Deleted
Joined: Apr 24, 2024 0:41:58 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 5:26:11 GMT -5
day one.
Co-sleeping wasn't even a blip on our radar. DH is a sound sleeper and we both move around quite a bit. Also, I wake up at the littlest sounds sometimes. When DS was in a bassinet in our room, I barely ever slept - every little noise/movement he made woke me up. I guess that could have been "New Mommy Nerves" too. Lastly, when my head hits the pillow, I don't want to be Mommy anymore. I don't want to share my marital bed with my kid. He has his own room and crib.
I want to make our room largely off limits to our children at some point. Right now we can only use the master bathroom for baths, so we undress and bathe him in our room. Also, he's been having trouble getting to sleep this week so I've been laying down in our bed with him (can't use the guest bed as DH is in there playing on the computer) until he falls asleep. Then I put him in his crib. Other than that, our bed is our bed.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2012 5:38:31 GMT -5
My bedroom was pretty much off limits and I don't think my kids suffered for it. They came in to ask for stuff if I was still in bed but immediately left. I didn't hang out in their rooms, either, unless they were sick. Our bedroom was on the other side of the house and I always had a twin or a spare bed in both rooms just in case. Baby monitors were removed once they were out of cribs.
|
|
skubikky
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 7:37:12 GMT -5
Posts: 3,044
|
Post by skubikky on Jul 18, 2012 8:38:43 GMT -5
I also don't look at is something we'll need to 'break' in ds. I know that is just a common phrase--but its a phrase I don't care for. He will wean from our bed, just like we weaned from nursing. I agree. I never did the co-sleeping things with our kids. Went to their beds when they needed one of us. But, again, to each his own. If it works for you and your family....groovy.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,369
|
Post by andi9899 on Jul 18, 2012 8:51:28 GMT -5
Mine isn't necessarily off limits. But if the door is closed, then the girls must knock and wait to be invited in. They are older now, so it's not too much of an issue.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 9:46:07 GMT -5
Eh it is completely up to the parents and family. My DS would not fall asleep when he was a newborn. Period. No amount of rocking or nursing or walking the halls would get him to fall asleep the first couple of weeks. I put him in bed with me and at least i slept. When he was about 3 months old, he decided that he wanted his own space and made it quite obvious. So from my experience it was not a big deal and I will do it again with this baby if it works with this baby. I don't care. He would still occaisonally spend a portion of the night in bed with us while he was nursing (he weaned around 16 months). Now about 9 months on it was only from like 5 am until I got up for work and actually he stopped waking up at 5am when he was 14 months old. As for DH and my sex life, DH sleeps on the couch anyway now. He sleeps there because it is more comfortable for him and it helps his chronic pain. It was something that sort of started when DS was in bed with me, but it was not the main factor. We haven't had a sex life this pregnancy because if you touch my belly I feel like throwiing up (still). And we didn't have much of a sex life anyway once DS was born (once again more due to DH's health issues than anything else, I've been turned down a LOT when I've initiated). Anyway, I've been around the block on every baby sleep issue there is. Cosleeping, sleep training, cry-it-out, etc. I've done a ton of research and at the end of the day it comes down to that every baby and every family is different. You don't have to understand it, but as along as it works for them, shut up about it. If it doesn't work and they want advice, then you can give it. But even then you are not the expert of their family. But you are the only expert on your family.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 9:50:09 GMT -5
Were any of those of you who slept with the baby in bed with you afraid of smothering the bady?!? I don't have kids but I know I'd be TERRIFIED of this happening (it does happen...). I've had a couple of very tired co-workers (men and women) fess up to co sleeping with their kids - the kids tossing turning kicking crying all night seemed to make them more tired for a longer period of time than just toughing out a week of sleepless nights getting the kid to sleep in it's own bed. geep... I'd be really terrified of waking up to something horrible if I were to sleep with a baby... ::shudder:: Not an issue at all (assuming no drugs or alcohol, including OTC cold medicine). As wrongside posted about Dr. sears. If the mother lies on her side with her arm out, you physically cannot roll that direction. So there is no physical way to roll over and "squish" the baby. You keep the covers out of the way and there is no suffication. I would not let a newborn sleep on his or her stomach on an adult bed, but all the "cosleeping" deaths that are reported are either unintentional cosleeping (accidentally falling asleep with the baby), sleeping on the couch or chair with the baby, or include drugs or alcohol. It is much safer to intentionally sleep in a bed with a baby, than accidentally fall asleep on the chair or couch.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 24, 2024 0:41:58 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 10:16:23 GMT -5
