8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 27, 2012 13:19:13 GMT -5
Could you forbid her from quitting until she finds a replacement? Thats how grown ups get out of leases.
If you do forbid her from quitting, will she fight back with passive-aggressive tactics? Do the bare minimum, deliberately mess up? That is how grown ups get out of commitments.
Could you guilt her into it by saying that you are sympathetic she doesn't like the activity, but it gives you family time and allows you to pool resources vs. splitting them? Thats how grown ups get others to do things they don't want to do.
I think I'm seeing why grown ups are so screwed up...
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 27, 2012 13:32:28 GMT -5
Normally I wouldn't make DS continue an activity he decided he didn't like, except when it came to team sports.
If they won't have a full team without her and may have to forfit games I would probably explain to her that her team mates are counting on her, and she agreed to be on the team. However, is it possible to find a substitute? Is it possible to have her to be a reserve player that the coach would call when he's short a person?
I had to take piano lessons when I was a kid. I have no musical ability. None. I annoyed my teacher and frustrated myself. But since they bought a piano for me to use, my mom wouldn't let me stop taking lessons until (thank God) the teacher moved away.
No point forcing a kid to do something she hates, as long as it doesn't let down the rest of her team.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 13:46:38 GMT -5
fixed
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 27, 2012 13:51:38 GMT -5
I suck at sports, I lack the coordination to really be good at them. Though for some odd reason, I'm really really good at dodgeball. Even th ough I lack the coordination, I can dodge balls thrown at me like they do in the matrix. Hopefully we will see you on The Ocho soon.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 13:53:10 GMT -5
I think you have a good point in that it is important to recognize what is okay not finish. <snip>... there are times when I have seen grown adults miserable because they think they have to "see something through until the end." In my opinion life is to too short to waste time being miserable. My first thought is "you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em and when to walk away". I once hired a high-strung neurotic woman who started out studying Chemistry and proceeded to stick it out even though she didn't like it- all the way through a Master's Degree from the U. of Chicago- then never worked in the field. Hiring her was a mistake. And, speaking of U. of Chicago, Milton Friedman gave up on actuarial exams because they were too hard. He did OK anyway. Kids need to learn when and how to quit. In the OP's case I agree with sticking it out through the rest of the season because of the short time frame and the cost to the team if DD quit now. Under other circumstances (say, wretchedly unhappy at the end of freshman year with a college major in an unmarketable field) I might tell her to cut her losses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 13:54:29 GMT -5
on "The Ocho"!!
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Jun 27, 2012 14:06:16 GMT -5
I would let her quit. But that's because I HATE sports. Don't like watching them. Don't like playing them. I just don't get what's "fun" about it. If you want her to get exercise then take her butt to the track or take her hiking.
I haven't read any replies but is it possible that she is just wanting to be(puts on flame suit) a girl? I'm not saying that girls can't or shouldn't play sports. But some girls are just girly girl and there isn't anything wrong with that. But maybe she is just changing her interests and likes.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 14:29:13 GMT -5
Could you forbid her from quitting until she finds a replacement? Thats how grown ups get out of leases.
If you do forbid her from quitting, will she fight back with passive-aggressive tactics? Do the bare minimum, deliberately mess up? That is how grown ups get out of commitments.
Could you guilt her into it by saying that you are sympathetic she doesn't like the activity, but it gives you family time and allows you to pool resources vs. splitting them? Thats how grown ups get others to do things they don't want to do.
I think I'm seeing why grown ups are so screwed up... LOL! This whole post is win.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 14:30:24 GMT -5
I haven't read any replies but is it possible that she is just wanting to be(puts on flame suit) a girl? It's an all girls softball team and league, so I don't see how playing makes her un-girly...
