8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 28, 2012 21:01:13 GMT -5
...:::"I imagine being married to someone who behaves like a 5 year old would be a complete turn off... ":::...
Apparently supporting the household financially, cooking like a pro, cleaning, and putting her needs first are ALSO complete turn offs.
...:::"Have either of you ever decided to put on your big kid panties and have an actual discussion about issues that are bothering you?":::...
You must be new here.
...:::"Make an effort not to let yourself totally go physically.":::...
Good one! Totally agree.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 28, 2012 21:11:36 GMT -5
Meh, I get nothing out of debating that further with you.
To return to the original topic: I already touched on "understanding what romance is" but I'm surprised nobody mentioned "5 love languages" or similar. How can one keep the romance alive, if one does not know what the romance is. Knowing what your partner considers romantic is probably 8/10ths of the battle.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 28, 2012 21:12:34 GMT -5
I see a bit of sarcasm and smartassedness being taken waaaay too seriously...
;D
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 28, 2012 21:25:28 GMT -5
Message deleted by Optimist.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 28, 2012 23:32:01 GMT -5
According to everything you've ever posted she's fat, lazy, spends too much money and hates sex. I've yet to hear anything positive. Well... she must put out once in a while. I've seen marriages built on less... none that lasted long though.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2012 23:33:34 GMT -5
BTW , is anyone watching the series "7 Days of Sex". Not sure what network that is on but i have it on my DVR. Interesting concept!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 6:59:31 GMT -5
BTW , is anyone watching the series "7 Days of Sex". Not sure what network that is on but i have it on my DVR. Interesting concept! I caught it this week. DH is up for it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 7:00:05 GMT -5
D'oh! I had a feeling he wasn't talking about a "friend" either.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 29, 2012 7:09:17 GMT -5
D'oh! I had a feeling he wasn't talking about a "friend" either. LOL! Me too...he knew a little too much about the situation and defended his "friend" a little too much
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 7:18:09 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 29, 2012 10:24:12 GMT -5
Look, we all know and are confused about some relationships on this board. My own seems confusing to some but it obviously works for those involved. Is DF perfect? Of course not but neither am I. Is WWBG perfect? Of course not and neither is his wife. But we have all chosen and live with those choices. There's something about her he likes, it couldn't have just been better than nothing or no one. I hope not anyway for both of them. No one, even those on an anonymous message board wants to see a poster unhappy or unfulfilled. I show DF in a lot of ways that I love him. Bought him a shirt as a welcome home gift. Made sure I initiated sex because he likes to feel that I desire him. He needs a lot of expressions of being loved because that is how he is. I'm okay with that but need to remind myself sometimes to not get lazy about it and take it for granted that he knows I love him. His whole family uses him and I don't like it so need to make sure I don't go there myself. He doesn't like being used, either, but old habits are hard to break.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 10:26:58 GMT -5
How can one keep the romance alive, if one does not know what the romance is. Knowing what your partner considers romantic is probably 8/10ths of the battle.
Like a PP said it's not so much about the romance for us as keeping a sense of connection so we're not just partners in childrearing but partners in each other's lives.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 29, 2012 11:22:12 GMT -5
But don't continue to bitch about your choice when you have been given fair warning.
If I decided to quit my job and open up a cafe that would inevitably fail because I don't know shit about running a restaurant, and I told my plans here, and then whined when it failed, I would fully expect to by pummelled here.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 29, 2012 11:29:24 GMT -5
To return to the original topic: I already touched on "understanding what romance is" but I'm surprised nobody mentioned "5 love languages" or similar. How can one keep the romance alive, if one does not know what the romance is. Knowing what your partner considers romantic is probably 8/10ths of the battle.
This: very true. Had to muddle through it with DH at one point. Let's just say that if Partner X's favorite love language is touch and Partner Y's is not, hanging out with Partner X feels to Partner Y like hanging out with an overly affectionate puppy. It's cute at first, but after awhile you just want them to stop licking your cheek.
(Not that I've ever licked DH's cheek... at least not recently.)
(Um, and not that I'm Partner X. Not at all.)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 29, 2012 12:30:50 GMT -5
To return to the original topic: I already touched on "understanding what romance is" but I'm surprised nobody mentioned "5 love languages" or similar. How can one keep the romance alive, if one does not know what the romance is. Knowing what your partner considers romantic is probably 8/10ths of the battle.This: very true. Had to muddle through it with DH at one point. Let's just say that if Partner X's favorite love language is touch and Partner Y's is not, hanging out with Partner X feels to Partner Y like hanging out with an overly affectionate puppy. It's cute at first, but after awhile you just want them to stop licking your cheek. (Not that I've ever licked DH's cheek... at least not recently.) (Um, and not that I'm Partner X. Not at all.) I think lots of these books 5 languages of love or anyone who does books with more than a couple categories can be more dangerous that not reading them. They give you a false sense of knowledge like if you pick their "primary" mode of being that somehow everything will fall into place. I tend to be very integrated in many things so I rarely fall mostly into anyone's category. I did the 5 love languages test and struggled with the questions. For my own records, this is what I got: 4 Words of Affirmation 9 Quality Time 6 Receiving Gifts 5 Acts of Service 6 Physical Touch It doesn't really feel right because Physical Touch is very important to me but more with a primary love relationship than with people in general. I love hugs and giving hugs, but I appreciate hugs far more from men and only men I really like than I do from anyone else including women I like and love as friends. My preferences are more based on who the relationship is with than the categories above. If you read the book and didn't actually try to understand who I was you might come up with some serious wrong conclusions.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 29, 2012 12:55:24 GMT -5
My preferences are more based on who the relationship is with than the categories above. If you read the book and didn't actually try to understand who I was you might come up with some serious wrong conclusions.
