Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2012 14:01:44 GMT -5
DO clean up after yourself. You might also offer to help the host tidy the kitchen or the living room after a meal. At the very least, clear your own plates. On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well. Plus I don't want to do it at your house and I don't like my guests having to work when they visit. I don't do the entire week thing though - even when it's family and friends I've had for many years. Just a night maybe two. It stresses out the kitties too much and when DH is snoring I can't kick him to the guest bedroom. Oh! I just figured out how to get guests to leave if they stay too long! ;D
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2012 14:02:43 GMT -5
My aunt is thrilled that someone else does it for her. I'm looking into a maid service for her. She's having trouble keeping her house clean.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 4, 2012 14:03:03 GMT -5
If we do Comic Con San Diego one year, you better be there! Comic Con??? Uh... yeah. I'm a nerd, but I'm not that much of a nerd!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2012 14:04:57 GMT -5
Chef - That's what we do too. I have family in Palm Beach Gardens and they have a huge house, but we still would prefer to stay in a hotel if we stayed over. We just drive home late so we can be in our own bed though. LOL!
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Jun 4, 2012 14:07:45 GMT -5
If we do Comic Con San Diego one year, you better be there! Comic Con??? Uh... yeah. I'm a nerd, but I'm not that much of a nerd! Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 4, 2012 14:08:16 GMT -5
Now I'm wondering how I come across in person versus online... or don't I want to know? Well, you weren't a 400 lb creepy dude (which I always worry about when meeting women from the internet) so that was cool. And after all the conversations about victim blaming and whatnot that had gone on the few weeks before I met you, I was a little worried you were going to be one of those angry San Francisco feminist chicks. Which I realize is slightly sexist to say, but you know what I'm talking about. The fact that you didn't spend all evening telling me what a tool I am for being born with a penis was really really cool. Neither of you got drunk and tried to get in my pants though, so that's one strike against each of you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2012 14:09:16 GMT -5
If we do Comic Con San Diego one year, you better be there! Comic Con??? Uh... yeah. I'm a nerd, but I'm not that much of a nerd! DH really likes that stuff -- I just want to go to San Diego!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 4, 2012 14:10:36 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 4, 2012 14:10:56 GMT -5
Now I'm wondering how I come across in person versus online... or don't I want to know? Well, you weren't a 400 lb creepy dude (which I always worry about when meeting women from the internet) so that was cool. And after all the conversations about victim blaming and whatnot that had gone on the few weeks before I met you, I was a little worried you were going to be one of those angry San Francisco feminist chicks. Which I realize is slightly sexist to say, but you know what I'm talking about. The fact that you didn't spend all evening telling me what a tool I am for being born with a penis was really really cool. Neither of you got drunk and tried to get in my pants though, so that's one strike against each of you. You know Dark you might have more luck with that if they didn't know Loop just sayin'
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 4, 2012 14:11:58 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention? Don't they have the scantily dressed girls like at the gaming conventions?
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 4, 2012 14:14:40 GMT -5
We used to have a nearly perfect house guest. He married my ISO's ex step sister and was a long distance trucker living about 5 hours from us. Sometimes he would be between loads but not long enough to go home so stayed with us. He liked to do work so taught us to put a new roof on and helped us for a few days. He did all the cooking too. He had known my ISO for more than 20 years since he married into the family. I worked days and ISO worked nights so I spent evenings alone with him which didn't seem too bad we talked. Then I realized what was wrong with having him stay with us, we talked about ISO and agreed with each other about all his bad features. When he left I didn't like ISO very much and couldn't remember what I did like about him. So I asked that he not be invited to stay anymore because he wasn't good for us.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2012 14:15:29 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention? what I did at Comic Con NYC: gawk at the outrageous costumes (and take pictures), buy some cute but nerdy stuff, and do things to get freebies. ;D
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 4, 2012 14:17:09 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention? You watch for the people dressed up as their favorite character.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 4, 2012 14:17:18 GMT -5
FB: I am 10 years older than you, so yes, I have a few more things figured out. That's the way it's supposed to be. And you, like Dark, are the same in person as you are on the board. (Not that I've met Dark.)
How I behave generally varies on who I am staying with. At friends- I ask to help out as muich as possible, and respect their wishes for what I should/should not do. I definitely take them out for one meal. My parents won't let me take them out, but they have no issues with me doing "chores" like the dishes- besides, I already know how they like things done. My grandfather would be offended if I even suggested paying for his food. And he tells me not to do anything around the house, but I wait until he takes a nap and clean the kitchen anyway.
