zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,861
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 22:34:17 GMT -5
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,861
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 22:34:33 GMT -5
I'm screwed.
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Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
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Post by Formerly SK on Jul 5, 2012 11:04:48 GMT -5
this too Because they have no fear of the punishment. They are taught that they cant be punished I'm reading a really interesting book right now: "Hold On To Your Kids." www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1341503558&sr=1-1&keywords=hold+on+to+your+kidsI'm not all the way through it, but so far I'm pretty impressed with the thesis. Basically his point is not that certain discipline tactics work or don't work, but that kids today are not attached to their parents. They don't care if parents rant/rave/bribe/punish behaviors because they don't have a tight connection with their parents anymore. Their attachment is to their peers, and so they will take all their cues from them instead of from parents/grandparents/etc. He gives a lot of good points about how this came about and how it can be repaired. The book resonates with me because when I was in my 20's I tried to take custody of my preteen sister. It was a disaster, and I remember one of her therapists saying it would never have worked because we didn't have the history/attachment of her formative years to build from. Yes, on paper I was her authority figure, but our connection wasn't strong enough for me to have an impact on her. The same goes for step-parents. Just because you have the official role doesn't mean you can effectively reach the child and teach them. There as to be a bond. According to the author, our society today pretty much encourages kids to bond to each other rather than to their parents. The kids are raising each other (subtly - following each other's cues) rather than following their parents. Anyway, I thought it made a lot of sense.
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