Also a good point.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 29, 2012 13:02:10 GMT -5
I've read Five Languages of Love and you really gotta be open to discussing it with your spouse otherwise it's useless. DH took the quiz, I took the quiz and then we sat down to discuss it.
My main love language was "acts of service" and that got the lightbulb to turn on for DH when I was upset that he didn't do the dishes (or whatever). His primary is physical which helps me understand he's not being a macho asshole when he bugs me for sex.
It was recommended to us as part of our marital counseling. If I had tried to read it like you would a Cosmo survey it wouldn't have worked.
Plus you can't force a relationship to conform to a book's model. Every relationship is different. There was a lot in Five Languages I discarded but also a lot I took into account.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 29, 2012 13:27:57 GMT -5
...:::"I've yet to hear anything positive.":::...
She is drastically better with money... both earning it, and administering it. Many of her friends remark how much more frugal she is.
...:::"LOL! Me too...he knew a little too much about the situation and defended his "friend" a little too much...":::...
No, this was not ME or DW. I'll put up with a lot, but not that. Even I have my limits, far out as they may be. I'm disappointed about the leap from me knowing a lot about them to you assuming its me. I'd wager that plenty of people here know a few things about each other. Just think about the dark stuff we've been privy to via those who post publicly.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 29, 2012 13:32:45 GMT -5
...:::"If I decided to quit my job and open up a cafe that would inevitably fail because I don't know shit about running a restaurant, and I told my plans here, and then whined when it failed, I would fully expect to by pummelled here.":::...
A FAR more accurate analogy is that your cafe starts out incredibly profitable, then slides, then languishes, then suddenly SOARS, and then slides, then evens out, and is currently on a slow but steady uptick.
Had we not fixed our financial issues, I'd definitely not have gone through with the wedding. That is definite. I can deal with intimacy issues by themselves. Intimacy AND financial.... no.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 29, 2012 13:34:46 GMT -5
...:::"or anyone who does books with more than a couple categories can be more dangerous that not reading them. They give you a false sense of knowledge like if you pick their "primary" mode of being that somehow everything will fall into place.":::...
Whats seldom covered is the length of exposure too. I'd probably categorize a work colleague who I only see a few hours a week into one category. Meanwhile, I could find support for putting DW into a new category each day.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 29, 2012 13:35:30 GMT -5
I don't think it was the depth of knowledge of the situation, but the way with which you seemed to know each party's mindset and what they were thinking. That seems a little backhanded. If DH said that about me, I'm not sure I'd consider it a compliment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 13:35:47 GMT -5
...:::"I've yet to hear anything positive.":::... She is drastically better with money... both earning it, and administering it. Many of her friends remark how much more frugal she is. This is the BEST thing you can say about YOUR WIFE???!?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 29, 2012 13:36:56 GMT -5
It's something. Hell, I'm better with money than DF is. He's better at making it. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 13:47:44 GMT -5
He's a newlywed for crying out loud! I find it sad. Whatever...it's his and her life, not mine.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 29, 2012 13:51:15 GMT -5
It's something. Hell, I'm better with money than DF is. He's better at making it. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
DH is good at spending my money ;D
(Just kidding, if you really wanted me to do so, I could produce a list of at least 100 reasons I think he's the cat's pj's.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2012 14:37:41 GMT -5
My wonderful DW still looks great in a bikini or less, the rest comes kind of automatically.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 29, 2012 16:20:40 GMT -5
Deleted. It's been brought to my attention that tensions are high today and making fun of a woman's weight/looks (even if you totally don't mean it) is either mean or suicidal depending on the woman in question.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 29, 2012 16:28:54 GMT -5
...:::"This is the BEST thing you can say about YOUR WIFE???!?":::...
No, it was one of the three questions in the sentence prior to the one I quoted.
And this is YM, so complimenting someone's money skills is the highest form of praise that can be given.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 29, 2012 16:32:00 GMT -5
And FWIW, solving money problems is a FANTASTIC way to rid yourself of one of the things that makes romance hard to keep alive. I don't mean that in a PBPaul "you're stupid for being a W2 earner" way. I'm just speculating that as the leading cause of divorce, having a money system that works for you eliminates the cause of many a contentious argument.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 29, 2012 17:14:57 GMT -5
Deleted. It's been brought to my attention that tensions are high today and making fun of a woman's weight/looks (even if you totally don't mean it) is either mean or suicidal depending on the woman in question. You encouraged me to get fat on two different threads?
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