How Open Is Your Family - Does It Cause Issues?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jun 27, 2012 9:51:57 GMT -5 milee said:

Jun 27, 2012 9:39:18 GMT -5 Epiphany said:

My mom has been gluten and dairy free for a few years now and I have been the same for a couple months. It's a temporary thing off and on to control inflammation and stomach issues under the direction of the health professional I'm seeing. My family is receptive to alternatives and change but Dh's family looks at me like I've got two heads when I try to explain it. They have lots of health issues but refuse any lifestyle changes so they see it as very odd.

Dh has been accommodating with my dietary changes but he's getting frustrated because we use to share meals out all the time and now we really can't. He's really ready for me to be done because it does make our life more difficult and frankly so am I.

Ouch. Good point. Maybe I'm being hypocritical about this issue because I had planned to not discuss it with anybody. So even though I think it's odd that DH's family didn't know about an uncle, I guess I was planning on doing sort of the same thing.

The last thing I want to do is inconvenience, or frankly bore, others, so I have just kept quiet and either eaten what was obviously gluten/egg/dairy-free or just not eaten anything if nothing looked safe. Probably a reaction to being around various PITA people who never, ever stop talking about their dietary stuff and seem to make it more about forcing their diets on others than anything else. Anyway, I don't think any of my friends even knows I'm not eating gluten/dairy/eggs, but the crew on my racing boat are starting to wonder why I haven't been drinking beer with them the last month or so...

Need to figure out a happy medium between discussing but not imposing or boring people.

And I am PROBABLY the complete opposite. ;D

In my defense, however, both DSs have life-threatening food allergies...as in a microscopic amount will likely cause anaphylaxis and possibly death -- NOT intolerances or food dislikes or intentional diets.

So, I bring food (usually enough to share with others, too), I am loud and vocal about their food allergies to anyone and everyone (to prevent unintended exposure), and when people come to my home for meals I impose my home's food rules on them. Some people get it, some don't. I vividly recall attending a reception after an aunt's funeral and watching another aunt (mother of 9) hand YDS (3 y.o. at the time) a cookie (baked with eggs) with tree nuts in it because he was so well-behaved at the funeral. God/Fate/the Cosmos/Whatever was with me that day.

My general attitude is that I don't care so much if I am boring you or you are inconvenienced -- I am just trying to avoid anyone killing my kids with one of the most basic needs of life -- food. I also feel the need to set the example for my kids. I want them to someday move out and move in the larger world as safely as possible. They need to know how to explain their allergies, advocate for their own safety, and negotiate the many minefields associated with food.

As far as other health issues, my family falls somewhere in the gray area between obsession and silence. Some stuff is shared. Other stuff is not. No rhyme or reason to any of it other than the individual's own wishes. We used to gossip more, but then sometimes the gossiping got to be far too judgmental and so we've cut back considerably (well, at least my participation in the gossiping has; for all I know it is still raging). I'm not sure if others will share personal health info if asked because I haven't tried. It is what it is.

[Deleted]

I don't really want to hear about or necessarily care about eveyone else's medical issues. With my son's celiac's, i will explain if there is a need to explain. I don't need to be vocal in demanding anything. It isn't up to someone else to monitor his diet but mine. However for cases of anaphylactic type allergy to peanuts and so forth that is life threatening, then you absolutely have to inform everyone to the potential severity.

[resolution]

Jun 27, 2012 9:39:18 GMT -5 Epiphany said:

Both of our families are fairly open when it comes to health issues. Smaller families so we talk and get details.

Food allergies are a stark difference though. My mom has been gluten and dairy free for a few years now and I have been the same for a couple months. It's a temporary thing off and on to control inflammation and stomach issues under the direction of the health professional I'm seeing. My family is receptive to alternatives and change but Dh's family looks at me like I've got two heads when I try to explain it. They have lots of health issues but refuse any lifestyle changes so they see it as very odd.

Dh has been accommodating with my dietary changes but he's getting frustrated because we use to share meals out all the time and now we really can't. He's really ready for me to be done because it does make our life more difficult and frankly so am I.

So with the on and off thing, how realistic is it for a person to regularly broadcast that they need gluten free food when we are cooking for them and then order stuff with gluten at restaurants? I find myself getting irritated with my future SIL because we go to the effort of gluten free cooking for her and then she turns around and orders entrees with a breaded crust and stuff like that at restaurants. I don't know if I am being unfair to her or if she is just inconveniencing us to get some attention.

