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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2012 12:14:56 GMT -5
All the time!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2012 22:50:09 GMT -5
Yes!! I have had to reel myself back & stick with a standard "what are you planning to do about it to improve the situation?" Otherwise I tend to be a problem solver / troubleshooter & if that wasn't what the person wanted, then they are all sorts of miffed at getting unsolicited advice! Although asking them what they are planning on doing about a problem often results in an uncomfortable silence!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2012 0:50:22 GMT -5
"I tend to be a problem solver / troubleshooter & if that wasn't what the person wanted, then they are all sorts of miffed at getting unsolicited advice!" LOL, me too. It's hard for me to understand that many folks prefer to complain about their situation than actually DO something to fix it. But this board and my life experiences over the last 5 years have been really good for me. I'm far more confident about my money choices and skeptical about the know it alls.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 11, 2012 7:05:16 GMT -5
There is that. I figure if someone is telling me their personal business, then they are wanting something from me. I usually think advice because when my kids ask me, that is what they want. I have learned with dealing with MEN, that if I want advice, I say so upfront, if I want to just vent, I either talk to my girlfriends or say I WANT TO VENT/THINK OUT LOUD.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 11, 2012 7:07:49 GMT -5
But it used to freak me out when someone at work would tell me personal or financial stuff. I felt like I had seen them naked and I never felt as respectful of them as I did before. Hell, no one at work knew I was getting a divorce until I asked for the day off for court and because it was so close to school starting my principal asked me why even though she wasn't supposed to. I said I had a court date but then I kind of lost it in her office for a moment. THAT was not cool but I had kept it together for so long that it just happened. She told my dept head.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 12, 2012 7:22:46 GMT -5
Finances, like religion and politics, are things I mostly avoid talking about IRL. I guess I'm not that curious about comparing how I'm doing with others, either.
However there is one person I would like to grill about her finances - my youngest sister. She worked a few years out of college, decided she hated it, went back to school for a masters but before she could get another job, had a baby. Since then she's been a SAHM, working only occasional, poorly paid part time jobs that don't use either of her degrees. Her DH has a good job.
DS complains constantly about how tight money is and how poorly paid she is. However, they have a very nice home, they have two giant dogs and a household of other pets, and they vacation constantly. This summer they spent one week at Disney and another at the beach. Plus there are all those weekend trips in between, going camping, etc. They don't seem to lack for food and clothes.
But all she can do is whine about how broke she is. I get really, really tired of hearing it. She tends to be a constant victim in life and I know she's just complaining in order to make the rest of her siblings feel sorry for her (and to try to get Mom to give her money) but really, I would love to have her go over her finances with me and then point out to her that her problems would be solved if she either cut out all the vacations or got a full time job using one of her degrees. This would not work, however - she doesn't want advice. She doesn't want to fix her problem (if she did, she'd have a job). She wants us to feel sorry for the poor pitiful baby of the family who is always so broke. Yuck.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 12, 2012 7:25:59 GMT -5
Don't you just want to slap people like that upside the head?
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 12, 2012 7:31:20 GMT -5
However there is one person I would like to grill about her finances - my youngest sister. She worked a few years out of college, decided she hated it, went back to school for a masters but before she could get another job, had a baby. Since then she's been a SAHM, working only occasional, poorly paid part time jobs that don't use either of her degrees. Her DH has a good job. DS complains constantly about how tight money is and how poorly paid she is. However, they have a very nice home, they have two giant dogs and a household of other pets, and they vacation constantly. This summer they spent one week at Disney and another at the beach. Plus there are all those weekend trips in between, going camping, etc. They don't seem to lack for food and clothes. But all she can do is whine about how broke she is. I get really, really tired of hearing it. She tends to be a constant victim in life and I know she's just complaining in order to make the rest of her siblings feel sorry for her (and to try to get Mom to give her money) but really, I would love to have her go over her finances with me and then point out to her that her problems would be solved if she either cut out all the vacations or got a full time job using one of her degrees. This would not work, however - she doesn't want advice. She doesn't want to fix her problem (if she did, she'd have a job). She wants us to feel sorry for the poor pitiful baby of the family who is always so broke. Yuck. I don't know if I would be able to resist saying things like, "well it can't be that bad, you were able to afford that great Disney trip!"
