Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 24, 2011 14:22:06 GMT -5
One more thing - look for Dave Ramsey's books. You are his target audience.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 24, 2011 14:28:46 GMT -5
"For the record, my hair is to the middle of my back and gets cut every 3 months. I recognize that it grows extremely fast and having a very short style is not feasible. Not that I need to justify it to the oh might ones."
I have long hair too and spent about that to get it cut well every three months or so. I totally understand how not fun it is to give stuff up. Looking at your budget, I've given up far more than you have and will probably continue to do so. I haven't had cable in more than 3 years, same with getting someone to cut my hair. It all depends what you want to accomplish and what you are willing to do to get there.
My entertainment budget in theory doesn't exist. In actuality it comes from my grocery money on those occasions I need to pay library fines. It can be challenging to listen to the advice posters choose to give. One thing to remember is what they say is based on what they believe to be true and how you choose to take it gives insight to you.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 24, 2011 14:39:53 GMT -5
Thanks, insurancegal; back atcha!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 24, 2011 14:45:32 GMT -5
I remember when InsuranceGal first came to the boards, looking for help. That was an extremely serious and desperate time for her. If my memory serves me right (this is from the old boards), she and hubby were down to only a few dollars. It's been amazing to see her come back from the brink; I know she had a difficult time making some very hard choices. There is free help available from the NFCC (National Federation for Credit Counseling). Their website is www.nfcc.org/and they are a not-for-profit company, with over 50 years experience and 850 offices in the US. Their goal is to sit down with people who need help getting out of debt and staying out. You can find a local office by checking their website. But I warn you, slate: this is not a company that will magically erase your debts. It's debt management and spending control. You will need to bring your budget, credit card info and other paperwork, and be prepared for a tough session. They will help you help yourself to set up a plan, but everything you know about finances and money will change. I've sent several people to our local office, and while not all have followed through, those who have say while the process hurt, it's the best thing they've done.
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cleanslate09
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Post by cleanslate09 on Jan 24, 2011 15:12:55 GMT -5
Gardeninggrandma - I love, love, love Dave Ramsey. I actually attended his FPU last year and have thought about going through it again since I have lifetime membership.
Optimist4Life - Well taken and I am listening to what people are posting and doing my best to filter it for useful information. I just go on the defense when people insinuate that I am going to take my parents down with me and have no consideration for them.
insurancegal - Stories of people that have made it through where I am is inspiring and pushes me to keep chipping away, even a $.25 a day extra can make a difference.
My only hesitation with generic versions of Zyrtec is because of the hives issue and the seriousness of it. If I go 24 hours without it, I break into hives and actually have had two trips to the hospital in my lifetime because of the hives outbreak. I just am afraid to try a generic version of something, only to have it not work and be left with something I can't use, more money spent on the Zyrtec and possible hospital trip.
Has anyone tried the generics of Zyrtec that might be able to comment? I seen that Walgreens (I think) had a buy one get one 50% off this week, so was going to stock up on it otherwise.
I know it appears that I am unappreciative and combative on things, but I really am taking things to heart and am making changes based upon feedback from here and other places. My parents know that I am struggling and my mom is aware of what is going on with Target.
In reality, I won't be filing bankruptcy because I feel it is the quitters way out. That said, I started this thread because at that moment in time, I was completely overwhelmed with what Target did and without any kind of give from them at the time, just felt like I was at a breaking point. I knew I wasn't the only one that has been at that breaking point and was looking for advice on it.
I still welcome the advice and right or wrong, I respect advice more from people that have been in my shoes and walked through it because they know how hard it is and what is like to come out on the other side. Ones that offer advice and don't have debt, never raced debt, well I don't know how they understand what it feels like to be that scared.
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cleanslate09
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Post by cleanslate09 on Jan 24, 2011 15:33:10 GMT -5
Insurancegal - I am so with you. If it wasn't for the CCs - I honestly wouldn't need a second income. I have always had CC debt, but it was never bad until the Ex came along. Every thing we bought was in my name. So far I am blessed in that my house, car and all the secured debt is either current or paid off. I don't even have an open card I can use. Once I needed a plane ticket home for my grandma's funeral and didn't have the money saved and no way to pay for it. I was blessed in my mom paid for it and I promptly paid her back.
