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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 7:30:32 GMT -5
<------ SUPER glad she has no food allergies! Recently I stopped being able to eat raw apples without them messing up my stomach, but other than that I can eat anything. DH's family is very close and open about obvious health issues (tastes, allergies, etc.). But when DH's aunt (MIL's sister) had an emotional breakdown, no one said jack. Not even when she had to leave her job, not when people hadn't seen her in months. I guess if no one talks about it, it's like it never happened. (We all knew what pushed her over the edge - her overbearing and impossible-to-please mother.) My family isn't as close, so we find out stuff if it comes up in casual conversation.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 27, 2012 8:58:30 GMT -5
OK, I'm eating Teff for breakfast. It's actually pretty good (lightly toasted the whole grains, simmered w/dates, honey, butter and walnuts), but it's just not what I wanted. I wanted Kashi cereal and this whole thing is making me feel sorry for myself. Not only that, but I'm a really adventurous eater and I find some of this stuff weird, how the heck am I going to get my kids to eat and like it? So - can we all just agree that DH's family is odd and frankly, wrong? Not that I necessarily think of families in terms such as "wrong", but sometimes being "right" makes me feel a little better.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 27, 2012 9:03:41 GMT -5
My family is not really open. My mother is angry to this day that my grandmother did not disclose that my grandfather had pyloric stenoris. It is highly heridtary and is most common in first born sons. My brother was born with it. All that time my grandma kept poo-pooing her and saying it was all in my mom's head. Then they got the diganosis and that's when the truth came out. My mom never forgave her for that, he would have been diagnosed much faster if the pedi had known my grandfather had it. DH's family, particularly his mother is TOO open. Just yesterday I got to listen to her talk about my FIL's bathroom habits when he was sick. Urgh, that's not something I really needed to know thanks.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 27, 2012 9:11:25 GMT -5
Our family is ridiculously open. We are very close as well. We know about a lot more than food allergies. Think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" type family.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 27, 2012 9:21:53 GMT -5
That's a good point. My dad grew up with 5 brothers. They gossip more than any woman I know. And they are always together.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 27, 2012 9:22:05 GMT -5
Upon second thought, if I have to choose between a family that is so uptight and distant they don't even talk about patently strange things or a family that's going to eat while discussing FIL's bathroom habits, maybe I'd prefer sticking with the uptight ones...
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 27, 2012 9:25:05 GMT -5
OK, I'm eating Teff for breakfast. It's actually pretty good (lightly toasted the whole grains, simmered w/dates, honey, butter and walnuts), but it's just not what I wanted. I wanted Kashi cereal and this whole thing is making me feel sorry for myself. Not only that, but I'm a really adventurous eater and I find some of this stuff weird, how the heck am I going to get my kids to eat and like it? So - can we all just agree that DH's family is odd and frankly, wrong? Not that I necessarily think of families in terms such as "wrong", but sometimes being "right" makes me feel a little better. I think we could probably agree to live without all the gory details. However, knowing so and so has xyz condition is useful. Having medical history can be very useful to doctors.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 9:29:11 GMT -5
Upon second thought, if I have to choose between a family that is so uptight and distant they don't even talk about patently strange things or a family that's going to eat while discussing FIL's bathroom habits, maybe I'd prefer sticking with the uptight ones... Big families aren't for the faint of heart.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 27, 2012 9:39:14 GMT -5
My family is crazy dysfunctional in that we don't ask questions but always leap to the worst possible conclusions. For instance, if my Mom had a relative show up at our house for Thanksgiving with his own food in his own Tupperware, she would pretend that she didn't notice him over there eating his own food. She would never say a word to him or ask him why he was doing that. Afterwards, she would complain bitterly to every member of the family EXCEPT that uncle that "Uncle Buck hates my food and thinks I can't cook," or "Uncle Buck thinks I'm trying to poison him." Then she would sulk for about 18 months, refuse to speak to Uncle Buck, get mad at any other family members who continued to speak to Uncle Buck because that would be disloyal to her, and she would continue to talk trash about him behind his back. We don't ask. We just bitch behind their backs about them. (Well, some of my family members do - I try very hard not to follow their example). Are you related to me? This is EXACTLY how my mother behaves. Everything is a slight against her and an insult. She will dissect every little thing you say and use it against you. It's exhausting to be around her and frankly I try to avoid it as much as possible. I am her least favorite relative and she is perpetually exasperated with me and will go weeks without speaking to me and not tell me why she is mad.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 27, 2012 9:39:18 GMT -5
Both of our families are fairly open when it comes to health issues. Smaller families so we talk and get details.