For FB's wedding, I was the DD for the bachelorette party (though I did make them end the night sooner than her sister found ideal) and also drove the beer run for the after party.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 14:21:26 GMT -5
You need to add a rule about giving more than two days notice before showing up with a 1 and 3 year old. My nieces are cute as hell, and my SIL is pretty awesome, but who flies from Hawaii to the mainland on only two days notice? The phone conversation went something like this; SIL: "Hey, are you guys busy this weekend?" Me: "Yeah, extremely, why?" SIL: "Oh, well I'll be in town with the kids. We haven't seen you guys in over a year so we should hang out." Me: "Uh... this weekend like this weekend... the one that starts in two days?" SIL: "Duh" Me: "Uh... yeah... this weekend is probably the absolute worst weekend you could have picked. The girls have softball playoffs all weekend, Loop and I have already agreed to volunteer as score keepers and manning the ticket booths and stuff for the end of season carnival thing, her parents and sister are coming, (and I think we had something already planned for one of the nights too but can't remember what now). SIL: "But we never see you guys. What if I stayed for a few days and you pulled the kids out of school for a few days?" Me: "The kids have state testing all week, and Loop has a school board meeting on Monday and Wednesday." We were able to squeeze in dinner with the kids, and then they went off to visit my SIL's family for a several weeks and we got to spend this weekend with them on their way back out to Hawaii, but that first phone conversation seriously sucked. Yeah, that's no good at all. My sympathies. It's one thing to want to hang out at more or less the last minute and have an attitude of "if it works out, cool, if not - next time" but it's quite another to call like that and expect to be put up.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 14:23:17 GMT -5
On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well.
True. Frankly, I wouldn't have let them help - in my mind, it IS my job to clean up after them, they're my guests and it's not their job - but I do think it's polite to offer. And I would have appreciated them bringing all their dishes over to the kitchen to make it easier on me.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 14:25:21 GMT -5
I was a little worried you were going to be one of those angry San Francisco feminist chicks. Which I realize is slightly sexist to say, but you know what I'm talking about. The fact that you didn't spend all evening telling me what a tool I am for being born with a penis was really really cool. Neither of you got drunk and tried to get in my pants though, so that's one strike against each of you. I was definitely a little wary of the whole night turning into a feminism debate too - not my favorite topic of conversation in person with someone I just met (online, all bets are off because I could talk about that stuff for days, as you well know). As for not getting drunk and trying things - well, you'll recall I was newly pregnant at the time (only reason I didn't drink with you two) and there was some other annoying barrier which may or may not have had to do with the fact that we were all married (or almost).
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 4, 2012 14:26:43 GMT -5
do things to get freebies. Do things huh? That's pretty vague. Would these things be against the CoC to talk about? Were you flirting with the comic nerds to get hard to find back issues for your husband? If so, that's love right there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2012 14:34:11 GMT -5
do things to get freebies. Do things huh? That's pretty vague. Would these things be against the CoC to talk about? Were you flirting with the comic nerds to get hard to find back issues for your husband? If so, that's love right there. Some of those back issues are extremely rare and valuable - I think I'd have to do more than flirt.... But no - we actually got a bag full of freebies at the door. We demo'ed the new Star Wars MMORPG and got free t-shirts. They were out of XXL (how can you be at a nerd convention and run out of XXL?!), so I think DH got a hat.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Jun 4, 2012 14:47:39 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention? Comic-Con is FAR, far more than just comics. That's a regular beef with fans, in fact. There are panels for just about any SF/animated/horror/fantasy movie or TV show currently out. These days, it's not always even real SF/F -- the last couple of years, Glee had a panel, for instance. I've seen Ray Bradbury and Orson Scott Card several times. Last year, we attended a hilarious 'cartooning improv' panel headed by the guy who did MAD magazine and then a panel of voice actors who were wonderfully talented and left us in stitches. We listened to Guillermo del Toro wax poetic (kinda) about movie-making, saw the Mythbusters, and met the guys from MST3k. There's a huge variety of things to entertain yourself with no matter what track your tastes take. And if you still can't find something to enjoy, you can't ever go wrong hanging around the main floor and people-watching!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2012 14:53:03 GMT -5
Don't diss the Comic-Con, dude. It can be tons of fun!! I'm sure it is, but I don't even read comics. I've literally only read one comic book in my entire life. Some random issue of Spawn when I was like 12. What would I do at a comic convention? Comic-Con is FAR, far more than just comics. That's a regular beef with fans, in fact. There are panels for just about any SF/animated/horror/fantasy movie or TV show currently out. These days, it's not always even real SF/F -- the last couple of years, Glee had a panel, for instance. I've seen Ray Bradbury and Orson Scott Card several times. Last year, we attended a hilarious 'cartooning improv' panel headed by the guy who did MAD magazine and then a panel of voice actors who were wonderfully talented and left us in stitches. We listened to Guillermo del Toro wax poetic (kinda) about movie-making, saw the Mythbusters, and met the guys from MST3k. There's a huge variety of things to entertain yourself with no matter what track your tastes take. And if you still can't find something to enjoy, you can't ever go wrong hanging around the main floor and people-watching! I don't like comics at all and I had a good time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2012 14:54:13 GMT -5
Those are all good pointers Firebrand. Personally, i really do not like to stay in anybody's home, even my sister. When i visit overnight, i always stay in a hotel.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 14:54:49 GMT -5
By the way, this weekend was a great illustration of "frugal vs. cheap" to me. I've always admired these friends for their frugality - they save a freaking ton of their income consistently, and they really seem to have the "simple living" thing down pat.
