grown women and friendships

[Deleted]

A relatively new co-worker (let's call her E) and I were pregnant at the same time and due very close to each other (her daughter was actually born on my original due date). So we talked to each other a lot and got sort of close. Then I went out on maternity leave, about 3 weeks before I had DS, and I stayed out for 12 weeks after the birth. E came back 2 days after I did and it was great seeing her. Well apparently some other newish co-worker now "claimed" her as her friend. I have no problem with that whatsoever, but she (the other newish, nonpregnant co-worker - let's call her C) has to be sitting next to the co-worker I like, can't sit or talk to anyone else. Once time C invited E to eat lunch upstairs with her (I guess they had started doing that while I was out), and E invited me along. So I went. Well C would only look at and speak to E, not me which I found incredibly rude. C continues to exhibit these behaviors. I haven't experienced anything like this since grade school.

FWIW, E is 40 and C is (I think) 45.

[swamp]

some people are stupid. If E is willing to put up with it, there's not much you can do.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sounds schoolyard stupid to me, not to mention petty jealous. If you like E, I'd ask her to join you for lunch one day, before C does. Then watch to see if there's any reaction from either of them.

[Deleted]

May 24, 2012 11:35:21 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Sounds schoolyard stupid to me, not to mention petty jealous. If you like E, I'd ask her to join you for lunch one day, before C does. Then watch to see if there's any reaction from either of them.

that's a good idea. There is a good sushi place around here that I haven't been to in forever....

[NancysSummerSip]

Yum....sushi. Now it's pouring rain and you got me thinking raw fish. Bad girl! ;D And that's even better, asking one of them off-premises, I think. Easier to get the lowdown that way.

[skubikky]

May 24, 2012 11:23:39 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

A relatively new co-worker (let's call her E) and I were pregnant at the same time and due very close to each other (her daughter was actually born on my original due date). So we talked to each other a lot and got sort of close. Then I went out on maternity leave, about 3 weeks before I had DS, and I stayed out for 12 weeks after the birth. E came back 2 days after I did and it was great seeing her. Well apparently some other newish co-worker now "claimed" her as her friend. I have no problem with that whatsoever, but she (the other newish, nonpregnant co-worker - let's call her C) has to be sitting next to the co-worker I like, can't sit or talk to anyone else. Once time C invited E to eat lunch upstairs with her (I guess they had started doing that while I was out), and E invited me along. So I went. Well C would only look at and speak to E, not me which I found incredibly rude. C continues to exhibit these behaviors. I haven't experienced anything like this since grade school.

FWIW, E is 40 and C is (I think) 45.

...and how old are you?

[Green Eyed Lady]

Message deleted by Green Eyed Lady.

[Deleted]

May 24, 2012 11:59:58 GMT -5 skubikky said:

May 24, 2012 11:23:39 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

A relatively new co-worker (let's call her E) and I were pregnant at the same time and due very close to each other (her daughter was actually born on my original due date). So we talked to each other a lot and got sort of close. Then I went out on maternity leave, about 3 weeks before I had DS, and I stayed out for 12 weeks after the birth. E came back 2 days after I did and it was great seeing her. Well apparently some other newish co-worker now "claimed" her as her friend. I have no problem with that whatsoever, but she (the other newish, nonpregnant co-worker - let's call her C) has to be sitting next to the co-worker I like, can't sit or talk to anyone else. Once time C invited E to eat lunch upstairs with her (I guess they had started doing that while I was out), and E invited me along. So I went. Well C would only look at and speak to E, not me which I found incredibly rude. C continues to exhibit these behaviors. I haven't experienced anything like this since grade school.

FWIW, E is 40 and C is (I think) 45.

...and how old are you?

29.


Wrongsideof30, the guys all leave the premises and/or eat at their desk.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Sorry about the above post. I read another post incorrectly.

What about a girls' night out? Invite her along for one of those. Everybody can use a GNO.

[moxie]

lol What childish behavior!

"What about a girls' night out? Invite her along for one of those. Everybody can use a GNO."

Yep...I love 'em!

[Deleted]

we both have infants and don't live near each other. E can't go out much anyway because of her daycare arrangement - her cousin from the Old Country came to live with them so she could watch the baby. The cousin already watches the baby all day during the week, so E feels bad asking her to watch the baby on the weekends.

[moxie]

At least get together with the babies...put them together in a safe place to play while the two of you have coffee or whatever and chat.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I see. That makes it difficult. How about a play date with your two children on a Saturday afternoon? I'm sure schedules get pretty hectic for new moms on the weekend, but it would give you some quality time together outside the workplace.

[midjd]

Kill her with kindness. Invite them to lunch and keep asking C annoying (but innocuous) questions so she'll be FORCED to talk to you.

But really, if C is being openly rude to you in front of E, and E isn't calling her on it (either publicly or privately), I'd avoid both of them for a while. Either E will get sick of C and tell her to buzz off, or she'll keep putting up with it. I've had a few friends who've had other friends with whom I didn't get along - but in each case, the mutual friend would put a quick end to the conversation if one of us started being bitchy. She made it very clear that we didn't have to love each other, but if we were going to snipe we needed to take it somewhere else.

Sounds like either E needs to grow a spine, E doesn't care that C is being rude, E doesn't notice that C is being rude, or you're overreacting.

[moxie]

"Kill her with kindness. Invite them to lunch and keep asking C annoying (but innocuous) questions so she'll be FORCED to talk to you." [image]

he he ;D

[Deleted]

Give the newbie the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she is just shy and isn't excluding you so much as holding on to the one she is comfortable with. Be nice and give her a bit of time. I am betting it will pass.

