So, what do you do?

[susanb]

What do you do?

Recently I have been taking some classes, mostly for fun. All of my classmates ask me what I do for work. It doesn't bother me, but it does take me off guard because people I normally spend time with don't ask this question. I would never ask an acquaintance this question as part of small talk.

Two weeks ago, I went to a charity auction and met about one hundred people. Not one person asked me about my job. We talked about business and most of us were there to network, but still, this question never came up.

So, what do you think? Is this a question that you are often asked as part of small talk? Is it a question you ask? If so, which social functions do you ask it at?

[thyme4change]

I ask people this all the time. The reason I ask is because I love business, and I love meeting people who talk about their business. I've been to parties where I can sit with someone for an hour and talk about their industry and their company and the challenges they face. People spend more time working than any other single activity. Many people definie themselves by their chosen profession. To not even so much as know what someone does is to ignore a huge part of them. It is like saying that you don't know if your best friend has children.

I'm not sure how you talk about business without revealing what you do for a living.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

...fwiw, when in a training environment, such as classes, workshops, etc., I find it relevant to discuss my employment... when in most social settings, it's not relevant... I answer at my whimsy... but I've never developed post-its... yet...

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 12:32:46 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I ask people this all the time. The reason I ask is because I love business, and I love meeting people who talk about their business. I've been to parties where I can sit with someone for an hour and talk about their industry and their company and the challenges they face. People spend more time working than any other single activity. Many people definie themselves by their chosen profession. To not even so much as know what someone does is to ignore a huge part of them. It is like saying that you don't know if your best friend has children.

I'm not sure how you talk about business without revealing what you do for a living.

I like talking about business also. As I mentioned, I was at a networking event where all of us talked about business, but we didn't directly ask the question "what do you do." People talk about their work, some even about their jobs, but in my social world, everyone does this without asking directly.

For example, at the party I mentioned people did introductions that went along the lines of "Susan this is George. He is also in the X space and has done some work with the consulting firm you are thinking about hiring." And, we were off.....We talked a lot about our industry and business, but not that much about our specific jobs.

I don't know what George's exact job was, but I know that he was either a c-level or an owner in his company or both. I didn't have to ask, and he didn't have to tell me.

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 12:36:04 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...fwiw, when in a training environment, such as classes, workshops, etc., I find it relevant to discuss my employment... when in most social settings, it's not relevant... I answer at my whimsy... but I've never developed post-its... yet...

Yeah, if it were in my biz class, I wouldn't find it odd.

However, it has been in my cooking and meditation classes. I don't want to talk about work in meditation class.

[Phoenix84]

I don't find the question about what you do for a living odd.

"I ask people this all the time. The reason I ask is because I love business, and I love meeting people who talk about their business."

And you're contemplating being a SAHM? It sounds to me like you'd be very unhappy with that "line of work" if you love business.

[thyme4change]

For example, at the party I mentioned people did introductions that went along the lines of "Susan this is George. He is also in the X space and has done some work with the consulting firm you are thinking about hiring." And, we were off.....We talked a lot about our industry and business, but not that much about our specific jobs.

If I was introduced in this manner, than yes, asking "What do you do" would be a little repetitive and would be awkward. The conversation would likely give away some clues, or at least you know in general which way you should go. I'm thinking about when I went to a friend's party and I was standing next to the potato chips and someone comes up and says "How do you know George" and I answer "We went to college together, and you?" And they answer "I did some consulting for his business and we became friends" and I answer "Oh, what kind of consulting do you do?" Or, for another example, we are sitting at our college children's soccer practice, and we sit there and talk about school and the kids for 5 weeks worth of practices and games, and one day he shows up with her laptop and says "Everything exploded today, I have to see if I can work this through." and I say "Oh, what do you do?"

[Apple]

I don't really find it odd either. My guess is that if it is a business/networking related thing, you can probably get an idea of what someone "does" by talking about the work itself (like in your example). However, anything I do work related (conference) etc, you always get asked what you do--it can answer a lot of questions with just one answer. "I'm an electrician/operator/mechanic/admin/ranger/whatever" along with your grade, says so much about what you "should" know or do. Most people are shocked with my answer

[thyme4change]

And you're contemplating being a SAHM? It sounds to me like you'd be very unhappy with that "line of work" if you love business.

I'm actually contemplating being a consultant. But even if I did quit, it would be a temporary situation - 2 years at the most.

