Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2012 12:34:44 GMT -5
DH and I were in agreement on no co-sleeping. With DD, she was in a laundry basket in our room for the first 7-10 days, then moved into her crib in her room. She had jaundice and we were doing the nursing every 2 hours thing. DS was in a bassinet in our room for about 6-8 weeks before moving to a crib in his room. He had reflux issues and until I was sure he wasn't going to puke and choke on it in the night, he stayed near me. Both kids are in twin beds now (4 and 2.75) and we've just come home from a camping trip where all 4 of us ended up in the same bed in the camper. No one slept especially well. We also snuggle in their beds, as needed. Although DS is bound and determined to sleep on his floor the last few months. I'm just not ready to fight him on it. He's sleeping soundly, goes to bed reasonably well and rarely wakes up in the night. He also stays in his room but that's because he can't figure out how to twist the doorknob to get out and I'm not helping him learn how to... I think every family needs to do what they AGREE to be appropriate for their situation. And if that's co-sleeping, then you need to have the proper stuff to do it. Milwaukee averages 12 "co-sleeping" deaths a year. Of which, maybe 1 was a "true" co-sleeping arrangement. The rest are tragic accidents where drugs, alcohol, bedding/bad mattresses, too many people in the bed or inexperienced sitters are the cause.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 12:35:49 GMT -5
Look up Dr. Sears on cosleeping. He recommends mom in the middle and baby on one side.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 12:37:13 GMT -5
The rest are tragic accidents where drugs, alcohol, bedding/bad mattresses, too many people in the bed or inexperienced sitters are the cause.
Also couch and chair deaths are attributed under cosleeping as well and obviously they aren't bed sharing type cosleeping.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 12:42:27 GMT -5
Look up Dr. Sears on cosleeping. He recommends mom in the middle and baby on one side.
In which case I would be worried about her rolling off and falling a LONG way to the floor.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 18, 2012 12:46:34 GMT -5
When my friend's husband died, the grief counselor suggested co-sleeping. The kids were in school (Kindergarten and 1st grade.) I suspect that helped everyone through that situation.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 18, 2012 12:46:58 GMT -5
I didn't think you were being judgy, Susan - it's one thing to say "I cosleep," quite another to go into details on your sex life with coworkers
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2012 12:52:01 GMT -5
The rest are tragic accidents where drugs, alcohol, bedding/bad mattresses, too many people in the bed or inexperienced sitters are the cause.Also couch and chair deaths are attributed under cosleeping as well and obviously they aren't bed sharing type cosleeping. I know a couple were couch issues where someone (gramma, an aunt, etc.) was sleeping with the baby while Mom was out. There was one a couple of months ago where Mom fell asleep nursing in bed after Dad had brought the baby to her. He'd gone to shower and dress and when he came back, baby was face into the covers and not breathing. I guess that's not true co-sleeping, now that I think about it. That was my worst nightmare - that I'd fall asleep nursing and the baby would die somehow (falling off, smothering, something) and 2 babies didn't cure me of it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 18, 2012 12:54:57 GMT -5
OK, still on page 2, but had to comment on the "small house" thing. Where I am from, we had 3 rooms, not bedrooms, just rooms and it was me, my parents and my grandmother and her SIL. So, I shared a room with my parents. As small as the space was, i still had my own crib and then bed.
Now, my 1st NEVER slept for more than 40 minutes and call me selfish or an asshole, but the LAST thing I was doing in the middle of the night, every.freaking.hour is going in "his" bedroom to feed him, so he slept next to my side of the bed. I felt really bad for my DH who had to get up at 4am to go to work, so DH "moved out" to a 2nd bdr.
Now, 4 yrs and 2 more kids later, I couldn't wait to get our bedroom back and just have me and my DH in it. My oldest sometimes comes in when he had a bad dream or what-not, but for the most part - no more kiddies!!!
