raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 17:33:53 GMT -5
DS was in a co-sleeper (basically a bassinet, we never attached it to the bed) in the beginning and we had no plans of co-sleeping. The first day I went back to work I came home and knew that I wanted to cosleep. I just missed him. DH didn't like the idea at first, and he was still in the cosleeper right next to the bed which was good enough for me. DH did his own research and came around on the subject, and around 5 months ds was cosleeping with us full time. We upgraded to a king size bed when he was 7 months old. If you read Dr. Sears or any of the attachment parenting books they'll tell you all kinds of benefits to cosleeping into toddler hood. Honestly I really don't care about those as I don't think that it will stunt him either way. It works for us, so we keep doing it. I know he isn't going to be in highschool and still wanting to crawl in bed with us. I'm not sure if we'll cosleep with the 2nd baby, and how that will play out since ds is still in our bed now. I don't think its hampered dh and I's relations. By the time I'm in bed I'm ready to sleep--leave me alone.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 17:42:54 GMT -5
I also don't look at is something we'll need to 'break' in ds. I know that is just a common phrase--but its a phrase I don't care for. He will wean from our bed, just like we weaned from nursing.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 17:51:18 GMT -5
I don't know, I guess because I don't particularly want to share my bed with a 6 yr old every night. It seems like what is fun & cute to do with a 1 or 2 yr old will quickly become an inconvenient habit that is difficult to break. Everybody's different. If you don't want to co-sleep, don't. It also seems like that would become either a strain on a great marriage or a could be used as a divider to keep a couple from focusing on the marriage. I guess if people aren't worried & don't mind that, then go for it. That is why I asked why though. Because I don't get it. Especially if it is causing a strain on the marriage. Why would someone choose co-sleeping with their child if it is driving away their spouse - now not everyone is happy with the arrangement, yet clearly someone is still pushing for it. I suppose if one spouse is choosing anything that drives away the other spouse, there is a big problem of some sort.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 17:59:25 GMT -5
DH and I had a lot of marital issues when we went back to work. They were in full swing before ds was actually in our bed, so I don't think cosleeping was that much a part of it, and dh did decide that he thought cosleeping was good for us as well. But it could have contributed I don't know.
I never said he had to sleep in another room though. As frustrated as we were with each other we always thought the other was a good parent, and cosleeping was probably the most peaceful time of our day and we were all together (except on nights dh works).
I suspect that the physical closeness helped us on some level. I probably would have chosen to sleep as far away from dh as possible if ds wasn't in our bed making 'as far away as possible' about 6 inches.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 17, 2012 18:00:42 GMT -5
I really want to ask an obvious question here about how certain things work/happen between a couple with a kid in the bed every night but I am afraid of where this thread might lead if I just lay it out there... I just can't resist though and that Marvin Gaye song keeps running through my head...
I mean do you sneak away like teenagers or what - not that there is anything wrong with that. That can be fun too.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 18:01:39 GMT -5
It reminded me of another reason my ex BF is an ex. He thought kids sleeping in his bed was "normal." I did not. The whole idea totally grossed me out.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jul 17, 2012 18:03:20 GMT -5
I totally wanted to co-sleep before I had kids - I had romanticized it. But we ended up moving both kids to their own bed within a week or two of birth. I'm such a light sleeper that any little sigh/gasp they made in their sleep woke me up. I got pretty deranged pretty quickly. ;D Once they went to their beds, I would just get/feed them when they cried, put them back to bed when they were full, and then return to my own bed. MUCH better for Mommy!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 18:04:09 GMT -5
I better go post this on WIR so that I hopefully won't be the ONLY freak defending cosleeping. Almost 40--I think we're just a little better at scheduling dh and I's time together than before we had ds in our bed. The fact that dh has worked graveyards for over 10 years means that we've never been on a normal schedule. We take any opportunity we have. Thanks Wrongside! ;D