I think you should cosleep if it works for your families. Sometimes families fall into it because it's easier at a certain point but then later it becomes a problem. I'm a weird sleeper. I start in my bed with DH, go to the guest room if he's snoring or I can't sleep and I'm tossing and turning, and sometimes DS rolls on in there for an hour or two. Were any of those of you who slept with the baby in bed with you afraid of smothering the bady?!? We had DS in a little cosleeper nest between us when he was an infant and DH rolled over and placed a pillow on DS' face in his sleep. DH never woke up. It's lucky I was awake and saw it. I didn't sleep well with DS in my arms because every little noise he made woke me up, even if was grunting or sighing.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 11:15:35 GMT -5
I honestly don't know how we'll handle this issue, but we're not going to trouble ourselves with whether or not it will mess the kid up. Like most parenting issues, there's good arguments for both sides.
My best guess is that Babybird will mostly be in her own bed (bassinet near us for the first year or so) but that's less to do with my opinion of cosleeping and more to do with the fact that I am a deep sleeper and very paranoid of possibly having a fatal accident when she's little.
If she wants to sleep with us later, I have nothing against it. If DH does, we won't do it. Pretty simple.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,216
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 18, 2012 11:17:51 GMT -5
Gwen has slept on her own since day one for the most part. She orignally slept in a pack in play in our room. At seven months we moved her into her crib in her own room. She sleeps with me from time to time, she'd wake up like clockwork at 4:30 (DH went to work at that time). One time she would not go back to sleep so I brought her in with me and she passed out. So she'll sleep with me from time to time if she gets up before I do for the day. Then if she is really miserable/sick there are times we let her sleep with us. Once all three of us were sick at the same time. It was just easier to all sleep together.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 11:19:19 GMT -5
Anyway, I've been around the block on every baby sleep issue there is. Cosleeping, sleep training, cry-it-out, etc. I've done a ton of research and at the end of the day it comes down to that every baby and every family is different. You don't have to understand it, but as along as it works for them, shut up about it. If it doesn't work and they want advice, then you can give it. But even then you are not the expert of their family. But you are the only expert on your family. If the mother lies on her side with her arm out, you physically cannot roll that direction. So there is no physical way to roll over and "squish" the baby.If you toss and turn as much as I do, there is zero way to guarantee staying in one position all night. I don't think I've ever once woken up in the same position I started in. This is going to sound silly but the kitten was sleeping with us right from the start and I really did worry about this!! She loved to snuggle up next to me (still does) and burrow under the covers. I was terrified that I'd roll the wrong way and smother her. It never happened but... you know... she's a cat. Not that I wouldn't have felt horrible if something ever did happen, but with my kid I just can't imagine taking the chance.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,216
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 18, 2012 11:21:52 GMT -5
If you're not comfortable with it, they don't do it. Don't let anyone force you into thinking you have to do things a certain way.
After carrying her for nine months and then breastfeeding every 2-3 hours I wanted my bed to myself at night, so she slept in her pack-n-play. Then I wanted to be able to do it without little eyeballs peeping at me so we moved her into her own bedroom.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 11:21:59 GMT -5
If you toss and turn as much as I do, there is zero way to guarantee staying in one position all night. I don't think I've ever once woken up in the same position I started in.
I didn't either until I had a baby. I don't know how to explain it but 1. I slept a lot lighter than prebaby (even when he was out of our room - of course once I stopped nursing and turned off the moniter at night, I went back to sleeping deeply), 2. I didn't move when he was next to me (which made me thankful he didn't want to sleep next to me too long).
