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Post by stillontheroad on Jan 25, 2011 10:44:30 GMT -5
I will say that with new banking regulations, it is much harder to have a joint account. There are things that my husband can log-on and do, which I can't see. So, if he logs on and pays a bill, it won't show up as a pending payment. It only shows up after the payment goes through. So, yes, we have paid the same bill twice. We use to just have a single log-on. We are still working out the new system. Wow, that's crazy. Why can't you have a single log-on? That's what my wife and I have for our joint accounts and it works fine. My wife and I only have joint accounts (and actually opened them when we moved in together about two years before we got married). It's just easier that way, especially for checking. We don't have a fixed amount of "fun money" individually, but neither of us freak out if one wants to buy a little something every now and then. We only have individual credit cards - we've never really felt the need to add each other as authorized users, plus it makes birthday/Christmas shopping easier.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 25, 2011 10:47:48 GMT -5
DF says he wants to do it the way he had it before with #1. Deposits into a joint account that he never uses as he uses his business account and I pay the bills from that. He can't wait to bill paying on me because right now he is handling the house and the business and he wants to get out from under the house one.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jan 25, 2011 10:55:20 GMT -5
Dh and I just got married last August. I'm 30, he's 34. We went back and forth coming up with a system that would work for us.
Right now, we each put a percentage of our pay checks into a joint account. We use percentage because the difference in our pay is over $10,000 a year, so asking us to both put the same amount is not exactly fair. we put in the same percentage so the burdon is equal. that goes to rent/car/ins/groceries/utilities/etc. out of what is left, some goes to our joint savings, and the rest goes to our private accounts. we have all credit cards/student loan debt etc. seperate and we pay our own private bills out of our own $$. and we have our own fun money.
This eliminates having to question purchases and justify spending. If i want new shoes, and have the money in my account, i can get them, and i don't have to justify what i spent to DH... or vice versa.
so far, it's worked pretty well for us in the last 5 months.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jan 25, 2011 10:58:37 GMT -5
I'm surprised so many people keep money separate. Seems very strange to me. Why pay bills out of 2 different accounts when you can just combine the accounts and pay out of one? If you're worried about the spouse, I would think it'd be more worrying to divide up responsibilities and each have their own pot of cash. seems strange to me to just throw all the money in one account.
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Post by daennera on Jan 25, 2011 11:25:23 GMT -5
I'm 27 and DF is 33. Although there are no wedding plans for the future, we also have no intention on leaving one another. I kinda like the idea that he sticks around because he wants to, not because a divorce would be too messy.
Anyways, we have everything separate. Nothing is joint; no credit cards, no accounts, no property. We each pay certain bills so that it comes out roughly equal for household expenses. He pays for the cell phones, pet expenses, internet and food. I pay all the utilities. He does give me money each month toward the mortgage, but that is the only money exchange that happens between us.
It works for us. Nobody's harping anyone about money. We do talk quite a bit about it though, and he has his 401K and I have my rental (one day to be rentals). We are on the same page about where we're going in life, but we each have different ideas about how to get there. He prefers more passive less risky investments (401K is in an Index Fund). While I prefer the more riskier more hands on stuff (individual stocks and real estate) It kinda has an interesting diversifying effect that I don't think we could have accomplished if we had consciously tried to.
He also manages money differently in the day to day than I do. I go to the bank and withdraw cash to pay for all the expenses and bills. He uses his debit card and keeps receipts and then balances his checkbook every week. I can honestly say I have never balanced a checkbook in my life. He also uses online bill pay to pay bills; I use money orders (free) or I pay some of the bills at the check cashing place. He doesn't mind not having an accurate balance on his account to the minute, whereas I do.
Also, we know that if something (god forbid) happens to one of us, the other will not be touched. If I were to get really ill and we had to declare bankruptcy, we could start all over on his credit while mine recovered. If it was necessary, I could also then qualify for medicaid and other government programs that would allow us to keep his wealth in tact. It's a kind of "not putting all the eggs in one basket" approach.
Of course he is the beneficiary on all my accounts and property as I am on his. But our own personal finances would not be greatly interrupted if one of us were to pass.
