Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 12:01:21 GMT -5
Wait until PMSing starts at age 9. That is one thing I hope DD gets from me -- I didn't get my period until I was 14.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 3, 2012 12:03:30 GMT -5
We've spanked DS a few times. Everytime is when we have asked him to do something and he openly defies us and does something he shouldn't. Counting doesn't work with him - the first time he started counting was a situation where i normally would have counted to 3 on him. I was so thankful he was actually counting out loud (he's slightly verbally delayed) that I couldn't do anything but give him a hug. We mainly try to teach him what is right and wrong and how to respect other. Yes he gets talked to a lot about what we expect from him. But he is general a well-behaved kid, but he has his moments. We try not reward for bad behavior and we try to encourage good behavior. We use time outs on occaison, but a lot of times his bad behavior is a stall tactic at bedtime or leaving someplace he does not want to leave and therefore timeouts are not effective because they reward his poor behavior. We also use natural consequense. If he throws his toys over the gate, they are gone. Our neighbor's 3.5 yo got mad when he threw toys over our gate and he wanted them and I just said, nope the rule in this house is if you throw the toys over the gate, they are gone. Too bad soo sad. He was like oh. DS loses his toys if he doesn't put them up at night. After a few days of "toyland siberia" he is much more willing to help. Anyway, like others have said it depends 100% on the kid and parents. You have to do what works for you. Hard and fast rules don't really apply to babies and kids. IME. Firebird - The reason I don't want other people spanking my child in general is because I don't know if they are going to sit down and talk to him about what he did wrong like DH and I will. We make him look us in the eye and we tell him you are "in trouble because of x, y, or z. You know you are not allowed to do x, y or z because you might get hurt. You know that is the rule. We love you very much" and then we give him a hug. Or something like that. We don't always do a spanking, like others have said that is more to get his attention than the punishment. The punishment is you have to look into mom or dad's eyes and know that we are disappointed in you. ;D At church 2 Sunday's ago, the old testament reading was the verse from proverbs leading up to the "spare the rod, spoil the child". It didn't include that verse, but the translation in the pew bible was to actually "beat your children"! Yikes. I have heard that the rod is suppose to be the shepherd's staff and that is used to guide the sheep. So, it isn't so much "beat" your children, but guide them and direct them. I was more than a little disturbed that the translation in the pew was actually beat your children.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 3, 2012 12:39:33 GMT -5
"So, it isn't so much "beat" your children, but guide them and direct them. I was more than a little disturbed that the translation in the pew was actually beat your children. "
A guy I used to work with was extremely religious and he and his DW had read a book on how to discipline your kids adequately to keep them on the straight and narrow.
The guy who wrote the book said when the baby is still an infant you need to pinch them - hard - and say 'no' loudly when they do something wrong. When she was only about 9 months old they brought her to work to show her off and I said 'No' to something while standing near her and she burst into tears. She was conditioned to think she would get a hard pinch when someone said no around her. It was the saddest thing ever.
The Co-worker explained their discipline process and he told me how the book author once allowed his son to not get spanked for an infraction, and he was so worried that this single lapse in firm, consistant punishment might make the kid spoiled that he went into the kid's room in the middle of the night, woke him up, told him he was mistaken in not spanking him for his crime, spanked him, and stuck him back into bed.
Holy geez.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 3, 2012 12:41:56 GMT -5
Sadly any idiot can write a parenting book. Maybe his boss should take a rod to the husband every time he does something wrong. See how he likes it.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 3, 2012 12:52:23 GMT -5
We lived and breathed Haim Ginott's two books: Between Parent and Child, and Between Parent and Teenager. His books are maybe 30-40 years old now, but they are the basis for many contemporary parenting books (he personally trained several "current" writers out there). He advocated firm but loving parental authority (the parents define the rules and parameters of the family and home), age-appropriate explanations, listening to the child's feelings behind the words, and natural consequences for actions. He had a wonderful way of explaining how to respect a child without letting the child run wild or take over the relationship. Genius, I tell ya.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 12:53:44 GMT -5
PMSing seems to have nothing to do with when you get your darn period. DD started around the normal time, 12-ish but the hormones were certainly prepping for a few years.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 3, 2012 13:02:42 GMT -5
Zib, what is the thought process behind sending siblings to each other's rooms? Not saying you're wrong, just curious as to what it's supposed to teach them.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 3, 2012 13:06:44 GMT -5
Zib, what is the thought process behind sending siblings to each other's rooms? Not saying you're wrong, just curious as to what it's supposed to teach them. I would have been in heaven in my brother or sister's rooms. They never let me in, but they had way cooler stuff (IMO).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 13:07:36 GMT -5
It freaks out the owner of the room! They don't want their sibling touching their precious stuff! ;D
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 13:09:03 GMT -5