Heck, that said the house I live in was a foreclosure that had no flooring in it when I moved in. After two years, my parents got tired of visiting and having to walk on wood and carpet, they paid for the flooring and hence, I why I have an IOU to them. So, definitely done without.
Honestly I would love to write a book about being at rock bottom and coming out on the other side some day!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 24, 2011 15:35:55 GMT -5
Insurance, you presented the realistic picture of what life is like living in the hole. I remember posters' reactions to your story, and how people (including myself) would contact Donna to see if you were OK when we did not hear from you. I'm proud to (virtually) know you. Many people think that bankruptcy clears the slate (well, in many aspects, it does) and they can just move on without making changes to their lives. I've seen this, too. Families with more than one bankruptcy, because lessons were not learned the first time. Slate, no one except you will know whether bankruptcy is or is not a good idea. Looking at all the options and choosing based on what will work for you once and for all is the key. Because your parents are involved in this, the process will be that much more painful the longer you wait. You did not arrive at this point in a short span of time, and you won't get out quickly, either.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 24, 2011 15:38:53 GMT -5
Insurancegal - I am so with you. If it wasn't for the CCs - I honestly wouldn't need a second income. I have always had CC debt, but it was never bad until the Ex came along. Every thing we bought was in my name. So far I am blessed in that my house, car and all the secured debt is either current or paid off. I don't even have an open card I can use. Once I needed a plane ticket home for my grandma's funeral and didn't have the money saved and no way to pay for it. I was blessed in my mom paid for it and I promptly paid her back. Heck, that said the house I live in was a foreclosure that had no flooring in it when I moved in. After two years, my parents got tired of visiting and having to walk on wood and carpet, they paid for the flooring and hence, I why I have an IOU to them. So, definitely done without. Honestly I would love to write a book about being at rock bottom and coming out on the other side some day! Cleanslate, after reading your story I think you really need to talk to a bankruptcy attorney. Cutting out cable, or DVR, or haircuts, or one dinner out really won't make that much difference with the amount of debt you have. Bankruptcy is there for a reason, use it.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jan 24, 2011 15:46:56 GMT -5
cleanslate-Keep your head up and make a plan for the next 6 yrs. Its going to take a long time to do this but when you are all done you will be in a much better place. We still don't know if BK is a good idea-sometimes it is and your credit is already trashed but I think Texas is one of those tricky states were when you own a house and you want to keep said house then BK isn't going to work as well-esp with your parents involved.
I would suggest posting regularly with your region and on the other "challenge threads" its going to be tough but you can do this with some rethinking and refocusing and a lot of calling. Unfortunately your biggest mistake wasn't what caused the debt but the credit consolidation company that preyed on you and made a bad situation a lot worse.
I hope you will be able to work through this situation and consider the good suggestions here that will mean lifestyle changes for a while but I think you really can do it if you want to. Also post BEFORE you make decisions-like signing up for debt things-a lot of people on here have been here done that and can help you make good choices. And there are the debt counselors-someone posted that info already.
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chicg
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Post by chicg on Jan 24, 2011 17:56:21 GMT -5
cleanslate - if it helps, my story is about a 615 credit score, $0 in the bank and $35K in debt, maxed out cc's, etc in 8/07 when I joined the racer thread. That day changed my life. Now my credit score is almost 800 and my debt will be paid by May and I have $4k in EF/savings. I've also been able to handle life's unexpecteds like frequent travel to visit sick family, car repairs, surgery for pet with cash. My advice is to absorb all the advice here, read different posts, even the ones you don't think apply to you. Sometimes I thought someone was so mean, then I realized there was validity in the words and maybe I needed to hear it blunt for it to sink in? I also thought that a mother in the country with a husband and a stockpile of free-from-coupons food in the garage couldn't possibly relate to my single, no pantry-for-stockpiles, expensive urban life but good spending advice is universal and I found myself applying things that others did to myself in ways that were applicable. It's not just about digging out of the hole but also how to sustain a lifetime of smart spending. People here are really insightful. That's what worked for me, it might not work for everyone but I can say that the advice of the posters was EXACTLY what I needed. They've been my cheering section ever since. If BK is what you need to do, don't feel like a failure, life happens. It looks like you should see what the laws are in your state, how it would affect your home, your parents, etc. Then go from there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2011 19:22:20 GMT -5
"For those of you that are stone throwers, keep throwing stones, all it does is fuel my fire to get rid of it." Geez ....