Does this allow us to make decisions that other doesn't agree with? Sure it does. I about had a heart attach sitting in the dealership watching him sign a 5 year, 6% auto loan with zero down. But hey, it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. As long as the important obligations are taken care of, he's free to do what he wants.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 25, 2011 11:32:28 GMT -5
DH and I toss everything into one joint checking, and I direct it from there. It only works because I'm in charge.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Jan 25, 2011 12:19:54 GMT -5
DF and I have a joint checking, joint savings and then our individual accounts. We put an equal amount into the joint checking to pay for household expenses and entertainment and I typically what is leftover at months end into the savings. We each have our personal checking/savings/investment accounts. Like others have said, works for us. It may change after we get married, but I'm not planning on it. Good luck whatever you decide! There is no wrong way, there's just your way.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Jan 25, 2011 12:32:38 GMT -5
DH and I are both 29. We have joint everything.
I handle the finances because I am better at it. I update DH every month as things are being paid. We spend mostly on the AmEx so we don't worry about someone taking the last 100 out of checking without telling the other. Neither of us spends a lot and a lot of what we spend we don't clear with each other beforehand. We both have good paying jobs and have the same financial goals so it isn't a problem. DH is military so at least half of the time he is not in the home. I don't know how this might change once he is just a civilian.
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Post by caddy on Jan 25, 2011 13:00:01 GMT -5
Right now, we each put a percentage of our pay checks into a joint account. We use percentage because the difference in our pay is over $10,000 a year, so asking us to both put the same amount is not exactly fair. we put in the same percentage so the burdon is equal. that goes to rent/car/ins/groceries/utilities/etc. out of what is left, some goes to our joint savings, and the rest goes to our private accounts. We do EXACTLY the same thing as sarcasticgirl. We sum all the fixed expenses and each pay in proportion with our net income.
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Post by kdice on Jan 25, 2011 13:09:38 GMT -5
Interesting to read what everyone does, I'll add a few things I haven't seen here yet.
Background: Both 37 y.o., been married 13 years, have joint everything.
A few things we do: He monitors accounts on a daily/weekly basis and pays bills I do a bi-monthly summary of all of our finances (essentially a networth calculation) that keeps me in the loop.
We have set $100 as a limit that if we want to spend more than that on one thing, we run it by the other (not really permission as much as giving a chance to discuss). Obviously that number could be adjusted up or down, but neither of us spend much or buy expensive things, so that works for us.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Jan 25, 2011 14:56:40 GMT -5
Married 38 years. Always everything joint, all accounts, all cars, homes, credit cards. I guess because that was the way our parents did. We are generally on the same page on spending and saving. Some years my income was highest, most years his was as I went part time when the kids were small. We used to sit down together to pay bills, now mostly auto pay. I spend a little more frivolously. When we were young and things were tighter this occasionally was a issue. Mostly just "do you really need to stop for coffee every morning?' kind of thing. Now we are quite comfortable and he knows he isn't going to change me so I hear no complaints. (I used to get the "do you know how much a year that coffee is costing?'" My answer now is "do you know how few minutes I have to work to pay for it?")
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Post by justwhoever on Jan 25, 2011 16:07:56 GMT -5
Joint bank. Everything else is in Dh's name only because when we bought the house and van he was the only one working.
Works for us.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 25, 2011 16:14:56 GMT -5
I'm surprised so many people keep money separate. Seems very strange to me. Why pay bills out of 2 different accounts when you can just combine the accounts and pay out of one? Our separate accounts are for discretionary spending. Our joint account is for our day to day living expenses. He has an expensive (wasteful, imo) hobby - a 1938 Plymouth he is building into a hotrod. Frankly I don't even want to know how much he spends on it. It's his only interest and he has a monthly allowance for it. If I saw, everyday, how much was spent on it, I'd probably blow a gasket. OTOH, I have grandkids and (in his opinion) I spend too much on them. But it comes out of my own discretionary account, so he doesn't care. We rarely argue about money and I think the two separate accounts are one reason.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jan 25, 2011 16:27:34 GMT -5
I'm surprised so many people keep money separate. Seems very strange to me. Why pay bills out of 2 different accounts when you can just combine the accounts and pay out of one?
