Ever feel like not going home?

[Sum Dum Gai]

And what do you suggest if one is done doing that.

Nag the kids to give you grandchildren and focus on them... *shrug*

Or take up golf I guess.

[Phoenix84]

"...I've got a sister..."

I would ask if she's cute, but I know the answer is always a "hell no" from a sibling. At least, that's the way I feel about my sister, I could never see her as "attractive." Party because your sister is always a doo doo head in your eyes, and partly because you know all your siblings annoying habbits and ideosyncracies.

"Are you actually in Phoenix? My other friend LOVED AZ!!!! LOL!"

Nope, Colorado. I actually have tried getting out more and doing things outside. But it doesn't seem to help. It just makes me feel like I'm even more desperate.

My name has nothing to do with the city of Phoenix, my name refers to the mythological bird that rises from the ashes. My avatar is of the phoenix nebula.

"The grand kids are about all that keeps us having fun with life, anymore. Oh, and gambling."

Glad to see others have/had the same problems.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 30, 2012 17:57:21 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"...I've got a sister..."

I would ask if she's cute, but I know the answer is always a "hell no" from a sibling. At least, that's the way I feel about my sister, I could never see her as "attractive." Party because your sister is always a doo doo head in your eyes, and partly because you know all your siblings annoying habbits and ideosyncracies.

"Are you actually in Phoenix? My other friend LOVED AZ!!!! LOL!"

Nope, Colorado. I actually have tried getting out more and doing things outside. But it doesn't seem to help. It just makes me feel like I'm even more desperate.

My name has nothing to do with the city of Phoenix, my name refers to the mythological bird that rises from the ashes. My avatar is of the phoenix nebula.

...hey, both my sisters are cute! ...so please don't read anything into the fact that my second suggestion was to contact your local dog rescue...

[Formerly SK]

Hugs to you OP - I'm in the exact opposite situation (10,000 things to do and not enough time) but I can sympathize.

I think you need to put one foot in front of the other. Don't find THE thing to do, just find one thing. For example, the kids and I are doing Meals on Wheels this summer every Friday. My intention was to teach them about charity, but it has really impacted me as well. We're in our 4th or 5th week and now that I've gotten to know the people, it's gotten even more fun and meaningful. You could do something like that, and even if you hate it you may end up talking with someone who leads you in a different direction. Don't feel like you have to make these huge, Life Identifying decisions...just pick something that will kill an hour or two and see how you like it.

Or, do something like realize you haven't read nearly enough classics and find the top 100 list or something. For example, I just put Lord of the Flies on my Kindle...been meaning to read that FOREVER.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

...and btw, we're going to beat you guys on Sept. 9... ;D

[Phoenix84]

I haven't responded to the individual suggestions. While I do appreceaite them, the point is I don't have an interest in those things. I could soldier on and try them out, but what if they still don't appeal to me? Like lonewolf said, it'd be trying to fake having a good time, and hoping you have one by accident, or that it grows on you. The other issue as I said is grad school, I am somewhat limited in that I can't choose any activity that requires regular meeting time(s).

[kittensaver]

Jul 30, 2012 18:01:45 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

I think you need to put one foot in front of the other. Don't find THE thing to do, just find one thing. . . and even if you hate it you may end up talking with someone who leads you in a different direction. Don't feel like you have to make these huge, Life Identifying decisions...just pick something that will kill an hour or two and see how you like it.

This! You don't need a "forever" plan to pull you out of the doldrums, you just need a "right now" plan. Good luck to you!

You live in beautiful CO? Howzabout joining a hiking group? You have gorgeous mountains and scenery.

[Formerly SK]

Jul 30, 2012 18:05:50 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I haven't responded to the individual suggestions. While I do appreceaite them, the point is I don't have an interest in those things. I could soldier on and try them out, but what if they still don't appeal to me? Like lonewolf said, it'd be trying to fake having a good time, and hoping you have one by accident, or that it grows on you. The other issue as I said is grad school, I am somewhat limited in that I can't choose any activity that requires regular meeting time(s).

So go do it and hate it. Worst case it'll make you want to go home.

[midjd]

I'm sorry you're feeling adrift, Phoenix. If you were still in the Indy area there are a few (cute) friends I could set you up with. (Of course, if you ever visit, I'd hang out with ya!)

It's hard to meet people if you're an introvert and living away from your family/social networks. I went through that in college - all my friends went to IU together, I went south. I started dating someone I met in class and should've broken up with him at the year mark, but hung on for almost 3 years because he was my only friend within a 4-hour drive. For the first semester after I broke up with him, I literally went to class, grabbed a sandwich, ate in my room while doing homework, and went to sleep. It was pretty depressing (and I'm sure I was depressed at the time).

Are there any other athletic activities you like other than martial arts? And are you better in large groups, small groups, or one-on-one? If you were a woman, I'd tell you to join roller derby - if it weren't for that, I still wouldn't know anyone in this city. Hey, maybe you could ref roller derby! Most single refs end up dating skaters...

