tired of being responsible

[tea4me]

Do you ever get tired of being financially responsible?
It seems like I work and work and work just to stay ahead. I don't think I will quit being responsible, but sometimes I imagine how much fun it would be if I only spent my money on fun things (not mortgage, utilities, taxes, IRA etc.)

But . . . I don't want to go into debt so I will keep being responsible.

[Deleted]

Yup.

Sometimes I think my brother has the right idea as to the way to live life, but no changing that now.

[swamp]

Yes I do. I'm also tired of being responsible in general, and want someone to take care of me for a change.

[Deleted]

Not really..
we've been at it so long, it's routine, automatic.

[sheilaincali]

I get tired of being responsible every day. Every time my loser brother buys a new laptop (while my parents are paying his mortgage) Every time my sister blows $500 at Kohls (regularly) on clothes she doesn't need. Every day I get tried of being the mature, responsible one in the family. Of course I am able to sleep at night and look myself in the mirror and not feel like a loser so I guess it all evens out in the end.

[tea4me]

I have been responsible and independent for about 25 years. It's just lately I have been getting sick of it.
This is bad, but I get those feeling when I see other people that don't have to work as hard. They get things handed to them by their parents or significant others.

[cronewitch]

I do too, I have been responsible since I was a kid and am tired of it. When I was married my husband took care of me at least in his mind. He was 17 years older and I met him when I was 18 so he was experienced in things I was new at and I knew he could figure things out. So we could be dead broke and homeless but I didn't need to worry. Once we were down to 20 cents and no place to live or jobs on a Friday night before memorial day in Miami Beach. I knew he was going to take care of it. We started walking door to door to any businesses open on a Friday night looking for work. I waited outside when he went in to a Chinese restaurant to ask for work. He came out with a full meal of food and a job offer for the morning for both of us to scrub the kitchen. He also got the owner to let us sleep in our car behind the restaurant and a dish washing job for him and waitress job for me starting Tuesday when they were firing the current dishwasher. We were paid daily so after the first day could get a motel room. He sold our dog for $10 to a police detective at the police station. He said that was the best way to sell a dog so they don't think it was stolen. Our dog was a husky we brought from Alaska and we couldn't leave it in the car or take it in the motel so we sold it to someone with a yard and other dogs.

I liked having someone that could and would take care of me but it got old moving and not having anything. It was good to see that with some willingness to do what needs done you can always land on your feet. But he was controlling and became abusive so I had to leave him. I really like being my own person not needing someone to take care of me. It would be good to have a back up in case I couldn't. My boyfriend claims he would but he doesn't have the drive to even fix his own issues. When unemployed and he can't pay his own bills he never can figure out how to hustle to find money. I suggest he do things like lawn care, we have a utility trailer, mower, thatcher, rototiller, and hand tools he could put up some fliers and have money by the next day, but like our Trolls he can't, won't, isn't about to do something he doesn't want to do. So I take care of me and let him take care of himself. But when I had a biopsy he said if I got cancer he would support me even if he had to work two jobs so his heart is in the right place, I just don't want to count on him. Maybe he would step up if needed.

[Urban Chicago]

I really do get tired of it. Especially when I realize that the irresponsible ones probably won't be punished too much later on.

I seriously doubt we're going to have hoards of homeless elderly who planned on only social security.

[suziq38]

I have always been responsible.
My DH is very capable of earning a living, so since the 90's, 2 children to raise and a FIL paralyzed on one side from 2 major strokes, I have been relying on him and working part time.

We had shared family goals, so it all worked out.

Now the kids are grown and doing well, and FIL passed away in 2002.

I basically am responsible but do what ever I want. I feel like a child again, actually.

This is nice, because my parents were alcoholics and fighting all the time when I was younger.
I always had to hold it together for the rest of the family.
I never felt I had much of a childhood, as the family always relied on me to help them get through whatever tough situation they had.

IT is nice to be in my 50's and give myself the childhood that I needed and wanted.

I don't do anything I don't want to do at this point.

Maybe I am experiencing a midlife crisis.


YAY.

[swamp]

Jan 18, 2011 9:54:11 GMT -5 Urban Chicago said:

I really do get tired of it. Especially when I realize that the irresponsible ones probably won't be punished too much later on.

I seriously doubt we're going to have hoards of homeless elderly who planned on only social security.

The won't be "punished" as in jailed, but living on welfare is punishment in and of itself, IMHO.

I don't want to be restricted as to what food I can buy with food stamps.

I don't want to be restricted as to what doctors I can see like I would be if I was on Medicaid.

I don't want to worry about running out of propane to heat my house like I would if I was on home heating assistance.

I don't want to be told what assets I can have before I qualify for certain programs.

I don't see living the welfare queen life as something to aspire to.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

Where I shop, Shop Rite, I routinely see individuals paying for their groceries with food stamps. I hardly see any restrictions in the piles of groceries on the counter.(ETA)...and it is all nationally advertised brands.
As far as medical care, we are already moving towards govt controlled and govt managed health care.
We are already where you say you do not want to be.