She also has the little dog that she won't go anywhere without, even though it pees in our house whenever she comes over, and her aspergers syndrome that she talks about all the time, which is a part of why I start to wonder how much of the glueten free is legit when I see her eating gluten.

[milee]

Jun 28, 2012 8:39:13 GMT -5 resolution said:

So with the on and off thing, how realistic is it for a person to regularly broadcast that they need gluten free food when we are cooking for them and then order stuff with gluten at restaurants? I find myself getting irritated with my future SIL because we go to the effort of gluten free cooking for her and then she turns around and orders entrees with a breaded crust and stuff like that at restaurants. I don't know if I am being unfair to her or if she is just inconveniencing us to get some attention.

Sounds like the SIL is just rude and a PITA. For some reason, the food "allergy" and "gluten free" thing became trendy and many people who don't have a clinical need to avoid certain foods have started to not just avoid them but make it an issue for everybody around them. If your sister is truly allergic to gluten or Celiac, of course it wouldn't make a difference if she was eating it at your house or a restaurant, either would cause issues.

Kind of like at my son's preschool where it seemed like 1/2 the kids had an "allergy" that absolutely required extensive discussion, handwringing, adjustment of the entire class' snacks and lunches, etc. As with you dealing with your SIL, however, it was pretty annoying to the rest of the class when it was obvious all the drama and extra work for you wasn't really necessary. My favorite was the mother who went into histrionics about her son's issues with dairy, unless it was something he liked. She put big, obnoxious notes on the class refrigerator and sent home to all the parents, "MOST-SPECIAL-IMPORTANT-CHILD-IN-THE-UNIVERSE IS ALLERGIC TO MILK. DO NOT SEND ANY SNACKS OR TREATS FOR THE CLASS THAT CONTAIN MILK OR MILK PRODUCTS!!!! HOWEVER, MSICITU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

MOST-SPECIAL-IMPORTANT-CHILD-IN-THE-UNIVERSE IS ALLERGIC TO MILK. DO NOT SEND ANY SNACKS OR TREATS FOR THE CLASS THAT CONTAIN MILK OR MILK PRODUCTS!!!! HOWEVER, MSICITU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM

Mind = blown.

[shanendoah]

There are a number of people who have decided that it's somehow a "healthier" diet to avoid all gluten. Which is silly.
I do have friends who have an intolerance to gluten, and every once in a while, they will see something that looks so yummy, they decide maybe it's worth it to ignore their issue. This is usually followed by a note the next day with something along the lines of "remind me of this next time I wonder if something is worth it. NOTHING is worth this." And over time, it happens less and less.
ETA: I also know people with lactose intolerance who will do the same thing- the ice cream looks so yummy, it'll be worth it. Next day- OMG how could I have been so stupid!

We did have one friend who started dating a girl with Celiacs. He decided to switch to a gluten free diet in support of her. We refused to accomodate him when he came over without her, because it was silly. (I get not eating gluten around her, but when she's not around, who cares.) After about 6 months of this, he deicded that he also had a gluten allergy or intolerance- mostly, it was his excuse to eat more bacon and cheese (cause that's healthy). After he and the girlfriend broke up, it took a couple of months, but then there were the FB posts of - I'm beginning to suspect I don't have a gluten allergy at all. *smack*
(And for those who wonder, we've known him since we were all late teens/early 20s. We don't really have much to do with him at all anymore.)

[happyhoix]

Jun 28, 2012 12:33:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

MOST-SPECIAL-IMPORTANT-CHILD-IN-THE-UNIVERSE IS ALLERGIC TO MILK. DO NOT SEND ANY SNACKS OR TREATS FOR THE CLASS THAT CONTAIN MILK OR MILK PRODUCTS!!!! HOWEVER, MSICITU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM

Mind = blown.

Maybe she's one of those raw milk fanatics.

They think if you give your kid pasturized milk you're killing him. Nothing but the good bacteria laden raw milk will do - however wouldn't want MSICITU to miss an ice cream treat.

I was reading an article about those people - some of them want dirty eggs - eggs with bird crap etc on them - because they think all that bacterial contamination (including e-coli) is GOOD for you.

