Adventures in Attempting to get Healthy - Failure

[KaraBoo]

Well - here's my description of my first day at the gym yesterday. Apparantly, my family thought it was hillarious, so I thought I would share with you.

PS - I am serious about working out - but I couldn't resist making a few twists in my story.

[KaraBoo]

OwOwOw!!!

So….

I decided since we’re going on a cruise in December, I needed to get my fat booty in shape (What!?! Round and covered in cellulite isn’t shapely enough??).

Yeah…..

I’m now wondering what was I thinking!! LOL!! I decided I was going to sign up for the fitness center here at work (no biggie, I was signed up before). I decided it wasn’t that much more to sign up the family, so I did. I decided that the only time I really have to work out was before work.

Yeah…..okay….I can do this…..

Get my fat booty out of bed at 4:00am this morning. Stagger into the fitness center at 5:05am to go through my “assessment” appointment at 5:15am. I’m only sitting at 33% BMI (I’m positive about 15% of that is in my boobs – yeah, I’m going with that….my ass can’t be that fat!!). I’m supposed to be at work between 6:30am and 7:00am. Assessment appointment lasted over 30 minutes, so I only got to work out for about 30 minutes before I have to jump in the shower and get ready for work.

The workout floor is full of senior citizens (okay, so there was only about 10-15 of them crazier than me to be up that early) and every one of them is in better shape than I am!! I jumped on a treadmill next to this little old lady who was just going to town on that machine!! I can’t let her see how out of shape I am (after all, no one else can see the shape I really am except for me when I look in a mirror), so I ramp the treadmill up to the speed I think she’s walking at. I go slowly, beep by beep as I want her to think I’m just warming up. I had to stop several beeps short of her machine, simply because I’m afraid I’m going to be flung backwards off the damn thing!! Good God!! How do these old people walk that fast!?!

Good news is I was able to walk 1.5 miles before I had to stop for the morning. Bad news is it took me almost 30 minutes to walk that. So starts my quest to become a decently lighter weight before December…….

I’m now sitting at my desk, massaging my calf muscles, praying my alarm clock breaks between now and 4:00am tomorrow morning.

[pig]

Hang in there. It gets a lot easier if you stick with it. You've set a very realistic goal if you're aiming for December. Keep us posted and good luck!

[KaraBoo]

Thanks! I am keeping it realistic. I have 37 weeks before my cruise. I'm hoping I average at least 1 pound lost per week, so a weight loss goal of 40 pounds isn't unrealistic. I'm attempting to be conservative though and will be happy if I lose 30 (I'll be ecstatic if it's more).

I really need to lose closer to 60 pounds to be at my high-school weight (which is still 20 pounds more than the recommended "ideal" weight for my height). I figure if I was 145 in high school, when I was working out 5 days a week, and a minimum of 2 hours per day with the dance company I was in - 145 is pretty darn good 20 years later too....

[KaraBoo]

Today's entry:

MEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEP - What is that god-awful screeching sound? ACK!! It’s my alarm! Why-oh-why did the alarm-clock gods not send it to a fiery virgin death by volcano yesterday like I prayed? Oh yeah – I gotta believe in them first….dagnabbit!! Always some fine print no one tells you about. Drag my butt out of bed, made it to the Fitness Center (FC) by the 5am open. YAWN – why am I here again?

Volunteer at the desk is way too chipper for this time of the morning. I guess she’s got to be since she volunteers to torture herself by being here by 5am.

Same Senior Citizen Brigade (SCB) is here on their treadmills. I think they’ve marked their territory. I decide to steer clear of them this morning – they don’t look too cheerful. Can you blame them? It’s 5AM!! I spy an open elliptical machine and make my way over to it. The crazed-looking-demon-possessed-woman that was on it yesterday going 90 miles to nothing is nowhere to be seen. I think I’m safe to get on it for now. They say the elliptical is just like a treadmill, only lower impact on your joints. Since my shins and calves are still crying in pain, I figure what the heck.