Trivia nights at bars are also fun.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Most single refs end up dating skaters...

Bummer! It was sounding like a good plan until you got to this part. Derby chicks are scary. You might as well date a pit bull, at least it'll be sweet sometimes.

[kittensaver]

Hey!!! One of my best friends is a Derby Chick. She's not scary at all.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Your honor the prosecution rests.

[midjd]

Hey! I am nice AT LEAST 20% of the time. So

One of my teammates has the highest, squeakiest little-girl voice ever. She sounds like Kerri Strug. It is so adorable when she says, "That was a penalty, bitch!"

[Phoenix84]

"It's hard to meet people if you're an introvert and living away from your family/social networks. I went through that in college - all my friends went to IU together, I went south. I started dating someone I met in class and should've broken up with him at the year mark, but hung on for almost 3 years because he was my only friend within a 4-hour drive. For the first semester after I broke up with him, I literally went to class, grabbed a sandwich, ate in my room while doing homework, and went to sleep. It was pretty depressing (and I'm sure I was depressed at the time)."

That's part of it too. I don't really have any friends in the area. I have a couple of friends, but they're out of state and I only see them a couple of times a year. Almost everyone I work with is quite a bit older, and those who are my age are either married already or single and partying.

"If you were still in the Indy area there are a few (cute) friends I could set you up with. (Of course, if you ever visit, I'd hang out with ya!)"

As I said, i live in Colorado, but I'm from the Indy area (in fact you probably would recognize the high school and college I graduated from). My folks still live in the Indy area. I might take you up on that offer next time I visit, but likely won't be in the area until the holidays.

[tallguy]

Jul 30, 2012 16:54:10 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...I've got a sister...

Uh-oh. Be afraid. Be very afraid. That is far too sly a smile to be messing with. Brings to mind this:

Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of bein' my deliv'rance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein

[Deleted]

I was just talking to DH about this... How come these childless singletons are all putzing around the house and not doing anything? OMG, the things I would do if I had no kid or husband!

I'm not terribly outgoing, so I can sort of relate to that point. Do some charity work. You're Christian - what about Habitat for Humanity? And that reminded me that I need to check out my local chapter. Or travel! Get your ass out there and see as much as you can before you're weighed down by a kid and wife! Make a list of things you'd like to do before you turn 30 (and no, don't include "get married and have kids") and start ticking things off. You need to make the most of the free time you have because it will be SEVERELY diminished once you marry and procreate.

[violagirl]

If you like martial arts why are you using a potential scheduling conflict that doesn't even exist yet hold you back? Life is short.

"If you never did, you should. These things are fun. And fun is good." dr. Suess

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 30, 2012 19:06:07 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"It's hard to meet people if you're an introvert and living away from your family/social networks. I went through that in college - all my friends went to IU together, I went south. I started dating someone I met in class and should've broken up with him at the year mark, but hung on for almost 3 years because he was my only friend within a 4-hour drive. For the first semester after I broke up with him, I literally went to class, grabbed a sandwich, ate in my room while doing homework, and went to sleep. It was pretty depressing (and I'm sure I was depressed at the time)."

That's part of it too. I don't really have any friends in the area. I have a couple of friends, but they're out of state and I only see them a couple of times a year. Almost everyone I work with is quite a bit older, and those who are my age are either married already or single and partying.

"If you were still in the Indy area there are a few (cute) friends I could set you up with. (Of course, if you ever visit, I'd hang out with ya!)"

As I said, i live in Colorado, but I'm from the Indy area (in fact you probably would recognize the high school and college I graduated from). My folks still live in the Indy area. I might take you up on that offer next time I visit, but likely won't be in the area until the holidays.

...are you really Peyton Manning?
...and "grad school" that's starting soon is really code for regular season?

...if so, thanks for all you've done so far, good job on getting better, and scoring a new contract... and rest assured, we're still gonna beat you Sept. 9th...

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 30, 2012 20:37:02 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Jul 30, 2012 16:54:10 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...I've got a sister...

Uh-oh. Be afraid. Be very afraid. That is far too sly a smile to be messing with. Brings to mind this:

Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of bein' my deliv'rance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein

[flopsy]

I don't have a heck of a lot of interests either and the ones I do have tend to keep me away from other people.

Random things I've done over the past year to get me out of the house and around people...
Crashed people's sporting events
Tagged along with people who have work out routines (joined a class and started running outside)
Inserted myself into a not for profit tutoring group (something I'm actually good at)
Asked people to have drinks with me

Heck I'm even studying for the first actuarial exam because a coworker of mine knew I am decent with math and wanted someone to help her keep motivated. We meet up and do some practice problems and then go for food or drinks.

[susanb]

Join an online dating site already. Seriously. Don't go on craigslist (sorry, Dark). Think Match or something.

Some people are still weird about online dating, but here is what I liked about it. Guys who asked me out in person were usually cocky chest pounding types. This could be because I attract that type of guy, but it could also be because it takes a lot to ask someone out face to face when you grew up on social media interactions.

