Quality of life at work...

[Deleted]

The other thread about feeling appreciated at work got me thinking and I did not want to hijack it.

I am somewhat a newby career wise (27) but while currently at the stage I am at increasing my income is important to me, my quality of life at work is important to me. I spend 50-70 hours at work (more during holiday) and if I was miserable that whole time, we would have an issue. I don't need to LOVE my job, but I got to at least like it, find it tolerable/bearable.

I have been thru the hating going to work, feeling a pit in my stomach the closer I get to the building, the anxiety... And never again. I love stress, I perform well under stressful situations; but when I hate my job it tend to spill into my personal life and to me is not worth it.

I was recently offered to work with a store manager that is a dick, his management style is feat and intimidation, the atmosphere in his store is depressing. I was supposed to go in there I guess and lighten the mood, play good cop to his bad cop. All fun and I like a challenge, but for 2% raise lateral move... I said Hell no. If I am going to be miserable, I better be getting paid (up there where I posted quality of life is up there with the need/desire to increase income).

So no, I don't need someone to tell me I am doing a good job, I am a cocky SOB and I know I am doing a good job (says it right there on my last review: Carl is extremely confident in himslef which to my boss is a bad thing I need to work on), and I am not asking for us to hold hands an start singing : Kumbaya... But if I am going to spend more time at work than I do at home, more time with associates/co-workers than I do with my wife... I need to at least be content and have a good quality of life.

I am the fun/happy guy, I like lightening the mood, or per my review very insightful and understand how to motivate and inspire others (again was noted as a bad thing, seriously starting to wonder what the fuck is wrong with my boss) and that is important to me.

If I am going to be miserable at work, getting anxiety attacks, losing sleep... I better be getting paid enough to make it worth it.

[Deleted]

I did not say someone should pick being miserable/stressed at work. I said for me, if the income/experience are worth it, yes I will take a job/position for a short term to get ahead (aka 1-3 years). But that is what I feel is right for ME, not what I think someone else should do.

I've been there, done that and got a picture; so I know it is not a picnic. But it also helped me gain experience, learn how to manage my stress, grow a thicker skin and know when it is ok to tell my boss to take a hike.

That situation help me define my goals and how I never want to be reliable on a job and have my back up against the wall and no way out which is why I always want to make sure I got options: enough EF, brushing resume, contacts at competitive chain, etc.

Sadly being 27 and still a baby in my career, you have to take the bullshit with the good to move forward; and if that includes working with a few dicks and biatches I will at least make sure I get compensated enough to make it worth it.

[midjd]

DH is kind of dealing with this right now. His boss is a tyrant, and just not a good manager. (He was the dealership's best salesman for decades, and eventually earned enough to buy a 49% stake in the business - but his salesmanship skills do not translate well to management).

DH and his coworker have been doing a 3-person job since December, and last week his coworker was out. DH is usually pretty good about leaving work at work - even if he has a crappy day, he's in a good mood once he gets home. But last week, he had a lot of trouble shaking it. I know for a fact that kind of stress long-term is going to give him some major health problems. His dad had a stress-related heart attack at age 41.

They're hiring a third person next week and I think that's going to give DH the freedom to look for another job and not feel like he's leaving his coworker in the lurch. I've told him over and over that he can quit - it's not worth it - but he refuses to quit until he has a second job lined up.

He told me something Friday that I wish I'd known before. He said at his initial interview, his boss asked "Do you have kids?" (you can't ask that!) and asked him if he needed this job. DH said no, but he needed A job, and wanted to work there. His boss said he preferred to hire people with families, because they depended on the job and weren't likely to quit. Translation - you can pay crap wages and treat people like shit and it doesn't matter because they're stuck with you.