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 12, 2012 7:42:42 GMT -5
However there is one person I would like to grill about her finances - my youngest sister. She worked a few years out of college, decided she hated it, went back to school for a masters but before she could get another job, had a baby. Since then she's been a SAHM, working only occasional, poorly paid part time jobs that don't use either of her degrees. Her DH has a good job. DS complains constantly about how tight money is and how poorly paid she is. However, they have a very nice home, they have two giant dogs and a household of other pets, and they vacation constantly. This summer they spent one week at Disney and another at the beach. Plus there are all those weekend trips in between, going camping, etc. They don't seem to lack for food and clothes. But all she can do is whine about how broke she is. I get really, really tired of hearing it. She tends to be a constant victim in life and I know she's just complaining in order to make the rest of her siblings feel sorry for her (and to try to get Mom to give her money) but really, I would love to have her go over her finances with me and then point out to her that her problems would be solved if she either cut out all the vacations or got a full time job using one of her degrees. This would not work, however - she doesn't want advice. She doesn't want to fix her problem (if she did, she'd have a job). She wants us to feel sorry for the poor pitiful baby of the family who is always so broke. Yuck. I don't know if I would be able to resist saying things like, "well it can't be that bad, you were able to afford that great Disney trip!" I know I couldn't
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 12, 2012 9:37:45 GMT -5
...:::"It's hard for me to understand that many folks prefer to complain about their situation than actually DO something to fix it.":::...
I was reading an interview of a guy who routinely sleeps with married women (he is single) and explains what it is about him that make them stray from their husbands. One of his top points was "I just listened to her problems, I didn't try to solve them". Those of us who are problem solvers are conditioned to cut through excuses and baloney and make people face their issues. But people who are wired differently cannot accept that look until they are ready, and in the mean time they just need to vent and have someone nod sympathetically. Its certainly something to think about.
...:::"I felt like I had seen them naked and I never felt as respectful of them as I did before.":::...
On one of those scam-baiter websites, there was a great correspondence between the baiter and the scammer where the baiter insisted they meet naked on a beach to discuss the business deal, because only when you are naked can you be sure to tell the truth.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 12, 2012 10:15:21 GMT -5
All the time for me as well!! I'll meet some one who is obviously making less income than us (obvious like one income middle class family or wife/husband working part time) and spending like there is no worry in the world. i am almost tempted to ask how they pay for that. Sometimes its on the tip of my tongues to ask about their retirement accounts Yeah. I whined about cutting our retirement contributions for 2012 on a mommy board I hang out at. The response was pretty much "what retirement accounts" which I found disconcerting.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 12, 2012 13:57:13 GMT -5
Nosey me just DID it! A guy who bought his condo in 2001 says he can't possibly sell for what he owes. I ask how the heck that is possible, he should still be ahead of the game. I couldn't resist...
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 12, 2012 14:33:16 GMT -5
WWBG - What was his answer? I am interested...
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 12, 2012 14:45:08 GMT -5
Probably did what my SIL and BIL did - refinanced every few years to pull out the equity.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 12, 2012 16:01:03 GMT -5
It was indeed equity pulling, but for large assessments that the building decided to levy.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 12, 2012 16:14:44 GMT -5
It was indeed equity pulling, but for large assessments that the building decided to levy. Well that sucks. I wanted to ask that of a neighbor who had been in his house for over 20 years and lost it to forclosure. Like WTH, shouldn't your home almost be paid off by now.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jun 12, 2012 18:00:05 GMT -5
This is one advantage of having an expressive face and a tendency to stick one's foot in one's mouth--financial trainwreck type people generally don't share with me. Plus, most of my coworkers have enough common sense to not overshare.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 12, 2012 19:48:22 GMT -5
I have s friend I constsntly wsnt to shake - she's always complaining about her lack of money, works 2 jobs, but spends a crszy amount of money on junk, eats breakfast out every day, gos out to lunch almost every day, won't take her doctor's advice about losing weight and exercising to help her back and kness problems, but continues to go from the chiropractorm to the acupuncturist, to the massage therapist, and on and on. I just have to bite my toungue and say "Umhmm".
