Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 19, 2011 10:35:05 GMT -5
But the troubling part of the initial story is that the person borrowed $4,000 for liposuction and then immediately commented that she couldn't afford to send her child to an expensive camp. At some point, that would make me wonder how her overall budget is ... since my recommendation would be (of course) to save up money beforehand and pay cash for elective cosmetic procedures.
That troubled me a lot as well. In the past she's commented on how they'll never get out of debt.... it's always something..... when she said she financed the lipo, I pretty much decided that she simply had a different point of view financially and nothing I said was going to make any difference.
debthaven is right. We are in different places. My kids are grown (I struggled financially raising them as a single mom.) The only camp they went to was a very affordable YMCA camp. I'm quite a bit older, retired while she's still working (and she's not going to be able to retire in her 60's). But still.... our perspectives are so different.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2011 16:31:45 GMT -5
I feel sorry for your friend. It sounds like she is stressed from the debt, feels terrible about her appearance, and may feel slightly bad about the opportunities she's not providing her kid. It's not easy to live like that.
A friend of mine who is in terrible financial straits, a single mom to two young sons, is using a windfall payment to pay for a boob job. It's a foolish decision but she feels so terribly about how she looks and has so little self worth that the choice to have the surgery feels right to her.
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Post by readsalot on Jan 19, 2011 16:50:52 GMT -5
"well, now that you have E and B, you don't need anything else". Yeah, whatever. Lena Read more: notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=finance&action=display&thread=1835#ixzz1BWK3xDvR>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. I'm not saying mothers should give up everything for their kids, but I truly don't understand not wanting to. THAT is what makes me happy in life. If I wanted something and had the money I would get it, do it, etc. But TRULY making my kids lives wonderful (and I don't just mean 'stuff') IS what I want. Not judging, just saying this is really how I feel. |
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 19, 2011 16:53:42 GMT -5
Here we are lambasting a mother for spending too much on the child.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2011 17:03:30 GMT -5
"give up everything for their kids, but I truly don't understand not wanting to."
You really can't understand someone NOT wanting to give up everything for their kids? .... You really would want to give up everythig about you that is you, every minute of free time, every desire, every dessert, every book, every bubble bath, every night out, every weekend alone?...
Who would your chlidren be, if you so ceased to exist, that your entire life was an extension of, for and about them?... How would that be healthy?...
And i'm the still SAH, homeschooling mom... who makes lots of choices on a daily basis to do what i think is best for my kids, because i agree, i'm selfish in that what i do for them often makes me happy, or at least makes me feel like i'm doing the job i'm supposed to be doing... but they don't fullfill all of me... i wouldn't want to place them under that kind of burden... there are things i would never give up for myself... and i don't feel bad at all about that.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 19, 2011 17:20:46 GMT -5
The big issue is that she financed liposuction. Really, that is the what is wrong with the other mother.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 19, 2011 17:26:58 GMT -5
This whole argument about being a bad mother or having bad priorities because someone chooses to do something for themselves rather than wasting money on things their kids don't need is kind of ridiculous. If people really felt this way then no one would ever buy themselves a new outfit because there's always some overpriced experience they could buy for their kid instead.
I'm guessing you didn't eat gruel and water while raising your kids, wearing clothes made from bark, and living in a one room shack just so you could spend every free dime on overpriced meaningless experiences for your kids. I might spend $30K on a car, that doesn't mean if I refuse to spend $10k on a supercomputer for my kids that I'm a bad parent even though their education is more important than me having a shiny new car.
The priority is spending stuff on you think is worth the price. Whether you spend $4k on lipo or not has nothing to do with whether you think $1k for a camp that a child could replicate on their own for free is a lot of money for what you're getting.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 19, 2011 17:34:19 GMT -5
Here we are lambasting a mother for spending too much on the child. I don't think anyone cares how much someone spends on the child, it's the idea that "well i overspent on some meaningless experience so that should be everyone else's priority also or else you're a bad parent". Spend a billion dollars on sending your kid to the moon to look for alien life, but dont' throw a hissy fit when I choose to spend $1,000 on a new couch rather than send my kid to learn basketweaving by a bunch of college kids. |
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 19, 2011 17:36:49 GMT -5
I think the real crux of this is, don't trust your friends, because if you confide in them, they will harshly judge you behind your back.
Well, maybe not all friends.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 19, 2011 17:40:57 GMT -5
I think the real crux of this is, don't trust your friends, because if you confide in them, they will harshly judge you behind your back. Well, maybe not all friends. Can we also add "Don't tell your friends how you spend your money, because everyone else knows how you should spend your money much better than you do and you will never make the right choices"? |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2011 17:45:32 GMT -5
Just to be clear, i wouldn't finance a boob job and not send my kid to camp... but that doesn't equate to me being willing to give up everything in order to do more for them...
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 19, 2011 17:54:14 GMT -5
Just to be clear, i wouldn't finance a boob job and not send my kid to camp... but that doesn't equate to me being willing to give up everything in order to do more for them... If you thought the boob job was worth it and the camp was not, I dont' think that means you're a bad parent. Heck lets ignore the "financing" aspect since the real question is how you spend your money. I think a lot of people think this woman is foolish for going into debt for cosmetic surgery. It's no different though if she had $4k to pay for it, and chose not to send her kid to computer camp. The real question is "do you think it's worth it to send your kid to computer camp for a week for $1k?". But if you want people to agree with you that this woman is wrong, you just throw in an unrelated aspect of her life you think people will agree with. If I say "I told this guy I know that he should buy his kid $200 basketball shoes and he said that was too much money on shoes" you'd all agree. If i want to get you on my side then I say "This guy I know bought a brand new car for $30K last year and financed it all at 12% but he says $200 for basketball shoes for his kid is too expensive...can you believe his priorities?" It's nothing more than trying to paint someone in a specific light by one statement so that your next statement is more likely to be agreed with. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2011 18:05:36 GMT -5
Maybe i can get one boob done... and send him to a cheaper camp?... I was just saying, priority wise, i'd choose camp over elective, cosmetic surgery... just me... but that doesn't mean i'd always choose them over me, or that i feel i need to...  |
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Post by debtheaven on Jan 19, 2011 18:52:30 GMT -5
The priority is spending stuff on you think is worth the price.
This. But that's what I find so fascinating about these discussions, how everybody has their own (different) priorities.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Jan 19, 2011 18:52:41 GMT -5
I knew a mother who had her kids complain that she just didn't want them to have anything.
She had a nice home built so they each had a nice bedroom and bought them things she wanted them to have. She bought them health food and treated them decent but not everything they wanted.
She saved her money for retirement instead of indulging every want. When the oldest was 18 she financed a condo for her, the little one went to college I assume mom helped. Now the oldest is going to college and has a son her mom helps with. Mom retired but is working part time in her 50's.
She was selfish to want early retirement instead of a happy childhood for the girls. She was a mean mother but probably a decent grandmother since she loves the little guy. Maybe she doesn't think kids need everything they might want to have a happy childhood, but I know the girls were unhappy hearing no.
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