shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 11:56:32 GMT -5
Reason 1 for this thread- YM Off Topic is currently very depressing. I know that everyone needs safe places to vent and talk about difficult stuff, but I also occassionally need to think about happier things. And talking about the adoption process makes me happy. (And probably boring to my RL friends. ;D) Reason 2 for this thread- I need a place to keep track of everything we need to do in order to pass the home inspection that I can easily access at home or work. Reason 3 for this thread- I know some of you here have adopted or fostered kids, so you can tell me if I'm forgetting something or perhaps just give good suggestions for solutions to problems that I'm not seeing. Reason 4 for this thread- I posting it on YM off topic because everything costs money. Lots of money. And this is the money thread with the most readers. So, we are still in the paperwork part of the adoption process. The agency we're working with does both infant relinquishment and faster to adopt. They ask their adoptive parents to be open to both routes, so that means we have to get our home licensed for foster care. There are a ton of little things we need to do in order for our house to pass inspection. We need to be able to lock away all medication and vitamins. Alcohol can be locked away or put up high out of reach. Right now, my best solution for that seems to be 2 filing cabinets. One would be the double wide two drawer with top locking drawer. This would go right outside our kitchen and the top drawer would hold vitamins and alcohol. The bottom drawer could hold our extra dish set and dog treats. This has the added benefit that it may free up enough room in our kitchen that we could remove the over the fridge cabinets and get the new refrigerator DH and I have been coveting for the last 7 years. (Since we moved in.) I would then get a second single wide two drawer cabinet for our bedroom. It would replace my current nightstand. In the top locking drawer, we would place all medications (DH's migraine meds, ibuprofen- the stuff that's currently in our bathroom) and I could still use the bottom drawer for my work socks. And so as not to be too tacky with these file cabiets, I'm looking at wooden (or at least wood veneer) ones like these www.staples.com/Z-Line-Designs-Lateral-File-Cabinet-315-2-Drawer-Letter-Legal-Size/product_917219?cid=BNR:CORP:CRITEO:CRITEO:FY12REMARKET:1:DYNAMIC:VARIOUS:NWe also need to make it so that all the bedroom doors can lock. Foster kids are allowed their privacy, so we have to have bedroom doors that can be locked from the inside (but we also have to be able to pop the locks if we think something is wrong.) We have already bought replacement door knobs for all upstairs doors, including one that will lock and requires a key to open to get to the basement. The only one we've actually replaced is the handle on the basement door because the old one was falling off. We need to be able to lock away anything that could be dangerous (well, except kitchen knives). That means that in addition to our small locking tool box, we've bought a storage cabinet and a garden shed that can both be locked, and we're working on moving tools and propane tanks into those locations. We're also trying to turn our finished room in the basement from a hazard (that room could be on Hoarders) into a usable, possibly family room/play space. This is the hardest part because not only does it have the junk we've collected together, all the junk our parents saved for us and then gave back to us when we bought a house (forget us getting married, there was no losing a daughter or gaining a son, it was all about them getting storage space back), but it also has all of the MIL's stuff that DH couldn't instantly part with (she passed in early March) or that needs to go to other members of the family. So, we're working on moving some of the things stored down there (Christmas ornaments, things of his moms that he just wants to hold on to for now) up to the attic. We're also going through our things. Some of the stuffed animals my parents brought up for me, I don't even remember. But I'm keeping my Care Bear, my Cabbage Patch Kids (all 7) and my Pound Puppies, and, of course, the stuffed polar bear that was the very first stuffed animal I had as a baby. We have been filling our trash can pretty full, and we've got a nice donation pile going. We also have a number of things set to go on a run. (Thank goodness for the roomie's truck.) Upstairs, we have the office/my closet which is actually going to be the baby's room. (We say baby, because our preference is for an infant, but it's possible we'll adopt a toddler or slightly older child.) We have the MIL's cedar chest that she got for her 16ht birthday. The plan is to be able to pull an old entertainment center that currently holds junk in that room out and replace it with the cedar chest. Then, we can put the extra quilts and blankets we have (most of them hand made by one or the other of my grandmothers) in there. We also currently have a really nice Ikea desk in that room that we love. We don't know if we'll be able to keep it in that room or not, or if maybe we should find a space for it in the basement, if we ever get the basement cleared up enough. That room, I also want to be able to paint and replace the flooring. I honestly want to repaint and refloor the whole house, but I'm willing to start with the baby's room. I want to paint it a pale green (pretty gender neutral) and replace the awful carpet with laminate or hard wood- something that will be fairly