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 27, 2012 14:37:00 GMT -5
I still think, if she was on-board when you signed her up, she needs to see it through. I thought she said she only allowed Dark to sign her up because she thought that's what she had to do. Dark - I don't follow sports/kids threads much but if I understand correctly she DID play - she DID follow through and found out that it's not her thing. She's only signed up this time because she didn't think she had a choice. So aren't you teaching her to be a follower and going along to get along instead of being true to herself? If I don't have the story right ignore me. If I do have it right I would let her quit when the other girls come back from vacation. You will be teaching her to hang in there when she is needed and doing the right thing for her team. And also that she has choices. Who knows - maybe in that time she'll start having fun and stay. You will also be teaching her it's ok to speak up more if she doesn't want to do something. She may not get her way but she should at least speak up if she has strong feelings about something.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 14:40:02 GMT -5
I don't follow sports/kids threads much but if I understand correctly she DID play - she DID follow through and found out that it's not her thing. She's only signed up this time because she didn't think she had a choice. That's what she's saying. However, it could be the bruise on her back from getting hit by a pitch on Monday too. So aren't you teaching her to be a follower and going along to get along instead of being true to herself? Good point.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 27, 2012 14:41:11 GMT -5
...:::"LOL! This whole post is win.":::...
;D You know where the karma button is!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 15:25:20 GMT -5
I haven't read any replies but is it possible that she is just wanting to be(puts on flame suit) a girl? It's an all girls softball team and league, so I don't see how playing makes her un-girly... because girls who play softball grow in to lesbians, duh.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 15:26:21 GMT -5
It's not like he's making her play the rest of her life. It's the rest of the season. She should play out the season and then she never has to play again.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 15:27:39 GMT -5
because girls who play softball grow in to lesbians, duh. Works for me. Lesbians don't have oops pregnancies before they're done with school. Seriously though, lesbians are still girls right?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 27, 2012 15:28:37 GMT -5
because girls who play softball grow in to lesbians, duh. Works for me. Lesbians don't have oops pregnancies before they're done with school. Seriously though, lesbians are still girls right? Yes, they are. But they generally aren't girly girls.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 27, 2012 15:36:27 GMT -5
Unless the team can't play without her, who cares what her reasons are? If she doesn't want to play, what's the big deal? Again, kids should learn and understand the difference between things that should be finished and thing that are OK not to. I just don't see why this one has to be finished
Lena
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 15:38:42 GMT -5
Unless the team can't play without her, who cares what her reasons are? The guy who shelled out the money to sign her up. If she doesn't want to play, what's the big deal? In the grand scheme of things, absolutely nothing. However, I'm sure there's some kind of teachable moment here about honoring commitments, thinking through a decision before you make it, finding the joy in tasks that are hard, applying yourself, etc., etc. Or not.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 27, 2012 15:41:00 GMT -5
It's not like he's making her play the rest of her life. It's the rest of the season. She should play out the season and then she never has to play again. My opinion is that the rest of the team is counting on her and quitting mid-season is not right. How much longer is the season?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 27, 2012 15:41:02 GMT -5
So, make her pay you back - doesn't she do dog-walking or something? Or at least give the option... But her reasons are her reasons, no?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 27, 2012 15:41:11 GMT -5
For some reason I read the title and thought this thread would be about making kids finish eating their dinner I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, kids need to learn that they are responsible for their own actions and the resulting consequences. Not letting them drop out because it will hurt the team, or they might regret it later, or any other reason, really takes away that lesson. On the other hand, I wanted to skip ONE gymnastics practice one day. I forget why (I think I just didn't feel like going that day), but my parents basically said, "If you skip this lesson, you drop gymnastics." And that's what I did, and I seriously regret that now. Granted, I probably would have had to quit sooner than later (I was dealing with a recurring injury, plus I was about to enter high school), but I always thought it was stupid that my parents basically let/made me quit because of ONE day when I didn't feel like playing my chosen sport. On the other hand, as I said, the fact that I still have some regret about quitting when I did is a good reminder to me that we are always responsible for our own actions.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 15:42:10 GMT -5