It works for us because we've only been together for four years and we got together after each of us had been married before and had been divorced a long time. We are older (I'm 63 and he's 55), so we're pretty set in our ways after living alone for so long. We each have our retirement accounts (401K, etc.) so that's not an issue. I suppose if we were much younger we would probably have joint accounts, but we don't and probably never will.
I had a bad experience with an ex who controlled all the money (and subsequently me) and don't want anyone other than me controlling my money. DH also tends to be a spender, so I like that I can control how my money is spent or saved and I don't want to worry about his spending or saving.
That said, we do talk about saving goals and our spending - we just have different styles and this is what works for us.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 25, 2011 16:48:39 GMT -5
DF and I have been talking about things in much more of a "household" sense, but retain our separate accounts and our "pay me a flat fee, I'll administer everything" approach. We have decided to focus the bulk of her money on reducing debt, and saving for the wedding, while the bulk of my money continues to fund our living.
She really has no expenses of her own anymore, so this approach puts the household on the soundest footing.
We hope to be able to avoid the "ask for permission if an expenditure is over <x>" because neither of us like politicking. But its also understood we wouldn't drop a few hundred "just because" without the other at least knowing.
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Post by craig on Jan 25, 2011 17:39:34 GMT -5
My wife and I have our checks direct deposited into a joint account. From this account all bills are paid online. Every pay period we have a set amount deposited into each others checking (separate checking but still joint) from the joint account. She pays for daycare, groceries and gas and mine is pretty much gas and animal food.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2011 19:31:15 GMT -5
We hope to be able to avoid the "ask for permission if an expenditure is over <x>" because neither of us like politicking. In our case, it's not really asking permission or politicking. We try to balance saving, spending and giving it away and we trust each other's input. He loves it when I buy myself a new piece of jewelry or have a sport jacket made, but if I suddenly had a yen to visit the Trust Fund Baby shopping area and pick up a dozen pair of $400 shoes, he'd wonder what I was smoking, and whether I'd regret blowing that much money the next day. When he wanted to get a dental implant rather than a partial plate when a tooth holding up a bridge spanning a double gap had to be extracted, it wasn't the $5,000 that concerned me as much as the concern that if it went wrong it would be a disaster. After a little research, I felt better and his worked so well I ended up getting a couple a few years later. Similarly, I kinda choked when he wanted a $1,000 camera but he so rarely wants something that expensive I figured it was important to him. Good decision- he loves it and has taken wonderful pictures on our trips. So, as with the investment decisions, it's not permission as much as a "does this make sense to you?" test.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 25, 2011 20:27:02 GMT -5
I'm surprised so many people keep money separate. Seems very strange to me. Why pay bills out of 2 different accounts when you can just combine the accounts and pay out of one? If you're worried about the spouse, I would think it'd be more worrying to divide up responsibilities and each have their own pot of cash. Having a joint account seems strange to me. it works for you, great...it didn't work for me.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Jan 25, 2011 21:55:27 GMT -5
Having separate accounts isn't always about untrustworthy spouses. It's more often a question of balancing the level of control/autonomy each person in the marriage wants and needs to be happy.
My parents have had joint finances as long as I can remember. It's not pretty; my mother has spent most of those years as a SAH, and is alternately defensive and guilty about using their joint money. (Of course, my mother could keep a team of therapists busy for years, so maybe that's not the best example.)