I'm not a hand wringing clean freak. I've been known to eat something off the floor if it wasn't there for more than 5 seconds and if the floor was cleanish. I don't fear getting typhus from the public restrooms. But unless you personally know the state of health of the cow and the level of cleanliness of the milking parlor, I would never gamble with what kind of bacteria might be floating in raw milk - and I certainly wouldn't give it to my kid - but some people swear it fixes everything from ADHD to cancer.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

because they think all that bacterial contamination (including e-coli) is GOOD for you.

Think how thin and good looking you will be after all those bouts of food poisioning.

Extra had a nutritionist on talking about the "gluten free" fad going on right now in Hollywood. They aren't losing weight because they aren't eating gluten, they are losing weight because *gasp* they are paying attention to what they are eating.

Like someone else said on here if you really have a gluten allergy the moment you eat it, you will feel like crap. You don't eat it, you feel like a totally different person.

She pretty much nicely called them idiots.

[milee]

It's probably my Libertarian leanings, but I'm OK with any food beliefs you personally hold, but your rights end where my rights begin. Want to eat raw milk and e coli eggs? OK, not a problem. Want to not eat gluten because it gives you an excuse to eat bacon? Fine, have fun. Do you have a real, diagnosed food allergy and need to avoid a food for health reasons? Good, glad you're taking care of yourself.

Where I think it becomes a problem is when people use their own personal stuff (whether it's just a kooky belief or a real medical issue) to inconvenience or be rude to others. No problem if you don't want to - or can't upon pain of death - eat something. But don't dictate to others what they can eat, what they can prepare in their own house, what they prepare in their own business. etc. Does it totally stink that a medical issue or personal belief might prevent you from doing some things others do with impunity and are simple for most people? Yes, but it's your issue.

This is my issue and I'll keep myself healthy in a way that doesn't drive others nuts. Hopefully, that's the example I'll set for my kids as well.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think that it can be a bad thing when people say "I have an allergy" but then eat something with gluten or whatever it is they are not actually allergic too. It makes people think that anyone who has an allergy "must not be that bad" because so and so says he has a gluetn allergy and I just saw him eat pizza yesterday.

Just admit you are a picky ass eater and so is your kid. Less confusion for everyone.

The "no milk but he can have ice cream" thing still cracks me up. I would have been so tempted to say "Here's your sign".

[Epiphany]

Jun 28, 2012 8:39:13 GMT -5 resolution said:

So with the on and off thing, how realistic is it for a person to regularly broadcast that they need gluten free food when we are cooking for them and then order stuff with gluten at restaurants? I find myself getting irritated with my future SIL because we go to the effort of gluten free cooking for her and then she turns around and orders entrees with a breaded crust and stuff like that at restaurants. I don't know if I am being unfair to her or if she is just inconveniencing us to get some attention.

She also has the little dog that she won't go anywhere without, even though it pees in our house whenever she comes over, and her aspergers syndrome that she talks about all the time, which is a part of why I start to wonder how much of the gluten free is legit when I see her eating gluten.

Well like someone else said this person is just being a PITA. I would NEVER expect a host to accommodate my food sensitivities especially if it's for dietary/health reasons and not serious allergic reaction. People ask me about it and I tell them but outside of my parents and my best friend, no one is going to know what I can/can't eat.

I have chronic inflammation and gluten is an inflammatory. The doctor I'm working with is working on getting rid of my inflammation and part of that is staying on this diet for 6 months or so during the treatment. Generally my lack of eating or ordering things without a bun leads to a conversation that's generally more informative and someone expressing their interest rather than me shouting to the world for attention. A person like you are describing is failing on all kinds of social issues so I wouldn't attribute those who follow a gluten free diet to that same mentality at all.

[Epiphany]

Jun 28, 2012 13:06:15 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I think that it can be a bad thing when people say "I have an allergy" but then eat something with gluten or whatever it is they are not actually allergic too. It makes people think that anyone who has an allergy "must not be that bad" because so and so says he has a gluetn allergy and I just saw him eat pizza yesterday.

Just admit you are a picky ass eater and so is your kid. Less confusion for everyone.

The "no milk but he can have ice cream" thing still cracks me up. I would have been so tempted to say "Here's your sign".

Are these people just dumb??? I would describe myself as on a gluten free diet, or maybe gluten sensitive but not allergy. Allergic means something totally different. So they are pretty much lying or else you don't hear about them having to be in the bathroom for 3 hours after eating pizza or dairy. yikes.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jun 28, 2012 12:59:39 GMT -5 milee said:

It's probably my Libertarian leanings, but I'm OK with any food beliefs you personally hold, but your rights end where my rights begin. Want to eat raw milk and e coli eggs? OK, not a problem. Want to not eat gluten because it gives you an excuse to eat bacon? Fine, have fun. Do you have a real, diagnosed food allergy and need to avoid a food for health reasons? Good, glad you're taking care of yourself.