Food allergies are a stark difference though. My mom has been gluten and dairy free for a few years now and I have been the same for a couple months. It's a temporary thing off and on to control inflammation and stomach issues under the direction of the health professional I'm seeing. My family is receptive to alternatives and change but Dh's family looks at me like I've got two heads when I try to explain it. They have lots of health issues but refuse any lifestyle changes so they see it as very odd.
Dh has been accommodating with my dietary changes but he's getting frustrated because we use to share meals out all the time and now we really can't. He's really ready for me to be done because it does make our life more difficult and frankly so am I.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 27, 2012 9:41:32 GMT -5
My family is crazy dysfunctional in that we don't ask questions but always leap to the worst possible conclusions. For instance, if my Mom had a relative show up at our house for Thanksgiving with his own food in his own Tupperware, she would pretend that she didn't notice him over there eating his own food. She would never say a word to him or ask him why he was doing that. Afterwards, she would complain bitterly to every member of the family EXCEPT that uncle that "Uncle Buck hates my food and thinks I can't cook," or "Uncle Buck thinks I'm trying to poison him." Then she would sulk for about 18 months, refuse to speak to Uncle Buck, get mad at any other family members who continued to speak to Uncle Buck because that would be disloyal to her, and she would continue to talk trash about him behind his back. We don't ask. We just bitch behind their backs about them. (Well, some of my family members do - I try very hard not to follow their example). Are you related to me? This is EXACTLY how my mother behaves. Everything is a slight against her and an insult. She will dissect every little thing you say and use it against you. It's exhausting to be around her and frankly I try to avoid it as much as possible. I am her least favorite relative and she is perpetually exasperated with me and will go weeks without speaking to me and not tell me why she is mad. Wow this is awful. This is how my work colleagues operate but I can't imagine family being like that! Out of curiosity are you from the south or a warm weather climate? I've read a bit about cultural differences between hot and cold climates often dealing with confrontation or the rudeness of such
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 27, 2012 9:43:27 GMT -5
My mother is VERY private. She had to have a hysterectomy when I was in high school and only told us because she would be in the hospital over Christmas. When she had breast cancer she told no one except immediate family. She bought a wig that look pretty much exactly like her regular hair and hid her illness from everyone. She would do chemo in the morning and go to work in the afternoon. It took her years to ever admit publicly that she was a cancer survivor. Now she is proud and very active with the Relay for Life. But she had been cancer free for 7 or 8 years before we were allowed to buy a Relay bag in her honor and put her name on it.
She does, however, feel the need to butt in to everyone else's life so I don't tell them anything. My parents know very little about my life. and that doesn't really seem to bother them.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 27, 2012 9:48:59 GMT -5
rljdrn- my mom comes from good German Farm stock in Minnesota. You don't show any physical affection or emotion if you can help it. Stoic is the name of the game. My parents have never told me that they loved me or anything like that. In fact at this point in life I would be very uncomfortable if they did. My dad hugged me once when I graduated from Air Force Basic Training. It was that one arm around the shoulder man squeeze thing. Very uncomfortable for everyone involved.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 27, 2012 9:51:57 GMT -5
My mom has been gluten and dairy free for a few years now and I have been the same for a couple months. It's a temporary thing off and on to control inflammation and stomach issues under the direction of the health professional I'm seeing. My family is receptive to alternatives and change but Dh's family looks at me like I've got two heads when I try to explain it. They have lots of health issues but refuse any lifestyle changes so they see it as very odd. Dh has been accommodating with my dietary changes but he's getting frustrated because we use to share meals out all the time and now we really can't. He's really ready for me to be done because it does make our life more difficult and frankly so am I. Ouch. Good point. Maybe I'm being hypocritical about this issue because I had planned to not discuss it with anybody. So even though I think it's odd that DH's family didn't know about an uncle, I guess I was planning on doing sort of the same thing. The last thing I want to do is inconvenience, or frankly bore, others, so I have just kept quiet and either eaten what was obviously gluten/egg/dairy-free or just not eaten anything if nothing looked safe. Probably a reaction to being around various PITA people who never, ever stop talking about their dietary stuff and seem to make it more about forcing their diets on others than anything else. Anyway, I don't think any of my friends even knows I'm not eating gluten/dairy/eggs, but the crew on my racing boat are starting to wonder why I haven't been drinking beer with them the last month or so... Need to figure out a happy medium between discussing but not imposing or boring people.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 27, 2012 9:56:02 GMT -5
Do friends and coworkers really need to know? I'd say probably not. I see maybe telling some family as a different thing. Ie my surgeon knowing that 3/4 grandparents have had cancer is helpful in deciding whether to wait and see or biopsy.
