milee
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Post by milee on Jul 3, 2012 9:17:35 GMT -5
And they are girls. It'll be even harder on them. Check into scholarships at the private school. Have to admit, although I feel sorry that the girls might have to go through some changes, if I were a parent at the private school paying full tuition I would expect that the scholarship money went to great deserving students who were poor, not ones whose parents hadn't managed to save enough to continue a certain lifestyle or who were moving from the 1% to the 2%. JMHO. Back to the OP's question - there aren't enough facts to know. One of my primary considerations would be how likely it is for me to be able to find another replacement for that income stream and how quickly that is likely to happen. If he's a hotshot or rainmaker, shouldn't be too hard and it would make sense to temporarily go into hock or make changes to keep the family stable. If he's just been one of those good but not great upper middle echelon types and realistically understands it might take more than a year to find similar work or that he's going to have to create a new business to do so, it's probably best to face reality, bite the bullet now and make all the changes the family is going to need to make eventually anyway.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 3, 2012 9:20:43 GMT -5
"Bonn on her thread about her tenants mentionned how her tenants when filed for bankruptcy had a $1,600 line item for their kids schooling/activities. Their kids go to public school, so that money is spent on after school activities, etc. Those are parents that filed bankruptcy, unable to pay rent but still paying $1,600/month so their kids can keep doing what is their normal, keep some sort of stability in their life."
Some of this also depends on your family lifestyle and where the kids have the most social connections. In the case of Bonn's tenants, if the kids have all their friends at the activities and don't know any of the kids in the neighborhood since they're hardly ever home, I'd probably recommend they keep up the activities and move to a much less expensive house. Even if that less expensive house is in a dodgy neighborhood, the kids aren't likely to get hurt since they're never outside playing anyway and most schools will let kids stay with the school they've started in, even if they move out of district.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jul 3, 2012 10:19:16 GMT -5
First off some of these schools offer scholarships. I know someone who got one for the few years they had financial troubles. Secondly, we are talking NYC here. You can't go to public schools unless you find a charter or a magnet and even then, good luck getting in. Not...some of the public schools in NYC, not just the charters and magnets have seen an increase in quality of education, programs and performance. As private schools have become increasingly expensive, many middle, upper and affluent families have their children in public schools. Especially in Brooklyn, a number of public schools have become better choices than the private ones.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 10:31:42 GMT -5
I am assuming the house is paid off, but yes maybe they took out loans against it since it needed/still need some repairs... but I highly doubt they don't have enough saved to hold them thru his unemployement stint. Depends on how long his unemployment lasts and whether he can go back to his original salary. There are plenty of stories of individuals in their 50's who can't get back to their previous earnings. He's also in a tough spot with young children in the house and a SAHM. Replacing a couple hundred k in income requires a ton of savings, more than most high earners have.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 3, 2012 11:20:03 GMT -5
I would also feel bad if we used up all our savings keeping the older two in their very expensive private HS and didn't have anything left when the twins time came to go so school. There are four kids in that family not just two. Having four year olds in your fifties and such a huge expense for the HS'ers while being unemployed would scare the crap out of me. And we all know from reading YM that no matter what the parents do their kids will be pissed about how their stupid choices ruined their lives for ever more.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2012 12:00:57 GMT -5
Having four year olds in your fifties and such a huge expense for the HS'ers while being unemployed would scare the crap out of me.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 3, 2012 12:09:39 GMT -5
The survival of the family ensures your children's stability. If i could no longer afford private school, then i would sit my kids down and say that i am sorry, we can no longer afford private school and put them in public school. Kids have to learn that life changes and we have to change and adapt and that includes everyone for the good of the family. Bankrupting yourself to keep your kids in a school you can't afford makes no sense at all. This!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 4, 2012 7:47:23 GMT -5
But that is exactly what the scholarships are for. My facial persons husband got laid off. She had just started her business and the recession hit. What do people cut back on? Facials. They live on the water and most people that live on the water do not have good schools in the area so she sent her to private. Her DD had been in that school since pre-K and was now in 3 rd grade. She got reduced tution for almost 3 years and was able to keep her DD in there because of that. She now pays full price again but would have no issue if anyone at the school needed the same break.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2012 10:21:21 GMT -5
Depending on the private school a lot of them won't give reduced tuition and give very little financial aid unless your kid is some sort of superstar. Private school enrollment went down during the bust but the best private schools still have waiting lists and more applicants than openings.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jul 5, 2012 11:39:36 GMT -5