easy to clean spills and other messed up from. Of course, that means that we do have to be able to pull everything from that room, which currently includes the giant desk,the old entertainment center, a bookshelf, a printer stand (the printer has already been moved), a bed, and a small cabinet. Between the basement and the baby's room, we also currently have 2 decorative axes (mine) and one fencing sword (DH's). In the basement somewhere, we might also have a samurai sword set (DH's). All of those things need to be placed out of reach or secured, as well. My brother's guns, which had been living with us, have moved to another friend's house, so that I at least don't have to worry about locking those away. To make this even more fun- DH and I are both procrastinators, and our social worker keeps saying "everyone moves at their own pace". If we don't get ourselves on the ball, we'll never get everything we need done done. So we have to set ourselves a deadline. I don't know what that will be yet. I need to figure out of the things we're doing what must be done to pass the licensure and what are just things we want to get done. We need deadlines for both, but we need to concentrate on the things absolutely needed to get our foster license. Oh, and the leaking pipe in the basement that runs from the kitchen sink. We have to be able to clear out that section of the basement enough to get a plumber in there to replace that pipe. That's got to be pretty high on our list, as it leaks quite a bit when we run the dishwasher (and not doing dishes is not an option). We also need to turn the water heater down, but that can wait until day of inspection. I love my really hot baths. So that's all I can think of off the top of my head. It's not much or anything. (Really, probably not more than any first time parents need to do.) It just feels like a lot. We need to be better about breaking things up into reasonable chuinks. It would also be nice if it looked like we were doing anything. Especially in the basment, where boxes simply aren't as tightly packed anymore, so it still seems just as (or actually more) filled with stuff.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 8, 2012 12:03:22 GMT -5
You're a good and strong person Shane. Good luck. I've considered fostering, but it's on the back burner while I deal with our own toddlers.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on May 8, 2012 12:05:50 GMT -5
Best of luck to you also.
Have to ask - when you say you have to "lock away all medication and vitamins" does that actually mean lock and key or can you child-proof the drawer?
Just curious...
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 12:05:59 GMT -5
Beth: I don't know that I would say we are fostering. We are adopting. We are open to adopting a child that is currently in foster care, and may not be legally free this very second. In order to do that, we do have to have a foster home license. But neither of us is really big on having lots of legal risk, so we mostly will be looking for a child that is already legally free or is quite far along in the process of making them legally free for adoption.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 12:10:34 GMT -5
thecaptain: All medications and vitamins must be locked up. That's a rule for all foster homes (which can have older kids who can defeat childproofing measures). They don't want the kids accidentally ODing. Mind you, I find it funny that vitamins have to be locked up but that alcohol just has to be "out of reach" for the younger kids. I'd be just as afraid of a teenager giving themselves alcohol poisoning as I would of a toddler ODing on multi-vitamins. But I guess they don't want people to feel like they can't have a cold beer in the evening, so they allow for alcohol to be more readily accessible.
Our concern is for DH if he has a migraine when I'm not home. The likelihood of him being able get a key in a lock when he can't even turn on a light doesn't seem high. We'll have to figure out some workarounds for that.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on May 8, 2012 12:56:56 GMT -5
Shanendoah.... He will be able to get the key in the lock.... it might take 15-20 mins, but damnit he WILL get to the Migrane medicine... Ask me how I know this
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 13:04:06 GMT -5
Carolina: That's true. It just seems a little cruel. I know when I've gotten a migraine, though, the frustration is what gets to me the most. I can imagine sitting on the floor, trying to get the key in the lock, crying out of frustration, and it feeling like its taking hours instead of 15-20 minutes. In all honesty, most of the time, DH's migraines come with enough of a warning- his head feels funny for a while before the pain kicks in -that he can get to his meds while still being a little coherent. But we've both had times when we've missed the warnings or the pain sets in really quick, so it's just something we want to be prepared for.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 8, 2012 13:42:28 GMT -5
It might be worth a try to get one of those key covers that has a light that turns on when you squeeze it. It'd be enough light to get the key in the lock, the question is whether it'd be too much light. I'm rarely light sensitive with my migraines so I don't have experience to know if it's too much light. Another option is a safe where you put in a pin instead of a key, but those are probably ridiculously expensive.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on May 8, 2012 13:44:44 GMT -5
Would a Biometric Handgun safe work?