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:06:05 GMT -5 Apple said:

I don't really find it odd either. My guess is that if it is a business/networking related thing, you can probably get an idea of what someone "does" by talking about the work itself (like in your example). However, anything I do work related (conference) etc, you always get asked what you do--it can answer a lot of questions with just one answer. "I'm an electrician/operator/mechanic/admin/ranger/whatever" along with your grade, says so much about what you "should" know or do. Most people are shocked with my answer

Interesting. I guess this is just it. Many people at parties I go to can't really explain what they do with one noun or title, such as electrician. Also, there were a lot of people at the charity auction who do not work for a living, yet are still involved in business, mostly as investors. Others simply do not work for money. The chance of that question ending in an awkward way is just too high.

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:05:12 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I'm thinking about when I went to a friend's party and I was standing next to the potato chips

Or, for another example, we are sitting at our college children's soccer practice

I agree that you can ask this question at any party where potato chips are served and on the sidelines of soccer practice.

Honestly, this is kind of my point. There are events where it is okay to ask this question, such as a BBQ, conference, etc...I completely concede that there are occasions where it is normal to ask this question.

I am just also asserting that there are lots of other events where it isn't normally done.

[hoops902]

:: Many people at parties I go to can't really explain what they do with one noun or title, such as electrician. ::

Sure they can, they can probably all explain it in a noun or title, they just think they're too important to simplify it that much.

"I'm an entrepreneur" "I'm an investor" "I work in finance"

If someone asks me, my default answer is always "I work in insurance". Almost no one cares what your actual job title is, or even what you do day-to-day. You got much more info about someone's job from the networking than most people want from the "what do you do" question. Which makes sense, there's no question being asked because everyone's being introduced with their job. "What do you do" is a general question, it's not "how many hours do you spend on which tasks at your activity which provides your primary income". I think the issue is you're just reading way too much into the question. It doesn't come up socially because everyone already knows the answer.

::I don't want to talk about work in meditation class.:

Who says they want to "talk about work"? Just because someone asks if you have kids doesn't mean they want to talk about raising them. Just because someone asks if you're married doesn't mean they want to talk about your relationship. Part of who someone is, is how they spend their days.

[hoops902]

::I am just also asserting that there are lots of other events where it isn't normally done.::

Such as?

It's pretty much normally done everywhere in my experience. And so far your examples of where it's not done, it's only not done because everyone's basically starting off with "this is what I do".

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:32:49 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

:: Many people at parties I go to can't really explain what they do with one noun or title, such as electrician. ::

Sure they can, they can probably all explain it in a noun or title, they just think they're too important to simplify it that much.

"I'm an entrepreneur" "I'm an investor" "I work in finance"

Actually, the people I know who don't lead in with their job aren't full of self importance. If they were, they could easily run around wowing people with titles.

What if they are an investor, entrepreneur and an inventor? Should they say that? Wouldn't you think they were a self-important ass if they did? Should they say one, perhaps the one most relevant to you and your work? If they run around a party saying that they have different jobs, they might look like a liar. It isn't always so simple.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 29, 2012 13:41:59 GMT -5 susanb said:

Jul 29, 2012 13:32:49 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

:: Many people at parties I go to can't really explain what they do with one noun or title, such as electrician. ::

Sure they can, they can probably all explain it in a noun or title, they just think they're too important to simplify it that much.

"I'm an entrepreneur" "I'm an investor" "I work in finance"

Actually, the people I know who don't lead in with their job aren't full of self importance. If they were, they could easily run around wowing people with titles.

What if they are an investor, entrepreneur and an inventor? Should they say that? Wouldn't you think they were a self-important ass if they did? Should they say one, perhaps the one most relevant to you and your work? If they run around a party saying that they have different jobs, they might look like a liar. It isn't always so simple.

...like, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you"...

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

...and, full disclosure, I'm full of self-importance... but I do try to tone down my arrogance... ;D

[hoops902]

::Actually, the people I know who don't lead in with their job aren't full of self importance. If they were, they could easily run around wowing people with titles. ::

I didn't say people who DON'T lead in with their job, i said people who act like they CAN'T narrow it down to something simple.

::If they run around a party saying that they have different jobs::

The question isn't "what is your job title", it's "what do you do". Those are not the same thing.

::What if they are an investor, entrepreneur and an inventor?::

You're hinged on a title. If I tell you I'm in insurance, I haven't narrowed it from salesperson, regulator, CEO, etc. If people care more about it, they'll ask. People who pull the "well I can't just give a general idea because then you won't understand how important I really am" are self-important asses.

:: If they were, they could easily run around wowing people with titles. ::

Wow who exactly? Anyone big enough to wow someone is either already well-known, or the people you hang out with are easily impressed. Though again, you seem incredibly hung up on "titles", which no one really cares about.

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:46:13 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...and, full disclosure, I'm full of self-importance... but I do try to tone down my arrogance... ;D

Full disclosure for me, I grew up in a middle class family in a hick town. DH is from a working class family in a hick town. We have been running in completely different circles for the last four years. The learning curve has been steep. We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon. We could both go to a sports bar all day without offending anyone.