After 5 minutes on the elliptical, I thought I was going to die – lower impact my ass!!! My ass never hurts like this when walking on a treadmill, but let me tell you – my gluts are screaming!! I promised myself a huge reward if I held out 10 minutes. During those extra 5 minutes, I noticed a note on the machine to walk backwards for targeting other muscles. So, I decided I made it that far, 5 more minutes shouldn’t kill me going backwards. WRONG!! OMG!! Going backwards is a slow form of torture the US Army needs to add to its array! Forced myself to go 5 minutes anyway at a much slower speed. Once done with that, my body felt all weird, so I figured going forward again might fix that.

Went another 5 minutes before finally calling it quits – 20 minutes on the elliptical….not bad – TAKE THAT OLD PEOPLE!! Stepped off the machine and almost fell on my face – thankfully, the SCB was happily jogging to nowhere and had their backs turned to me. My legs felt like spaghetti. Managed not to make a fool of myself and staggered around the walking lap God-knows how many laps trying to get feeling back in my legs.

Finally plopped down on the rowing machine and figured I would be fine since I was sitting. Me and my bright ideas thought I would do 5 minutes holding the bars the standard way and then 5 minutes switching my hands to also be doing curls with my arms. Made it the full 5 minutes without breaking a sweat before switching to curls. Yeah…..I discovered I can only do about 2.5 minutes of curls before my arms give away…. Did you know the rowing strap makes a zipping/whirring/smacking sound that sounds like a bottle rocket took off before exploding on the plastic housing? Welp – neither did I until now. None of the members of SCB had a heart-attack….but I did get about 13 evil-eyes from them. The crazed-looking-demon-possessed-woman was back on the elliptical that I had vacated shortly before her arrival and I swear she was cackling at me. I regained my composure as best I could and went back to rowing normally. I did make it a full 20 minutes on the rowing machine all together….so I don’t think I was too horrid looking….

I now type day 2 of this log with only the index finger of my right hand. I’m having to use my left hand to raise it up and let it drop on each key as using all ten fingers is just too painful to use at one time. I’m ever so grateful to my boss for allowing me to have a chair with wheels on it….now….would someone please give me a push down the hall towards the bathroom?

[cael]

Good luck! Sounds like me on my first week doing boot camp at 5:30, and I am nothing remotely resembling a morning person. I was in so much pain the second day I was seriously not walking straight. Keep it up, it just gets easier!

[KaraBoo]

Good pain...umm....yeah....let's go with that.....

[pig]

There are a few things you can do to allievate your workout pain. Try them, they work!

1. It helps to take in quick digesting protein immediately after your workout, such as whey.
2. Do light high rep exercise for the painful muscle. So if your calves are sore do some sets of bodyweight calf raises.
3. Stretching and massage with a sports cream (only temporary though)
4. A good cardio session seems to losen everything up.

[KaraBoo]

I'm not currently in as much pain as I expected to be. So, it's either A) I'm in better shape than I thought I was, B) I won't be able to move at all tomorrow from delayed pain, or C) I'm not working out as hard as I think I am.

I'm trying desperately to convince myself it's A.

I do have a follow-up appointment with the trainer on Friday morning. I'm going to have him go through the weight machines with me at that time - until then, I'm sticking with the other machines for now (treadmill, elliptical, rowing machine, stationary bike). I'm trying to talk with work about letting me come in a little later than 7am. There are some cardio classes that early in the morning, but I would be late to work if I take them.

[Sum Dum Gai]

LOL!

Reminds me of the day after my first free weight squat and deadlift workout. My legs felt pretty much fine when I got out of bed that morning, but when I tried to sit on the toilet they completely gave out on me about halfway down. We lived in a second floor condo at the time, and I seriously thought I was going to kill myself trying to get down the stairs. Every time my knees would bend more than about twenty degrees my legs would just collapse like a puppet with it's strings cut. When I got to work I got to go upstairs instead, and that's when I noticed the pain. I'd never even thought about how many stairs I walk up or down on a normal day. When it hurts going up, and you're not sure you're capable of going down without falling on your face, you notice every single one!

[Deleted]

Good luck to you.

[azphx1972]

;D Thanks for the hilarious read. Kudos to you! I am always so impressed by the beginners at the gym, especially the ones that have been sedentary and are returning to an active lifestyle. To have the courage to take that initial step, and then the determination to stick with it, is both inspirational and something to be proud about. Keep it up!

[KaraBoo]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone!