What I didn't realize, though, is how easily that can translate into an attitude of "it will be really fun to do X provided we don't have to pay for it." They never came right out and said it but so much of the way they acted seemed to imply that if it was on us, anything went - if it was on them, then the cheapest possible option would do just fine.
Don't want to say too much about this because I already feel somewhat petty for starting this thread and sniping behind their backs, but that really stuck out to me and I figured you YMers would appreciate the inherent lesson. Frugal is good; cheap, not so good.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 4, 2012 14:55:37 GMT -5
On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well. True. Frankly, I wouldn't have let them help - in my mind, it IS my job to clean up after them, they're my guests and it's not their job - but I do think it's polite to offer. And I would have appreciated them bringing all their dishes over to the kitchen to make it easier on me. What/How can I help you?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 15:07:43 GMT -5
What/How can I help you? That's all it really takes. And honestly, it's part of the whole picture. If my only beef was that they didn't offer to help me clean the kitchen, believe me, I wouldn't be bitching about this. It was a lot of things and that just happened to be one of them. I should emphasize that these are good people. The lack of social graces thing surprised and disappointed me but it didn't make me think that I had violently misjudged them or anything. I still think they're great people and I'm sure we'll continue to be great friends online; I just wouldn't choose to spend a whole weekend with them again. I do wonder what she's going to write about the weekend, though. Very curious about that, since they didn't really seem to have a great time with us either. I wouldn't expect a fully honest review of our house and interactions when she knows I'm reading, but I'll definitely be curious all the same.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 4, 2012 15:16:34 GMT -5
On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well. I agree with this, but sometimes you have to just let it go and accept the help. My MIL will say she doesn't care how I load the dishwasher, but she'll rearrange it after I'm done and thinks I can't see her. Or god forbid I pick a tupperware that is slightly too big for the left overs. Then she has to move it to the right container, and wash the first one. Eventually I stopped doing anything over there which I felt awful about too.
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 4, 2012 15:26:29 GMT -5
DO make an effort to be sociable and polite to host's family/friends as well as host. Actively listen to other people's stories; be interested; do not interrupt. On the other hand, if you know your hosts are introverts, and you choose to stay with them anyway, try to respect their personalities and STFU once in a while. And maybe read this article before you show up: www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/Sorry FB, I had 2 sets of houseguests in the last week...
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 4, 2012 15:29:06 GMT -5
On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well. I agree with this, but sometimes you have to just let it go and accept the help. My MIL will say she doesn't care how I load the dishwasher, but she'll rearrange it after I'm done and thinks I can't see her. Or god forbid I pick a tupperware that is slightly too big for the left overs. Then she has to move it to the right container, and wash the first one. Eventually I stopped doing anything over there which I felt awful about too. Why do I "have to" accept the help? I can load the dishwasher the way I want to all by myself - I don't need your help at all. So when I tell you to stop doing dishes, maybe you should stop doing dishes. And then maybe I wouldn't have two broken champagne glasses.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 4, 2012 15:36:17 GMT -5
This thread is exactly why I stay in hotels! (and why I was on the verge of a mental breakdown after living with my in-laws for 5 months). QQ, I loved that article. My BFF (also an introvert) and I had a theory on that... the energy extroverts gain through social interaction is vampirically siphoned from us introverts. Which is why we find all the interaction so draining.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 4, 2012 15:43:18 GMT -5
And then maybe I wouldn't have two broken champagne glasses. Did they offer to pay for them? Sheesh. That's something that should go on the list too, although it thankfully didn't come up this weekend If you break something, you buy a replacement. That's just common courtesy. When I was a kid, we had someone staying with us and they broke a lamp in the little-used room where they were sleeping. Not only did they NOT tell us about the lamp, they cheated the broken side toward the wall hoping we wouldn't notice. My mom found it when she was cleaning the room and asked them about it - they very reluctantly confirmed that they had broken it and apologized but they didn't offer to pay for it! My mom told them not to worry about it because she is a nice person and also the lamp was old anyway, but seriously, WTF?
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