susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 17, 2012 16:40:35 GMT -5
At what age should a child sleep in their own bed?
I just had a disturbing conversation about this subject, but realized that as a non-parent maybe I have really different views on this subject.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 17, 2012 16:41:47 GMT -5
One day old. I didn't pay several hundred bucks for a crib so the little poop factory could have my side of the bed or sleep in between us.
*** says the dude who slept on the couch quite a bit for the first few years of the kid's lives because they were in "our" bed. ***
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 17, 2012 16:45:26 GMT -5
My kids were pretty much in there own beds from day 1. There were nights in the first 4 months where they would sleep on my chest simply because I would fall asleep holding them. But, it never became a habit. The whole co-sleeping or whatever it is called is bizarre to me.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 17, 2012 16:47:35 GMT -5
At what age should a child sleep in their own bed? I just had a disturbing conversation about this subject, but realized that as a non-parent maybe I have really different views on this subject. From day one. You get a baby started sleeping in your bed, and they are hard to break from it.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 17, 2012 16:50:32 GMT -5
Oh I think this will cause arguments for sure....
As a parent, here is my two cents. When DS was very small he was in a bassinet in our room. At about six months he moved into a crib in his room. We always put him to bed in his own bed, but when he was in elementary school he sometimes got scared and came and got into our bed in the middle of the night, and we always allowed it. When he got older he outgrew that.
I have known some single moms that let their kids sleep in their bed all the way up through junior high, daughters especially.
I know there are some people who advocate families all sleeping in a single bed. I read an article about one family who did that and when the parents wanted to have sex they went someplace else to do it. To me personally I wouldn't want to do that - your kids should learn how to sleep on their own (or else what will they do when they go to college??) and people should have some private time in private space, and their bed should be their most private place.
Just IMHO though.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 17, 2012 16:50:46 GMT -5
We're still co-sleeping. DS just turned 3. He was excited about his own bed until potty training took off, and that was more important to us.
We'll start encouraging bed weaning soon. But honestly I'm not losing any sleep over it.
Flame away!
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 16:56:59 GMT -5
Both of my kids co-slept until they outgrew it. My son went through a phase when he was 11 - 12 when he wanted to sleep with me. It was post-divorce and he was feeling insecure. I let him, I knew he would outgrow it sooner rather than later. He did.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 16:57:26 GMT -5
I'm not anti-co-sleeping if it works for the family, but Dad and Mom have to be on the same page. If one parent is for co-sleeping and one is not, it can wreck a marriage, and I've seen it happen.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 17, 2012 16:58:27 GMT -5
Allowing a child to sleep with you if they have a bad dream is waaaaaay different than doing it every day.
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susanb
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Post by susanb on Jul 17, 2012 16:59:56 GMT -5
I'm not anti-co-sleeping if it works for the family, but Dad and Mom have to be on the same page. If one parent is for co-sleeping and one is not, it can wreck a marriage, and I've seen it happen. Yeah, this is what is so disturbing about the situation I heard about today. One parent sleeps in the bed. Other parent and kiddo sleep wherever, sometimes on the floor, sometimes in the guest bedroom, but they move around a lot and the kiddo is up in the middle of the night a lot.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:01:46 GMT -5
I've seen kids do it as a powerplay with the parent. That sounds like what the kid you are mentioning does. "If I cry, will you be there." "If I move, will you come with me." I think that is problematic, but who knows, maybe that kid will grow up knowing at least one parent loves him, and my kids will think I never cared about them.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 17:03:30 GMT -5
Yeah, this is what is so disturbing about the situation I heard about today. One parent sleeps in the bed. Other parent and kiddo sleep wherever, sometimes on the floor, sometimes in the guest bedroom, but they move around a lot and the kiddo is up in the middle of the night a lot. Ex-h worked graveyard all the years the kids were little. So, he didn't do much co-sleeping.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 17, 2012 17:03:35 GMT -5
I am a non-parent so maybe I am just loony tunes but I think a child should pretty much be in their own bed from day one. My old college roommate had her son sleeping in the same bed with she and her husband for years and they ended up divorced. I know the child was still sleeping with them at age 6 when they ended things. I have another friend who has had her child in the bed with her since she was born in one of those attached crib things and now the child is 3 and in the bed with them. Personally, I don't get it but that is just me...
