of supervision, he will do it even more. Teaching moderation is better, in most things.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 1:25:18 GMT -5
As long as they watch porn while eating Chick-fil-a, you have nothing to worry about.
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Aug 7, 2012 6:35:21 GMT -5
Just make sure he has a goodly supply of petroleum jelly on hand. You don't want any injuries!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Aug 7, 2012 7:31:11 GMT -5
Normal boy.
I would have a talk about what he's seeing in porn, making sure he understands the difference between fantasy and reality. (Even in differences like making sure both parties use protection to avoid pregnancy, making sure he understands that people are not naturally hairless, etc).
And, I'd make sure that he doesn't use porn and masturbation to self-soothe/manage his feelings. As in Oh, I'm feeling badly about my self. I feel good after spanking it, so I should do that to feel better.
My DH's sex addiction started this way, actually at about your son's age. I do believe that addiction does have a biological comportment to it. The thing about it is, you won't know if your son's brain is wired to not handle any addictive things or not until it's too late.
With our son, we won't say porn is bad (even though my H's sa almost tore our marriage apart), as that's a choice for my son and his partner to make. And, i don't think porn is inherently good or bad. But, just as we tell him that cancer and heart disease runs in the family, we will tell him that addiction issues do run in the family and that he has to be careful with everything (drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc) and learn how to manage his emotional state without any crutches.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 7:36:48 GMT -5
As a young man that use to watch porn and still do with my wife from time to time... for all that is Holy do not have the conversation with your son yourself. DO NOT!
Let your husband handle that one and please pretend you know nothing about it. Just drop it afterward till 15-20 years later when you want to embarrass him in front of his significant other.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 7:46:59 GMT -5
As soon as I taught DS how to use a search engine to look for video game cheats, he found more creative things to search for. He was horrified when I read off the sites he'd been visiting from the History file. I told him I knew it was out there, and now I knew that he knew what was out there, and not to overdo it and if he used my cc to pay for it he was in deep trouble. That was it. He's now an evangelical Christian. ;D .. for all that is Holy do not have the conversation with your son yourself. DO NOT! Let your husband handle that one and please pretend you know nothing about it. Just drop it afterward till 15-20 years later when you want to embarrass him in front of his significant other. My Ex was out of the house and useless as a mentor or role model. I think I did OK. And DS is bringing a serious contender for The Mother of My Grandchildren to meet us this weekend. The subject will not be brought up. That was about 15 years ago- faced with the same situation now, I'd definitely add concerns about computer viruses and malware, and remind him that he should not expect sex between real people to look like what he sees on the screen.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 7, 2012 7:48:40 GMT -5
bump for missing posts
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Aug 7, 2012 8:20:35 GMT -5
"You really don't know how a teenage boy brain works do you?"
Have to agree with this. Boys are just walking bags of hormones. They can't help it. I agree that jumping on this with too much of a heavy hand will actually backfire. (My SIL caught her 18 year old son looking at women's chestal areas on-line and you would have thought he killed the family dog.)
It's not deviant for men to want to look at naked women. That's why all those stone carvers in Rome and Greece made all those beautiful naked statues. It makes them happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 8:44:26 GMT -5
So, I had the talk... with husband. I love him and he's an awesome provider, good dad, but isn't always the most savvy with deeper kid issues, but i do think this should be his discussion to have with son. We talked about how he would handle it (ok, i told him how i thought he should handle it...) ... conversational and not accusatory, focus first on the fact that its normal to be curious, asking what questions he has about sex that might still need answered, stressing that porn is fantasy and not reality, and that while fantasy is good, the internet is full of everyones fantasies and not all of them are healthy or appropriate, and in addition those type of sites are generally full of viruses and Malawi which can ruin electronics, not to mention that like any other screen activity he seems to get sucked into, porn does have an addictive quality one must be aware of... and that it might be best to stick with reading material for now... and in private and moderation of course...
Thanks, because i'm not sure i would have been able to hit all those points without you mentioning them... now we'll see how follow through goes with husband ...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 7, 2012 9:20:03 GMT -5
OMG, that is one of the best autocorrects I've seen. lol!
And kudos to your DH for stepping up and agreeing to have "the chat" with DS.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 9:25:58 GMT -5
I agree with the "this is normal" camp. I wouldn't even sweat what sites he is looking at. At 14, he doesn't need p0rn to get turned on - that is his constant state of being. So he may be googling weird stuff just because it is weird.
Rule 34 of the internet: if it exists, there is p0rn of it. It takes some very weird googling to prove that rule to yourself. And there are a lot of shocking, gross out-type memes that all of us know about. The average bear isn't going to like 2 girls, 1 cup - that is a very niche market - and yet, sooner or later, everybody looks it up. (seriously, don't look it up)
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