taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 3, 2012 14:30:12 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 15:25:39 GMT -5
"Never say never"
Justin Bieber ;D
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Works4me
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Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
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Post by Works4me on Jul 4, 2012 0:28:27 GMT -5
Sorry I did not explain better - plus this was a crazy busy day and I am finally sitting down now.
What I meant is at what point do you give up on something you are trying to do? When do you admit defeat? What types of things have you quit on and why?
Will explain more tomorrow as I am unable to think - just wondering what/when/where/why/how you have quit things that are important to you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2012 0:33:35 GMT -5
OK, fair enough. Here goes: As i am moving along in life, i realize that some of the things i am doing or have been doing are just things i thought I "needed" to do or something that we "always did". Things like planting a garden. I have tried to plant some small gardens here and there and finally realized i really don't have the time, don't want to be bothered and simply not interested at this stage of my life. Maybe when the kids grown up and i retire that will spark my interest. So, instead, i just accepted that i don't want to do that and just go to the Farmer's Market. New skills. There are times i want to learn new things. I went through a period of time teaching myself to play guitar and i learned a lot and had a lot of fun. But, it came to a point where i am about as good as i will ever be and to maintain your skills you have to play pretty frequently. I just got busy with other stuff and set that aside. Ask yourself if the things you are doing or whatever it is you are thinking of giving up on enhances YOUR life. Not someone else's idea of what they think you should do, but deep down what you want to do. Then go from there.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 4, 2012 5:16:18 GMT -5
What I meant is at what point do you give up on something you are trying to do? When do you admit defeat? What types of things have you quit on and why? Will explain more tomorrow as I am unable to think - just wondering what/when/where/why/how you have quit things that are important to you. Well, I've pretty much given up hobbies/me time at the moment. But this summer, I'm the primary caregiver to three kids, aged 8 to 2 months. I'm just happy I can use the bathroom without an audience and can get in daily showers, etc. I also have stopped keeping up some of my skills for one of my jobs. I'm a musician that teaches. I do less playing that I really ought to be, and I know my performance skills are not what they were when I was playing/practicing 6-8 hours daily. I stopped playing with groups because my oldest child was complaining that I wasn't around enough. I also don't attend concerts like I used to anymore. I've been playing my instrument for 30 years now. My music making as been there for me during my darkest days. It's been my go to method for dealing with life (and frankly, just as effective as therapy). It's always defined who I am. Its provided me with much happiness and fulfillment. I've come to accept that work and motherhood are taking up my plate. I don't expect this time to last forever. In a few years, my youngest will be more independent. There's a a possibility that DH might find a better job situation that would allow me to cut down to a 40-50 hour work week. Quitting work isn't negotiable, since I bring in 80% of the income. So, working is a top priority. My family life is my other one. Somethings just had to give. I don't really call it defeat. More of a seasons of life sort of thing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 7:36:07 GMT -5
I'm confused. You are primary caregiver, make 80 per cent of the income? What does DH do?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 7:42:01 GMT -5
I've accepted that I'm not the Master Gardner that the rest of my family is. I hate canning, period. I'm just not the farm woman that Grandma, Mom, and my Aunts were and are. Zero interest. For years I was nagged about it and just used the excuse that I lived in the city. Then I finally just told them that it just wasn't me. They still don't get it but that's okay. I be worked hard my whole life. Until I retired I always worked and raised kids on my own. I retired when last one went to college and started living my own life. I met DF and now I live his life which isn't always okay because I hate Michigan but love him so you take the bitter with the better.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jul 4, 2012 10:29:48 GMT -5
Sorry I did not explain better - plus this was a crazy busy day and I am finally sitting down now. What I meant is at what point do you give up on something you are trying to do? When do you admit defeat? What types of things have you quit on and why? Will explain more tomorrow as I am unable to think - just wondering what/when/where/why/how you have quit things that are important to you. If others are involved in your endeavors, are they on the exact same page? If you're getting push back or apathy, maybe the others aren't as involved or informed as you think they are and you need to improve communication. Or, maybe they just don't want to do it and you need to decide whether or not you want to continue on your own.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 4, 2012 13:28:29 GMT -5
Sorry I did not explain better - plus this was a crazy busy day and I am finally sitting down now. What I meant is at what point do you give up on something you are trying to do? When do you admit defeat? What types of things have you quit on and why? Will explain more tomorrow as I am unable to think - just wondering what/when/where/why/how you have quit things that are important to you. Reading your posts you sound overwhelmed. When you are able to post more specifically about your situation I'll be glad to share my experiences and thinking if it seems helpful. Sometimes it is wise to quit things that are important to you; sometimes it is not. I have the Never Give Up Winston Churchill quote on a magnet. I really like the quote but I believe it is only appropriate for those things that you do not care when you succeed. Just that you do.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 5, 2012 11:39:09 GMT -5
Sorry I did not explain better - plus this was a crazy busy day and I am finally sitting down now. What I meant is at what point do you give up on something you are trying to do? When do you admit defeat? What types of things have you quit on and why? Will explain more tomorrow as I am unable to think - just wondering what/when/where/why/how you have quit things that are important to you. I've quit on cleaning/fixing stuff. I've quit college. I had stopped reading due to needing to feed/handle the kids but I've started this back up. I've quit putting EVERYTHING for me aside to focus on the house/husband/kids/work and started putting myself first. DH is picking up the slack on some things.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2012 11:42:53 GMT -5
justin bieber? How about romeo void? Nice! Thanks for the "blast from the past", Rukh!