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 18, 2012 11:23:22 GMT -5
If you're not comfortable with it, they don't do it. Don't let anyone force you into thinking you have to do things a certain way. After carrying her for nine months and then breastfeeding every 2-3 hours I wanted my bed to myself at night, so she slept in her pack-n-play. Then I wanted to be able to do it without little eyeballs peeping at me so we moved her into her own bedroom. Like I said you are the only expert on your family. Do what works for you. There is no right or wrong way to do the majority of parenting. You just have to find what works for your family.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 11:25:25 GMT -5
There could be something to that, muttley. Ironically, I can easily imagine co-sleeping right NOW, because I literally wake up at least once per hour and I sleep much more lightly than normal. Unpregnant, I sleep like I'm in a coma. But maybe I'll sleep as lightly as I do now, or lighter, when she arrives.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,216
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 18, 2012 11:27:49 GMT -5
There is no right or wrong way to do the majority of parentingThere is too. My way is right, your's is wrong. Firebird it does not have to be an all or nothing thing. You can try it and if you don't like it she goes back to her pnp. If you like it you can invest in one of those co-sleeper thingys. 99.99999% of the time Gwen has slept in her own bed from day one. Whenever it suited me and DH, she slept with us.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 11:31:33 GMT -5
Sounds good to me. DH and I like the idea of having our baby in bed with us but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
Actually, with the cat we need to be even more careful.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,216
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 18, 2012 11:33:54 GMT -5
We kicked the dogs out. They weren't allowed in the bedroom anymore. They got over it. We allow them in the bedroom now from time to time but they are never allowed on the bed.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 11:39:31 GMT -5
I think either of us would kick out the other before we ditched the cat
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Jul 18, 2012 11:39:45 GMT -5
Gwen has slept on her own since day one for the most part. She orignally slept in a pack in play in our room. At seven months we moved her into her crib in her own room. This is what I did for each kid, probably only for 2-3 months though. I guess I didn't really consider that co-sleeping, although maybe some do. When I think co-sleeping I think of a toddler that climbs into bed with you each night. I stopped after just a few months because then they aren't waking up every few hours for food & I don't sleep well with the kids in the room. Every grunt or sigh would wake me up.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Jul 18, 2012 11:46:32 GMT -5
If you toss and turn as much as I do, there is zero way to guarantee staying in one position all night. I don't think I've ever once woken up in the same position I started in. This is what I worried about, so they never slept in the bed next to me, it isn't worth the risk. Although I do think somehow your brain doesn't go into as deep of a sleep & somehow you are concious of the fact they are next to you. I don't know if that is true, but I am generally never a back-sleeper & a big tosser/turner. But with both kids I was able to lay on my back & sleep with them on my chest & I would never move in my sleep. I always slept near the center of the bed just in case, but they never fell off. Although I will say we never slept like this all night, I usually laid like this if they were fussy (or just cute & cuddly) & I would just end up falling asleep too, then I would eventually wake up & lay them down in their bed.
|
|
formerroomate99
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
Posts: 7,381
|
Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 18, 2012 11:55:53 GMT -5
I never thought I'd be doing the cosleeping thing either, but DS1 wasn't happy unless he was in his carseat in our bed and DS2 wasn't happy unless he was in a bassinett by the bed on his tummy. They both eventually ended up in their room sleeping in a crib, but those first few months, I was ready to do anything to get some fracking sleep. Flame away.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jul 18, 2012 12:00:31 GMT -5
No flames from me - I say do whatever you have to (short of drugging the baby - well, maybe ) to get some sleep! My BFF co-sleeps and apparently has taken a lot of flack for it (which surprises me, since most of her other "mom" friends are pretty crunchy). The first time she mentioned it to me she said, "Yeah, J sleeps in our bed... I know a lot of people think that's bad...it makes things a lot easier, but yeah..." I wanted to hug her and then slap her and say "Don't you apologize for your choices! You're a great mom!" I need to start doing that more. Seriously, every time one of my parent friends talks about some decision they've made they either qualify it or apologize! The mommy wars are out of control.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Jul 18, 2012 12:04:47 GMT -5
One of my close friends used this three sided baby bed that attaches to her/her DH's, so that she could toss and turn without fear and still nurse without getting up.