Where I think it becomes a problem is when people use their own personal stuff (whether it's just a kooky belief or a real medical issue) to inconvenience or be rude to others. No problem if you don't want to - or can't upon pain of death - eat something. But don't dictate to others what they can eat, what they can prepare in their own house, what they prepare in their own business. etc. Does it totally stink that a medical issue or personal belief might prevent you from doing some things others do with impunity and are simple for most people? Yes, but it's your issue.

This is my issue and I'll keep myself healthy in a way that doesn't drive others nuts. Hopefully, that's the example I'll set for my kids as well.

Just to be clear, I don't foist the responsibility for my kids' allergies unless they are 1)in my house or 2)offering food to MY child.

We generally bring our own food wherever we go. If that's being rude or inconvenient, we need to chat. ;D Otherwise, I totally agree with you that I shouldn't force others to meet my kids' needs in *their* own home or in *their* business. I will ask at a restaurant about ingredients and food preparation to see if my kids can eat safely there. But I never dictate those things. Either the restaurant can accommodate us or they can't/won't, no big whoop. I brought food along that they'll eat and you'll lose the sale to them and life is good. The only thing I get militant about is that the restaurant be honest with me. If you don't think you can serve safe foods to my kids, tell me. Don't wing it or gloss over it or dismiss the reality of their allergies -- that will kill my kids. I am PERFECTLY okay with a restaurant saying "We can't" or "We don't know the ingredients" or "We're not sure and we're really freaked out". In fact, they will get more of my business because of their honesty.

But, otherwise, I won't impose upon others. I accept that most people can't even begin to understand the nuances of life-threatening food allergies and so the responsibility should, and is, all mine.

But, as I said, in MY house or if you are offering food to MY kids, I damn sure will be "rude" and "inconvenient".

[raeoflyte]

I'm trying a gluten free diet to see if it fixes my insanely itchy legs. I'll try just about anything at this point, but I gotta say 3 months just to see if there is any change is a long ass time to wait for something that *might* have an effect.

Milee--I can't even imagine doing this and dairy free too. I'm glad you're taking care of your health--you are a much stronger person that I am! I couldn't have gotten past day 3 without cheese.

[milee]

Yeah, there are shades of grey to every issue. I wouldn't think it's rude at all to bring your own food, especially since that seems like a very considerate way to keep yourself healthy and not inconvenience anybody else.

The restaurant thing is tough. Not sure I'd ever be "militant" at any business, especially not a restaurant, but maybe that's just that we have different ways of using the word. DS #2 is probably Celiac, which means in some cases that a single molecule of gluten can create reaction. If he's Celiac, I probably won't bother with restaurants unless they specifically advertise themself as a gluten free place (some do around here.) It's just too much trust and expectation to place in people who are probably not trained or aware of allergies and what foods are issues. But I wouldn't go and get testy at a regular restaurant.

[milee]

Jun 28, 2012 13:42:12 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm trying a gluten free diet to see if it fixes my insanely itchy legs. I'll try just about anything at this point, but I gotta say 3 months just to see if there is any change is a long ass time to wait for something that *might* have an effect.

Milee--I can't even imagine doing this and dairy free too. I'm glad you're taking care of your health--you are a much stronger person that I am! I couldn't have gotten past day 3 without cheese.

Well... the gluten produced a severe reaction, the eggs a moderate reaction and the milk a mild one. So I admit to not being very strict about the milk thing yet. It was just too much to process at once, so I convinced myself to do the gluten 100% right away and phase out the eggs and milk. I stopped eating whole eggs and egg dishes and am only using up the last carton in the fridge for recipes until it's gone (it's lasted about a month and there is one egg left) and when it's gone then I'll go 100% egg free. As for the milk, that's hard to even think about. Although I've cut about 60% - 70% out, I really can't imagine never again eating yogurt or cottage cheese or cheese, so I'm just not dealing with that one right now. Maybe over time, that will become easier, but for now I'm cheating on that.

Good luck on the itchy legs. I admit I'm already seeing some positive effects from the month with no gluten, so hopefully you will too.