[pushingit]

I agree with Swamp. The day of reckoning will come. They might not recognize it themselves, but you will and you'll be rewarded for your responsibility.

[cael]

I've had arguments with DF before about money (mostly just me b****** about us saving more) where he gets mad and tells me I'm a money nazi and I worry too much about it, and I tell him I'd be happy to let him take on the responsibility of the rent and the other bills. He thinks I'm kidding, but I'm not. Sometimes I would really rather not be the responsible one. But, such is life. One of us needs to do it, and I'm incrementally better with money than he is, so that's how it is.

Better this than the welfare queen alternative, no thank you.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

I agree with Swamp. The day of reckoning will come. They might not recognize it themselves, but you will and you'll be rewarded for your responsibility.

The day of reckoning will be for those who have diligently put money away for retirement in 401Ks, IRAs, Roths, etc., and will see the fed govt levying wealth taxes on the amounts in your retirement plans, to generate badly needed funding to cover SS for the needy(who did not save).
The middle class has 10s of trillions sitting in retirement accounts. It is ripe for being taxed.

[Deleted]

I was married to Mr. Irresponsible. Bills were a joke to him; how stupid of the cc companies to believe his promises to pay. He owed money to a lot of small businesses in town-I stopped frequenting them. He ran up long-distance phone calls pursuing useless business leads that added up to over $2,000. Our phone service was cut off. Well, I could never answer incoming calls anyway because it might be a creditor. It was all I could do to keep the mortgage and the utilities paid and buy groceries and clothes. Fortunately, other than the mortgage our finances were separate.

When we divorced, he walked out with $100K tax-free and with no debts. He was on public assistance after 2 years and last year he died at age 64, having finally destroyed his liver through alcohol abuse. I remarried, DS is doing fine, we have a wonderful house, and DH and I go to Europe every year. In business class. We don't have any real financial worries-with the level of savings we have, if I were permanently unemployed tomorrow we'd do OK although we'd have to cut way back on the luxuries. (DH is 72 and already getting SS.)

I'm getting a bit tired of the 6:30 alarm Monday through Friday morning but I've seen the consequences of irresponsibility up close and personal. I'm staying the course.

[alabamagal]

I have been responsible all my life. Worked 20 years for one company then laid off (plant closed), collected UE for 3 months, found one low paying (for me) job worked at it, got better job and 4 months ago get even better job at 80% of previous pay. I am thankful for it. DH runs a business, it is all ours, has its ups and downs. We have never been on government assistance (I consider the 3 months unemployment to be paid by company). Have 3 kids in private school. We juggle finances every day, but manage to get by, overall I am happy with where we are.

But some days when I am in line at the grocery store, worry about how much my food bill is going to run up to, with my half buggy of groceries, and then I see the person in front of me with a full cart of brand name groceries pulls out the food stamp card, I wonder why I am working so hard to pay my own way!

[steph08]

Yes, I do get tired of it sometimes. I want a new car and I want to go to Europe but neither are happening anytime soon. It really sucks being the one always worrying about money. I wish my husband knew how much time and effort I put into money matters. But that is a vent for another time.

I remind myself that I am doing this so he can finish off his bachelor's degree and get a better job instead of spending another ten years in factory life. Some day I will get a newer car and a vacation and a nicer house, but for now I guess I will keep on chugging along in my 15 year old car, in my small house not in Europe. And because of my job I can get my master's for basically nothing and put away 20% a year for retirement instead of being like my friends who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up (at 25).

But sometimes I feel, at 25, that I need to live a little but I don't have any debt now and don't plan on ever having any credit card debt.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I feel it too sometimes. I got really irritated watching the news where they were talking about some banks levving fees on debit/check card use. Their reasoning was the new federal laws. I was ticked because the stupid people the laws are now protecting just keep on getting away with what they are doing. Meanwhile responsible people like me and DH are going to be nickle and dimed to death by our banks because they can't recoup the money from the people they should be recouping it from.

It's really frustrating to be responsible but watch all the stupid people get the breaks and have the costs of the breaks passed down to me.

[Deleted]

Not really. It beats the alternative, as Swamp outlines.

I've been around financial train wrecks and very well could have joined the ranks at one point had I not wised up when I was young. No way would I chose that kind of life!

[Firebird]

No, not really.

At the end of the day I would always, ALWAYS rather be one of the responsible "suckers" than the kind of person that always tries to bilk the system, mooch off others, and avoid responsibility.

Sure, it's not always fun-- but at the end of the day, I know that I am largely responsible for everything I have, good and bad. The irresponsible people will never know how truly gratifying it is to own your life and be the master of your own destiny.

[swamp]

Jan 18, 2011 10:05:24 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Where I shop, Shop Rite, I routinely see individuals paying for their groceries with food stamps. I hardly see any restrictions in the piles of groceries on the counter.(ETA)...and it is all nationally advertised brands.
As far as medical care, we are already moving towards govt controlled and govt managed health care.
We are already where you say you do not want to be.