I am a pretty violent sleeper so I would have to do that or I would be too worried about kicking my baby's butt!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 24, 2024 0:41:59 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 12:08:38 GMT -5
My children slept in my bed the first couple of months when they were babies. Then they moved to a crib in my bedroom for a couple of months. Then the crib moved to their bedroom.
As they got older, they occaisionally slept with me for some reason or another. I didn't like my daughter sleeping with me, she'd turn sideways, or even upside down in the bed. I'd wake up with a foot in my face or because she flung her arm out and hit me.
Even as teenagers, they'd sometimes ask to watch tv in my room and sleep in there. They both said my bed had too many covers and was too hot, so they'd make individual pallets on the floor.
Overall, I needed a place that was just for me since I shared everything else. I made exceptions on occaison, but my bedroom was mostly off limits for kids.
I don't get why a married couple would want their child (not infant) regularly sleeping with them. But if everybody's happy with it, so what? People do a lot of things I don't "get", and as long as they're not hurting anyone, I mind my own business.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,716
|
Post by raeoflyte on Jul 18, 2012 12:12:16 GMT -5
There is a hormonal connection for why mom's sleep lighter and on the same schedule as baby, and if they are in your room (and certainly in your bed) that bond lasts longer. I didn't feel like I slept lighter, but I was always aware of ds even when asleep.
|
|
susanb
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
Posts: 1,430
|
Post by susanb on Jul 18, 2012 12:18:22 GMT -5
I don't get why a married couple would want their child (not infant) regularly sleeping with them. But if everybody's happy with it, so what? People do a lot of things I don't "get", and as long as they're not hurting anyone, I mind my own business. I hear you Pink, but minding your own business has to be a two way street. I started this thread because someone I work with told me all about the sexual and sleep arrangements for her family. It disturbed me. Partly because she crossed a professional boundary and partly because the situation in its entirety is pretty disturbing. The co-sleeping thing is something I was curious about and feel much less judgy about since reading people's views here, so thank you everyone. Parents, especially moms, do get judged way too much. At the same time, if you don't want to be judged as a parent/person, don't tell me about every detail of what is going on in your bed and down your pants! I should either love you as a dear friend or be getting paid to have to hear that level of intimacy about your life. Sorry for the rant, I can't say this to my co-worker, so I gave you all an earful
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 12:18:46 GMT -5
IF I can get comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping, we'll need to strip our bedding down dramatically. No more of this 10,000 pillows and two blankets nonsense. I'd think that would be much more dangerous than thrashing around of parents.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 12:19:24 GMT -5
I started this thread because someone I work with told me all about the sexual and sleep arrangements for her family.
Um, yuck. Some people really have zero sense of professionalism. I keep tons of details of my life private in general - you people know probably at least 300% more about my life than anyone I've EVER worked with, and I still feel like I say too much here!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 24, 2024 0:41:59 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 12:21:13 GMT -5
"IF I can get comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping, we'll need to strip our bedding down dramatically. No more of this 10,000 pillows and two blankets nonsense. I'd think that would be much more dangerous than thrashing around of parents. "
When you say co-sleeping, you are talking about getting one of those basinet looking things for the baby, right?
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Jul 18, 2012 12:23:05 GMT -5
When you say co-sleeping, you are talking about getting one of those basinet looking things for the baby, right?
No, in that particular post I was referring to baby sleeping in the bed, between us.
Generally when I consider how I want to do co-sleeping, I do envision a co-sleeper attached to the bed just because I think I'd feel more comfortable with that. However, I've never seen one built as high as we'd need it to be. So that may not work.
|
|