[Apple]

I know I'm much happier when life is good at work. I'm low maintenance at work, so it's pretty simple to keep me happy, but they still screw it up. Let me do my job and don't fuck with me and you'll get awesome results. Really, it's that simple. I have a boss who likes to play games and was mad at me for not sleeping with him--he made work miserable. The last temp foreman was so inept, and such a micromanager, that he made work miserable, even though he was a really nice/good guy. The last 4 months where I was foreman have been awesome (other than drunk coworker and the yeller, but the yeller started to improve, drunk coworker has just gotten worse). My boss trusted me (the other boss has since been promoted and has started to realize that if he leaves me alone, I'll work my ass off, do a good job, and make him look good, so he leaves me alone now), didn't micromanage, and I got to do everything I loved (the limited desk work, working with the tools, and working with the other crews). The next guy sitting in isn't a good foreman, but he won't micromanage me, so it should go ok.

We'll see when the real foreman comes back how things go. He was an awesome foreman for years, but I heard when I went to the other shop he got burned out, spent all day on his cell phone, became a pretty crappy boss. He left the shop for a few years, so I hope if he can't be a great foreman again, he'll choose to go somewhere else and I can maybe do the job permanently. It's way more stressful and demanding, but I enjoy it so much more than being micromanaged.

ETA: I have *never* wanted the foreman job, but the last one made work so miserable, and I knew the guys who wanted it would be even worse, that I requested the temp promotion. One guy who's been in the shop for 12 years told my boss it has never run better, and at least one other guy has gone to the boss and told him I'm doing a great job. The other crews keep telling me they hope I get it permanently, so looks like I'm suited to it. One of my biggest things is not wanting someone to mess with my crew, so they know I'll look out for them. Makes me happy that people think I did a good job.

[Deleted]

Oh yeah, I have worked for jerks like that and thanks to the last one it made me realize that I never want to be stuck in a job, an my wife is kinda dealing with the same right now and understand what I have been telling her:
- keep options open
- spend less than you make (in our case live off one income)

It is a terrible position to be in: hating your Job yet feel like you are stuck. And some jerks just feed of that. In my last situation I knew I have reached my boiling point when I told my boss that he needed to back off or one of us will be getting out of there in handcuffs while the other one will be taken in a body bag and I am sure as hell that I wouldn't be the one in a body bag

Yes I have anger management issues from childhood and overcomig them slowly but surely!

[zibazinski]

I loved my teaching job. Then my principal was changed and the new one was an a-hole. My dept head was an a-hole and the two great people I worked with, one died and the other left to marry. Replaced by 2 a-holes. I couldn't wait to get out fast enough. It's one thing to have a sucky job but a sucky job and sucky boss and coworkers, no thanks. I couldn't sleep at night. I could barely eat, my stomach was always in knots. Never again.

[Deleted]

our new supervisor doesn't like people who aren't nice to their coworkers

Nasgul, might your nasty co-worker change her tune because of this? Although frankly I'm not sure whether that would be a good thing or not.

ETA: I hope that came out the way I meant it LOL! I mean I think it's easier to handle outright bitchiness than behind-the-scenes sabotage.

[Deleted]

Carl, all I can advise you is to keep paying off debt and living below your means. Because inevitably, at some point you or your DW WILL have a "golden opportunity". And the ability to take that opportunity at a moment's notice, when it comes, is priceless.

[Deleted]

Carl, I'm also wondering whether they will "sweeten" the offer to get you to go work with Mr Difficult, IF you are willing.

I'm not saying you should do it, I'm just wondering if they are holding out hoping that you do.

[Deleted]

Another thought: could you work with Dickhead AND go to school for your Masters (by the way I also agree on the MBA)?

It would mean spending less time at work than you might be otherwise, and something to negotiate for. It COULD be a way to kill two birds with one stone, but you'd have to be very harsh and also lighthearted about it.

Also, I don't remember if that particular job would work out with your wife's plans or not.

But I freely admit, I too think your wife's real plan is to be a SAHM. So like we tell everybody, hope for the best, and plan for the worst.

[zibazinski]

If I had one it where I worked, I'd have been thrown under the bus and I had two kids to support so I sucked it up.

[Deleted]

[midjd]

[Deleted]

Jul 15, 2012 20:51:53 GMT -5 @mmc said:

That is too funny!!!

[seriousthistime]

I just passed on a chance to take a coworker's job when he left. It's working for a different chain of command but I know everyone and think I could do it, and do a good job. The benefit would be that I would have a permanent job rather than one that ends when my boss decides to retire (whenever that may be). Even though my coworker and I do the same work, he handled an entirely different caseload, and I KNEW without a doubt that I would hate that job. I just couldn't face the prospect of going to work for the next six years hating my job. Balancing job security against sanity, I chose sanity.