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Elderkind
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Post by Elderkind on Jan 24, 2011 19:57:38 GMT -5
WTF? When did this become Jeopardy? The statement that started all of this was the last line in your post They trusted you, and now you are going to drag them through the mud because you don't want to give up haircuts and cable. Nice. How is that beneficial to the OP? It's a rude, aggressive and inflammatory statement... And I think it falls under #'s 1 & 4 of your definition. You decided that her parents were going to be dragged through the mud because she won't give up haircuts or cable. None of the other posters came close to that statement and have been offering great advice. CleanSlate is a regular on the Southern Board and has been working her assets off to pay this debt down...
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 24, 2011 21:00:15 GMT -5
Elder, it's good that someone mentioned the fact that Cleanslate is a regular on another thread.
Because Cleanslate never brought up that fact.
No one can read her mind and know that she has been posting elsewhere. Sure, we could check her posting history, but you'd have to have a lot of time on your hands to think, "What else should I know about this person that they have not mentioned?"
Had she mentioned that in her first post, I'm not sure what the outcome of all this would have been. Fewer suggestions, perhaps, since most regulars, even from other boards, are aware of the WIR regional threads. Different suggestions might have been delivered differently, had people known she was working at this already.
I went back through this thread, looking to see if I missed the mention of her posting on the regional board. I cannot find it.
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naturallyfrugal
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Post by naturallyfrugal on Jan 24, 2011 21:11:57 GMT -5
I commented on the generic Zyrtec a few days ago....both my son and I use the generic Target versions of Zyrtec and Claritin and both work fine for us - no problems and no return of allergy problems and we both have bad allergies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2011 21:16:50 GMT -5
Cutting out cable, or DVR, or haircuts, or one dinner out really won't make that much difference with the amount of debt you have.
You really think so? We showed how she could cut at least 300$ from her budget... not counting getting a roomate or something... i don't think that's chump change... and could have a real impact, especially as it snowballs... my opinion at least.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jan 25, 2011 8:32:35 GMT -5
WTF? When did this become Jeopardy? The statement that started all of this was the last line in your post They trusted you, and now you are going to drag them through the mud because you don't want to give up haircuts and cable. Nice. How is that beneficial to the OP? It's a rude, aggressive and inflammatory statement... And I think it falls under #'s 1 & 4 of your definition. You decided that her parents were going to be dragged through the mud because she won't give up haircuts or cable. None of the other posters came close to that statement and have been offering great advice. CleanSlate is a regular on the Southern Board and has been working her assets off to pay this debt down... I stated the definition of judgment so that this could remain a conversation of facts. In life we can't just twist the meanings of words to fit our needs during conversation, or our argument will not be perceived as valid. Fact: OP has stated that her parents co-signed her mortgage Fact: OP has stated that she is looking at bankruptcy (well, was when she started this thread. Looks like she is going to try to avoid that now. Good for her!) Fact: OP has stated unwilling to cut cable/haircuts/meals out/clothing/personal care/etc... Not a thing I said was a judgment. Everything I said was derived from OP's statements. It doesn't fit any parts of my definition, because I didn't decide that bankruptcy would also hurt her parents, that is the law. It isn't a personal conclusion that I felt would be just, it is the actual reality of what would happen. OP has not been forthcoming with all of the facts, so it has been hard to know what she is/isn't doing. I'm glad she's working her "assets" off to pay down the debt, but if she was looking at BK, cable would still have to go, as would a few other luxuries. That is my point. Anyhow, this conversation is moot. Op, I'm glad you were able to work something out so that you do not have to file bankruptcy. I hope that in the future you aren't in this situation again, as it seems to be a very stressful thing for you. Good luck to you!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 25, 2011 12:22:26 GMT -5
Agreed, insurance. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, I believe in changes large and small. The small changes may be the easiest, but the most frustrating, because they take the longest to add up. But as you pointed out, putting them together over a year's time is big. I found that out through coupons and rebates, to the tune of $10,000 over three years. Not a lot of money on the surface, but it's money in my EF that was not there before, and certainly money I did not need to spend.