I'm determined to get this weight off. I lost 20 pounds over a year ago when I stayed home PRN (only working occassionally) and I didn't do anything special. I just didn't sit down all day like I do at work. I've since gained all of that weight back in less than 9 months when I came back to work full time.

DH has his first assessment with the trainer tomorrow. That should be interesting as DH is in much worse shape than I am. I'm not normally a nagger, but I've had to nag him about making the appointment and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to nag him about going. I wouldn't normally do this, but his weight coming off is much more critical than mine - both of his parents died early in life - one from a stroke (dad at age 48), the other from heart disease (mom at age 55) and he has a history of diabetes in his family as well. Every bad health mark you can have, he basically has.

I've reminded him that his dad didn't get to see his grandchildren be born or grow up. DH is only about 5 years away from his oldest possibly having kids of her own. That hasn't motivated him. Even teasing him that I already have plans for the life insurance money hasn't given him any motivation.....I love DH - if I have to nag him about this to keep him around longer, so be it.

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<I’m now sitting at my desk, massaging my calf muscles, praying my alarm clock breaks between now and 4:00am tomorrow morning.>>

Do you stretch out before you begin your routine? I always feel like I got hit by a train the next day if I don't.

[chiver78]

Mar 29, 2011 17:24:47 GMT -5 Mad Dawg Wiccan said:

<<I’m now sitting at my desk, massaging my calf muscles, praying my alarm clock breaks between now and 4:00am tomorrow morning.>>

Do you stretch out before you begin your routine? I always feel like I got hit by a train the next day if I don't.

ditto this. the boot camp program I've been doing the past couple summers starts each day's session with "dynamic stretching" and closes each session with "static stretching" for about 10 minutes each. static is what most people think of as stretching - controlled movement to a held position. dynamic stretching is exactly what it sounds like - movement. think arm circles, walking lunges, walking like "Frankenstein", etc. all of these things are motion to get the blood flowing first thing in the morning, as well as movements of specific body parts intending to stretch out those muscles.

keep up the great work! I need to get off my duff, too. my cruise is 30 days from today. I have no illusions about getting to my own ideal weight between now and then, but I would like to tone up a bit. I've got about 30 to lose, or two clothing sizes. I know that I will gain weight/slow the weight loss as I regain muscle mass. I don't think it's at all unreasonable for my next (planned) cruise in March 2012.

[KaraBoo]

Adventures in Exercising - Day 3:

4:00am…..

4:10am…..

4:20am…..

4:30am……Oh CRAP!! I’m supposed to be leaving for the gym right NOW!! The snooze button is an evil, evil invention. Every muscle in the lower half of my body is screaming at me. I try to sit down to put my shoes on and half-way to the couch my legs collapse beneath me. Sheer will-power is making, no forcing, my body to go through the motions to leave for the gym.

Arrive at the gym – thank GOD for small miracles – chipper, happy, bubbly volunteer lady isn’t there today. Instead, it’s the employee who checked me in on Monday still looking every bit as exhausted as I feel. Oh no, that smile of hers isn’t fooling me - she’s just hiding it better behind her makeup, brushed hair, and clean teeth. I’M ON TO YOU!!

Back on the work out floor – the SCB isn’t here in full force like the last 2 days. Either the episode with the rowing machine yesterday actually did give them a delayed heart-attack like I feared it would or some of them are not as fanatical as they look and stayed home. This means there are several more treadmills open than normal. I pick one on the end, furthest away from the little old lady that is still going to town from day one, and hope no one notices me.

Once on the treadmill and I’m on my way, I suddenly realize no one’s been on it at all the last 2 days and I know why – the display is partially broken. So – it looks like I’m only doing half a lap walking instead of a full lap and tells me I’m going 2 mph instead of the 2.8 mph I was really doing. Great! Even the machines are laughing at me now. At least I can walk in peace…..

ARGH!!! At least 6 other machines are open and which one does the marathon runner pick to work out on??? The…one...right...next...to...me...

There is no God.

