zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2012 8:46:41 GMT -5
But, true enough about divorce attorneys. My attorney that handles my wills and all told me that as soon as he could afford to stop doing divorces, he did. He only will do them if the couple are friends of his and they have already decided upon everything, then he will handle the paperwork.
|
|
Epiphany
Established Member
meowzers!
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 9:54:10 GMT -5
Posts: 476
|
Post by Epiphany on Jul 16, 2012 10:55:28 GMT -5
I've posted here about my BIL's court battles over the past 3 years. He was awarded full legal and physical custody about a year ago and ex still drags him into court for crazy things and wanting changes every month. I think it has cost over 20k at this point. The mom has a long rap sheet (sp?), two counts of child endangerment, assault, dui's etc and yet the judge still gives her a very fair visitation schedule. My BIL is definitely no saint but he chose to breed with crazy and crazy is what he'll deal with forever. The mom has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. My MIL is overly involved in the case and they've spoke with many different attorneys and even the states attorney general. They've all said BIL was lucky to get custody at all because they usually just side with the woman because it's "mostly right." All have said if BIL had done any of those things he'd be in jail or never see the kid. In our area it is still very biased towards the mothers.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 13:07:29 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2012 2:48:55 GMT -5
My understanding is that the results are very similar to what you found in your county, swamp. I saw stats a few years back that indicated that dads win custody the majority of the time that they PUSH FOR IT. I don't know if most guys just hear the stereotype and assume they will lose so they don't even try, think the mother is the better full-time parent, or just don't want to be bothered but it is very refreshing to know that they can win if they actually try. I think a lot of them don't want primary custody, particularly of smaller children because of all the work. They don't want to admit to that, so they complain that they really wanted custody but courts always give it to the moms when meanwhile they didn't even request it off the get go. I think you are right.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Jul 17, 2012 7:23:53 GMT -5
I think a lot of them don't want primary custody, particularly of smaller children because of all the work. They don't want to admit to that, so they complain that they really wanted custody but courts always give it to the moms when meanwhile they didn't even request it off the get go. I think you are right. Yep. While multiple anecdotes do not equal conclusive proof, add me to the list of posters who have seen this in action. I truly believe that it's not true of all dads and hope to teach my boys to be good dads, but my personal experience has been that there have been way more lazy dads than the good kind. Even my husband probably falls into that category. He's a good dad within our marriage. He's very loving, spends time with his boys, will help with homework, etc. But if we had separated when the boys were little, it wouldn't even occur to him to be the primary custodial parent. Too much work. He's a great dad in a support role as long as someone else is doing all the daily work.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jul 17, 2012 8:19:22 GMT -5
I agree. My dad used to threaten custody whenever my mom would start making noises about increasing his child support. Sadly, it worked - my mom didn't petition for an adjustment of CS for 12 years. But there's no way in hell he would've gone for custody - he saw us maybe an hour or so every 6 months, despite living 5 minutes away.
If you'd listened to his side of the story, my mom was an evil bitch who kicked him out of his home and wouldn't let him see his kids, and the judge OBVIOUSLY sided with her just because she was a woman.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 8:24:35 GMT -5
Karma for you, Rukh.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,896
|
Post by happyhoix on Jul 17, 2012 8:41:25 GMT -5
"I think a lot of them don't want primary custody, particularly of smaller children because of all the work. They don't want to admit to that, so they complain that they really wanted custody but courts always give it to the moms when meanwhile they didn't even request it off the get go."
This is true. I worked with a guy who broke up with his baby' momma. He was fine with her leaving him, taking their kid and moving away. However, when she hooked up with another woman and she moved in with her, my co-worker kept ranting about how wrong that was and how terrible it was for his son to be in a house witnesses that type of activity.
When he would go off on one of his rants (and he did so almost every other day, for a while - I was starting to worry that he might be the type to get a gun and shoot someone, he was that enraged) I would suggest he go to court and ask for full custody.
He wouldn't even consider it. He said where his kid lived there were good schools, he had his own bedroom, yadda yadda yadda. What it boiled down to was this guy wasn't willing to be the full time parent all the time - it would cut into his dating and interfer with his hobby of playing with an amateur rock band.
I told him if he wasn't willing to try to change it, he should stop complaining about his son's living situation. Crap or get off the pot, basically.
Didn't stop him. He still complained constantly to anyone who would listen.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 13:07:29 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2012 10:31:16 GMT -5
My brother is the kind of guy that wants to bitch about how mothers always win, but he never even tried to fight her in court. He said his lawyer told hm women always win. I told him he needed a new lawyer ASAP if his told him that. His ex once dropped his older daughter off to him and told him to keep her that she couldn't handle her anymore and didn't want her. He could have went back to court then and fought for full custody of both of his kids but he insisted that he would still lose and then it was because girls need their mother, and he didn't know what to do with a girl. blah blah blah. But he would sure bitch about how unfair the courts were, how his ex was a money grubbing bitch. He wouldn't take a higher paying job because "she would just take all his money anyway." Yup, he is a dumbass.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 10:46:32 GMT -5
Those poor kids.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2012 10:46:59 GMT -5
I had a great father. I Lways wished he'd divorce my mom and take me with him but he never did.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,896
|
Post by happyhoix on Jul 17, 2012 10:49:15 GMT -5
"He wouldn't take a higher paying job because "she would just take all his money anywya." "
I've known some guys like this.
So it's better to live in poverty than let your ex-wife get any more of your paycheck?
Of course, a lot of them earn income under the table.... I guess they don't care that if their wife is struggling, so are their kids.
|
|
Epiphany
Established Member
meowzers!
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 9:54:10 GMT -5
Posts: 476
|
Post by Epiphany on Jul 17, 2012 11:20:23 GMT -5
"Single dads now account for 8 percent of American households with children, up from 6.3 percent in 2000 and 1.1 percent in 1950, census data show" Indiana passed the first state law in the United States favoring joint parenting in 1973. Before then, the mother was presumed the better caregiver and entitled to legal custody of the children. Every state has since passed laws favoring some kind of joint parenting. Few have gone as far as Oregon, which approved a law in 1997 that gave joint physical custody the presumption. A recently published analysis of Oregon divorce records by Brinig showed that sole custody awarded to mothers dropped to 51 percent from 68 percent in the five years after the law took effect. Even with weaker laws, other states showed big gains for fathers getting custody of children. The most significant growth period may be past. Between 1990 and 2000, the number of single fathers grew by 37.9 percent, greater than the 27.3 percent increase between 2000 and 2010, according to the census. Read more: www.ctpost.com/local/article/More-single-dads-winning-primary-custody-of-1992248.php#ixzz20ti4ik18
|
|