[zibazinski]

I think, Carl, that you have enough trauma going on in your life, that you do not need the added aggravation of working with someone who has a bad reputation. Why people like that are allowed to be in a "people" position reflected badly on your company. If no one wants to work for this person, this person needs to go unless he can learn to behave. Honestly, it sounds like my old school, where dickwads were promoted as opposed to being fired.

[Deleted]

Over years of working, i have discovered that how I think about and approach my job is far, far more important than any external circumstances of my job. I can either determine to go into work with a good attitude to just do a good job, not get caught up in stupid office politics, not let things bother me that i have no power to change and just enjoy doing my job well. But, you have to decide what is important for your quality of life as well. There are times when moving up the ladder also means more time at work, more stress, and a lower quality home life. So, choose what is important to you. As for bosses, some you work with and some you work around.

[zibazinski]

[8 Bit WWBG]

I think a big part of that decision depends entirely on how "safe" you are. Dealing with a bully is much more fun when your hands aren't also tied. Ex. if you are of equal rank to the bully, at least you don't have to be subordinate. Not that working for/with a bully is an ideal situation, but its nice to have a silver lining when you have no choice, ya know.

I also agree that if I'm going to take a job that is going to make me miserable (or be a lot harder, require long hours, be mentally taxing) it needs to be for more than a 2% raise. It either has to have fantastic upward mobility, or I need a big bump in income for the lifestyle increase its going to take to offset that stress.

We have friends who, between them had to be NETTING at least $10k/month (and some months closer to $12k). Sure, they worked long hours all the time. But they also took 3 international vacations a year. They worked on their honeymoon. But they had nice stuff. They were also able to save enough money that when an opportunity for a better life (enjoyable dream job, less stress) came up, they could take it without an issue.

[Firebird]

I am somewhat a newby career wise (27) but while currently at the stage I am at increasing my income is important to me, my quality of life at work is important to me. I spend 50-70 hours at work (more during holiday) and if I was miserable that whole time, we would have an issue. I don't need to LOVE my job, but I got to at least like it, find it tolerable/bearable.

cawiau, I haven't read the thread yet but IIRC you're a grocery store manager right? Until very recently, my DH was a produce manager and had many of the same complaints - we never got to see each other, long hours, hellish commute, his company sucked, the pay wasn't worth it.

He recently switched to being a buyer and I CANNOT DESCRIBE IN WORDS how much happier our household has been since he did that. Everything about this job is better in some measurable way. His commute went way down (2+ hours roundtrip to a 15 minute drive), he makes more money, it's more mentally stimulating but way easier on him physically, there's more potential for career growth, and it was a very natural switch to go from produce manager to produce buyer.

He's so much happier now. I'm beyond proud of him for breaking out of his comfort zone to do something better Anyway, would something like that be possible for you?

[zibazinski]

If I ever made that kind of money, you'd carry me out feet first before I'd leave.

[8 Bit WWBG]

If you are replying to my post zib, I think its easy to say that until one has to do the work necessary to make that kind of money. He HATED his job, and his boss. She liked her job, but the company was also going under. The amount of hours they had to put in to make that money was a big tradeoff. They both worked on their honeymoon.

Plus, every facet of their lives was outsourced, because when they had precious little free time, the last thing they wanted to do was any chores. Dog walker, dog sitter, dry clean pickup/dropoff, house cleaners... Some weeks I'm pretty sure that all they did was work and sleep.

Like I said, I can see doing that kind of pace for long enough to build up a stable base, then scaling back to something much more enjoyable or manageable. When they moved for one spouses dream job, the other spouse got to be a SAH, and their quality of life skyrocketed. Coming home to a clean house with dinner on the table and ample free time at night was a radical shift from working until past 9 and being too tired to care about anything.

[Deleted]

Quality of life at my job sucks. I can't say the money is worth all the stress and aggravation, but it's enough money that it does help me suck it up and carry on.