Would you call the cops on your child?

[Deleted]

I am freaking fuming right now.

My mom just informed me that my aunt is being harassed by collectors for credit cards account that she opened, maxed out, never paid and are now in collections.

Here is the thing: she never opened them, her beloved, only child, good for nothing son did. He also got my aunt to purchase/finance furniture under her name for him, never paid and now she has to pay them back.

She is paying back the furniture but was completely blindsided by the credit cards. She is making $13/Hr in NJ and barely can make ends meet and always giving her son money (mostly because of her two grandkids, he uses them to get money from her).

My mom called me with her on the line and I told her all she can do is file a police report for identity thief and let the cops/banks go after her son. She refuses to do that and yet cannot afford to pay back the money. Instead she wants to try to talk to her son and get him to pay, I wished her good luck!

I love going home and miss my family, but crap like this make me thankful I moved far far away.

On the other hand, one of my wife cousin attendees to strangle his mother then try to burn her with hot water. What did the aunt do? Nothing since she did not want to ruin his life... So now he is living with another aunt rent free while mom keeps on paying his Student loans. Yet they found him stealing from the uncle bakery and he did not get fired, stills works there.

Maybe when I have a kid my heart will softened and I will understand; but for now I say call the cops on their asses.

[swamp]

I have kids, and if they pull crap like that, I will call the cops on them.

[Deleted]

I don't think I would. But I don't know how I would react in that situation.

[Plain Old Petunia]

<< Maybe when I have a kid my heart will softened and I will understand; but for now I say call the cops on their asses. >>

You don't do a kid any favors by molly coddling them their entire lives. Just look what they turn into. Your inclination is spot on.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jesus, there is having a soft spot for your kid and then there is being so deep in denial it's scary. Your families are off their rockers. I can't believe you'd let your kid get away with nearly killing you.

[Deleted]

I had a laptop go missing. My son was the last person that had it and wouldn't give me a straight story about what happened to it, saying he'd let someone use it. I took DS with me to the police station and they followed me to that person's house. I knew they couldn't force the person to give it to me if my son had given it to them, but I wanted my son to know I wasn't playing with him and if he got caught up in his lies, oh well. As far as I was concerned, he'd stolen the laptop since I'd let him use it and it came up missing.

[Firebird]

On the other hand, one of my wife cousin attendees to strangle his mother then try to burn her with hot water. What did the aunt do? Nothing since she did not want to ruin his life... So now he is living with another aunt rent free while mom keeps on paying his Student loans. Yet they found him stealing from the uncle bakery and he did not get fired, stills works there.

Erm... WHAT??!? WHAT WHAT WHAT THE FUCK?!

I can understand not reporting your kid for identity theft or drug possession (I mean, I might do it depending on the circumstances but I can understand why people wouldn't), but ASSAULT? On YOU?! Not only would I be reporting my kid, I would be filing for a restraining order (in between asking myself what the hell I did wrong, of course).

[raeoflyte]

I really hope I don't enable my kids and at this point I think I'd call the cops for any of those situations. I've seen family and friends try so hard to help with no success that I really don't want to become that person.

[Deleted]

Yes, i would call the cops on my kids depending on the circumstances. If my kid was involved with drugs, i would absolutely call the cops if they start down that road because a few years in jail to hopefully straighten up would be far more humane in my opinion than a lifetime of addiction. My teen son is 6'3" and very imposing. If he ever acted in a physically aggressive way toward me or his sibs, i would call the cops if i thought he was out of control. Fortunately, he is a gentle giant, except on the football field. So, yes, i would. Because in most instances, i think it is better for someone to own up to the wrong they did and take the consequences even if it meant jail because in the long run i think they would come out a better person than if not. It isn't a great choice but sometimes the right and necessary choice.

[jaya3300]

I don't have kids but I'd like to think that I'd be able to call the cops on my child if the child was involved in a heinous crime toward me or society.

I use to watch the tv show "I Almost Got Away With It" and was stunned and furious by how parents/families enabled, supported, and aided their children in the comission of the crime, flight from law enforcement, and life on the run.

[strider]

Wow, I would never do this to my mom. Awful!

[Phoenix84]

For violent crimes like assult then yes, no question.

For non violent crimes like petty theft or "identity theft" don't know. Would depend on the circumstances

[NancysSummerSip]

Would call the police in either scenario, be it assault or identity theft. Blood may be thicker than water, but often it is no better. Identity theft is stealing, and leaving the parent/victim holding the bag is a form of financial assault - on their wallet, their credit rating and depending on the amount in question, their ability to retire, to travel, or just plain live the way they want to in the future. It has to be difficult to make that call and possibly see a child go to jail. I've seen a number of cases like that; including one in my own family.

[jaya3300]

Jul 24, 2012 13:00:24 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

For violent crimes like assult then yes, no question.

For non violent crimes like petty theft or "identity theft" don't know. Would depend on the circumstances

If a family member took $1000 or less from me, I'm not sure if I would call the cops. They'd never be allowed in my house again though.

If a family member stole my identity, I sure as hell would call the cops. Identity theft has long lasting impact and it usually takes years to resolve.

[Deleted]

The guy on Law and Order said something once that always stuck with me. To paraphrase it was on the lines of "I was devastated the day I realised I was raised by an asshole. I can't imagine realizing I had raised one."

[Firebird]

If a family member stole my identity, I sure as hell would call the cops. Identity theft has long lasting impact and it usually takes years to resolve.

Especially if it's done by a family member. Harder to prove.