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 18:04:19 GMT -5
Actually, a couple that I know that split, and co-sleeping was one of many problems, the husband (who insisted on co-sleeping) is openly dating AND bringing girls home when the young child is there. The wife is now asking the question - is my kid being kicked out of the bed because of this woman or are all three of them sleeping together? She hates both answers. Her kid is a wreck.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:08:39 GMT -5
It reminded me of another reason my ex BF is an ex. He thought kids sleeping in his bed was "normal." I did not. The whole idea totally grossed me out. Who's kids? His own or someone else's?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 18:09:53 GMT -5
Once they went to their beds, I would just get/feed them when they cried, put them back to bed when they were full, and then return to my own bed. MUCH better for Mommy! And really the end result is all that matters! ;D If I had been a sahm I don't think we would have coslept.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:10:03 GMT -5
Actually, a couple that I know that split, and co-sleeping was one of many problems, the husband (who insisted on co-sleeping) is openly dating AND bringing girls home when the young child is there. The wife is now asking the question - is my kid being kicked out of the bed because of this woman or are all three of them sleeping together? She hates both answers. Her kid is a wreck. That's awful.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:11:45 GMT -5
Ugh! What a creep! I would hate both answers too.. and the fact that he is bringing casual acquaintances around his young child period is wrong. I agree. Dad should date when kiddo is with mom.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 18:11:58 GMT -5
He says he isn't doing it. His young child is indicating differently - but at such a young age, the story is not clear. Clearly, the kid has met girls. But all the other facts aren't adding up in either direction.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 18:13:48 GMT -5
His own, of course. But not one of them is normal either now. So very sad.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 17, 2012 18:17:16 GMT -5
My foot. You don't really think they sent the kids outside to play just so they'd get exercise do you? Mom and dad weren't sitting in the house watching TV while you built that fort, made mud pies, or whatever.
They were getting freaky in their birthday suits on the bed that the whole family slept in later.
Yeah... nasty.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:19:55 GMT -5
His own, of course. But not one of them is normal either now. So very sad. I guess it depends on what you mean by "not normal".
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:20:57 GMT -5
My foot. You don't really think they sent the kids outside to play just so they'd get exercise do you? Mom and dad weren't sitting in the house watching TV while you built that fort, made mud pies, or whatever. They were getting freaky in their birthday suits on the bed that the whole family slept in later. Yeah... nasty. Lol, thanks for pointing THAT out.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 17, 2012 18:21:48 GMT -5
No problem. Gives your childhood a whole new perspective huh?
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 18:22:24 GMT -5
My children slept alone in their own rooms, but the master bedroom was close to their rooms and the bedroom doors were left open at night. I am a light sleeper, and the slightest noise would rouse me. If there was a violent storm that caused them to wake up, they climbed into my bed or sleep on the floor. Both of them were restless sleepers who snored, and once they were asleep in my bed, I would sleep in DD's bed. One night there was a very loud thunderstorm, the kids grabbed their pillows and blankets and made a bed on the floor. The storm awoke the dog, too, and soon she was wedged between DD and DS. They all looked so angelic that I snapped a picture of them. I'll bet it is a cute pic.
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 17, 2012 19:04:10 GMT -5
From the get-go...it's a habit that one doesn't want to get into. Hard to break.
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 17, 2012 19:05:20 GMT -5
"One night there was a very loud thunderstorm, the kids grabbed their pillows and blankets and made a bed on the floor. The storm awoke the dog, too, and soon she was wedged between DD and DS. They all looked so angelic that I snapped a picture of them." Kodak moment.
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Jul 17, 2012 19:18:55 GMT -5
We co-slept with DD1 until she was about 8 months old when she started tossing and turning too much for anyone to get any rest. At that point, we transitioned her to her crib and she did fabulously. She was clearly ready to sleep on her own.