If I want to order a pizza or chinese, I can. If I want to go to a restaurant, I do. Last time I checked, you can't use food stamps at restaurants.

We are moving towards managed healthcare, but I still have way more options than someone on Medicaid.

[iono1]

I've been irresponsible & I've enjoyed things better than if I had been responsible. I'm single, so I can get away with more than a married guy can. I never tried to "live below my means" or any other sacrifices. One reason is because I chose a job with a pension, so I didn't have to do anything like put away money in a 401k and then see it going up & down. I made more money than I needed and I spent it. I've been to Super Bowls, bought expensive cars and live in a house that is fine for me.
There are no right and wrong answers. Everything is based on how much you make & how much you spend. If you make more than you spend and have retirement covered, you can do things that others can't. As long as I'm comfortable, don't owe anything, and always pay my bills on time, there's no benefit for doing things that others would label "responsible".

[bobbysgirl]

Like most of you I was born responsible. I think, at this time in life, it was a blessing. The common thread here is adversity made us wise up. The end result will be whatever someone puts into it.

Savior is right about the taxing on retirement funds. I'd bet a buck three eighty that they're just waiting until the biggest amount can be had in revenue.

[Poppet]

Tired of being responsible?
I couldn't be irresponsible in the ways being described here if I tried.
It's just not in me to be a flake, a mooch, a n'er do well.
Although I was a little impressed with Cronewitch's story about her hustling man. Finding job, food, and car shelter was impressive in a weird way.

[Gardening Grandma]

Do you ever get tired of being financially responsible?

No, it's just ingrained. But if I were constantly at odds with an irresponsible SO, I'd get tired of having to be the only responsible one.

[ca]

I've just started to let myself splurge now. I still save $1000/month net on top of retirement savings (20.5% gross directly) but everything else I don't care how frivolous, I just spend it. Even though I could be much more frugal and probably should. IE, I went to Australia for 2 weeks in November just for fun, then to Montreal and Austin in December to visit friends and family, and now booked a relaxing holiday in Grand Cayman in February. I can afford these trips but I don't need them at all. I am also shopping like crazy on Amazon.com, buying clutter. Personal finance no nos, but I am happy!

[Deleted]

Another thought I had on this: we don't see the whole story when we see food stamp beneficiaries splurging on junk food, birthday cakes and name brand foods at the beginning of the month. It could be a feast/famine routine. By the end of the month the refrigerator is empty and they're waiting in line at the food pantry. I suspect that when the food stamp cards get replenished, they buy all the good stuff because they've been deprived so "I deserve it". (Sound familiar?)

One area of responsibility that's important to me is retirement. There are way too many people counting on qualifying for Medicaid to pay for their nursing homes, and planning on subsidized senior housing. The people in my family live into their 90s. I do not want to be cooped up in an apartment watching reality TV shows, nor do I want to be in a nursing home where they put me in an adult diaper, strap me into a wheelchair and plop me in front of the TV. Of course that's not how all Medicaid NH patients end up, but the better nursing homes take only a small % of Medicaid patients and thus can afford better services because they have more residents paying the sticker price. I don't want to have to beg when I'm old.

[illinicheme]

I wouldn't say I get tired of being responsible, because I'm fortunate enough to earn enough income that even being responsible leaves me plenty of leftover money for a reasonable number of monthly luxuries/splurges (cable, smartphone, eating out without paying much attention to spend, etc.). I don't usually spend much time in my life feeling deprived.

However, we've recently splurged a bit on our new home (new carpet, some new furniture, new appliances, nice garage cabinets, etc.). We could be saving the money, but we're in our early thirties and are at the point where we'd like to start replacing the grad school holdovers with nicer stuff. Our total spend will be ~$10,000. Well worth it at this point to get our home set-up the way we'd like. We'll go back into savings mode after we purchase a couple of additional furniture pieces. (ETA: The furniture we're looking at is things like a ~$800 couch, a ~$600 entertainment center to replace the one that is visibly sagging in the middle, etc.)

[busymom]

Sure, for short periods of time I get tired of being responsible. But all it takes is the latest bad news of a coworkers woes, & I feel better about being me! (And no, I don't have all the toys that some family & friends have, but at least the bills get paid on time.)

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"...be in my 50's...midlife crisis.":::...

You mean we have to deal with you for 50 more years! javascript:adds("%20%20")

...:::"But if I were constantly at odds with an irresponsible SO, I'd get tired of having to be the only responsible one.":::...

Early in our relationship, I felt this way with DF. Thanks to some growing up though, we've altered course on some older bad habits (overconsumption, overspending) and are moving in good directions of simplification, decluttering, and saving.

Since I had very responsible parents, I was taught that tomorrow DOES come. I definitely have my "Buzz Killington" traits.