20 minutes later – after running non-stop, the runner finally jumps off to go who knows where – probably to bench press a horse – and leaves me in peace – for a whole quarter of a lap. Enter The Trainer. The Trainer must think I’m not doing enough because even though I feel like I’m turning blue and gasping for air, he insists on talking to me. Not just talking, but asking questions that it’s very apparent that he wants answers to. I tried giving just one-two syllable answers – uh-huh, sure, yeah, grunt, hiccup – you know…..the standards….but he wasn’t happy with those and kept at it. He finally wanders away, but I notice he’s still keeping an eye on me……maybe I really am turning blue…..

I manage 2 miles on the treadmill before I finally give up (at least, I think that’s what the display is saying). That’s it….stick a fork in me…..I’m done for the day.

I WILL get through this – even if it kills me……



You all will be at my funeral – right? Right?

<<Grumbling under breath….they’re all probably off laughing at me somewhere right now like the treadmills were…..>> HUMPH!!

[Sum Dum Gai]

Much inspirational.

[KaraBoo]

Mar 29, 2011 17:24:47 GMT -5 Mad Dawg Wiccan said:

<<I’m now sitting at my desk, massaging my calf muscles, praying my alarm clock breaks between now and 4:00am tomorrow morning.>>

Do you stretch out before you begin your routine? I always feel like I got hit by a train the next day if I don't.

I do some light stretching and walk almost 1/4 mile before entering into the gym. The gym is on the same property as my work, but where I park and where the gym is located is up a slight incline and about 1/4 mile away. I figure that's a pretty good warm up routine. So, reality is I walked over 2 1/4 miles today.

I think my shins are hurting (slightly still) because I was walking too fast on the treadmill on Monday from what I am use to. I was trying to match the little old lady's speed and I'm pretty sure I over did it. I slowed my speed down some for today's walk and my shins are feeling much better.

Now, my thighs on the other hand - those are in pain - probably from the elliptical yesterday. My abs and arms aren't hurting as bad as I expected from the rowing machine, but we'll see how they feel tomorrow.

[azphx1972]

I love these! Keep writing, and maybe you'll have enough material for a humorous slant of an exercise book once you've reached your goals. ;D

[flopsy]

this reminds me of my first gym experience. i joined a gym with my athletic sister because it would get her a discount to the fancy brand new gym and we commuted fairly often so we could hit the gym together after work. hey since we were joining a gym why not get a few sessions with a personal trainer to really get things going? i have never been in as much pain as that guy put me through. my legs hurt so bad i thought they wouldn't hold up my body weight, my arms hurt to bad that i had a hard time writing let alone opening doors, and my core and glutes were a mass of pain. as for the cardio... i had to work seriously hard to get down to a 10 minute mile. "are you supposed to run that slow?" i still don't enjoy it but i've gained a lot of muscle memory and some muscle over the past two years so i've accomplished something.

[flopsy]

good luck and stick with it! also remember to do plenty of squats and lunges for a great looking booty

[Epiphany]

Mar 30, 2011 13:19:47 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

20 minutes later – after running non-stop, the runner finally jumps off to go who knows where – probably to bench press a horse

Ok I seriously LOL at this! I love your writings about your experiences. It is ssssoooo true. I just wanted to offer encouragement that it does get easier. Ok not the morning thing, that time of the morning is never going to get better, but in a week or two you will notice that you aren't as sore and winded, that you can last the time you set out for yourself without pausing, and that you can maybe even think of increasing some aspect of the workout.

I currently have jello arms from typing from doing body pump class at lunch...

[Deleted]

LOL. You're writing is quite humorous. Keep up the good work and it will get easier.

[KaraBoo]

Day 4 - LATE



Do you know what it is like to be LATE? Not just a few minutes late, but LATE late?

I suddenly realize I’m hitting the snooze button and look at the clock – 4:50am. At this time of the morning for the last 3 days, I’m in the vehicle driving up to the FC or already parked waiting on the front doors to open. For some reason, my mind has now made the connection that I HAVE to be at work by 5:00am. Not because of the workouts, but because I HAVE TO BE THERE – it’s MANDATORY!! Would you not agree I’m a little OCD in this manner?? In instances like this, it’s a blessing. Trying to herd family to conform to my inner clock workings is another story for another blog.