Lena
ETA: I had a bassinet and than a crib, even when I nursed at night, I didn't let them sleep in our bed, I was too nervous that they would fall out
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 18, 2012 12:55:15 GMT -5
I know the cult of Dr Sears is strong these days, but remember the dude is a pediatrician not a trained psychologist. In other words, his advice could be totally right on the money physical health wise for the baby, but following his edicts strictly could destroy your emotional health and marriage. Parenting isn't about just doing what's "best" physically for the baby. If it was we'd build robots to do it for us.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 12:57:09 GMT -5
Look up Dr. Sears on cosleeping. He recommends mom in the middle and baby on one side. In which case I would be worried about her rolling off and falling a LONG way to the floor. You can always get a mesh railing. Rolling isn't a problem with a little baby. Older baby and toddler..oh yeah.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 12:58:21 GMT -5
I know the cult of Dr Sears is strong these days, but remember the dude is a pediatrician not a trained psychologist. In other words, his advice could be totally right on the money physical health wise for the baby, but following his edicts strictly could destroy your emotional health and marriage. Parenting isn't about just doing what's "best" physically for the baby. If it was we'd build robots to do it for us. All I am saying on Dr. Sears is to look at his cosleeping recommendations if you want to cosleep. That is it. I don't agree with a lot of his philosophies, but he actually gives practical cosleeping advice when everyone else says just don't do it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2012 13:00:12 GMT -5
Oh, how awful! What a nightmare!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 18, 2012 13:04:53 GMT -5
Older baby and toddler..oh yeahThey also kick/punch. DH got a tiny little foot square in the nuts several times. I told Gwen congratulations, you're going to be an only child!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 13:13:38 GMT -5
"No, in that particular post I was referring to baby sleeping in the bed, between us."
Not trying to tell you what to do but I would not do that if I were you. When you are so tired and sleepy, you will not be able to stop yourself from rolling over, etc. When we were in the hospital, one of the nurses was commenting on the babies dying that way was on the rise. The slogan is the 3 B's, something like Babies should sleep on their Back in their Bed by themselves.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 13:17:47 GMT -5
"No, in that particular post I was referring to baby sleeping in the bed, between us." Not trying to tell you what to do but I would not do that if I were you. When you are so tired and sleepy, you will not be able to stop yourself from rolling over, etc. When we were in the hospital, one of the nurses was commenting on the babies dying that way was on the rise. The slogan is the 3 B's, something like Babies should sleep on their Back in their Bed by themselves. It would be very difficult to a true study on cosleeping deaths since they count couch and chair deaths, plus sleeping with someone other than mom, drugs, alcohol and unintetional cosleeping all get counted as "cosleeping" deaths. There are no real figures on intentional cosleeping. Also, when I had DS in bed with me, I slept in a position where I could not physically roll to that side and i stayed on that side. Could not do it today, but biology is a crazy thing.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 18, 2012 13:21:19 GMT -5
In what position are you not able to move to another position? I'm confused.
When my daughter was an infant, I would get up in the morning and nurse her in bed. Depending on what time she woke up, I might go back to sleep with her there. I would normally leave her in bed with my husband when I got up and got ready for work.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 13:22:21 GMT -5
You sleep the side with the arm on that side out straight. WIth your arm out, you can't roll to that side.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 13:22:55 GMT -5
"Also, when I had DS in bed with me, I slept in a position where I could not physically roll to that side and i stayed on that side. Could not do it today, but biology is a crazy thing. "
How about your husband? How can you make sure he wouldn't roll over the baby?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 18, 2012 13:23:18 GMT -5
Got it. Wouldn't you just pull your arm in, and then roll around?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 13:23:34 GMT -5
Not trying to tell you what to do but I would not do that if I were you. When you are so tired and sleepy, you will not be able to stop yourself from rolling over, etc. When we were in the hospital, one of the nurses was commenting on the babies dying that way was on the rise. The slogan is the 3 B's, something like Babies should sleep on their Back in their Bed by themselves.