ETA - got a new big key keyboard and having problems typing - ugh/1
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Epiphany
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meowzers!
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 14, 2012 11:15:40 GMT -5
Real messages from friend and her husband on facebook last week: Friend: Why does it seem like the harder you try to save the more crap comes up to keep that from happening...Dave Ramsey, smug in his riches from multiple publishing deals, can kiss my unowhat today. People post comments ranging from laments, agreements to me suggesting reducing debt and living within your means are good principals. Friends husband: So there is a guy out there telling people to not live outside your means, reduce debt, and get rid of monthly payments and then you will be better off financially? Who is this genius prophet with all these one of a kind, amazingly insightful ideas??? If I would have only known that building a savings account while paying less bills could help I would have tried it years ago. I can see why this guy makes tons of money telling people this amazing advice. He surely deserves all that he makes. I am inspired to venture off on a new mission to publish books filled with widely known facts and common sense...I think I'll title them "How to get rich like me by selling common sense", or something like that. I laid that on pretty thick, I think. lol Now I KNOW that he refuses to give up the iphone with data plan and full cable because they are necessary, financed new computer, new car, etc. Everything is an emergency because they don't plan for any of it... It's really hard to not give unwanted advice / ask questions since being on YM
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Epiphany
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meowzers!
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 14, 2012 11:17:47 GMT -5
Another lady told me she bought her house in california for 150k in late 90's, now owes 400k because of equity pulling like a freakin ATM. I wish people wouldn't overshare because it changes my opinion of them and I lose respect for them.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 14, 2012 11:33:18 GMT -5
Another lady told me she bought her house in california for 150k in late 90's, now owes 400k because of equity pulling like a freakin ATM. I wish people wouldn't overshare because it changes my opinion of them and I lose respect for them. Yeah my boss tends to share his purchases with me. He and his wife went to one of those all inclusive resorts and he just HAD to have the most expensive package because it came with a personal butler. Just a month later he took his whole family to Disney and they just HAD to stay at one of the really expensive on site hotels because you could get to the parks via water taxi, and that was way cooler than a bus. Then he complains that he will have to work until he's 75 because he hasn't saved anything for college for his kids. I love him as a boss but I do not respect his decision making when it comes to spending money.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jun 14, 2012 11:37:29 GMT -5
My BFF is constantly making the statement that she can't save any money. Currently her car is in the shop because of an accident and myself and another friend have been taking her to and from work. Last night we went out to dinner and she was complaining that her nieces are coming this weekend and her car is still not ready so she is going to have to rent a car so they can go and do stuff. She said she has no money to rent a car and that it is going to have to be put on the credit card. Then she goes on to say that every time she tries to save something happens and she can't. I told her she has the option to call her brother and tell him that she is not going to be able to take the kids this weekend and she will let them come stay another weekend. She said no because she already promised the girls (ages 7 & 12) that they could come stay with her and then she goes on to say she will be paying for all of them to go to Six Flags on Sat. and then to Sea World on Sunday and doesn't know what she will do with them on Monday since they aren't leaving until Tuesday. I was just sitting there looking at her like she was crazy. She bought a new car less than a year ago and she told me her payments are $408 a month. The car she had before that had been paid off for about 3 yrs and I have been so tempted to ask her why she hadn't been saving at least $400 a month for the past 3 yrs when she had no car payment. I am at a loss...
Hell, she could have even saved $200 a month for the past 3 yrs and had a decent emergency fund.
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