Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 27, 2012 19:57:56 GMT -5
You could call this a retread of the sugarfly thread that was deleted... DH and I are expecting our first kiddo in three months and we're tremendously excited. We're finally getting our finances back on track (thanks for the advice on that front, YM) and things seem to be falling into place nicely.
So this isn't about a problem I'm having or even a major source of anxiety. I just would like to hear from other people who have children and are also married what worked (or didn't work) for them in terms of keeping the romance alive. Or at least, not falling 100% into "mom and dad" roles.
Not really talking about when Babybird has just arrived... I know the first few months are super hard. Talking more about after she's been here awhile and having her around is more routine.
How do you continue to view your spouse as a romantic partner as well as a co-parent?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 20:16:52 GMT -5
When you find out, let me know
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 20:18:55 GMT -5
For me, when i went into full on Mom mode , that is what i was all about. Now that the kids are a bit older and we can breathe and we aren't constantly filling up sippy cups, then you can return to being companions a bit more.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 20:22:17 GMT -5
We didn't take time for anything other than working and raising kids and then collapsing into bed at night. Now, we have finally started doing things together like golfing , etc. As for "date night" and what not, that never happened. There are "seasons" of life in my opinion. You have the newly married season and you focus on each other. When you have kids, you have more immediate priorities, then as the kids grow you can spend more time again. That is just how i see it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 20:26:20 GMT -5
Neither one of us could ever leave work for lunch. That just wasn't feasible in our case. But, a good suggestion.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 20:27:50 GMT -5
I agree. Not saying it shouldn't. But, just pointing out that life changes and priorities shift and you have to make adjustments.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 27, 2012 20:29:27 GMT -5
For us, the newly married and new parent seasons are happening almost simultaneously; baby is due around our first anniversary. Luckily, we do have several built in babysitters nearby. I'm hoping we can do at least a few date nights per month.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 20:32:08 GMT -5
I don't know. I am just not a "date night" kind of person. That really never interested me all that much. We are pretty casual.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 27, 2012 20:39:18 GMT -5
Shooby, we're not hugely into date nights either but we spend most of our free time home alone with each other (and kitty of course) so after the baby comes I can see it being more important to carve out alone time, even if we are just going for a walk. Right now we have an abundance of it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 27, 2012 21:08:22 GMT -5
Oh lordy, I got married so I could finally stop dating. Don't tell me I should start again??
For some reason, no amount of romance ever gave me the goosebumps that I get when I see my DH with our kids.
Lena
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 21:09:40 GMT -5
When DS was really young ( 6 months old?) we put him in childcare once a week and took golf lessons together. We also try to have a date night once or twice a month where we end up at the golf course bar (mellow fellow drinkers, strong/cheap drinks, great view and no kids) where we chat for a few hours.
I think having your kid on a schedule where they go to sleep by 8 is really helpful - that gives you an hour or two after they go to bed to chat, watch tv, and get some nookie. I have some friends whose toddlers stay up to 11 or 12 each night and they really struggle with finding alone time with their partners.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 21:10:19 GMT -5
For some reason, no amount of romance ever gave me the goosebumps that I get when I see my DH with our kids. I definitely get a big surge of love for DH when I see him with DS.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 21:14:30 GMT -5
Why in gods name would you keep your toddler up until midnight?!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 27, 2012 21:14:44 GMT -5
For some reason, no amount of romance ever gave me the goosebumps that I get when I see my DH with our kids. I definitely get a big surge of love for DH when I see him with DS. Except change DS to DD.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 27, 2012 21:19:17 GMT -5
Why in gods name would you keep your toddler up until midnight?! DD is almost 11 months old, nearing the toddler stage, and has been in bed for over an hour (went to bed at 9pm). She's in bed between 8:30 to 9. I couldn't imagine still having her up now! Mommy and daddy need a break and a change to wound down before we go to bed!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 21:21:36 GMT -5
Why in gods name would you keep your toddler up until midnight?! Some of the kids don't sleep well. Some of the parents prefer to sleep in later. I prefer to get up at 5:30 or 6 and still get my alone time with DH.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 27, 2012 21:24:22 GMT -5
DH and I go on date nights. DD also goes to bed at 7pm, so we have the entire evening together. We always go to bed at the same time so that we can spend some time without other distractions just talking about our day (or whatever else happens... . I try to make a conscious effort to do nice things for DH, even if I am feeling frustrated or overwhelmed. And I make sure to recognize the efforts that he makes too.