I think there is absolutely a line between a one time mention where appropriate and going on and on about it everytime you see them.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 9:59:02 GMT -5
milee - maybe the other members of the family were well aware of the Uncle's issues so it wasn't discussed? Your DH might have missed a lot because he was a kid. When DH was diagnosed with his autoimmune disorder I asked him about his family history and he had very few answers, even about his mother.
Can you eat eggs? That's pretty much what I eat for breakfast every morning.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 27, 2012 9:59:38 GMT -5
Our family does discuss health issues, including allergies, adding our own sarcastic or cynical slant to it.
My parents are both big gossips. I avoid telling them anything I don't want shared with all their friends, acquaintances, and random strangers. I tried to evade telling them I was going to have an actual hysterectomy, calling it "surgery for fibroids". When I did have to admit the extent of the surgery, I asked them not to tell anyone, just because it was no one else's business. Apparently they didn't tell any of my brothers, but everyone else they spoke to for a month heard about it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 10:00:31 GMT -5
Oops - you can't eat eggs. There are gluten-free beers. You could bring your own. Or switch to cocktails - there are many gluten free vodkas. ;D
I loved the book Wheat Belly on why gluten has the effect it does on some people.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 27, 2012 10:06:40 GMT -5
No eggs, either, which was a nasty surprise since I used to eat 2-3 egg whites a day and regularly cook with them. As for the gluten free beer, sounds scary both in taste and because on the boat we don't bring glass (safely issue). I've just been inventing and bringing really good cocktails and thinking we'll get on a mixed drink trend. A few weeks ago, I hand squeezed lemons/limes and made fresh margaritas. The week after it was dark rum, tonic water and a splash of pineapple juice. Maybe sangria next. It's going OK but I miss the ease and taste of a can of beer. I feel a little sorry for you all on the message board. You're hearing all the whining that I haven't been doing to my live friends. Thanks for the recommendation - I'll pick up Wheat Belly.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 27, 2012 10:13:27 GMT -5
My family is very open likes to joke a lot so the conversation probably would have gone something like this...
What's up uncle R - you don't like my cooking or something? What you talkin' bout Willis? What's up with bringing your own food? Oh, I am just trying to avoid the farts your potato salad gave me last time
Somewhere along the way we would have found out what the deal was...
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 27, 2012 10:16:26 GMT -5
Nobody in my family would have a problem with asking anyone what's up with the food. We're also not know for being tactful. Swamp might be a 17th cousin or something... DH brings his own food to gatherings. Everyone knows why and he answers a lot of questions (often the same question asked by someone who missed the last go-round.)
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Jun 27, 2012 10:40:57 GMT -5
My family is crazy dysfunctional in that we don't ask questions but always leap to the worst possible conclusions. For instance, if my Mom had a relative show up at our house for Thanksgiving with his own food in his own Tupperware, she would pretend that she didn't notice him over there eating his own food. She would never say a word to him or ask him why he was doing that. Afterwards, she would complain bitterly to every member of the family EXCEPT that uncle that "Uncle Buck hates my food and thinks I can't cook," or "Uncle Buck thinks I'm trying to poison him." Then she would sulk for about 18 months, refuse to speak to Uncle Buck, get mad at any other family members who continued to speak to Uncle Buck because that would be disloyal to her, and she would continue to talk trash about him behind his back. We don't ask. We just bitch behind their backs about them. (Well, some of my family members do - I try very hard not to follow their example). Are you related to me? This is EXACTLY how my mother behaves. Everything is a slight against her and an insult. She will dissect every little thing you say and use it against you. It's exhausting to be around her and frankly I try to avoid it as much as possible. I am her least favorite relative and she is perpetually exasperated with me and will go weeks without speaking to me and not tell me why she is mad. I always wanted a sister; I never knew I had TWO of them!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 27, 2012 10:58:11 GMT -5
One of my mom's brothers has food allergies. I don't know exactly what they are because his wife is also a believer in the blood type diets and foods you shouldn't eat based on your star sign (okay, this last one probably not true, but it could be). So, he has a really limited diet, but I don't know how much is allergies and how much is his wife saying "you shouldn't eat that". I do know my mother has commented to me that she thinks its ridiculous, since about half the food the blood type diet says he should eat is food he's allergic too, and thus this limits even further the diet of someone whose diet is already limited. I guess if I asked my mom, she would be able to tell me what food allergies he actually has.