misstequila: enjoyed your story about the separate RE purchase, but it reminded me that in some states, my parents' included, a married person can't individually buy/sell/own real estate.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 25, 2011 22:37:39 GMT -5
Having separate accounts isn't always about untrustworthy spouses. It's more often a question of balancing the level of control/autonomy each person in the marriage wants and needs to be happy. My parents have had joint finances as long as I can remember. It's not pretty; my mother has spent most of those years as a SAH, and is alternately defensive and guilty about using their joint money. (Of course, my mother could keep a team of therapists busy for years, so maybe that's not the best example.) misstequila: enjoyed your story about the separate RE purchase, but it reminded me that in some states, my parents' included, a married person can't individually buy/sell/own real estate. Funny that you should mention that. I just purchsed a house in Florida in October without an issue. I am closing this week and had a call from the attorney that was handling the closing (in Florida, the seller picks the title company instead of the buyer, like here in PA). Anyway, she tells me that Florida is a spousal state (I hope I'm getting that right, I was on my cell) and if my husband and I were to ever live in that house, he would gain spousal rights. She also said, if I were to sell the house the title company or attorney might force him to sign off on the deed! She said as long as he never lives there, he doesn't legally have to but some attorneys are forcing the issue because of liability reasons (other than my statement saying he never lived there, how can they prove it) I never heard of such a thing before today.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jan 25, 2011 22:46:52 GMT -5
Tina, that is exactly correct. It's so they can't claim homestead also. DH and I have always combined our finances. Even when we just lived together but didn't marry yet. We've been together almost 24 years now and it's never been an issue. I'm a genius with managing and investing our money and he's a genius making it. I've made some great deals in real estate too so it all balances out. I haven't worked in 11 years now. He knows it's all mine.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 25, 2011 22:53:31 GMT -5
Tina, that is exactly correct. It's so they can't claim homestead also. DH and I have always combined our finances. Even when we just lived together but didn't marry yet. We've been together almost 24 years now and it's never been an issue. I'm a genius with managing and investing our money and he's a genius making it. I've made some great deals in real estate too so it all balances out. I haven't worked in 11 years now. He knows it's all mine. LOL! We actually had joint finances for years, but we are so different that all we did was fight over money. I love my husband and he has a great job and makes a great salary, but I am all about building up cash flow so I don't HAVE to work. We are just fundamentally different in our thinking. It led to many huge battles and it just wasn't worth it. Now that our money is split, we answer only to ourselves and in two years, we have not had one fight over money. Yes, I told him he was an idiot for buying his "mid-life crisis mobile" and he calls me an idiot for buying houses that I will never seen...but it works for us
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 7:56:54 GMT -5
Now that our money is split, we answer only to ourselves and in two years, we have not had one fight over money. Yes, I told him he was an idiot for buying his "mid-life crisis mobile" and he calls me an idiot for buying houses that I will never seen...but it works for us This can backfire. Is he saving anything? If he isn't, what are you going to do when both of you are retired and he needs to replace his car or pay some high dental bills but his SS is enough for that? What if the furnace in your house needs replacing? If he doesn't have enough income or savings, you'll either have to freeze or fund it out of your savings. He could also end up with half the money in a divorce. My first husband was a spender. Separate finances helped, but since he never had a dime and had his ccs maxed out, I had to cough up the money when an emergency came up. What's really most important is somewhat similar priorities. If you have that, either joint or separate can work, depending on the temperamant of the couple. OTOH, if he's saving but just not at the rate you are, it may be OK. And don't let him call you an idiot.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jan 26, 2011 11:11:54 GMT -5
We also do a variation of "his, hers, and ours."
When we first lived together, we had a joint account for strictly joint expenses - rent, electric bill, phone bill, groceries. We paid for our cars separately and our car insurance separately. I paid for my student loans myself. Heck, even when we went out to eat we'd pay from our personal accounts (depending on the situation - who wanted to go out more, who was treating for someone's birthday, etc.). I can remember the first conversation we had - about 45 minutes - on whether to buy a candle holder out of the "joint account." At the time, we funded it equally - if we needed $1500 to cover bills for the next week, I'd put in $750 and he'd put in $750. Since our incomes were very different, yes, I ended up spending a larger percentage of my income covering "my half" of the joint expenses.
After we got married, we didn't change anything right away. Like many other posters, it evolved. After the cars we paid off, the next two cars we bought were paid out of our joint account. When we moved out of state and needed a new car insurance policy, we paid that out of joint. Eventually we reached a point where we were moving across the country with no jobs, and needed to float some money - we opened up our first joint credit card. We had been married for 2 years. After a period of unemployment, when we started to ramp up again we realized it would be easier to save for our goals to have all our money go into joint and a small amount into our personal accounts, rather than having all of the money go into our personal account and transfer just enough to cover the bills into joint. So we switched to that system. At this point, we had been married 3 years.
I really think the answer is what works for you. My parents opened a joint account right after they got married because "that's what your supposed to do." Three months later they had a huge fight because there wasn't enough money to pay rent - after 2 days, it turned out to be they yes, they had the money, but my father forgot to record a deposit in the register. They went out and got separate accounts the next day and have never had anything joint since, except that both names are on their mortgage/house. My father pays the mortgage and my mother pays everything else. No more money fights, and they've been married almost 40 years. My inlaws have joint eveyrthing, and they've also been married almost 40 years.