Teaches them to knock of the arguing nonsense or else. Sending them to their OWN rooms is no punishment but to another's room while the other sibling knows their sibling is in their room makes them crazy! It's more effective of a threat, trust me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 13:11:26 GMT -5
I guess the "lesson" is that punishments aren't supposed to make you feel good. If you don't want to feel like that again, don't do what got your sibling sent in there in the first place!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 13:13:57 GMT -5
The idea that the other is in there touching their previous stuff makes them almost cry with anguish. Like I said, I did it ONCE, and only had to threaten it after that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 13:14:13 GMT -5
Precious stuff, sorry.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 3, 2012 13:15:20 GMT -5
That is so sad.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 13:15:34 GMT -5
I only utilize it when they both did something that needs to be punished. That way the wailing is all done in one shot.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 13:54:06 GMT -5
For sure. That's the best sound ever. The sound of their anguish. Immediate response to an immediate problem.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jul 3, 2012 15:07:44 GMT -5
Wait, zib, so do you send the kid not being punished into time-out? So the one being punished has to worry about their things? Or is it only when both kids need to be punished at the same time?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 15:13:17 GMT -5
When they had to be punished at the same time. Usually they were cool but sometimes they started in on each other to a point where it went beyond the normal sibling drama. I'd warn them to stop and warn them and warn them and then I had had enough of warning them. So I thought about what could eat at them and please me at the same time. BINGO! Time out to their siblings room. I warned them and when it happened again, I did it. Of course they CORRECTED me by pointing out to me that OF COURSE I MEANT THEIR OWN ROOMS. Ah contraire mon ami.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 15:15:33 GMT -5
Nothing sets as easy on your mind as killing two birds with one stone. Punishing them and making me smile with satisfaction at the same time. Win-win. Plus, it's VERY effective as in I only had to remind them a few times about the time out plan and the squabbling ended. I'm okay with some sibling stuff. To me, it's normal, but the never ending bickering gets old.
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cranberry49
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'Sometimes the simple things are the prettiest'
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Post by cranberry49 on Jul 3, 2012 16:54:30 GMT -5
this too Because they have no fear of the punishment. They are taught that they cant be punished BINGO! what's so 'hurtful' about standing in the corner, or whatever else one may choose to always do instead of spanking?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 3, 2012 17:00:04 GMT -5
I'm already setting my son up for this. I'm saying things like "Clean your room, or when your friends come over, I will sit in the room with you guys and I'll sing Christmas Carols until it is time for them to leave."
I have a progressive list of things that will come out as he hits puberty. (For example, poop in the hall bathroom with the door open - while his friends are here, or come to his school in my bikini and teach a belly dancing class.)
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cranberry49
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Post by cranberry49 on Jul 3, 2012 17:08:48 GMT -5
And I'm not afraid to embarrass the hell out of them. I want them to fear what I might do That's just the way I raised mine! I thought all these values had disappeared. Good to know they haven't!
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cranberry49
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Post by cranberry49 on Jul 3, 2012 17:13:13 GMT -5
I chose weird ways of punishment for my kids also. I made them pull weeds. Watch Barney the purple dinasour (which they all hated!) over and over again ...the same episode! When older I took away phone privilages, tv, etc... As I said spanking was reserved for the 'you already had your warning, prior punishment, you deliberately disobeyed my rule, etc... time. '
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 3, 2012 17:24:07 GMT -5
Is that way your icon-baby picture is so retarded looking?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2012 17:27:47 GMT -5
Who is the poster who threatens to SING if her kids don't behave!? I love that one! I'd do it except my kids like it when I sing.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 4, 2012 10:02:46 GMT -5
what's so 'hurtful' about standing in the cornerProbably depends on the kid. Gwen hates to sit still, so as she gets older making her sit still in the corner could end up being a very effective method of punishment. We used to joke that time out must have been hell on my former boss because he'd barely sit still for more than five minutes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2012 10:10:05 GMT -5
Zib I punish my children by singing...but I don't think I am the poster you are thinking about.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 10:12:04 GMT -5
I remember it vaguely. She said if they didn't come when she called them, she would start singing loudly in public. They knew it so always came when called. I thought it was hysterical. ;D
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 4, 2012 12:55:08 GMT -5
Zib I punish my children by singing...but I don't think I am the poster you are thinking about. I am pretty sure it is me. I know the entire theme song to "Sponge Bog Square Pants". When my Dd was little if she got "fresh" with me or wouldn't listen in public I would sing it real loudly and in front of her friends if at all possible. ;D to this day, at 16, I can't threaten her with it and she will instantly shut up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 19:42:10 GMT -5
I thought that was wonderful. It never occurred to me to sing some horrid song but each parent does what is right for their child, including punishment.
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