With DD2, she still partially sleeps with one of us because she hates being by herself in the crib. She's pretty good about sleeping in her crib for the late night but once she wakes up for a bottle in the am she wants in the bed and that is that. DH has decided on his own that he'd rather sleep on the couch. Our bed is fairly small for us without her but once you add her it is just way too cramped. We're both ok with this though since we know it isn't permanent and everyone gets more rest this way. Hopefully she'll be more confident about sleeping alone in the coming months but time will tell. Given that she just turned a year, I'm guessing it will happen soon.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 17, 2012 20:29:01 GMT -5
Were any of those of you who slept with the baby in bed with you afraid of smothering the bady?!? I don't have kids but I know I'd be TERRIFIED of this happening (it does happen...). I've had a couple of very tired co-workers (men and women) fess up to co sleeping with their kids - the kids tossing turning kicking crying all night seemed to make them more tired for a longer period of time than just toughing out a week of sleepless nights getting the kid to sleep in it's own bed.
geep... I'd be really terrified of waking up to something horrible if I were to sleep with a baby... ::shudder::
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 21:04:41 GMT -5
I've never been concerned about smothering the baby. In the beginning moms and babies are typically in sync so I'd wake up before ds would.
I did worry about sids since the standard advice is to not allow anything in the crib with a baby. From the research we felt that the risk didn't go up and was maybe a little lower by cosleeping.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jul 17, 2012 21:21:00 GMT -5
DD won't sleep in our bed We've tried to let her when she does not feel well, but she's only ever wanted to sleep on her own. I got her to take a nap with me 2 or 3 times since she was born. Little Miss Independent for sure. And she slept a million times better when we put her in her own room (around 8 weeks). She wants nothing to do with us unless she's hungry, LOL! We were never allowed to sleep in my parents' bed, but we did pile up on the floor next to their bed if we got scared. There were four kids, and I would say at least once a week we all ended up in there. If we all four tried to get in bed with them, there would be no room to breathe!
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 17, 2012 22:18:27 GMT -5
For the first two weeks, my son was in NICU, I was at the Ronald McDonald house. When we came home, he was in his own bassinet in the room right next to ours (and he was attached to a heart and lung monitor, another reason he couldn't be in our bed--too many wires). Even if we had a choice, he'd have been in his own bed. He did come in ours when he'd wake up early on the weekend or an occasional nightmare, but that was it.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 17, 2012 22:31:50 GMT -5
I will cosleep with my baby sometimes. One minute of comforting through fussiness (by bringing my baby close to my body) give me another hour and a half to three hours of sleep. My baby is almost 3 months old, and I don't have any intentions of stopping until she sleeps through the night consistently (and I mean, adult sleep through the night, not baby sleep through the night). I also have two other older kids that need to be driven around, so it's important that I get at least 5 hours of sleep a night.
I don't worry about smothering her. Her falling off the bed, yes. But not rolling on her. We also don't sleep with covers now, since it's been 89-102 for the past 3 or so weeks now.
The AAP now recommends that babies stay in mom and dad's room (in a bassinet, side co-sleeper, crib, whatever) until 6 months of age. It's supposed to reduce the risk of SIDS. My ped has been recommending this for close to a decade now. And, my ped isn't particularly pro AP.
Even with a baby, DH and I still have an hour of us time before bed. My other kids go to bed early (7:30-8). With our others, we also had nap time to bond with each other.
We won't encourage co-sleeping in toddlerhood, though. But if it works for some families..I don't really care.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jul 17, 2012 22:42:42 GMT -5
I am not a parent but I have nieces and nephews I stated emphatically that I wouldn't co-sleep--my brother and his wife were on the same page on that one and when he was two very very happy for it--I got slammed by a co-worker that just couldn't understand why I wouldn't want that cuddle time with my hypothetical child--I reminded her I make the dogs sleep in their "beds" from the day they come home because it is what is best for them and I don't like waking up wet why would I do it different for a human baby? Its getting close to destroying a marriage of one couple I know, it resulted in a total band on my nephew playing with his cousin-female-because her parents weren't always careful about bedroom activities--we thought she was a sleep only goes so far!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 18, 2012 4:25:51 GMT -5
It certainly helped contribute to my EX BFs marriage demise. But I'm sure they both used their kids as an excuse to not be a couple as well. But, he, of course, thinks he and his ex wife were GREAT parents and that I was odd for thinking kids of their ages had no business in daddy's bed. Try a 12 year old boy and high school girls. . SOme kids don't grow out of it or some parents don't let go. Yes, all three children are deeply troubled as adults now. Sleeping together didn't help but I think they would have been nuts anyway because both parents have mental issues. Very sad.
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