[midjd]

That could be, too. My sister is like that - I don't know what it is, but she rarely answers you directly If she and I are hanging out with a third person, every now and then I realize we've had an entire conversation and neither of us has directly spoken to the other

Now, it could be that she's just being rude - you're probably in a better place to judge that than we are.

[8 Bit WWBG]

I just watched that episode of the New Girl where Jess explains how women fight. I was laughing my butt off. I like when Jess says "she said I rocked the polka dots" and Cici said "whats her name... I'll kill her!"

[skubikky]

May 24, 2012 12:08:09 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

May 24, 2012 11:59:58 GMT -5 skubikky said:

...and how old are you?

29.


Wrongsideof30, the guys all leave the premises and/or eat at their desk.

Ah....this is just the older girls being mean.

[thyme4change]

I'd just stay available. I suspect that your friend will become tired of the possessiveness. She might already be, but it isn't bad enough yet to force the issue. If you just stay around, either the other gal will get used to you being there and include you, or the situation will fizzle out in some other way.

[Deleted]

E is a very outgoing and friendly person, so I think she'll get tired of it eventually.

[Deleted]

LOL! No, she's married and has a 10 or 11-year-old.

[thyme4change]

E is a very outgoing and friendly person, so I think she'll get tired of it eventually.

That is good - just don't make it a competition or let the other lady draw you into drama. Otherwise your friend will just wash her hands of the both of you.

[happyhoix]

I hate this kind of crap.

Me, I would bring my kindle to work and sit and read while I was eating lunch. By myself. If anyone wanted to join me, fine. If not, fine.

But then, I'm a pretty dang antisocial person.

[reader79]

There was a group of about four of us who liked to eat together a few years ago. Then we had a new woman start. Instead of grabbing her bag and sitting with us, she would sit at another table and stew, or go out on her own. Then a few weeks later we got a memo about 'socializing,' and how if the whole group wasn't included we had to take it out of the building. Our director went to her admin and flat out told her that we weren't making the new girl feel welcome by sitting at a table and gossiping about her. What utter nonsense. She didn't last long, that wasn't her only bout of paranoia.

[Deleted]

Personally, i find 40ish something women to be the most annoying. They are often bee itchy and think they know it all or have the right to boss people around. I get along better with 20-30 somethings who haven't yet been made bitter by the world and 50+ who have given up trying to change and control everything and everybody cuz they know it is a big waste of time. ;D

[thyme4change]

There was a group of about four of us who liked to eat together a few years ago. Then we had a new woman start. Instead of grabbing her bag and sitting with us, she would sit at another table and stew, or go out on her own. Then a few weeks later we got a memo about 'socializing,' and how if the whole group wasn't included we had to take it out of the building. Our director went to her admin and flat out told her that we weren't making the new girl feel welcome by sitting at a table and gossiping about her. What utter nonsense. She didn't last long, that wasn't her only bout of paranoia.

I worked somewhere where we were given the option to eat all together, or leave the building. It sucked ass. I mean, isn't it bad enough I have to spend a majority of my time with a bunch of people I don't really choose, but now I am forced to eat with people that I don't like, and they don't like me. I can only imagine how they would describe me, but they decided to have an intervention with me because I was losing weight. Asking me if anything was wrong, and if I had been making myself throw up. Seriously, assholes, if I was, it would be because I hate you and this job. They also decided that they needed to announce, every day, what my lunch menu was. And then they would all sit around and comment on it. I was eating some weird ass stuff, because I was broke. One day, I leaned over the table (I was standing, she was sitting) and said to the ring leader "Every single day you make a big deal about what is in my lunch bag, and I really don't think it is any of your business. I would appreciate it if it stopped, today." I left the room and ate outside, but 20 minutes later I snuck into the hall and they were still in there "I just can't believe she said that - I mean really, I just asked her what was in her sandwhich. Is PB&J so secret that it is a big deal? I didn't do anything, I was just asking." It came up three more times in the next two weeks. Each time I just sort of stared at them. What was I suppose to say "I'm broke, and all I have is a slice of cheese and a cucumber, so I'm pretending that is a normal sandwich, and I dont' want to sit here and tell you that I've got twice as much credit card debt as I do annual income? Piss off!"

[Deleted]

Don't ya love the Food Police? I have had people comment on my lunch eating habits as well. I am not a big eater. I am the type of person who can be happy with one meal a day. And, i don't like to eat much lunch because i like to feel hungry for supper and i cook much better meals for DH and the kids if i am cooking something i want to eat too. I usually just prefer to eat at that time. Sometimes i bring a yogurt just to have a bit and sit and eat but i can go for hours without eating and it doesn't bother me. But, if i don't go into the lunch room, i have had people comment if i am on a diet or what not. It isn't their business so why do they care?

[midjd]

I totally agree. As someone who was constantly accused of having an eating disorder until college, I get a little touchy when people comment on what/how much/how little I'm eating. Just eat your food and leave me alone!

[thyme4change]

As I grow up I try to remember that most people are clueless, insensitive idiots (just like me!!) I'm not sure why they didn't notice that I was getting increasingly more uncomfortable with their comments, but they didn't. They were completely surprised when I flipped. And I'm sure she was embarrassed that I called her out so publically. (It probably wasn't my shining moment.) She had to convince her tribe that she was innocent and blamless. She had to convince herself that she was innocent and blameless. Otherwise, she would have to figure out what she did, and see if she was doing it to others. That just wasn't in the cards.