[reader79]

When my brother was around 12 or 13, he ordered a bunch of stuff online using my dad's debit card. Sneakers, a customized football jersey, xbox, games, etc. My parents only found out when my sister was home one day when the UPS guy came with multiple packages. My mom hit the wall. She sent back what she could, and took some of it back to the store (gamestop) in person. The jersey was unreturnable. He was grounded for a bit, but he never really took responsibility for what he did. He still thinks that my parents have unlimited disposable funds, and that he should have access to them.

I tried to have a conversation with my mother about him recently, but she is in denial. He is scheduled to go away to college at the end of the month. The school (or the feds?) have given him a $5K loan, but there is just over $12K due for the year with room/board and assorted other fees. I do understand that my parents financial situation is different now then from when I went to school back in '96, but my parents are now going to take out a PLUS loan.

I asked my mother who was going to pay back the loan, and she said that my brother was. She said 'You paid off our joint loan when we took it out.' I told her the difference was A - that was only $2500? maybe, for one semester only. She is talking about $12K/yr for four (or more) years. And that my brother will not feel obligated to pay this back, especially if his name is not on it. They could make him go to the local CUNY he was accepted into, but I think they're afraid of dealing with the aftermath of that suggestion after he has told everyone that he is going upstate. Oh well, I ended our conversation with telling her that when she was 80, and still paying off the likely $50K bill with interest, I would take her out to dinner occasionally.

[Apple]

Wow. We were always told if we ended up in jail we'd be staying there overnight (dad was a cop and later sheriff). Neither mother is doing the kid any favors. You can bet I'd report it.

[Miss Tequila]

I've had these talks with my daughter...I would call the police because I think a person never learns if they never suffer any consequences. I also will be the parent making her sit her ass in jail to learn a lesson if she does something stupid.

[Formerly SK]

That situation doesn't happen overnight. If you teach children consequences when they are 2-5-10 they won't pull that crap when they are 20.

[KaraBoo]

I would and "kind of" already have (sort of):

When I was a rebellious teenager, I stole and pawned a whole bunch of stuff of my parents - stuff I knew they wouldn't miss right away (I was smart enough not to take the TV for example. ). Between that and other things I was doing, my parents called the cops on me and a detective "arrested" me in their kitchen. I say "arrested" because it turned out to be a type of "scared-straight" program.

Didn't really matter to me at the time that it didn't go on my record - I was locked up in the county jail (in solitary confinement) for a total of 14 days with the rest of the county inmates. That was 14 days of hard thinking about my life and where it was headed and what I was doing and who I was hanging out with. That lesson drove home a message that NO ONE would have been able to get through to me at the time. Surprisingly, I wasn't even mad at my parents for taking that step - I was mature enough at that point to realize I had done it to myself and my parents were allowing natural consequences to take over.


As for my kids - I will call the cops on them as well if necessary. I know the lesson I learned that my parents allowed me to experience - I'll do the same for my kid (and step-kids).

My step-son's mom told him that if we (his dad and I) attempted to discipline him by giving him a spanking (which DH had always threatened, but never followed through on) then it was abuse and he was to call the cops on us. SS finally pushed DH's buttons to the point DH was ready to follow through on the spanking. SS called the cops on us and we allowed him to.

We allowed SS to see the consequences of his actions. We live in Texas where corporal punishment is allowed. The police arrived (on their own good time, they didn't rush, and we used that to point out to SS that it wasn't an emergency), told SS that spankings were allowed if he was misbehaving and that to make sure DH didn't cross the line into abuse, the cop would stand right there to ensure SS wasn't abused.

SS hasn't attempted to tell us that we're abusive to him since.

Although he has claimed that we use him and the other kids as slave-labor. Oh really? Why do you think we had kids in the first place?

[whoisjohngalt]

I "probably" would, my DH "probably" wouldn't.

The thing about a parent being responsible for raising an asshole - sometimes no matter what you do, kid still turns out to be an asshole or worse. (I still can't get over that book We need to talk about Kevin)

Lena

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 24, 2012 22:46:07 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

That situation doesn't happen overnight. If you teach children consequences when they are 2-5-10 they won't pull that crap when they are 20.

I'm hoping your correct and that we can set appropriate consequences so we won't have our pull this crap.

[zibazinski]

I think you can see by another poster what happens if you don't raise them right. It's "someone else's" fault. But they are SO SORRY!

[Deleted]

Jul 25, 2012 11:08:05 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I think you can see by another poster what happens if you don't raise them right. It's "someone else's" fault. But they are SO SORRY!

I think I know who/what you're referring to and I don't think that's necessarily a fair statement. You can do your best to "raise them right" and teenagers will still do dumb stuff.

[andi9899]

Jul 24, 2012 21:08:56 GMT -5 Apple said:

Wow. We were always told if we ended up in jail we'd be staying there overnight (dad was a cop and later sheriff). Neither mother is doing the kid any favors. You can bet I'd report it.

I was told by my dad that if I ver got arrested, not to waste my one phone call on him because he wouldn't come get me. I've never been arrested. His brother used (and still may) bail his kids out of jail all the time. They are pretty messed up people though and while I love my uncle dearly, I wouldn't let his kids set foot in my house.

In the two instances in the OP, yes I would rat my kids out. Other than that, it depends on what happened.

[zibazinski]

I'm thinking certain parents ought to have the cops called on them.

[Firebird]

I was told by my dad that if I ver got arrested, not to waste my one phone call on him because he wouldn't come get me. I've never been arrested.

Same here.