Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 10:54:09 GMT -5
As I was driving home yesterday to get to our double header my wife called to tell me our youngest doesn't want to play softball anymore. For the record, we aren't forcing them to play softball in the first place. I'd like for them to stay involved in one physical activity just for the exercise, but it doesn't have to be a team sport. We had a scrimmage game on Monday and she got hit pretty hard in the batters box. She insists that had nothing to do with it, and she just doesn't want to play anymore. I guess she said something about not really wanting to play this season at all, but she signed up because she thought we wanted her too.
We made her play yesterday because we have one girl out on an injury and a couple others on vacation. We field 10 players (4 outfielders) and were only going to have 11 girls with my younger daughter, assuming they all show up. Next week we should be back to 13 or 14 girls though.
Would you let your kid drop mid season if they wanted too, or force them to finish out the season?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 27, 2012 10:55:48 GMT -5
I made mine finish the season even though he hated it. So did I, to be honest but I didn't think he should quit mid season.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 27, 2012 10:57:55 GMT -5
I think its a good lesson to learn to finish what you started, and to do it with a good attitude.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2012 10:58:48 GMT -5
I make mine finish what they started.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 11:00:27 GMT -5
That's a tough one, since she admitted that she didn't even want to sign up at all.
I made DD finish up her ballet class. We signed her up because she asked us repeatedly for a year. I would say it was about a week after I paid the non-refundable deposit on her recital outfit that she started whining every time Wednesday rolled around (she's 6). I told her she had to finish up the class and that she would never have to take another dance class in her life if she didn't want to.
How about making her the "official" sub? If she's going to be going to the games with you all anyway she can suit up and only play if you need another body.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 11:03:22 GMT -5
How about making her the "official" sub? If she's going to be going to the games with you all anyway she can suit up and only play if you need another body. Can't. Your entire roster has to be on the hitting line up, and every girl has to get at least 6 defensive outs (two innings in the field). The closest you can come is putting her in right field for two innings and having her bat last.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 27, 2012 11:04:39 GMT -5
I make mine finish what they started. I do too. I also talk to them sometimes, when they seem wishy washy abour signing up, that they know the rest of the team is counting on them and it isn't fair to quit mid season because they won't be able to get a replacement. So that isn't going to happen. My Dd quit the swimming team when she was younger but after the season had ended. DS seems to still love soccer. Who knows what next year will bring. ;D
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 27, 2012 11:05:30 GMT -5
In this case, even though she's insisting it doesn't have to with getting hit in the batter's box, I think it might. (I fell off horses multiple times, but one time, I fell off, and I didn't get right back on, and then I didn't ride again for months- always for a reason other than having fallen off and gotten hurt.) I'd make a deal with her- ask if she's willing to keep playing for x number of weeks- till the team is back up to full strength and everyone's comfortable, and if she still wants to quit then, she can.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 11:05:40 GMT -5
DANG! Well then, do you think having her continue would be a good character builder for her?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 11:05:43 GMT -5
I don't know. On one hand, it's kinda crappy to make your kid do something they don't want to do because of some point or principle - not because it's actually good for them. But on the other hand, they should learn that a commitment is a commitment. Hmmmm.....
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 27, 2012 11:08:05 GMT -5
I'd make the kid at least finish out the season. Explain that she signed up for it and the rest of the team is counting on her to finish out the season and do her best. There's a lesson to be learned in following through on your commitments even when you don't want to. Tell her after the season is over she'll never have to play softball again if she doesn't want to. It might also be beneificial to talk to her about how you don't have expectations of her joining sports or activities to please you, but because she wants to (assuming this is the case of course).