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 17, 2012 17:04:46 GMT -5
Allowing a child to sleep with you if they have a bad dream is waaaaaay different than doing it every day. Yes very different to me...
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 17, 2012 17:05:24 GMT -5
Allowing a child to sleep with you if they have a bad dream is waaaaaay different than doing it every day. When I say they sleep in their own bed, I just mean co-sleeping is not a habit. It doesn't mean sick kid, bad dream kids, etc don't make it into my bed on occassion. Right now the flooring in my house is all torn up & last night it somehow bothered DS because he kept getting up every 20 minutes. Finally I had him get in bed with me because I kept waking up & hearing him walk around & that isn't normal for him.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 17:05:56 GMT -5
I am a non-parent so maybe I am just loony tunes but I think a child should pretty much be in their own bed from day one. My old college roommate had her son sleeping in the same bed with she and her husband for years and they ended up divorced. I know the child was still sleeping with them at age 6 when they ended things. I have another friend who has had her child in the bed with her since she was born in one of those attached crib things and now the child is 3 and in the bed with them. Personally, I don't get it but that is just me... It often starts because it is comforting to infants to be sleeping next to the milk machine.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:06:19 GMT -5
That is different than your husband sleeping in one bed, and you sleeping in the next room over with the kids. That situation causes divorces.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 17:08:26 GMT -5
That is different than your husband sleeping in one bed, and you sleeping in the next room over with the kids. That situation causes divorces. Sure, I can see that.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:09:59 GMT -5
We have a pretty small bed, and my husband is a pretty big dude (bigger before he lost all the weight.) So, we don't have a lot of extra space in there for more bodies. But I remember one night there was a very violent storm, and the kids both woke up and came into our room, and the power was off, so the 4 of us laid in bed, all on our backs, and we filled that bed completely. We were totally awake, but just laid there in silence, waiting for the storm to pass. I was so happy when my husband announced the worst was over, and it was now just rain, and if they wanted to sleep together, they could go to either of their rooms, but they couldn't stay with us. They both popped up and went back to bed. We just plain didn't fit.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 17, 2012 17:11:01 GMT -5
We're still co-sleeping. DS just turned 3. He was excited about his own bed until potty training took off, and that was more important to us. We'll start encouraging bed weaning soon. But honestly I'm not losing any sleep over it. Flame away! I'm not going to flame, but why? I don't understand the purpose of co-sleeping or having the kid in your room beyond the first few months. I understand when they are very young because they wake up all the time & need attention/feedings. But, it there something gained by doing this into the toddler years & beyond? Personal I don't sleep well if they are in my bed. DS tosses & turns & always eventually ends up sidewises with his feet planted into my side. I don't think he lacks for attention or feels unloved having his own bed. A kid might have those problems transistioning from co-sleeping, but they wouldn't know different if they usually sleep on their own. I just don't see the benefit or reasoning.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:13:09 GMT -5
In other cultures family beds aren't unusual. I, however, am a selfish American.
USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 17, 2012 17:15:40 GMT -5
It's a great, and free, way to make sure the kid stays an only. If you're in bed trying to sleep, the toddler is laying sideways across the rest of the bed kicking you in the ribs, and your husband is crashing on the couch downstairs, there will be no hanky panky going on. Like ever.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 17, 2012 17:16:25 GMT -5
I'm not going to flame, but why? I don't understand the purpose of co-sleeping or having the kid in your room beyond the first few months. I understand when they are very young because they wake up all the time & need attention/feedings. But, it there something gained by doing this into the toddler years & beyond? Personal I don't sleep well if they are in my bed. DS tosses & turns & always eventually ends up sidewises with his feet planted into my side. I don't think he lacks for attention or feels unloved having his own bed. A kid might have those problems transistioning from co-sleeping, but they wouldn't know different if they usually sleep on their own. I just don't see the benefit or reasoning. Why not? If the kids like it and the parents like it, what is the benefit or reasoning of not co-sleeping? Kids do outgrow it, much as they eventually outgrow everything.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Jul 17, 2012 17:17:30 GMT -5
We're still co-sleeping. DS just turned 3. He was excited about his own bed until potty training took off, and that was more important to us. We'll start encouraging bed weaning soon. But honestly I'm not losing any sleep over it. Flame away! I'm not going to flame, but why? I don't understand the purpose of co-sleeping or having the kid in your room beyond the first few months. I understand when they are very young because they wake up all the time & need attention/feedings. But, it there something gained by doing this into the toddler years & beyond? Personal I don't sleep well if they are in my bed. DS tosses & turns & always eventually ends up sidewises with his feet planted into my side. I don't think he lacks for attention or feels unloved having his own bed. A kid might have those problems transistioning from co-sleeping, but they wouldn't know different if they usually sleep on their own. I just don't see the benefit or reasoning. My nephew sleeps in his own room, but he loves to sleep on the floor of mom/dad's room off and on. When I visited last, he asked if I wanted to have a sleep-over in his room. I was worried that I wouldn't get any sleep because he's also occasionally a wicked tosser/turner at night. But it turns out that he bailed on me during the night and slept elsewhere because he accused me of snoring! The nerve! ;D
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 17, 2012 17:22:28 GMT -5
It's a great, and free, way to make sure the kid stays an only. If you're in bed trying to sleep, the toddler is laying sideways across the rest of the bed kicking you in the ribs, and your husband is crashing on the couch downstairs, there will be no hanky panky going on. Like ever. HAHA!! It also apparently is a quicker path to divorce. Although I wonder if that is because co-sleeping might be a sign of a deeper problem rather than the problem itself. For example, if a husband & wife aren't getting along & fighting all the time, it might be comforting for the wife to sleep with her baby every night. Which further introduces a wedge & drives the father out of the room. It seems to me that co-sleeping would be more about the comfort/choices of the parent rather than the child after a certain age. And then it becomes a habit for the child which will become difficult to break. I do understand though that other cultures view it differently & it is more common in some other countries.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 17:25:05 GMT -5
I'm glad I never had that problem. If the kids were so sick that I was concerned, I slept in their room. There was always a twin bed in the same room as the crib and then when they both outgrew the crib, they either had two twin beds or a bunk bed so there was always another place for a parent to sleep. My bedroom was off limits to my kids, period. Just like my parents room was off limits to me.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:25:36 GMT -5
I would agree with this. Even if it starts the wedge, anyone who really cares about their spouse and marriage would fight to find a solution.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 17, 2012 17:26:56 GMT -5
So is starvation, and I think adopting that practice just to see what happens would be stupid too.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2012 17:30:25 GMT -5
LOL - Yes, co-sleeping might not be cultural due to culture, but maybe due to space. We went to one of those living museums and the guy said that him, his wife, his 5 children, and another adult all lived in this 2 bedroom house. I'm guessing those people all slept right next to each other, near the fireplace and it had nothing to do with love, comfort, fear or anything nuturing. Just pure poverty.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 17, 2012 17:32:40 GMT -5
I'm not going to flame, but why? I don't understand the purpose of co-sleeping or having the kid in your room beyond the first few months. I understand when they are very young because they wake up all the time & need attention/feedings. But, it there something gained by doing this into the toddler years & beyond? Personal I don't sleep well if they are in my bed. DS tosses & turns & always eventually ends up sidewises with his feet planted into my side. I don't think he lacks for attention or feels unloved having his own bed. A kid might have those problems transistioning from co-sleeping, but they wouldn't know different if they usually sleep on their own. I just don't see the benefit or reasoning. Why not? If the kids like it and the parents like it, what is the benefit or reasoning of not co-sleeping? Kids do outgrow it, much as they eventually outgrow everything. I don't know, I guess because I don't particularly want to share my bed with a 6 yr old every night. It seems like what is fun & cute to do with a 1 or 2 yr old will quickly become an inconvenient habit that is difficult to break. It also seems like that would become either a strain on a great marriage or a could be used as a divider to keep a couple from focusing on the marriage. I guess if people aren't worried & don't mind that, then go for it. That is why I asked why though. Because I don't get it. Especially if it is causing a strain on the marriage. Why would someone choose co-sleeping with their child if it is driving away their spouse - now not everyone is happy with the arrangement, yet clearly someone is still pushing for it.
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