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 13:53:50 GMT -5
justme: For DH, his light sensitivity comes before the pain does, so the lighted lock/key might not work for him Carolina: A gun safe would certainly work, but if I were looking to spend the money on a gun safe, I could have kept my brother's guns, too.
In all honestly, what we will probably do, is on mornings when I get up, if he thinks there's a possibility that he might get a migraine, I'll put a medication packet in his hand (his are the dissolve on your tongue pills, so they are individually wrapped) before I leave. He'll either take it when he needs it or lock it back up when he gets up.
And in a worse case scenario, I work 3 miles (10 minutes with school zones) from home, and he could call me if it were really bad.
It's just one of those little things that we have to think about that people who give birth don't. No one comes through a pregnant woman's house and makes sure that the stairs have no slip strips (one more thing we need to do, thinking about it) or that hre medications are locked up. She doesn't have to pass a background check or prove that her pets have had their rabies vaccines before the hospital lets her bring her child home.
I am complaining because it is frustrating, but yes, I also understand why all these requirements exist, and also know that once the adoption is final, I can do whatever I want.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 8, 2012 14:29:54 GMT -5
I can totally understand the frustration. I think it will make things easier in the long run, though... most people are babyproof as you go types and (at least in my house) it took a few pinched fingers and table corners to the face before everything was properly secured I can see the advantage of having everything already in place, but the getting there has to be a PITA!
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2012 14:30:08 GMT -5
You have the right attitude, shane. A lot of it is goofy. My sister and BIL are waiting to adopt and just updated their home study. For some reason they had to get re-fingerprinted.
While a lot can change in your life, your fingerprints aren't one of them.
So much of this process is completely goofy. But it is oh so very worth it in the end.
As a fellow procrastinator... I find that deadlines are key. Today is May 8. How about you commit to having the house cleaned out and babyproofed by June 1?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 8, 2012 15:02:11 GMT -5
Wow!! Keeping fingers crossed for you that you successfully adopt soon!
In the meantime, if the cedar chest is a hope chest/coffin(LOL) style, rethink putting it in the baby's room unless it has one of those hinges that hold it open. Don't want darling baby to get decapitated when he/she starts toddling around and getting into everything. ;D
Otherwise, put pictures of babies all around your kitchen, bedroom, family room, the bathroom mirror, etc. with the message "I want to come live with you NOW" written on them. That should get you motivated. ;D
Good luck with everything and kudos for opening your hearts and your home to a child!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 8, 2012 15:33:27 GMT -5
The biometric gun safes are only big enough for a handgun, and they are only about $100. It could be a really good solution for the migraine meds. I thought it before I saw the suggestion posted.
Another thing you might want to consider, but costs money - have you thought about getting a professional organizer for a day or two. They can help you sort through stuff, and often can help clarify what you need and want vs. what you just have. Plus, they babysit you and move you along. They might be able to suggest products that maybe you haven't thought of - maybe there is a cheaper solution for locking the pain meds that will be easier to manage with debilitating pain. Etc.
Something to think about. As I said, it will cost you - so if you are thinking in true YM fashion "I can clean my own basement. I don't need to pay someone to help me" - I understand.
An alternative might be to recruit a couple of trusted friends or family. Ask them to come over and help you clean a section. Given them a specific amount of time, or plan to take a certain amount of stuff from the basement to a different area to work through the boxes. Sometimes I feel if there is someone, anyone, checking up on me, I tend to procrastinate a lot less.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on May 8, 2012 15:39:39 GMT -5
I can totally understand the frustration. I think it will make things easier in the long run, though... most people are babyproof as you go types and (at least in my house) it took a few pinched fingers and table corners to the face before everything was properly secured I can see the advantage of having everything already in place, but the getting there has to be a PITA! I baby proofed over a period of years actually. It is a little different with a baby though. A baby is almost a blob when it is born. they literally cant do anything or go anywhere without being carried. So it is not like you have to worry about them getting into the medicine cabinetfor a while. If someone is looking to adopt, the child could be a baby, but they could be older. An older child could get into things right away so baby proofing before they come is a good thing. Besides my kids were almost 10 lbs at birth I REFUSE to even think about how big they would have been as toddlers!