It depends. I see nothing wrong with trying something and finding it out it isn't really something you want to do. Why continue to do it if your heart isn't in it? And, if your kid steps down, then that gives a chance to another kid who really wants to play. I don't ascribe to the "finish what you start" in terms of what i consider hobbies like playing sports, instruments or whatever. But, it depends on the situation. If my child has played and the team is going into the playoffs or my kid is playing a solo in the band and then decides to quit, in those situations, i would make them finish out and let them quit next year. On other instances, i believe in trying things to see if you like it and if not, i see nothing wrong with quitting. My daughter joined Girl Scouts and some nights she is tired from school and other stuff and just doens't always want to attend every meeting so i don't make her. I think it is important to keep in mind that these things are HOBBIES. Something kids do for fun. My kids aren't going to make a living at these things and they do these things as a point to enrich their life. Why do you have to finish everything you start? I started a Latchhook rug or some sewing project and i found that i do not like to sew, so i didn't finish it. By putting aside things you don't like you can then engage and find new activities you do like.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 27, 2012 15:42:37 GMT -5
Unless the team can't play without her, who cares what her reasons are? If she doesn't want to play, what's the big deal? Again, kids should learn and understand the difference between things that should be finished and thing that are OK not to. I just don't see why this one has to be finished Lena There may be times the team can't play without her and that they would be forced to forfeit because they are short a member. Or what if they only have 9 girls and one gets injured during the game. This isn't for the rest of her life, just the season which I am guessing is about a month away from being done.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 15:42:58 GMT -5
How much longer is the season? Rest of this week, and then 3 more I think. Not long at all, except in kid time.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 15:44:08 GMT -5
It's not like he's making her play the rest of her life. It's the rest of the season. She should play out the season and then she never has to play again. My opinion is that the rest of the team is counting on her and quitting mid-season is not right. How much longer is the season? If the team is "counting" on someone whose heart really isn't in it, then how does that really benefit the team? Wouldn't the team be better served to have someone step down who doesn't want to do it and have someone step in who has a passion to play?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 15:45:32 GMT -5
If the team is "counting" on someone whose heart really isn't in it, then how does that really benefit the team? Wouldn't the team be better served to have someone step down who doesn't want to do it and have someone step in who has a passion to play? Registration closed weeks ago. If she steps down we're short a person. There is no having somebody else step up.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 27, 2012 15:47:08 GMT -5
My opinion is that the rest of the team is counting on her and quitting mid-season is not right. How much longer is the season? If the team is "counting" on someone whose heart really isn't in it, then how does that really benefit the team? Wouldn't the team be better served to have someone step down who doesn't want to do it and have someone step in who has a passion to play? Because depending on league rules, you can't just find a replacement midseason - I have never been on a league or team that allowed that. My boss's kids play sports and their teams would never allow someone to start the team midseason. Also, at the age of Dark's girls. The league's aren't super competitive. They have mercy rules, etc. The team will benefit because bcause they can actually play. It isn't about winning and losing (for the most part). It is about getting your at bat and your chance to run the bases and field a ball. If they can't because one girl quit (especially if that one is your sister), I can see some hard feelings.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 27, 2012 15:48:19 GMT -5
I still think dark's daughter should finish out the season. I can understand where everyone is coming from, but it's not like he's asking her to play it for the rest of her time in school and that's her only hope to go to college is on a baseball scholarship. The end of the season can't be more than a few weeks away.
Personally, I think it would be good for a kid to learn their actions and choices have consequences for themselves and for those around them. I don't like the idea of making it a habbit of letting a kid backout of things when the going gets rough, ESPECIALLY when other people are counting on you. That's a good recipie to breed a spoiled brat, and we have enough of those in the world.
In all liklihood, the kid will probably turn out okay one way or the other. I doubt this will be THE DEFINING MOMENT that this kid learns to not be true to herself or becomes a wishy washy quitter.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 15:53:05 GMT -5
If the team is "counting" on someone whose heart really isn't in it, then how does that really benefit the team? Wouldn't the team be better served to have someone step down who doesn't want to do it and have someone step in who has a passion to play? Registration closed weeks ago. If she steps down we're short a person. There is no having somebody else step up. No. It might give an opportunity for someone else's kid to play who hasn't gotten much playing time. So, what is wrong with that?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 27, 2012 15:53:10 GMT -5
OK, may be it's bc I am not into sports, so am not seeing the seriousness of it, but I would not want my kid do something he REALLY REALLY doesn't want to do for 3.5 wks out of his summer. So far, I like my kids and would want them to enjoy their hobbies, etc.
Also ,this kind of thing happens all the time - one person "letting the team down". In my last semester of college, I had a class that was the last class for my degree - a project that was suppose to kind of bring the whole thing together - everything we learned, etc. Well, out of 4 people in my group, one "disappeared" 2 wks before our final presentation. We didn't get an extension. We weren't allowed any lenience. We had to complete the project. Shit happens, you deal with it and move on.
Unless the kid is an irresponsible lazy bum and starts and not finishes things every 5 minutes - what's the big deal???
Lena
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