My family is not close in proximity, so there's not a whole lot of family dinners. However, among our group of friends, there are numerous food issues- from gluten allergies to celiacs, deadly nightshade allergies, people on the vegetarian spectrum from doesn't eat red meat to completely vegan, etc. One friend had severe pancreatitis, and that can change your diet for years after the surgery. And yet, we all still like to get together for food. We do a big birthday dinner at a family style restaurant every year, and we always make sure that there are things everyone can eat. And that people who have food restrictions get first crack at the dishes they can eat. When we do food at other people's houses, it's almost always some kind of a potluck, so that, if nothing else, you always bring something you can eat. My father's family is southern, though, and food is how we show love. I know for the most part who has what food issues- and if we're having someone over for food, I will often double check. It is very important to me, as the host of an event, to always have food that all of my guests can eat. (Even though our friends will happily bring their own food and just come hang out.) Last summer, my cousin stayed with us. A friend of hers, who has Celiacs, came to visit for a week. The girl kept assuring us that she would take care of her own food, but I can't have a 19 year old in my house and not provide food she can eat. That's just wrong. So I bought some simple things like rice chex cereal and rice cakes before she came, then took her and the cousin grocery shopping to pick out some other food.
I guess what I'm saying is- if you're coming to my house for food- I'm going to ask if you have food restrictions, because it's important to me to be able to feed all my guests in a way that won't make them sick.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2012 11:05:48 GMT -5
My family talks about serious health issues, especially ones that are likely hereditary. My Mom and Aunt aren't shy about reminding me of things I need to be aware of because of family history. My Aunt went through chemo for breast cancer a year or so ago and her daughters and I helped her pick out wigs. When her hair started to grow a little she shucked the wigs and I told her she looked great. It was the truth. My uncle is the only one that doesn't eat certain foods because he has gout. They usually host the family meals, so he always has something to eat. If I hosted a meal, I'd happily make sure he had something appropriate. They'd probably all be more concerned about eating my cooking period, than the specific ingredients though.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 27, 2012 11:13:38 GMT -5
I have a cousin like this. He always starts out with "Don't tell anyone, but..." Then when we all know the scoop, everyone asks where we heard it. Then we all in unison say "Frank!"
I was on a second date with my last long time BF. I was warning him about the family (some people don't like all that togetherness) And he said "Oh I think you're exaggerating. It can't be that bad." I said "Really, well my aunt and uncle are heading this way." They happened to be at the same restaurant and stopped at our table to introduce themselves. When they left, the BF said "You weren't kidding, were you?"
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 27, 2012 11:17:47 GMT -5
I have so much extended family that for years I wasn't sure which were ACTUAL cousins (of all ages) and which were just family friends. I'd have family that did that but I usually made sure to stay away from places they were likely to be. Usually outside the county, since as long as I was IN it someone would know me just by family resemblance. I used to have people walk up to me when I was in my teens and ask how various family members were and I had never met them before or last saw them when I was 4.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 27, 2012 12:09:59 GMT -5
milee - I agree about not making a big deal of it. When out at a gathering I just carry a few snacks in my purse I know I can eat and select items that will work for me. I'm not celiac so if I get a little cross contamination its not a big deal. But with dh's family there is like 10-15 people so it quickly gets noticed. Bringing my own food and everyone saying nothing to me or me not being upfront with them would seem disingenuous. I usually act positive about the things I can eat and tell them to not worry about me. DH usually brings it up though I also weigh only 110lbs so when I eat little or pick at the food offerings people don't hesitate to make comments.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 27, 2012 12:20:37 GMT -5
I'm vegetarian due to some health issues and they all think I'm weird.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 27, 2012 12:23:15 GMT -5
I wish my DH family was more open. We have been dealing with awful tummy issues with him since he was 14 mo. He has an upper GI endoscopy on Friday. It would have been nice to know that hiatal hernias run in my DH family before last week. It sucks watching my little guy puke up everything he eats every meal every day My sister's youngest had surgery for a hiatal hernia before he was 6 wks old.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2012 5:24:11 GMT -5
We don't hide stuff from each other but we aren't necessarily very talkative about some subjects. I really dont' care to hear anyone else's litany of medical problems. I would rather spend the time i have with relatives talking about fun stuff and so forth. But, my son has celiac's. I think i have mentioned it but it isn't something i would hide from people nor they us. I might tell a relative if i was bringing in my son's food to explain. And, as a relative, i would like to know so that if someone came to my home with a certain dietary problem, then i would be happy to try to accomodate them. But, i have a very small family who don't live nearby so we really don't spend a lot of time talking about that type of thing.
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