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Jul 5, 2012 11:51:10 GMT -5
At what point do you give up? I don't know. I give up. you have been
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 5, 2012 11:59:49 GMT -5
Hmmm it's hard to summarize, but here is my stab at it.
If it's something that I'm 100% responsible for and has no negative impacts on myself or on anyone else, I am more likely to give up pretty easily. The piano lessons, for instance. I just didn't like piano that much, I hated practicing and I had 0 native ability. Giving up didn't impact anyone but me. I haven't ever regretted not playing the piano. Over the years I have dabbled in sports or hobbies that I just wasn't good and honestly didn't spend a lot of time trying to master.
However if it's something that has an important impact for me or my family, I can be fairly dogged. Stuck through college, stuck it out five years at my first job that I didn't like that well, stuck it out trying to be a better mom for my son, etc. These are things I didn't feel like I really had the luxury of quitting on.
Now my recent gardening attempts - I am very close to abandoning vegetable gardening. I have the most pathetic corn, bell peppers and tomato plants in the neighborhood. In our whole town, even. Apparently, it's something else I'm just no good at - and I can get fresh veggies at the farmer's market, so I may stop trying.
However if it's something
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hamsterwheel
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Post by hamsterwheel on Jul 5, 2012 20:58:47 GMT -5
In all seriousness, I've given up only on things when they're not paying off in terms of time and effort. Probably the best thing to ask yourself is, "if you're in the same position in 10 or 20 years, will you be happy"? I've been in the same boat, so I can understand where you're coming from.
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Works4me
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Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
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Post by Works4me on Jul 6, 2012 10:08:28 GMT -5
Reading the replies has been extremely helpful - even/especially the goofy ones. The serious stuff has been great. Even if the details are different it sure helps to see the commonality of the struggle - KWIM?
Feeling better mentally this morning but physically can barely move. I was was diagnoes with lupus in 2004, had to stop working in 2008 and have been providing/coordinating total home care for my father since 2010. I have hired help 40-65 hours per week but still had pretty much given up my entire life.
Dad is waking up and help starts in an hour - will finish later but comments really have helped my outlook as has forcing myself to do some things I don't want to do each day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 10:11:32 GMT -5
I am still not clear as to what you are contemplating giving up on. As for your father, caring for another human being is very difficult. If he needs that much care, have you considered a personal care home for him? Yes, nobody wants to live in a nursing home. My mom's health deteriorated and now she lives in assisted living. It just is what it it. She cannot physically take care of herself anymore and it was something we just had to face.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jul 6, 2012 10:45:46 GMT -5
Reading the replies has been extremely helpful - even/especially the goofy ones. The serious stuff has been great. Even if the details are different it sure helps to see the commonality of the struggle - KWIM? Feeling better mentally this morning but physically can barely move. I was was diagnoes with lupus in 2004, had to stop working in 2008 and have been providing/coordinating total home care for my father since 2010. I have hired help 40-65 hours per week but still had pretty much given up my entire life. Dad is waking up and help starts in an hour - will finish later but comments really have helped my outlook as has forcing myself to do some things I don't want to do each day. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Like shooby said you really might want to consider putting your father in a facility equipped to deal with his needs. I would never want to put my father in a facility either but sometimes you have no choice but to do so. You have to consider the fact that you need to focus on your health and well being as well.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 6, 2012 10:48:26 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 11:27:57 GMT -5
Nobody wants to live in a home, but there are simply times when it is necessary. And, one does not have to beat oneself up with guilt. I didn't put my mother in assisted living. Her physical condition put her in assisted living because she simply is no longer capable of self care. THere is nothing to feel guilty about. And, we did consider the option of her living with us. But, we both work and my home is loud, cluttered and noisy with 3 kids, their stuff and a revolving door of friends. It just would not be conducive to her best care. And, she is very unstable on her feet and a fall risk and my home is not laid out in a way that would be safe for her to manuever in.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 6, 2012 11:42:17 GMT -5
Aw, sara, sorry about the lupus. Had not idea. That on top of taking care of your dad has to be beyond exhausting. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself first. Sounds a little selfish, but if you go down, you are no good to yourself or dad.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 11:45:42 GMT -5
I really hope my children put me in a nursing home if i can no longer care for themselves and not feel guilty. If all i can do is sit in a chair and watch TV, what does it matter where i am at? I have told them, that they need to have their own lives because i have had the opportunity to live mine.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 6, 2012 11:55:05 GMT -5
happy - if those varied plants are not doing well - it is likely soil related. Start composting, and compost a bunch and next year - use your compost and you'll see different results. assuming you are watering during the drought/heatwave? I water like crazy. Every other day. Before I started planting I added in soil amendments - composted manure, bags of garden soil, etc. Still have nothing but spindly little things. However move to the right about 50 feet, where there is just bare dirt where had to remove a bunch of dead trees - basically rocks and clay - I have the most amazingly tall weeds. Very robust and healthy even though I don't water them. Also pockets of black eyed susans that volunteered - also doing very well in the bare dirt without watering. So essentially everything I planted and take care of is on it's last legs while everything that blew in from wherever and who get no help at all are aggressively taking over the yard. DH has suggested the composting idea. As in "you might want to start composting." Not as in "I'll start a composing pile for us." I haven't decided if I want to fight it out another year or just seed it with grass (or let the weeds take over) and skip the whole thing.
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