[milee]

Jun 28, 2012 12:53:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Extra had a nutritionist on talking about the "gluten free" fad going on right now in Hollywood. They aren't losing weight because they aren't eating gluten, they are losing weight because *gasp* they are paying attention to what they are eating.

Like someone else said on here if you really have a gluten allergy the moment you eat it, you will feel like crap. You don't eat it, you feel like a totally different person.

She pretty much nicely called them idiots.

Not that it's a huge deal - because again, I respect anyone's right to choose their own kooky diet - but don't be too critical of someone just because they don't have a visible reaction to something they claim to be allergic to.

With Celiac, although abdominal distress can be a symptom, some Celiacs don't have any physical pain immediately after eating gluten, it just causes an internal reaction (destruction/inflammation of the intestines.) For example, I have a fairly severe reaction to gluten, but we didn't discover this because I have any of the classic symptoms. Not to get graphic, but the stomach and everything else seems to work OK for me and never did anything that would cause me to seek medical attention. We just stumbled onto the gluten thing because my doc has been trying to figure out why a reasonably young, healthy person that eats healthily and exercises was breaking bones all the time. So for me, if I eat a whole loaf of bread, you wouldn't notice any immediate physical reaction, but internally, I'd be having a reaction that caused my system to get inflamed and not absorb any nutrients - causing huge long term problems.

Bottom line, don't get judgy because your friend who claims to be gluten intolerant doesn't spend 3 hours in the bathroom if she accidentally eats something with gluten in it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I still reserve the right to call any celeb I want an idiot.

[milee]

Jun 28, 2012 14:33:53 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I still reserve the right to call any celeb I want an idiot.

Yes, totally.

I can't believe that because someone is famous for acting that people will suddenly seek out and listen to their opinions on everything from politics to medicine.

Don't get me wrong, I think Jenny McCarthy is gorgeous, funny and apparently a loving mom, but the idea that based on her book and recommendations parents are choosing not to get their kids vaccinations thinking vaccines cause autism floors me.

[Phoenix84]

Depends on my relationship with the family member in question. (I think) I have a pretty good grasp of my parents health situations. My sister is a bit different. I don't think she has any health issues but I don't know what I don't know so I can't really comment much. My sister is a fairly private person so it wouldn't surprise me if she had medical issues I didn't know about. However, if it was something obvious (like bringing her own food to family dinners) I'd ask and she'd likely tell the truth.

I have never been close to my extended family, so I am sure there are medical issues I'm not aware of. Unless of course it's blatently obvious like my cousin being mentally handicapped or my grandfather suffering a heart attack and being in the hospital. It is quite easy for something like food allergies or managable diabedies to not be told to me.

As far as my medical issues go, my immediate family knows about them. But extended family doesn't. Though my eye problems are well known on my mom's side because it's heredatary. I don't go around advertising it on my Dad's side, so they probably don't know.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I can't believe that because someone is famous for acting that people will suddenly seek out and listen to their opinions on everything from politics to medicine.

You thin it is scary people listen to McCarthy. Try reading Suzanne Somers' books.

[reader79]

Jun 28, 2012 8:39:13 GMT -5 resolution said:

She also has the little dog that she won't go anywhere without, even though it pees in our house whenever she comes over,

Don't let the dog through your door again. It's rude that she is inflicting her pet upon you in the first place, but to bring it back and let it urinate all over the place is ridiculous. We have a strict no pets policy in our house. My cousin knew this, and came all the way from Boston with her little chihuahua and was upset when my dad wouldn't let her in the gate with her 'baby.'

[Phoenix84]

"I can't believe that because someone is famous for acting that people will suddenly seek out and listen to their opinions on everything from politics to medicine."

What I find even crazier is people who go to celebreties to seek love advice. Somehow professional commedians like Steve Harvey (who has been married three times) are the world experts on love and relationships.

[swamp]

Jun 28, 2012 14:56:30 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I can't believe that because someone is famous for acting that people will suddenly seek out and listen to their opinions on everything from politics to medicine.

You thin it is scary people listen to McCarthy. Try reading Suzanne Somers' books.

You mean I'm not supposed to inject pregnant mare urine into my vaginal walls?

[midjd]

Only if you want to look OLD!

[Deleted]

People can eat whatever diet they want. But, there are some people who decide to act as Food Police and try to inflict their food opinions on others or have to sit and make comments and so forth. You eat what you want and i will eat what i want. And as to what is "healthy" or not, that is open for debate. Don't make me eat your diet and i won't make you eat mine.