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on May 8, 2012 16:14:49 GMT -5
I wish you the best Shanendoah! My coworker who adopted last year, is going to be bringing home another child within the week. This was definitely a last minute thing. He had to get medical approvals last week, and was told that his blood pressure was a little high - you think?!?
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 16:19:47 GMT -5
MidJD: I don't mind doing the stuff I'd have to do anyway, even though it has to be done in advance. The biggest frustrations are with the things that no one would ever think of requiring of birth parents. No one makes them go through a background check (even if they should). And some of this stuff is standard for all adoptions- not just ones from foster care. My friends who did a private adoption from a family member had to buy a lockbox for their fridge because she had medication that had to be refrigerated.
sarah: Actually, I'm living proof that fingerprints can change. Last time I was fingerprinted (when I almost joined the Peace Corps), I hadn't tried to remove the tip of one of my fingers with a mandolin slicer. If all you had was that fingerprint, no way could you match it to one of my earlier ones. But for foster licensing and the such, they have state mandated timelines. If it takes too long for a child to be placed with us, or an adoption to be finalized, we'll have to retake the longest training because we actually took it 2 years ago when we were first considering adoption, and it is only good for 3 or 4 years. June 1 doesn't quite work. There's a LOT of stuff, and I work full time and DH is in school full time with finals coming up. I do want to set some specific goals to have completed by Memorial Day Weekend though, so that we can take a day trip with no guilt. I'm guessing our final deadline will be set for mid-June, to give us a couple weeks of DH not being in classes.
goldenrulegirl Thank you. The cedar chest does have a hinge that holds it open, but also has a lock, so that the kid won't be able to open it on their own, anyway. Pictures of babies won't motivate me. I like babies, but am perfectly happy to hand them back. Now, if I posted pictures of my friends' toddlers everywhere, that would probably motivate me. ;D For those who are wondering- my preference is 2 or older. DH's preference is under 2. We are both open to either given the right match. However, since he will be the primary care giver, his preference is given precedence.
Thyme: I appreciate the suggestion, though I doubt we'll take it. Not because of the YM "I can clean out my own basement" but because DH's mom died only 2 months ago tomorrw. I am not going to, nor do I think anyone should, force him to get rid of things he's not ready to get rid of yet. Everything else he's pretty motivated to deal with, so we're really doing quite well. Our roommate is DH's best friend for the last 20 years, so he's been a tremendous help through this already. I think it will help a lot once we're able to do a dumpr run- that should give us quite a bit more space to work with, and once we're able to move one of the giant bookshelves we've been using for garage shelving into the finished room in the basement and get stuff put on it. I'll talk to DH about a biometric handgun safe and see what he thinks. Though I really do need to keep some space for my clothes, which is why I like getting a two drawer filing cabinet. Our house has pitiful closet space.
beachbum: I really don't mind babyproofing. That doesn't bother me at all. But somethings are silly. A steak knife is going to be much more dangerous to a toddler than DH's fencing sword- which is too heavy for a toddler to get out of the scabbard. But I have to make sure the sword is locked up or placed out of reach, while there are no rules about steak knives. (Though we will be baby proofing the drawer that knives are kept in.)
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 8, 2012 16:21:50 GMT -5
reader: Yeah, I'd think mine would be high, too. At least it's soon enough that their homestudy and everything else is still good and they don't have to go through that process again.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on May 8, 2012 17:52:34 GMT -5
Shane I put those things on the utensil drawer that you have to push down as you are opening them to keep the kids out of the knives. The funny part is that by about 4 they could open the drawer faster than DH. I have also known many a parent who looked at each other in the hospital as they packed up if the hospital was really going to just let them leave with a brand new little baby. ;D The drawer locks looked like this kind. They are way harder to open when they are on a drawer than a cabinet though! www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/90148691/
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 9, 2012 11:06:20 GMT -5
beachbum: That's what I was planning on for the knife drawer and the upstairs drawer where we keep a couple screw drivers and allen wrenches. (I hate having to run downstairs to get a tool if something just needs to be tightened.)