Out the door by 4:55am (thankfully, I already have my bag packed), jump in the car and race down the road, knowing it’s 11 miles and takes 20 minutes to get there. About 2 miles down the highway, I realize I’m doing 80 mph, speeding!, to get to a non-existent MANDATORY appointment…..an appointment that only exists in my head. I suddenly LOL with the thought of how I would explain that to the cop….”I’m sorry officer, yes, I know I was speeding. Why? Because I HAVE to be at the FC 10 minutes ago. What’s the emergency? My ass is the emergency! Do you see how big it is?” Somehow, I don’t think he would buy it…..now a female cop just might. I can see it now – she lets me off with a warning citing sympathy pains.

I look at the clock and realize….it’s only 5am on the vehicle dash and I’m 3 miles from the FC. I finally remember, through the sleep deprived fog I’m driving in, my alarm clock is set 10 minutes fast so I can take advantage of the snooze button. I slow down some more and attempt to assure my OCD mind that showing up 5-10 minutes after the opening isn’t the crisis my brain is screaming at me that it is. At least I didn’t use the excuse of waking up late to avoid the pain I’m still in…..

Walking into the FC, I’m positive I look like a penguin. I can only take short, shuffling steps and I feel like I’m waddling back and forth due to the pain that has settled into my right thigh muscle. Finally get on the workout floor at 5:13am….whew! Not as bad as I just knew it was going to be. Loosen up, stretch, get on the broken treadmill I was on yesterday and start walking. I look around and realize – the gym is practically empty, no Senior Citizen Brigade, no little old lady going to town on the treadmill, no crazed elliptical lady, no trainers I can see anywhere. The other treadmills where the SCB usually position themselves are empty. The few other people there besides me are also avoiding the line of treadmills. They stand silent and it’s a little disconcerting.

Where is everyone? I don’t know any of the people here today (not like I knew the others – but it was comforting to see them there every day)! Where are the other crazy people like me? <<SOB!!>> I’M ALL ALONE!!

Somehow, the workout didn’t seem complete without everyone else there this morning. I’m not sure my heart was in it today…..

[azphx1972]

I'm so loving your posts you have no idea! It's one of the highlights of my work day. ;D

I've also observed that the gym is extremely busy at the beginning of the week, but traffic slowly dies down as the week progresses. I'm not exactly sure why that is, but I assume it's because people go to the gym on Mondays to make up for their excesses over the weekend.

Like you, I get a bit of my motivation from having others around who have like minded goals, but try not to let it get to you too much. Just remember, it'll be a lot easier for you come next Monday than it will be for them!

Keep up the excellent work!

[KaraBoo]

Aawww!! Thanks AZ!!

[KaraBoo]

Day 5 - System Error



Due to unforeseen circumstances, your regularly scheduled program will be delayed (probably until Monday).

We apologize in advance for any laughter withdrawals while our program director recovers from her 5th day of torture.

Please stick around for our up-coming installments. Thank you for tuning in.

Remember - laughter burns more calories than surfing the net alone, so be sure to incorporate both for a healthly lifestyle.

[cael]

I love this thread too - keep the updates coming!! ;D

[Artemis Windsong]

Too funny. Thanks for the llaughs and I look forward to more.

[KaraBoo]

Day 6 - Miserable



Alarm clock went off at 4am and I'm wide awake for a change. Ready to start my day in fact!! I actually can't wait to get to the gym. I had a great weekend and I really liked how last week went, pain and all. Bought new work out cloths, new shoes (the old ones were hurting my feet) a gym bag - my first! - and I'm ready to strut my stuff. This week will be the first that I have the weight machines added in and I wanna see what I can do. About to hit the snooze, just because I can as I have 10 minutes before I have to go anywhere and....

FLASH!!

Huge flash of lightening and crack of thunder to immediately follow. The rain starts slowly, but all of a sudden pings start bouncing off the windows. Uh Oh - hail is starting up.

Turn the TV on, news is already showing the weather and sure enough, we're under a severe weather alert for most of the morning.

GREAT!! Just GREAT!

I finally get a routine down and Mother Nature screws with it! I can't go anywhere, let alone the gym, because kids normally walk to school and I can't let them walk in this kind of weather.

Okay....fine.....this is an extenuating circumstance.....but I'm still not happy about it.....

With end-of-month happening today and tomorrow, I can't go after work - there's just not enough time in the day.

So much for Day 6.