I like guys who are ambitious, curious, and intelligent. Guys like you. I am married and too old for you, so I am not trying to pick up on you, but I did a fair amount of online dating in my twenties. I met cool people. It was easy. Also, if we didn't click there was a lot less awkwardness than when I met someone off line.

[resolution]

I went through a phase like that for about six months after a bad breakup. I would stay at work from 7am to about 9 at night until a coworker noticed and started escorting me to my car to make sure I left. I just didn't want to go home because there was nothing there. Looking back I am not sure what snapped me out of it except that over time I adjusted to my situation and returned to my normal acceptance of life.

What type of video games do you like to play? If you play the interactive ones, have you joined a gaming guild or clan? If you play a bunch of games rather than just one, you can still probably find a group that plays multiple games and communicates on vent or xfire or something. Its not the same as friends in person, but gamer friends can still be close enough to snap you out of things and give you a reason to come home.

[Phoenix84]

"Join an online dating site already. Seriously. Don't go on craigslist (sorry, Dark). Think Match or something."

My dating life is a whole 'nother story. I actually have tried dating sites several times over the last 5 years or so. My dating escipades were covered in a thread some time ago, but the short version is I'll send out a lot of e-mails, get a few responses, get even fewer calls, get even fewer dates, and typically no one wants to see me past the first date (second if I'm lucky).

Eventually I felt I was wasting my time and money on them. I haven't tried dating since last October.

"I like guys who are ambitious, curious, and intelligent. Guys like you. I am married and too old for you, so I am not trying to pick up on you, but I did a fair amount of online dating in my twenties."

LOL, don't worry . I don't interpret anything on these boards as someone trying to pick up on me. But I appreceaite the sentiment nonethelesss

"What type of video games do you like to play? If you play the interactive ones, have you joined a gaming guild or clan?"

I don't play much in the way of interactive ones. I used to play world of warcraft, but haven't in a few years. I typically avoid those types of games because that's one of the few addictive tendancies I have. I went overboard on WOW in college and it hurt my grades. Though (and it's hard to admit this) the video games are just a vice to numb my depression. When you're absorbed in one, things don't seem so bad.

It's better than drinking I suppose.

"..if so, thanks for all you've done so far, good job on getting better, and scoring a new contract... and rest assured, we're still gonna beat you Sept. 9th..."

Nope, can't say I'm Paton. Though I do find it ironic he followed me out here.

[Green Eyed Lady]

You seem like an intelligent, open and nice guy. There are lots of places to meet other singles if that's what you want. I'd avoid the local watering holes like the plague. I find I never want to spend time with someone who spends much time in those! And no way on God's green Earth I'd get on any internet dating site.

Wait...I'm sitting here alone, too. Never mind!!!

[Phoenix84]

GEL, you should consider dating sites. They aren't that bad. Obviously you have to take some precautions, but most people on there are like you. Just regular every day joes and janes looking to meet someone. Most of them are quality people. I haven't had luck with them, but that hasn't really had anything to do with the sites themselves or the quality of people I meet on them.

I've never met any of the crazies in person, but I've seen a few profiles that scream

I know you're a Christian, so you should consider sites like Christianmingle. I've tried that and the mainstream site match.

[Green Eyed Lady]

We'll see, Phoenix. I'm fine being alone for awhile. I don't have the confidence in my own judgment right now, nor do I trust what I do not know. Sometimes a person has to spend some time alone to learn what it takes to be with another.

The best to you!

[Colleenz]

If you are looking for a relationship, pass the word. Let every coworker, buddy, great aunt Bessy etc. know. These people know they will need to see you again, so are less likely to set you up with crazy. Also, grad school is a great place to make new circles of friends. My marriage did not work out so well, but I did meet him the very first day of grad school. Good luck!

[CarolinaKat]

Jul 31, 2012 2:18:53 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"Join an online dating site already. Seriously. Don't go on craigslist (sorry, Dark). Think Match or something."

My dating life is a whole 'nother story. I actually have tried dating sites several times over the last 5 years or so. My dating escipades were covered in a thread some time ago, but the short version is I'll send out a lot of e-mails, get a few responses, get even fewer calls, get even fewer dates, and typically no one wants to see me past the first date (second if I'm lucky).

Eventually I felt I was wasting my time and money on them. I haven't tried dating since last October.

That sounds like what DF said. He ended up on one cause his friend decided he was bored and put him there. I lost a bet and ended up on it. He found me there.

I did end up on one date with a guy who challenged me to a round of shots (which I won) then he threw up on my shoes!!!! So if you're doing that, that's why you don't get 2nd dates FYI

[CarolinaKat]

Do you like rock-climbing? I have some co-workers who have a group that do that as a group activity, they have all skill levels, and I would think that in Colorado that would be a perfect place to learn and take up that kind of a hobby?

Just a thought

[flopsy]

Jul 31, 2012 2:18:53 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

LOL, don't worry . I don't interpret anything on these boards as someone trying to pick up on me.

How you doin'?