I am not asking these questions to give anyone a manner lesson, I am just trying to figure out the rules, as many of them as I can, so that I can interact with as many people, from as many backgrounds as possible.

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:50:40 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Though again, you seem incredibly hung up on "titles", which no one really cares about.

I don't care about titles. Which is why I never ask people what their title is.

[hoops902]

"Well, I do many things really, I dabble in banking, some work in global energy sources, oil mostly. I'm also highly invested in the transportation sector. Mostly though, and really my passion, is marketing."

"Ummmm ok, but what is it you do exactly, in simple terms?"

"Gas station cashier"

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 29, 2012 13:50:44 GMT -5 susanb said:

Jul 29, 2012 13:46:13 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...and, full disclosure, I'm full of self-importance... but I do try to tone down my arrogance... ;D

Full disclosure for me, I grew up in a middle class family in a hick town. DH is from a working class family in a hick town. We have been running in completely different circles for the last four years. The learning curve has been steep. We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon. We could both go to a sports bar all day without offending anyone.

I am not asking these questions to give anyone a manner lesson, I am just trying to figure out the rules, as many of them as I can, so that I can interact with as many people, from as many backgrounds as possible.

...interesting... in part, because your background is only part of you today... imo...

...iow, I'd consider it more revealing if you tell me about your employment and environment, then your parents...

...and you raise valid points about your pursuit in this matter... learning through experience and the experiences of others... I hope you'll find this thread helpful...

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 29, 2012 13:55:23 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

"Well, I do many things really, I dabble in banking, some work in global energy sources, oil mostly. I'm also highly invested in the transportation sector. Mostly though, and really my passion, is marketing."

"Ummmm ok, but what is it you do exactly, in simple terms?"

"Gas station cashier"

...well, it's true, isn't it?

[hoops902]

Jul 29, 2012 13:52:59 GMT -5 susanb said:

Jul 29, 2012 13:50:40 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Though again, you seem incredibly hung up on "titles", which no one really cares about.

I don't care about titles. Which is why I never ask people what their title is.

You seem to interpret "what do you do" as "what's your title" though. It's not.

You can interpret it the same as "where are you from?". You might answer with where you were born, where you grew up, where you live now. Whatever. People don't really care. You could say "Tallahassee" as easily as you could say "The South".

If I'm at a company event and someone says "what do you do", that probably means title or something close, because they already know what company I work for. If I'm at a random bar the answer is probably "insurance".

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 29, 2012 13:58:48 GMT -5 @rj said:

We have been running in completely different circles for the last four years. The learning curve has been steep. We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon

My point. way to tight

...that's too tight, buster...

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 13:58:48 GMT -5 @rj said:

We have been running in completely different circles for the last four years. The learning curve has been steep. We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon

My point. way to tight

Be that as it may, if we want to continue to grow our business, we don't really have a choice. We are not going to change the business world in our city and industry. We can adapt to the rules already in place or we can choose not to play. We choose to adapt.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Jul 29, 2012 14:04:43 GMT -5 @rj said:

Jul 29, 2012 14:00:09 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...that's too tight, buster...

So you see my point where people try to prove they are better than the other

[hoops902]

::We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon.::

By asking what someone does? Or something altogether different? Maybe you have an example?

I think for me what's throwing it off is that you think it's ok to ask this around a bowl of chips, or at a soccer game...but then you seem socially offended that someone would ask you this at a cooking class. I guess I might understand the line of questioning better if you were comparing a soccer game and a board of directors meeting. But you seem to be comparing 2 relatively similar social settings.

[hoops902]

::Susan this is George. He is also in the X space::

Self Important Ass Rule #1, always refer to what you do as "the _____ space".

[susanb]

Jul 29, 2012 14:07:12 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

::We have both made some social errors that have been frowned upon.::

By asking what someone does? Or something altogether different? Maybe you have an example?

I think for me what's throwing it off is that you think it's ok to ask this around a bowl of chips, or at a soccer game...but then you seem socially offended that someone would ask you this at a cooking class. I guess I might understand the line of questioning better if you were comparing a soccer game and a board of directors meeting. But you seem to be comparing 2 relatively similar social settings.

Example of my social error: I started talking to someone at a party that I hadn't been introduced to. My background tells me this is social and friendly and good behavior at a party. The glare from the person who brought me to the party told me that I shouldn't start chatting people up until/unless I was introduced.

I was not offended that I was asked at about work at a cooking class. In fact, I specifically stated that I was not upset, but surprised. I don't think it is a problem. I am just wondering where/when other people think it is okay/not okay to ask this question.