Yeah, that's what I'm worried about although it sounds like it might be less common than we think.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 18, 2012 13:24:02 GMT -5
I know the cult of Dr Sears is strong these days, but remember the dude is a pediatrician not a trained psychologist. In other words, his advice could be totally right on the money physical health wise for the baby, but following his edicts strictly could destroy your emotional health and marriage. Parenting isn't about just doing what's "best" physically for the baby. If it was we'd build robots to do it for us. But cosleeping isn't the kiss of death for marriages either. I get that you don't like it, and that's fine. Why do you care if someone does it and it works for them? My question for all the people who know that cosleeping drove the marriage to divorce is do you really think that the cosleeping was the only issue? Maybe the biggest one, maybe the straw that pushed them over the edge sure. Any issue that spouses are at odds on and can't compromise on can cause divorce. My personal thought is that the issue is more the 'can't compromise' part and less about the specific issue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 13:24:24 GMT -5
"You sleep the side with the arm on that side out straight. WIth your arm out, you can't roll to that side. "
I don't know if that would work for me. I change positions in the middle of my sleep without knowing I did so it is possible that I would pull my arm back and roll over.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 13:24:42 GMT -5
Got it. Wouldn't you just pull your arm in, and then roll around?
That was my thought exactly. I can't even control what position I fall asleep in, let alone what position I move into once I'm asleep.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2012 13:26:34 GMT -5
Mutt, there's a company/non-profit that tracks all child deaths across the US and compiles stats. They may have something, if I could only remember their name... I think they're located in Kansas (something middle of the country at any rate) but I don't remember much else.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 18, 2012 13:26:49 GMT -5
"Also, when I had DS in bed with me, I slept in a position where I could not physically roll to that side and i stayed on that side. Could not do it today, but biology is a crazy thing. " How about your husband? How can you make sure he wouldn't roll over the baby? The fact that he'd have to roll over me to get to the baby makes me think that's pretty unlikely. Again--I don't think co-sleeping is for everyone, don't preach it, and pretty much only offer the info when asked, but it bugs the crap out of me that others who haven't done it and haven't done any research except 'someone once told me' are willing to tell me that I'm endangering my child.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 13:30:42 GMT -5
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 18, 2012 13:32:24 GMT -5
But cosleeping isn't the kiss of death for marriages either. I get that you don't like it, and that's fine. Why do you care if someone does it and it works for them? My question for all the people who know that cosleeping drove the marriage to divorce is do you really think that the cosleeping was the only issue? Maybe the biggest one, maybe the straw that pushed them over the edge sure. Any issue that spouses are at odds on and can't compromise on can cause divorce. My personal thought is that the issue is more the 'can't compromise' part and less about the specific issue. I think, when you're exhausted by babies, job, the housework, etc. and you don't talk much or do anything else with your spouse, you drift apart. And once you start to drift, you hit indifference and then pretty much anything will drive you apart further. Or at least that's how it seemed to me, about 1-2 years ago. We made an effort to start talking/doing stuff and are doing lots better as a couple now than 1-2 years ago but at the worst, there wasn't any fighting or issues we couldn't compromise on it, it was just exhausted plodding though 1 day at a time, hoping tomorrow would be better or at least not worse. If either DH or I pushed for something during that time, it could easily have led to a separation.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 18, 2012 13:33:02 GMT -5
Yeah, really. If everyone wants to get their pants in a wad over someone's parenting choices, let's talk about people who smoke in cars with babies.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 13:41:53 GMT -5
If everyone wants to get their pants in a wad over someone's parenting choices, let's talk about people who smoke in cars with babies. AND people who drink while they're pregnant. For shame!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 13:42:29 GMT -5
"Also, when I had DS in bed with me, I slept in a position where I could not physically roll to that side and i stayed on that side. Could not do it today, but biology is a crazy thing. " How about your husband? How can you make sure he wouldn't roll over the baby? He typically sleeps on the couch (not because of DS because he has health problems and the couch is more comfortable for him). But the "safe" cosleeping recommendations have mom sleep in the middle.
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