The big changes are the hardest, because they are the ones that impact our lives the most, and the ones that others tend to notice when we make them. I've adopted a hard line when it comes to worrying about what others think when it comes to my hair or clothes or shopping habits or what's in my lunchbox. I simply ignore them. That's not to say it hasn't gotten to me in the past.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 25, 2011 12:26:46 GMT -5
Cutting out cable, or DVR, or haircuts, or one dinner out really won't make that much difference with the amount of debt you have. You really think so? We showed how she could cut at least 300$ from her budget... not counting getting a roomate or something... i don't think that's chump change... and could have a real impact, especially as it snowballs... my opinion at least. I'm with Oped. When thinking about cutting expenses, even temporarily, to catch up/get out of debt/save up for something, it helps to look at expenses on an annual basis. When I was struggling last year, the things I cut totaled approx $10,000/year, and I shared the excitement and experience on the old boards. So, if the OP cut $300/mo, that would total $3,600/year. That's a chunk of change to put toward that cc debt! I just don't understand ppl who say they are having $$ issues, but then are unwilling to make any changes. My thoughts are, if you are not, then shut it! After running the numbers and what she can cut out and considering the interest rates, I think she's not going to be able to dig herself out of the hole. $3600 a year on $35,000 of debt at 30% interest isn't going to cut it. She made choices, she has to live with them. However, bankruptcy is there for a reason and she really should consider using it. If she finds herself in the same financial hole a few years later, well, she didnt' learn anything and is doomed to a life of financial craptitude. If she really has her act together, bankruptcy will allow her a fresh start.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 25, 2011 12:31:45 GMT -5
Thank you!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 25, 2011 12:34:38 GMT -5
I write a local column about frugal living, and so help me, Swamp, I am going to find a way to use that phrase. If Mr. Webster does not have it in his book, he should.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 25, 2011 12:39:49 GMT -5
I write a local column about frugal living, and so help me, Swamp, I am going to find a way to use that phrase. If Mr. Webster does not have it in his book, he should. Cool! Are you gonna cite me?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 25, 2011 12:43:29 GMT -5
Yes, I would never accept credit for something I did not create. And I would use your board moniker, if you were OK with it being used.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 25, 2011 12:45:00 GMT -5
Yes, I would never accept credit for something I did not create. And I would use your board moniker, if you were OK with it being used. No problem.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jan 25, 2011 12:48:15 GMT -5
The statement about the $90 monthly personal care money doesn't make sense if you are only getting a haircut every three months. Maybe that money is going somewhere else? Try writing every thing down each week and look at it closely, to find where your money goes. i don't get this at all. even with the allergy medication... i have long curly hair that needs a lot of product, and i use several semi-high end cosmetics, and i don't spend $90 per month or even $60/month. this would be the first place i'd examine and see what i could cut. $50 entertainment would be my next cut... there are a million different ways to entertain myself for free. If it were between giving up movies or what have you or bankruptcy... i'd give that up... especially if i have internet and cable (though i'd get rid of cable in a heart beat) $55/month for a pet? I'm not sure what those cost include. we have a boston terrier and certainly don't spend that much per month on his food. lastly... you could decrease the food bill. There are always ways to save there. especially if you live alone. Sure, it may not want to be what you WANT to do (I didn't want to live on Ramen and Blue Box mac n cheese in college, but i did it anyway) and to answer a question, I buy the generic version of Zyrtec. it has essentially the same ingredients, it works exactly the same for me. my Dr. actually recommended it to me.
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merryheart
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Post by merryheart on Jan 25, 2011 13:09:18 GMT -5
Clean, I understand the thoughts of some of the posters here about you budget but I also understand that some things are different depending on where you live and what you do to earn your money.
You might be able to reduce some of the personal spending by couponing if you have the time. Since you already work 2 jobs that may not be doable. Still, see if you can find the Sunday coupons somewhere that you don't have to pay for them. Papers aren't expensive but there is a beginning cost to get the coupons.
Also, things may have changed but if you were to file bankruptcy you did not automatically lose your house in Texas. Texas used to protect your house under its bankruptcy laws. It might be worth checking through some legal services to find out.
Being in Texas myself, the costs you have listed for insurance and registrations look very low. I live on the outskirts of one of the major metropolitan areas and car costs are not cheap and public transportation is not good. It does make things difficult.
On the eating out budget, I understand that your company expects you to be able to eat out at times - can you get reimbursed for those? If they expect it, they should be reimbursing you unless it is those "forced" office lunches out. I hate those and it is hard to get out of them but maybe you can bow out of them every so often.