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on May 9, 2012 11:28:42 GMT -5
What happens if DH gets a bad migraine while he's alone with the baby? Can he manage if he takes the medicine or is it more that he needs to take the medicine and lie down for a few hours?
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 9, 2012 11:39:14 GMT -5
skubikky: DH's meds are really good. They work best if he can take one and go back to sleep for an hour or so, but that's not required. In general, he recognizes the pre-migraine stage and takes a pill then, preventing the migraine from ever fully developing. However, if things were really bad, again, I work 3 miles from home. I can be home in 10 minutes. If it ever got so bad DH was having problems functioning, he would call me and I would come home.
As a note, another thing birth parents don't have to do that adoptive parents do- we both had to have a full medical evaluation from our doctor where they write if they think there are any medical problems that would prevent us from being "good" parents. DH's migraines are a well controlled chronic condition that do not prevent him from leading a full life.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2012 11:50:38 GMT -5
Do you guys have unscheduled home visits? If not - I'd only bother locking up the migraine meds when the social worker was coming over. Then you can just do what you need to do to keep YOUR child safe - not the hypothetical foster care checklist baby.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on May 9, 2012 12:21:42 GMT -5
I wouldn't leave it out all. But it doesn't seem unreasonable to just keep 1 dose of the migraine medication out in a high location. I imagine that a single dose wouldn't be enough to OD a child big enough to find & reach it. But, then I'm guessing they are probably really strict on this stuff & maybe even that is not allowed.
I know the list probably seems like a pain, but it makes sense that you would have to do it. When you raise kids from birth you have time to figure out their personalities, what they might get in to, & then to baby-proof & train accordingly. Bring in a new kid that is a toddler or older & you have no idea if they are a climber & can get anything or if they like to put everything they find in their mouth.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2012 12:22:43 GMT -5
Congrats Shanen! For the lockbox, all I needed was one from the local hardware store. It is intended to stop accidental medicine dosage, not keep out a determined teen or something. As long as it locks and a toddler can't open it, it's good. They aren't that expensive.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 9, 2012 14:02:48 GMT -5
craftysarah: Right now, we don't have any unscheduled home visits. However, if we adopt out of foster care, at any time after the child comes into our home and before the adoption is finalized, there can be unscheduled home visits. If we adopt via infant relinquishment (birth parents giving us their child) then the foster care system isn't involved, and even if it takes a few months to finalize the adoption, there won't be unscheduled home visits. We do not have to have everything locked up NOW. We just have to show that it is in a place where it can be locked up.
Angel: DH's preferance is for an infant, so we will hopefully have that time, too. However, foster licensing requires that we be prepared for anything. I honestly don't mind baby proofing. All families probably should do that. I just hate the "prove it" aspect, and the over the top cautionary aspect. I get why they are there- but logically understanding something doesn't equal emotionally accepting it.
Later: Thank you! I figure a fairly inexpensive locking file cabinet or two should work. We buy everything CostCo size, so the little lock boxes they sell at Home Depot and Lowes just aren't big enough to hold the vitamin bottles and the ibuprofen, or DH's 3 month supply of migraine meds.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2012 21:21:54 GMT -5
I just read everything thoroughly and I want to say don't try to circumvent the rules. I have to renovate the basement in my new house because the bedrooms down there don't have windows. If I wasn't dealing with CAS I probably wouldn't bother. I had a dream the other night of having a fire and one of the girls couldn't get out and the other one got badly burned. Oh God! I never want to be responsible for that! Swords are like toys and kids are more likely to play pirate with them than they are with a kitchen knife. And we are more cautious with the knives. I bet there are some parents with kids that got hurt or killed that wish someone had put them through our checklists.
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Post by moxie on May 9, 2012 22:03:47 GMT -5
"The plan is to be able to pull an old entertainment center that currently holds junk in that room out and replace it with the cedar chest. Then, we can put the extra quilts and blankets we have (most of them hand made by one or the other of my grandmothers) in there."
*That cedar chest could be a suffocation risk if a small child cannot push the lid up. Make sure strings on window treatments are wrapped on a hook up high out of toddler's reach.
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Post by moxie on May 9, 2012 22:05:14 GMT -5
I'll keep an eye on your alcohol...
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Post by moxie on May 9, 2012 22:07:32 GMT -5
Did you mention safety plugs for electrical outlets? Check corners of any furniture/tables for sharp edges.
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