CAVEAT: Longer than my usual posts. ;D But, if you want to skip to the last paragraph, I try to summarize my humble opinion in 100 words or less. ;D I think each family has to do what works for their own family, whatever difficult situation they find themselves in. There are simply no blanket solutions to life's problems. We faced a remotely similar situation to Cawiau's cousin. We wanted our kids to go to a Jesuit middle/high school. ODS applied for admission to the middle school and was rejected. We talked to the admission folks who helped us see what areas ODS needed to strengthen for acceptance at the high school level and left feeling optimistic. The next year (my kids are one year apart in school but 2.5 years apart in age), YDS was accepted into the middle school program. My sincere intention was to get a job to help with the tuition payments, but the kids were in school 1 hour and 20 minutes apart, we had moved to a new town, ODS was in a new school system, and I just didn't have the time and energy with all of the commuting and shuttling and managing 2 very different school philosophies to find a job. At the end of YDS' first year at the Jesuit middle school, ODS applied for admission to the high school. He had worked hard to address some of the Admissions' folks' concerns about his middle school application and we felt very hopeful about his chances. As it turns out, he was waitlisted, which we were somewhat thrilled about because he wasn't rejected and because we could submit additional information to further support his application. We were under the impression that being waitlisted means the applicant met the admissions criteria but that more kids met the criteria than there are open slots and so a waitlisted applicant merely has to wait it out to see if a spot opens up. In fact, the waitlist letter advised us that we should be prepared to wait until the end of August for any openings that might occur. Frankly, we were willing to wait until the first day of school if that's what it took. So, you can imagine our shock and dismay when we got a letter in May stating that the Jesuit school thanked us for our interest but that it wasn't the appropriate place for our son and that they assumed we'd found placement at another school for him. The letter also stated that the waitlist was now closed. It took me over a month to regain my composure and muster the calm to call the Admissions office and ask why ODS was rejected. I spoke with an Assistant Admissions Director who sort of gave me the runaround. I admit I was too chicken to ask why ODS was even waitlisted if they didn't think he had the academic skills for the school. I was afraid my emotions would get the better of me and I would burn any bridges still standing. (This is my one regret in this experience.) I probed and asked what other things ODS needed to strengthen in order to apply in a year, made my list, and thanked her for her time before hanging up. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do as a parent was to tell ODS that he was rejected and that he wouldn't be going to the Jesuit school. He was incredibly disappointed. I gave him time and space and then we began the process of planning on him attending the local public high school. We worked really, really hard to make the best of it, and he slowly came around to the idea (shorter commute, knew kids there already, new building opening mid-year, etc.). Then, because life is never easy, we got a call at the end of August from the Jesuit school telling us a spot had, in fact, opened up for ODS. Yup, that's what we said. We asked for a couple of days to discuss it with ODS. Needless to say, he was totally confused and wary. He thought it over long and hard and weighed the pros and cons of each school. He really tried to take the emotion out of it, but given the roller coaster ride he'd been on, he ultimately decided that his brain was already wrapped around attending the local public high school -- that the mixed messages from the Jesuit school's Admissions office were too traumatic and too confusing to process. We agreed. So, ODS continued on his planned path to the local high school. We had planned on continuing to send YDS to the Jesuit school. In his first year there, he'd really thrived academically, socially, and spiritually. He'd really stretched himself in so many new ways and demonstrated genuine growth in his maturity and indendence. We were genuinely very happy with the school and saw great things ahead for YDS. But, when ODS decided to stay at the local public high school, YDS decided to leave the Jesuit school and attend the local public middle school. So, in the space of 2 years, ODS attended 2 different public middle schools (because we moved to a new town), faced a difficult admissions experience with a Jesuit high school an hour and 20 minutes away, and started public high school. YDS attended 3 different middle schools (public in our old town, one year of Jesuit middle school, and his final middle school year in our new town). Both kids survived the changes. Was it smooth sailing? Not necessarily. But, it is what it is. We didn't plan on so many school changes but some of them were out of our control. Would I do it again? I'd certainly move again, but I honestly don't know what I would do about the Jesuit school. I am still totally confused and dismayed at the way things played out. I still would love for my kids to go to Jesuit school, but I am too wary at this point to try without some definite assurances on the school's part. I don't get that whole scenario at all. So, to make a really long post short, in an ideal world kids learn life lessons in a controlled way without a lot of unnecessary drama and trauma. But, we don't live in an ideal world, so each family has to play the cards their dealt in a way that works for *their* family.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2012 12:01:08 GMT -5
Its still easier for boys.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 5, 2012 12:28:05 GMT -5
What's easier for boys? Switching schools? Says who?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2012 13:04:26 GMT -5
I do. As a parent and as a teacher. Girls have a much harder time being welcomed.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 5, 2012 13:06:17 GMT -5
I've never noticed it with my daughters, and they've switched schools plenty.
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ontrack
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Post by ontrack on Jul 5, 2012 13:09:09 GMT -5
That rings true for me. My brother had a much easier time integrating into the new school than I did after we moved. But I always chalked that up to him being more social/a jock whereas I was a bit of a nerd.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Jul 5, 2012 13:10:44 GMT -5
I switched schools several times growing up. Some times were better or worse than others. At least I got a chance to "reinvent" myself. DH went to school with the same group from kindergarten to community college. Whatever impressions he made in grade school stuck with him forever. He would have liked some change.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 5, 2012 13:10:57 GMT -5
That rings true for me. My brother had a much easier time integrating into the new school than I did after we moved. We all tend to think the grass is greener on the other side though. As a kid it always seemed like my sister made friends at a new school faster than I did. If you ask her she'd probably say it was tougher on her and easier for my brothers and I.
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