I don't believe in forcing your kids to sign up for anything. I'd be perfectly happy with kids who have no activities, though I would enrouage them to try new things.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 11:12:44 GMT -5
I quit rec basketball when I was 9. But to be fair, my mom signed me up for it and I don't remember asking her to. Yeah I was tall for my age, but I was also overweight and terribly out of shape. Like by the time I got to the other side of the court, everyone else was back to the first side. The coaches hardly ever put me in and I don't think the other girls liked me very much.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 27, 2012 11:14:01 GMT -5
I'd make the kid at least finish out the season. Explain that she signed up for it and the rest of the team is counting on her to finish out the season and do her best. There's a lesson to be learned in following through on your commitments even when you don't want to.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 27, 2012 11:15:02 GMT -5
I might would make her finish it out just so the next time she might think a little more before signing-up for something. If nothing else she will learn that life is too short to do shit you hate so think before you act.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 11:16:59 GMT -5
In this case, even though she's insisting it doesn't have to with getting hit in the batter's box, I think it might. I think so too, but of the two kids she is the least coordinated. My older daughter is our best pitcher and a pretty good hitter. The younger one is the second worst hitter on the team, and maybe the third or fourth worst fielder. Now, she's younger, and hasn't been playing as long which is part of it, but her older sister picked it up a lot quicker at the same age. She does everything right mechanically she just doesn't have the timing down. I'd like to see her stick it out, because I think once she gets it she'll have a lot of fun, and if they're in the same sport it'll be a lot easier on Mom and Dad's taxi and cheer service. On the other hand, I know it was always tough on my little brother when we were kids to be the second best Honor on our team. He was much happier when I was playing one sport and he was playing another.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 27, 2012 11:17:07 GMT -5
It'd really depend. If it is something someone else signed her up for without asking us/her I'd want her to at least try it but I am not going to make her finish it if she doesn't like it.
If she asked us to sign her up or volunteered herself then I would probably make her finish it because she wanted to do it and committed to it, she needs to honor her commitments.
I'd tell her to think on it some more and if she still really doesn't want to play I'd allow her to back out of it, but I'd also take the opportunity to discuss thinking things thru BEFORE we commit ourselves to something.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 27, 2012 11:26:33 GMT -5
To me it would depend on her character/personality in general. If she is typically responsible/mature/etc then I would probably let her quit. If she has a tendency to be a quitter or not apply herself if challenged, I'd make her stick it out as a teaching lesson.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 27, 2012 11:29:57 GMT -5
It does suck to be one of the "worst" on the team, especially if your sister is on the same team and is one of the "best". Evne worse if her sister was more of a natural at it.
I know it's easier on Mom and Dad, and I know there's a point to making kids follow through on a commitment. But I also know there's damage to be done to a kid's self esteem if she's in a situation where she is always compared to her sister and found wanting. Like your brother, I think she'd be much happier in a sport her sister wasn't in- a place where she could succeed or fail without constant comparisons to her sister. Since she doesn't have a history of starting things and then not finishing them (at least I'm assuming she doesn't), I think I would definitely go with the give it a couple more weeks, but if you still want to quit, you can quit plan. Then she can look into finding something she is interested in and good at- not just having to do follow along and do what her older sister is interested in and good at because that makes things easier on Mom and Dad. Does that make sense?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 27, 2012 11:34:45 GMT -5
I think its a good lesson to learn to finish what you started, and to do it with a good attitude.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2012 11:37:15 GMT -5
Couldn't agree more. Be honest with yourself - do you REALLY think she's going to grow to love it, or are you reluctant to let her quit because it'll make things harder for you and Loop? Based on what you've said about her skills and not picking athletic things up as quickly as her sister, it's possible she'll never grow to love softball.
Both my parents are extremely athletic, as are my siblings (sports scholarships/state championships all around). I am the odd one out. And let me tell you, it SUCKED to be pushed into certain sports because everyone else in the family was good at them. No matter how much I practiced, I just wasn't. It was frustrating as hell. (And I was the oldest - I'd imagine it has to be much worse for a younger sibling).