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Jun 27, 2012 21:29:39 GMT -5
We have 5 kiddos. 15 yrs down to 1 yr. The key for us is we make sure to ALWAYS MAKE time for J and C. NOT mommy and daddy. We are mommy and daddy all day. There are times when we HAVE to be just J and C. Even if that means the younger ones are crying our names, they will not die. Some of our J and C time(date night) is simply going to the gas station and buying 2 $1 scratch off lottery tickets and sitting in the parking lot talking. We have also went to Wendy's and shared a Frosty. One night the kids were all gone so we fixed mac and cheese and had a picnic by candle light in the living room floor. On date night, talk about something you seen on tv. Something you read in the paper. Some where you wanna go 5 yrs from that day. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE KIDS OR BILLS!!! You didn't talk about kids and bills when you were dating, falling for each other, so don't do it now. And remember the moments that made you realize they were the one you wanted to marry and have kids with. Was it a look? Was it something they said? Whatever the moment/moments were that made you fall in love...remember them, talk about them. But we have only been together for 10 yrs and I know there are other posters who have probably been married longer. So they probably know more than us. OH! And even when you are ready to rub his face in the dirt cause you are so freaking mad......still LIKE him. Or her. LOL We all have family members we love but don't want to be around them...but we always want to be around people we like. So always like your SO even when you are mad at them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 22:11:17 GMT -5
Oh lordy, I got married so I could finally stop dating. Don't tell me I should start again?? For some reason, no amount of romance ever gave me the goosebumps that I get when I see my DH with our kids. Lena My sentiments exactly Lena. And, i don't need to be alone in a restaurant to have "time" with my spouse. We have time together when we are working in the yard together, or going places with kids in tow while we chat in the front seat and they chat in the back. I am more interested in an emotional and personal connection which i find when we are both working together toward common goals of home and family. Sitting and watching a movie is not at all romantic or interesting to me. And, i think there is much, much deeper love than that of romantic love. I think that there is a maturing love that doesn't need chocolate or roses (yeah that is still nice) but a love where you feel content, secure and bonded by history.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 27, 2012 23:03:36 GMT -5
We have 5 kiddos. 15 yrs down to 1 yr. The key for us is we make sure to ALWAYS MAKE time for J and C. NOT mommy and daddy. We are mommy and daddy all day. There are times when we HAVE to be just J and C. Even if that means the younger ones are crying our names, they will not die. Some of our J and C time(date night) is simply going to the gas station and buying 2 $1 scratch off lottery tickets and sitting in the parking lot talking. We have also went to Wendy's and shared a Frosty. One night the kids were all gone so we fixed mac and cheese and had a picnic by candle light in the living room floor. On date night, talk about something you seen on tv. Something you read in the paper. Some where you wanna go 5 yrs from that day. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE KIDS OR BILLS!!! You didn't talk about kids and bills when you were dating, falling for each other, so don't do it now. And remember the moments that made you realize they were the one you wanted to marry and have kids with. Was it a look? Was it something they said? Whatever the moment/moments were that made you fall in love...remember them, talk about them. But we have only been together for 10 yrs and I know there are other posters who have probably been married longer. So they probably know more than us. OH! And even when you are ready to rub his face in the dirt cause you are so freaking mad......still LIKE him. Or her. LOL We all have family members we love but don't want to be around them...but we always want to be around people we like. So always like your SO even when you are mad at them. 5 kids!! I think you two need LESS J & C time! ;D Seriously !!! We don't have kids but we have 5 cats. That counts, right? We've been together 25 years. I think this post is the closest to how we do things. But it's no discussing work unless it's something other than bitching on DH's part or what needs to be done/fixed at the house on my part. We fail miserably but we at least try to just relax and enjoy the moments that we have together when not doing chores.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 23:07:44 GMT -5
Why in gods name would you keep your toddler up until midnight?! We did it for the first several years of the kids lives. I was working late shifts. When I was on the 3-11pm shift I wouldn't get home until 11:30-11:45. I'd get home and put the kids down, then the wife and I would have an hour so to ourselves before we'd go to bed. That way the kids got up at roughly the same time we would have. The alternative would be for the kids to go to bed at 8:30, Loop to go to bed an hour before I got home, then they'd all wake up while I was trying to sleep. Seems like a pretty stupid system if you ask me. They're toddlers, they ain't got anywhere to be at 8:30am, so why worry about getting them down early so they wake up early?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 23:20:38 GMT -5
How did you / do you keep the romance alive? The older the kids get the easier it is, but in general you can never go wrong by locking the bedroom door and removing clothes. You don't even have to say anything. Just lock the door and strip. ETA - Or I guess you could do the carve out time, date night, long conversations, mutual interest stuff. I hear that works for people. Naked time is less of a PITA though.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 27, 2012 23:23:13 GMT -5
Dark, you should really write a book on romance. So what does Loop do while you're behind the locked door with yourself?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 23:25:51 GMT -5
Dark, you should really write a book on romance. I've been thinking I should write an all purpose manual for life. The user guide that we never come with if you will. I think it could work.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jun 27, 2012 23:29:52 GMT -5
I highly recommend spending all your spare time on message boards talking to everyone but your spouse. Definite turn on.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 27, 2012 23:32:31 GMT -5
ROFL! I mean, literally, ROFL!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 27, 2012 23:34:17 GMT -5
Oh good. Something for the Chapter on "What NOT to do".
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jun 27, 2012 23:35:58 GMT -5
I highly recommend spending all your spare time on message boards talking to everyone but your spouse. Definite turn on.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 28, 2012 0:19:17 GMT -5
Oh lordy, I got married so I could finally stop dating. Don't tell me I should start again?? For some reason, no amount of romance ever gave me the goosebumps that I get when I see my DH with our kids. Lena Why doesn't YM have a like button??
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 28, 2012 0:28:26 GMT -5
Oh good. Something for the Chapter on "What NOT to do". This will probably come as a surprise to you guys, but I've got loads of material for that one.
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