[NastyWoman]

I think I may be related to Swamp, Beer and Sug since my family asks and gossips beyond belief as well. Disclaimer: Sug the "other side" of your family must be related to the Duggars (3 aunts - 44 kids ) that's not us
When someone in my family has food issues several things happen. The entire family will know about it in 24 hours flat --- it only takes this long because we live on 3 different continents. Next for the next family gathering the host will have heaps of food the person with food issues can eat --- the rest of the family must test all this new food as well. And last you will be disowned if you don't provide for the guest with health issues or, if you are the one who needs special food, you don't take all the leftovers.

Thanks to my mom to this day I have never invited someone to my house for dinner without asking them whether there is something they can't eat or truly dislike

[resolution]

Jun 28, 2012 14:58:53 GMT -5 reader79 said:

Jun 28, 2012 8:39:13 GMT -5 resolution said:

She also has the little dog that she won't go anywhere without, even though it pees in our house whenever she comes over,

Don't let the dog through your door again. It's rude that she is inflicting her pet upon you in the first place, but to bring it back and let it urinate all over the place is ridiculous. We have a strict no pets policy in our house. My cousin knew this, and came all the way from Boston with her little chihuahua and was upset when my dad wouldn't let her in the gate with her 'baby.'

It's a bit of a dilemma because we really love BIL and used to have him over every week to BBQ during the summer (which ironically would be very easy to make gluten free). We have only had them over three times as a couple, and the dog and the fake gluten allergy are major influences in that. Fortunately DH hates the dog even more than I do; it made a huge mess in his wood-shop when we tried to compromise by sticking it there for a few hours.

[happyhoix]

Jun 28, 2012 14:56:30 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I can't believe that because someone is famous for acting that people will suddenly seek out and listen to their opinions on everything from politics to medicine.

You thin it is scary people listen to McCarthy. Try reading Suzanne Somers' books.

I think Shirley McClaine is pretty out there, too - very new agey.

I remember reading where Barbara Streisand was lecturing people to give up their clothes dryers and string up clothes lines in their yard again. I wonder if she has some at her ocean side mansion?

[Opti]

Jun 28, 2012 12:45:28 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

There are a number of people who have decided that it's somehow a "healthier" diet to avoid all gluten. Which is silly.
I do have friends who have an intolerance to gluten, and every once in a while, they will see something that looks so yummy, they decide maybe it's worth it to ignore their issue. This is usually followed by a note the next day with something along the lines of "remind me of this next time I wonder if something is worth it. NOTHING is worth this." And over time, it happens less and less.
ETA: I also know people with lactose intolerance who will do the same thing- the ice cream looks so yummy, it'll be worth it. Next day- OMG how could I have been so stupid!

We did have one friend who started dating a girl with Celiacs. He decided to switch to a gluten free diet in support of her. We refused to accomodate him when he came over without her, because it was silly. (I get not eating gluten around her, but when she's not around, who cares.) After about 6 months of this, he deicded that he also had a gluten allergy or intolerance- mostly, it was his excuse to eat more bacon and cheese (cause that's healthy). After he and the girlfriend broke up, it took a couple of months, but then there were the FB posts of - I'm beginning to suspect I don't have a gluten allergy at all. *smack*
(And for those who wonder, we've known him since we were all late teens/early 20s. We don't really have much to do with him at all anymore.)

I avoid dairy because it does compromise my health but I rarely have an immediate reaction. Unless I'm with you the following day you won't know my allergies flare up, I might get a runny nose, the circles around my eyes get worse, and my joints feel more swollen.
Its not life threatening but can take days to work out of my system.
However, occasionally I feel deprived enough or well enough to risk
eating something I normally wouldn't. Since whey and milk are the worst for me and butter the least it guides what I might be willing to risk. Its extremely rare I would eat even a taste of ice cream but I sometimes will eat things made with butter in restaurants instead of trying to get them to make everything with olive oil or a safer fat.

I totally agree the note writer was an idiot. If you are avoiding dairy
you should be avoiding ice cream no matter if lactose or the dairy protein(my case I think) is the issue. SIL might be trying to make people accomodate her or she might throw caution to the wind on the rare occasions she goes out to eat. Only she knows. Some breaded stuff is mostly wheat, some corn, and other variations in between. The dog thing would bug me and I'd probably require it to be crated the entire time they were there until she gets it housebroken.