Don't get discouraged from some of the posts - remember that everyone's circumstances are different. Read the responses and cull the useful information that you can. You have had a victory with the Target bill. Keep taking it one day at a time and let us know how you are doing.
MH
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cleanslate09
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Post by cleanslate09 on Jan 25, 2011 13:13:35 GMT -5
Scarcasticgirl - The personal care is the category that I am examining the hardiest right now. I use this for a catch all for hair cuts, laundry detergent, toiletries, etc. I think that at the end of the day, it was higher because I ran out of money in my flexible spending account last year and was using it for allergy shots as well.
The pet car is overstated by $5 a month. I think I posted it on the other board and I have two Wheaten Terriers who both have sensitive stomachs. After spending tons of money on vet bills, shots, etc, I found the problem is solved with a limited ingredient dog food. They get carrots for treats. Of course, none of it was known before I ever got them. (For those of you that so much as suggest I get rid of the dogs, I wouldn't tell you to get rid of your kids, so save your time.) The $5 extra I use towards any vet bills they would have.
I have cut my budget for resturants and entertainment but left a little money in there. At the end of the day, I still go on dates and do things with my friends. Without budgeting for it, I just end up stealing from elsewhere and end up with numbers off.
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naturallyfrugal
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Post by naturallyfrugal on Jan 25, 2011 18:47:59 GMT -5
Before anyone says anything, I totally understand not wanting to sacrifice the amount spent on your dogs. When I was going through a somewhat similar situation, I did choose to buy my yorkie food before buying my own. Fortunately, he was a small dog and didn't eat much but it was a sacrifice that I was willing to make. I'd much rather do without than him, so I understand your stance on that.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Jan 25, 2011 21:42:02 GMT -5
I actually thought your amount for your pets was very reasonable. I think I spent that much last year and I get everything VERY discounted (since I am the Vet That doesn't incl the horse though, the horse is 300/mos all by itself! eta-yep I checked 70/mos last year for food etc-doesn't incl toys. for the four little ones-good thing I budget 80/mos for them I said it before but it is going to take lots of time and patience and determination but slowly you can get through this as long as you keep your head up and don't ignore any bill just because it is to much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 1:48:30 GMT -5
cleanslate, first I have to say you're braver than me; even though I joined the racers a couple of years ago, I never shared all the details because my business was my business. I had mountains of both CC debt and medical debt for my kids. I was so stressed out it was affecting my mental and physical health. I also lurked on YM and when I read the responses to other posters I would think "Cut this, go without that........... these people have got to be crazy".
I went through a lot of drama until I finally realized I had to get my priorities straight. I put every single expense I had on the table....... for possible elimination or reduction. EVERYTHING, including my housing costs. As I went through each expense I considered the potential cost to my financial security and whether it was worth it. I realized that a lot of the things I didn't want to give up actually added little to NO value to my life. I was paying a big cable bill and I don't even watch tv. I was paying for bells and whistles that I didn't even use on my home and cell phones. And on and on.
The advice that seemed so crazy (and mean) at first, started to make good sense to me. I had to let some stuff go and change my whole way of thinking about money if I wanted to improve my financial future.
I sucked it up and went without a lot of things for a little over a year. Then I had to be brutally honest with myself......... I needed to file bankruptcy, even though I hated the idea. I'd made a huge mess and I really wanted to fix it. I'd agreed to pay these people and in my world, my word is my bond. My integrity was at stake. But I just couldn't make it work and my creditors weren't playing nice. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made in my life.
I KNOW that if I hadn't gone through that miserable year, I wouldn't have learned what I needed to know. I'd blamed my problems on the medical debt, but the truth was that I was a financial disaster waiting to happen, long before the medical debt. I was the problem, not my income.
All that to say, look beyond the words that tick you off..... and look for the truth in what the posters are saying to you. In my mind these people were uppity, self righteous; they hadn't walked in my shoes and they didn't understand that shit just happens sometimes. But that didn't change the truth in their advice. Today I'm grateful for it. It may not have come across sweetly, but there's been a lot of the truth in this thread. And a lot of options that may seem nuts, but may be your only way out. I speak from experience. Good luck!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 1:54:52 GMT -5
"$3600 a year on $35,000 of debt "
3600 EXTRA... she's already paying 688 a month... so its an EXTRA 3600, (totalling over 11K a year) and that was the beginning...
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