As an adult, I've finally found one sport in which I may not excel, but am at least in the top 50% of our team, and I love it. No thoughts of quitting. Your younger daughter may have a sport like that... but it doesn't sound as though it's her current one. If she really wants to quit, I wouldn't fight her too hard.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 11:42:24 GMT -5
It does suck to be one of the "worst" on the team, especially if your sister is on the same team and is one of the "best". Even worse if her sister was more of a natural at it. That's the only reason I'm considering it. Although, her sister isn't really a natural. She put in a lot of hours playing catch, doing batting practice with me, pitching, etc. She practiced hard all spring season, all summer season, and even with the off season practice group last year, which hardly any of the girls in the league show up for. She worked her butt off to get as good as she is. She loves to play. The younger one... not so much. She'll practice, but she doesn't have the same intensity and I don't think she enjoys it. They're both in band though, and when it comes to band they're exactly opposite. The younger one puts in the practice time and is pretty good. There were only a couple other fourth graders that made the advanced band, and she was one of them. The teacher let our older daughter practice with them, but she didn't actually make the advanced band. She was just tagging along behind her younger sister.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2012 11:47:47 GMT -5
Be honest with yourself - do you REALLY think she's going to grow to love it, or are you reluctant to let her quit because it'll make things harder for you and Loop? Based on what you've said about her skills and not picking athletic things up as quickly as her sister, it's possible she'll never grow to love softball. I honestly don't know. You should have seen her when she got her first hit in spring season. She was psyched!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 27, 2012 11:49:45 GMT -5
Given the band situation, I don't think your younger daughter needs a lesson in commitment. She might need a lesson in standing up for what she wants, even to her parents (and only to a certain extent, obviously), but I don't think she should be punished for trying to make her parents happy at her own expense. She knows what it means to be committed to something and to work hard for the results that matter to her. Your older daughter does, too. I would let them each have their own thing if that's what they want.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 27, 2012 12:00:05 GMT -5
I have to preface it by saying that I might change my mind when my kids get older....
I would let her stop playing. I get the whole "finish what you started" lesson, but the thing is - we don't always do that and I think it's much more important to make a kid understand the difference between what has to be finished and why and when it's ok to let it go too.
Lena
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 27, 2012 12:38:03 GMT -5
For a team sport that they signed up for the season I would definitely make my kid finish the season - especially if the number of kids on the team was low. But I just read your post again, and if they will have 13 or 14 kids next week, maybe I would consider it though. It is hard when you have just enough players for the team, and I would not want to hurt the team.
We went through a similar dilemma with our son in high school football. He went to a very small school and everyone who shows up in on the team - average is about 80 boys total in the entire high school, usually 20-40 on the team. Every body is needed, even only if to fill a spot in practice, or play on special teams. My son had a great coach in 9th grade, then another great coach in 10 and 11th grade. The coach quit after 11th grade (serious illness, lots of drama), and the school hired a new coach. My son went through summer workouts and football camp (all the hard work) and then told us he wanted to quit. He did not like the coach (neither did we the parents) and he was not going to get much playing time (he really had very limited football ability). DH and I had long discussions with him and felt he had pretty good reasons, and we let him quit. His team had their best year in school history, and he went with us to all the games since his younger brother was on the team - I think he had some regrets, but mostly felt like he made the right decision.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2012 12:43:30 GMT -5
Finish what you start.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 27, 2012 12:45:33 GMT -5
Maybe the best answer to a question like this with our kids is not to answer the question at all but to ask a different one instead.
How would she feel if she was on the team and one of the other kids quit during the season and then they had to play short handed or forfeit some games?
Most kids would understand that they would be pissed at the kid for quiting and leaving them in a bad position they just need to be reminded that sometimes that door swings the other way.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 27, 2012 12:50:48 GMT -5
I have to preface it by saying that I might change my mind when my kids get older.... I would let her stop playing. I get the whole "finish what you started" lesson, but the thing is - we don't always do that and I think it's much more important to make a kid understand the difference between what has to be finished and why and when it's ok to let it go too. Lena I think you have a good point in that it is important to recognize what is okay not finish. Since this is a team sport I would probably say play a few more weeks to make sure there are enough players and to make certain it wasn't just because she was hit that is making her want to quit. In general though there are things that you don't need to see through and there are times when I have seen grown adults miserable because they think they have to "see something through until the end." In my opinion life is to too short to waste time being miserable.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 27, 2012 12:52:09 GMT -5
"As an adult, I've finally found one sport in which I may not excel, but am at least in the top 50% of our team, and I love it. No thoughts of quitting. Your younger daughter may have a sport like that... but it doesn't sound as though it's her current one. If she really wants to quit, I wouldn't fight her too hard."
I suck at sports, I lack the coordination to really be good at them. Though for some odd reason, I'm really really good at dodgeball. Even th ough I lack the coordination, I can dodge balls thrown at me like they do in the matrix.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 27, 2012 13:06:56 GMT -5
I'd have her finish what she started. You're teaching her two lessons by doing this - finish what you started and if you don't like something speak up rather than going along with it.
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