I'm more a personal finance nut, and DH is more of a spender, so this works for me. I know he has some credit card debt that I'm not happy about, but I don't think it's astonomically high (maybe $4K?) and I don't bother him over it. He gets his own allowance which is plenty high enough to pay it off in a year or so. I also don't bother him if he wants to buy a video game or grab coffee every day.
DH handled the joint finances for 5-6 years, but I took them over last year because I wanted to. I don't sit down and do monthly updates, but he's free to ask anytime, and we do talk a lot about whether we should put extra money towards the car loan or retirement, or what to do with a tax refund, etc. so he's not out in the cold.
I also strongly believe in having something in your own name. No one wants to think about divorce or death, but it happens.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 12:02:55 GMT -5
Married 12 years, always had joint accounts. I handle paying all the bills. We charge almost everything onto 1 rewards CC and pay it off every month. We haven't paid CC interest in 10 years.
We generally talk about purchases over $100 to make sure each is good with it.
We have an established budget that I maintain in Excel that is a guide - but not something we track to the $1.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 26, 2011 12:35:31 GMT -5
We had the joint for bills and then personal accounts but our bank started charging fees for having the personal ones open becuase they weren't seeing as much use as the joint account.
It's been easier too because DH doesn't keep track of his spending and would overdraft his account. Now he is accountable to me and I check our account at least once a week. So no overdrafting.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 26, 2011 14:11:59 GMT -5
...:::"DH also tends to be a spender, so I like that I can control how my money is spent or saved and I don't want to worry about his spending or saving.":::...
Question asked, question answered. From there it usually degenerates into "how could you marry someone you can't trust with money" and throw in a few "if you don't merge into one entity in every sense of the word, you aren't really married anyway."
...:::"So, as with the investment decisions, it's not permission as much as a "does this make sense to you?" test.":::...
Thats rosey, but eliminating the audit means that the fact I think purchasing yet another teenage vampire romance novel is stupid does not prevent me from getting a kitchen gadget that does something very similar to 3 other gadgets we have.
...:::"I kinda choked when he wanted a $1,000 camera but he so rarely wants something that expensive I figured it was important to him.":::...
Attn Men: the best way to sell this one to your wife is (if you have kids) to point out the great pictures you'll be able to get of the youngin's life. The quality of picture you get with a high end camera is simply unmatched. I always choke when someone says their $200 coolpix performs on par with an studio quality camera and lens.
That is good to know about the spousal state thing.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 14:30:28 GMT -5
Attn Men: the best way to sell this one to your wife is (if you have kids) to point out the great pictures you'll be able to get of the youngin's life. The quality of picture you get with a high end camera is simply unmatched. I always choke when someone says their $200 coolpix performs on par with an studio quality camera and lens. Our kids are grown (and no grandchildren yet), but I just figured it was important to him and it wouldn't break us. I actually have a Coolpix and he can get pictures that my camera just can't get. I went for portability and simplicity; he went for quality. Sometimes I get a great shot because we're someplace where he can't get to his camera fast enough or he didn't bring it! We're a good team.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 26, 2011 14:50:06 GMT -5
...:::"Our kids are grown (and no grandchildren yet), but I just figured it was important to him and it wouldn't break us.":::...
I wasn't being malicious. A friend of mine was able to get an expensive camera (and a $500 lens) by using the kid as justification. We all had a good chuckle about that.
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WannabeWealthy
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Post by WannabeWealthy on Jan 26, 2011 16:34:19 GMT -5
We have separate accounts as well. I have 3 credit cards in my name with her as an authorized user, but at this point, I'm paying all the bills. The advantage is that I get to buy whatever I want, whereas she has to ask me for what she wants. In any case, she just got a new job starting on Feb 14th, so she'll be putting her earnings in her own account and paying off her student loan and paying for whatever comes up there. She will also be saving for her retirement in her own account. Anything we want to buy as a family, we discuss it first (ie. furniture or anything pertaining to the house). I don't need to know about her hair appointments, going to the movies, or buying purses as long as it's from her own cash. Works for us - going on 14 years come Feb 15th. -M
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